"I'll miss you, Dad. I'll always miss you." Sidhiel said crying while holding the picture of his deceased father.
He hugged the picture and let out heartbreaking sobs. His father died after his bypass operation. Although the specialists already told them that there's a fifty-fifty chance to it, they still expected him to survive.
But faith was playful. He can still remember their conversation before his father was brought inside the operating room.
"Sidhiel, if I don't make it in there, I want you to take care of yourself. Do what your heart tells you. Believe in yourself, honey." Mark weakly said while the nurses were wheeling him towards the operating room. He was clutching his father’s hand tightly, not wanting to let it go.
He was stopping his father from talking but Mark continued. "I am so proud of you, Sid. I know all of your achievements." Sidhiel looked at his father in surprise. He had never told a soul about his awards and achievements.
Mark let out a weak laugh. "I wished you had told me. But I respect your decision in hiding it from us. You don't expect me not to discover it, do you? I am your father after all. And you are my son."
"Dad.."
"I may not be there with you,
Eara, and your mom physically, but spiritually, I'll be there every step of the way." Mark's voice was shaking when he said that. "Continue with your passion, Sid. Continue your art. I love you, my firstborn."Sidhiel nodded. And with tears in his eyes, he kissed him on the forehead, believing that his father was going to survive.
All throughout the operation, Sidhiel and Eara were in a chapel somewhere inside the hospital. When their father was rolled out from the operating room, he was unconscious. Then after exactly ten minutes, he was gone. Just like that.
The doctors said that there had been a complication. Sidhiel zoned out from the doctor’s explanation. There's only one thing that is ringing in his mind and ear: His father was gone.. gone forever.
And just earlier, his father was buried in the cemetery. That was the hardest part Sidhiel had ever done: To say goodbye to the person who had always been there for him from the beginning.. to the only person who had loved him completely. To the only person who believed in him.
He would never see him walk out the door again. He would never hear his voice again. He would never see him smile again.
Gosh, he would never see his father again.. ever.
A month later..
"You know what, Dad? There's someone who is interested to see my paintings." Sidhiel is currently at the cemetery, in front of his father's resting ground. "Remember Jade, the girl who saw my works back in college? We accidentally bumped into each other again after two years. She was actually looking for me. She said that his brother-in-law, Niall Steiner, was looking for new talents to feature in his exhibit."
Sidhiel was so excited while telling that to his father. He immediately went to the cemetery to tell his father the good news.
"Can you believe it, Dad? That's the Niall Steiner. One of the world's most famous painters."
His eyes were shining. It's the first time, after his father died, that he felt this alive again.
"Though he will still look and judge my works, at least, I have a chance Dad, right?"
He had a degree in Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and Accountancy. He also had his MBA from Harvard. He would like to take Fine Arts as his course but of course, his mother did not allow him. She said that there is no money in that profession.
And just like all the other times, his mother won again.
So Sidhiel took up the course that she wanted, but unbeknown to her, Sidhiel's spare time was spent in an art class. That's why his talent in painting was enhanced further.
It was only his dad who knew that he was enrolled in an art class while taking up Administration. Mark gave him his full support.
"It has never been the same without you, Dad. I miss you so much." Sidhiel was unable to stop his tears.
*****
It was almost ten p.m. when he reached home from the cemetery. It was Saturday and he did not expect the traffic.
He had his own key to the front door of their house so he doesn't need to knock or use the doorbell. He also will not be scolded by his mother because she's surely asleep by now.
Sidhiel grumbled about how he can't even drive his car fast enough. He just said that in the spur of the moment, but he really loved his car as much as he loved his old stuffed toy named 'Mr. Ted'. The money he used to pay for it came from his own pocket.
He was about to finish college when it was offered to him by a classmate who is about to buy a new car. The money he paid for the car came from his savings. It came from the allowances that he saved and a big percentage of it was from the prize when his painting had won first place in a competition that he'd joined.
It was not the latest car model and the car seldom give up in the middle of the road, but Sidhiel loved the car. His car.
That car was really his in every sense of the word. And he was very proud of it.
His father wants to buy him a new car but Sidhiel refused. He doesn't mind that the car Eara uses was more beautiful than his.
Eara's car was a gift from their parents.
All right, he admit, he was a little bit jealous. But that was before. Besides, Eara deserved it. She worked hard for it.
Though Sidhiel's grades were far higher than Eara and the highest in his school, he never showed his report card to his parents. He was consistently the top student in the class and had won a lot of academic competitions. He doesn't want any complications so he chose to study in a different school from Eara.
He was proud of himself and it was a great achievement for him, but he never once boasted about it to anyone. He was still shy and humble. Still afraid to speak because his mother always compares him to Eara- how different he was to his sister.. how sensible Eara was, unlike him. The list would go on and on. Even though his mother doesn't know anything about his school life.
Sidhiel sighed when he stopped his car in front of their house. Until now, he's still afraid of his mother- big time. He hasn't done anything right in his mother's eyes.
A part of him wanted to blame his mother for why he grew up weak and aloof towards other people. It had been a long time before his stuttering disappeared due to inferiority complex.
Now he knows that his stuttering was psychological. He stutters when he is in front of other people, especially when it is his mother. Because most of the time, she shouts at him. She scolds him even about the smallest of things.
His father even brought him to a specialist but the doctor saw nothing wrong with him. So he just said that there really are kids who develop speech late.
Even he was confused before. When he is alone, he can speak properly and well. But when someone is in front of him, he stutters. He feels like he will say the wrong words and that his mother will hit him because of it.
He was only glad that it was a thing of the past now.
