Chapter Six

I can't think straight.

I'm trying to get him off out of my mind but even editing and reading the drafts of the story that I am holding clearly never helped. I didn't want to hurt him—but he was so stubborn and jealous? Is he jealous? But what does that even mean if he is? And why the hell am I acting like a defensive girlfriend? I held my pen and put its tip between my teeth, my mind wondering in my oblivion of thoughts. I can't even hear anything, all that replays in my mind is what he said to me about 'nobody knows his situation' type of thing. I felt bad—I should apologize to him later but how can I even do that?

"Hey, girl."

Kate sat down beside me, making my issues in life hide behind the back of my head. "Hi,” I greeted her.

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing,” I answered.

She lets out a hmmm sound, looking at me with her 'I don't believe you' eyes. "I'm just thinking about my killer." Of course, I wouldn't tell her about Adam.

"Haven't you heard from the police yet?"

I shook my head. "Do you think someone is mad at me?"

"Well, maybe." She shrugged. What do you mean maybe?

"How, so?"

"You're pretty and all." She uttered with disbelief in her eyes.

Kate is definitely acting weird.

"I don't even think of myself as that. That’s such a ridiculous reason to kill someone too,” I mumbled and I noticed her eyes twitch a bit.

"I know." She smiled at me. It really felt so weird, like there is so much more to this conversation than our actual words itself.

"You can tell me your problems, right?" I uttered.

"Yea, I will—So! Where are we going to take our lunch?"

I laughed, forgetting all the shenanigans. I am pretty hungry right now. We talked about some little things about what she had been doing from the past few days. She said she was just working and spending his time with his boyfriend. I didn’t know she had one, but I didn’t need to concern myself with it.

"Uhm, Ms. Eva?" A young woman called from the boss's office, making us look by the office.

"Please, come here to the office,” the woman added.

Am I going to get fired? I didn't do anything wrong though, just daydreaming in the middle of nowhere—Fuck! I told Kate to wait for me in my seat and walked my way to the office. No one ever calls us there. Mr. Leon will just go out and talk to us in our own desks if he ever has anything to ask about. I fixed my dress and my coat so I won't look as messed up in the physical as I am really in— my emotional and mental aspects. I grabbed the glass door handle and opened it. The glasses were actually tinted so no one can peek on the inside. Once I walked in, it was practically empty—is this what a boss's office would normally look like? I expected it to be messy especially with papers scattered on all tables since we are in publication. The young woman sat down from the table across the room. She looks smaller than me. She has her hair tied up—she was pretty and like, calm.

"Please, sit down." Her face was serious but her lips curled up in a sincere smile.

"A-am I in trouble?" I immediately asked. I don't have any backup plans nor do I have any other job I can apply in if ever I get fired.

She let out her small cute laugh—I like her, she looks so innocent­­—she shook her head a little.

"No, you're not. I'm not going to take this any further now. Mr. Leon wants you to replace him as the chief editor which means you will be the one replacing his position here in the office."

"W-what?"

My voice cracked, I feel as if everything stopped for a while. I am not ready for this. Why would even Mr. Leon leave his position?

"Why would he even pick me? Is there something wrong with Mr. Leon? Did he get into an accident or something? Where is his daughter?" He only got one child, she's already at the right age, she could replace him!

She smiles genuinely at me, "I am his daughter."

"Oh my, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." I pursed my lips in. I observed her features at the moment, she looks like a cute child. I laughed at the back of my mind. Well, she had Mr. Leon’s eyes. She is pretty too.

"It's okay. Well, my dad is retiring."

On such short notice!? He's not even that old!

"B-but why me?"

"Why can't you even believe that he chose you?" She asked calmly.

"I don't think I can do this. I'm not that good at my job." My throat was so damn, dry. —I don't even know if I'll be happy or sad about it, the news was nerve-racking.

"You're not good at your Job, Ms. Reiss, you are great in it." Her eyes were serious.

"H-how would you even know that?"

"My father speaks highly of you, Ms. Reiss. I even idolize you since he says you were so passionate about the publication. So if ever someone can handle his job, it's you."

My heart was moved. I never thought Mr. Leon even thought of me that way.

We barely talked about things. But all he does is put some files and records in front of me and ask what I think about it, he would just nod and leave afterwards. I thought it was just about asking his staff's opinions. I also thought of him as snarky since he never really talked too much.

"Why would he even retire this early?" I asked.

"Personal reasons,” she answered with her cute little voice. 

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Ms. Reiss,” she giggled. She seemed like she was having fun talking to me.

"Please, just Eva."

She smiled, "Okay, Eva."

"What's your name?"

"Natalie."

"Such a beautiful name, it reminds me of a friend."

There's something about this girl that makes me feel so comfy about it. I don't if it's the fact that she is younger than me or what else?

"I will be staying with you as your assistant since the job will be overwhelming to you at first. If you need me to fetch your coffee, or your lunch, or anything, I'm your girl."

She sounds so excited about this and I'm pretty nervous about it.

"You'll be staying as a friend. If I want coffee and you want some too, we'll both get it, then we'll both have lunch if we get hungry--- we'll get through this together."

She smiled genuinely, "Dad is right about you."

"Nah." We laughed together.

"By the way, Ms. Eva---"

I cut her off immediately and waggled both my eyebrows at her with a smile.

She giggled.

"Eva. You will also be meeting the main CEO of the publication maybe within this week "

"I remember Mr.Leon saying that once, about Mr...?"

"Mr. Ross,” she answered.

Oh, fancy.

"Okay. When do you think it will be? Will he go here, or vice versa?”

"You will report to him first, then he will go check our office and the status of the new head."

She was just smiling the entire time but it was so real, she was so proud of, I don't know---me?

This is making me feel more nervous. I'm afraid of having to rise up to someone's expectations. I started to bounce on my knee.

"You can do it, Eva."

I gathered a deep breath and exhaled all throughout.

"Yes?" I nodded. I wish.

*****

"I got promoted."

I announced the urgent news to my friends and Cathlyn proceeded to clap her hands happily at our table of three. We all agreed to have lunch together, so we head to the KFC near the workplace. I smiled shyly at Cathlyn when my eyes slid to Kate who was just staring at me.

"Wow,” she then muttered. Gosh, why does she look so gloomy? Kate’s mood was throwing off the festivity but I just ignored it. Maybe she’s just in her period.

"I know you'll get it," Cathlyn winked at me and I just continuously ate the carbonara in my plate. “I already got a hunch about it,” she added as she puts a nugget on her mouth.

"Why do you think so? I never even thought I'd be in this position."

"I told you, just a hunch. But you are great at what you do so I really won’t get surprised. ."

"Yeah, right," Kate's word made us both look at her, Cathlyn's brow raised, and me? I just want to binge eat, out of fucking stress right now. I savor the cream and mushrooms that filled my mouth, the pasta was so thin that I could roll them all out on my fork and devour it all in one gulp--- including the silverware.

"Why are you so sour this day?" Cathlyn asked.

Kate shrugged and frowned, "Just headache." Maybe if I am not eating carbonara right now, I may have reacted differently. But right now, I don’t care. Food is life.

The table was filled with silence so I didn’t initiate any more conversation. I noticed the short glances that the two girls were exchanging, emitting off a different vibe that casts me out.  Well, once I am full, I'm getting out of here to find Zach then talk to him about the promotion and about--- Adam.

I can't take my mind off of him.

I went back to the office and arrange my things from my desk in a box so I could transfer them immediately on time. I sent Natalie home for now and told her to have her beauty sleep since she'll be joining me tomorrow first thing in the morning. Zach is not yet here since he has been assigned to train at a different branch and we'll see each other later at 6 pm.

No one knows about what my position is going to be just yet—I don't even want them to know.

Looks like my life is going to be so busy nowadays, that's a good thing though. I can get away from the house as much as possible.

I know neither how to face Adam nor what I could even say to him.

Time passed by quickly at the office, I read some synopsis of the pub's line up and that was it. I closed my eyes and stretched my back at the chair.

"Hey, babe."

As I stretched my back, I looked up to see Zach's pretty face upside down from my chair. I saw his eye twitch a little.

"Is there something wrong?"

He smiled feebly, "No." What's with that look? I looked at my blouse and I gasped when I saw the kiss mark barely visible from the collar. Shit. I started to panic for some reason but tried to calm myself down. He pulled another chair and put it beside me. He sat down on it then put his arm at the back of my chair.

"So... Anything you care to tell me?" What am I suppose to tell him?! I just let my eyes scan the whole room then thought about the promotion. “Oh boy, I do,” I answered while imitating Mickey Mouse’s voice to shake off the tension.

He laughed at me and I giggled since his chuckle was so infectious. I then rolled my eyes at him. "If only you know how much there is to my day right now, your head will hurt."

He raised his brow making his eyes slightly closed. "You're going to have to treat me after that."

I chortled, "There's nothing new to that, you always force me to pay for our food!"

"Let's go." He stood up and handed his hand to me, I gladly took it and we went to our favorite spot, the beef roast kitchen outside the building.

*****

"Spill."

Zach uttered as he put our beef strips in the grilling pan. The smell made my stomach growl. I always feel hungry especially with this kind of smell.

"I got promoted."

His eyes widened. "Fuck, really?!"

I laughed at his adorable reaction, he's like a shocked kid who has received his favorite gift for Christmas. He looked so cute with his glistening green eyes. His brown hair was messy and he was just like a character from the manga.

"Yea...?" I answered with doubt.

"Well, this treat is on me then! That's so cool babe! You deserve it." He beamed at me, continuously grilling our favorite strips.

"It's so nerve-racking... I don't even know if I can do it." I felt afraid, I don't even know if I can handle this kind of responsibility. I haven't even got any training nor any guidance from our boss.

Zach patted my chin with his finger. "Heads up gorgeous, there's no anything that you can't do."

I let out a wobbly laugh and replied, "I hope."

He opened his mouth and held out the grilled beef near my mouth. I took a bite and the juiciness of the meat leaks to my tongue. I moaned due to the taste, wiggling my body as I chew on it. Zach laughs at me while shaking his head.

"You really do the best grills,” I teased him.

“Hey, that's my exclusive skill made for you." I felt a faint heat forming in my cheeks when Zach winked at me.

"Thank you, Zach."

I'm really thankful that I met this man. Without him, maybe I would just be like my old self, locking my existence in a room, scared to even talk with people. He took a roast into his mouth and chewed on it. He wrinkled his nose at me as he did and I giggled, seeing how much of a baby he is.

We finished our feast on the meat and took the bus. Once we got off, we headed to walk on the streets until we reach my house.

There were lamp posts on the pathways and the stars were shining brightly, making the views even brighter. Under the night sky, we walked slowly side by side.

"Eva,” he uttered softly.

"Hm?"

"How's Adam?"

Oh. He just reminded me of my bigger problem. I wanted to choke myself up to avoid his question but his eyes were grave.

"We fought."

Zach let out a sad little laugh. But why?

"What the hell would you even fight about?"

"Well, uhm—"

How can I even say to him that Adam and I were about to have a spicy moment when he called and then started to fight over him, and then I said things that I shouldn't have?

"Uhm, I told him that he just wants to fuck around with everyone, then he got mad."

"Wow. You really told him that, he'll really get angry." He chuckled.

Wait, what? Are these two, friends now?

"Do you even know him?"

Zach's eyes avoided me, "I mean, why did you even tell him that?"

I can't even tell him the truth. I just stepped one to one on the sidewalk, silently.

"I want you to tell me honestly, Eva. Do you like him?"

I stopped in my tracks when Zach held my hand. That's the question that I wanted to avoid as well. His emerald eyes were intently staring at me, forcing the truth out of me.

"I really don't know."

I sighed.

"Do—you wanna know?" My eyes widen as he asked me the question. Is that even possible?

Zach then leaned closer to me. Without even any hesitation, he scooped my face with his hand and placed his lips on me, his tongue pushes in, touching mine. My heart felt heavier, but I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I slowly draped my arms above his neck and he was embracing me closer to him. Our kiss went passionately--- so passionate, it felt slow—it felt calm. His lips claimed mine greedily and my tongue clashed with his' warmly. I can taste the beef roast from his mouth and his warmth made me feel peaceful. There were no thoughts, it was just a tranquil moment and it made me melt all of my burdens away. His arms held me close to him while his other laid on my jawline with his thumb stroking my cheek gently. I opened my eyes and had a glimpse of his lovely green eyes which stares at me as we kiss. Still, we never stopped—I can't believe we never did this before.

My mind suddenly opened up the memories of Adam and the feeling he brought to me--- why does he always have to come up in my mind? Even though we just met, his effect on me is like a drug. The way he touches me—how electrifying it was and how his eyes stare at me as he does.

The passionate moment that Zach and I were having, suddenly felt wrong.

I let go and took a step back then his lips curled up into a feeble smile. "Now, both you and I already know the answer."

I nodded and hot tears started flowing down my cheeks. Why am I being stupid? I know that Zach feels something about me but I kept denying it. All because, I don’t want us to change. But now, when Adam came, every bit of unknown feelings started to burst out of me and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt Zach.

"Oh, baby, don't cry."

He held my cheeks into his warm hands, I laid my hands into his. He placed his forehead on mine as I cried, hushing me down so I would stop.

I love Zach, so much--- and I want to love him the way that he loved me, but something stops me from doing so and that is what I needed to figure out.

Why? All of these years, why can't I love anyone, even this darling who never left my side?

It's like all of my longings, wanting and desperation rushed out of my body when I met Adam and I wanted to understand. I want to know how it would feel like to be with him.

I never stopped crying and Zach just held me, just as he would always do. As I closed my eyes, a vision of a man clouded my mind. My head starts to hurt again but I bit my lip hard so that Zach won't notice it. "We'll meet each other again." A voice of someone rung through my head.

Who is that?

I opened my eyes and the pain was gone.

*****

Zach and I reached the house after walking several meters. I stopped crying after a while and we just held hands as we strolled the street silently. My eyes felt so heavy and I also know how swollen it was.

"Here we are."

My best friend beamed at me. His bright smile was showing on his lips—but his eyes does not. I feel so guilty, I feel so broken.

"Babe. Nothing will change. Don't worry about me,” he snorted.

I hugged him tightly once again. "Thank you Zacharias." He embraced me back, leaving a small and gentle kiss on my head.

We bid our goodbyes for the day and I went to the front door. I looked back to see Zach but he was just gone.

What the hell was that?

My mind suddenly wondered. He couldn't have walked that fast? Did he run? I would just ask him tomorrow.

I shook my head and opened my door. The lights were turned off.

I touched the switch to light up the house and searched only to find out that there was no Adam. I suddenly felt afraid, where is he? I hurriedly went through my closet and my eyes gaped when I opened it.

His clothes are gone.