He couldn't say that he was confident now. He's still afraid that he will do something that he likes and his mother will dislike it. When his father was still alive, it's easy for him to follow what his heart desires because his father was always there to guide and support him.
He became so dependent on his father that when his father died, he doesn't know where to start with his life.
A while ago, he was so excited because he will finally have a chance to showcase his paintings. His worries were overpowered by his excitement.
But now that he was back in their house, he was eaten again by worry.
His thoughts were stopped by the cool air that grazed his skin.
He shivered. He raised his hand to put the key in the keyhole. But he was surprised when the door suddenly opened.
Sidhiel automatically closed his eyes tightly. He was sure it was his mother.
He prepared himself for the angry voice of his mom. But he heard nothing. Confusedly and reluctantly, he slowly opened his left eye, followed by his right eye when he recognized who the person in front of him is.
Nothing in the world had prepared him for this moment.
He closed his eyes again. He was hallucinating.All right, there's not a day that passed without him thinking about this person. He was always in his prayers.But it couldn't be.When Sidhielopened his eyes again, it was confirmed. The tall and well-built figure standing on the doorway with quizzical brown eyes was indeed KalyxBrier. The man he had admired for as long as he could remember, was standing in front of him.The man was smiling widely at him."K-Ka.."He can't even say his name."K-Kalyx..?""Why, Sidhie, you've grown up! What took you so long? Did you know that I've been waiting for you here for hours?" Kalyxsaid in a flash without stopping.Sidhiel just continued staring at Kalyx. His cerulean eyes were wide with surprise. His mouth was even slightly parted."You might catch flies." Kalyxteased.He immediately closed his mouth. He felt his face getting hot with embarrass
Kalyxhad been lying on his bed for a long while now but his mind is still very much awake.The sweet smile on his lips hasn't been erased yet.He suffered ten long years of not being able to see Sidhiel'sbeautiful face. He had no choice but to be contented with the photos of Sidhielthat his mom sent him.Earlier, while waiting for the boy, he can't help himself from worrying when night came and Sidhielstill hasn't come home.It was nine-thirty when he told his Aunt Diehlthat he will wait for Sidhiel. Diehlhad already retired in her room but Kalyxwas still left worrying in the big living room. Still hoping for the only person he had been anticipating to see, to finally arrive.Exactly ten o-clock when he decided that he will just wait on the front porch of the house. And imagine his surprise and happiness when upon opening the door, he saw a close-eyed Sidhiel.He can't forget the expression on Sidhie
"What's the problem with your car?" Kalyxasked upon nearing him.Sidhieljust wished that he doesn't look so bad. He felt so small beside Kalyx, because he literally is smaller than the man.No word came out of his mouth. He thought that this was better than stuttering infront of him."Let me see your car." Kalyxheldthe hood of his car.Sidhieljust stood there watching Kalyxwhile the latter was checkingthe engine of his car."The problem was the radiator. You also need to tune this up." Kalyxsaid after a few minutes."I-Is that so? Thank you. I can handle it from here. You should go." He said wanting to get away from Kalyx."Where will you go? Why does your car seem so full?" Kalyxasked not commenting on Sidhiel'swords."I just had to go somewhere important.""I think it's better if I just drive you to where you're going," Kalyx said."Huh? Uhm.. I d
Sidhiel'sface felt hot. If Kalyxwas trying to make him feel uncomfortable, he was succeeding."And because you don't want to talk to me properly. When I asked you questions, your answer is so short like you're allergic to me. This is better." Kalyx said, still grinning.Sidhiellooked down at his fingers at the same time that the waiter came back with their orders."Okay, I'll talk to you. But stop staring at me." He said when he liftedhis head again."All right. Shoot.""A-Are you staying f-for good?" He cursed himself for stammering.Kalyxlaughed. "Hey, you're stuttering again. Why?"Instead of answering, he just focused on his food. Maybe, it would be better if he just ignore Kalyx. After all, he can't match him."Why can't you at least try to be mad or snobbish?" Kalyx commented amusedly. "Before, during our childhood days, you don't fight back even when you're annoyed at me. You will just look
"I don't know why I reacted that way, Dad. I just said all those things to Kalyx." Sidhieladmitted in front of his father's tombstone. That's where his feet brought him. He expects that if he tells his father what happened between him and Kalyx a while ago, the tension he's feeling will decrease. But he wasn't succeeding. "Ahh!" He rubbed his face with his hands. "I'm stupid, stupid, stupid. Why Dad? Why does every time I see him, all I can envision and think is how far we are from each other? I feel like, I don't even have the right to be his friend. I don't know, Dad. I hate this feeling. Why do I always feel like I'm nothing compared to everyone." "I tried to do what you told me, Dad. You know, that ‘believing-in-yourself’thing. I swear I tried. Sometimes, I succeed. But a lot of times, I fail." Sidhielcried because of frustration. " I think, Mommy is right. That I am heading nowhere. That I will just stay like this. I wou
A lot of minutes had passed but Sidhiel'sheart is still racing. Whew! What happened during dinner was tough. It was not him that Earakept on interrogating but it felt like he was the one on the hot seat. Good thing he thought immediately of a way out. He was thankful that he doesn't need to hear Kalyx's answer because he will surely get hurt. What kind of person in his right mind would like to date someone as simple and plain as him? Certainly not Kalyx. Heissure that Kalyxwould want to be with someone that is intelligent and fun to talk to and be with. Not like him who shakes with nervousness and stammers when spoken to. But he was surprised by how Earadescribed him. They both know that she was referringto him. A simple person but very beautiful in their own way. Those were Eara's exact words. This is the first time that Eara complimented him. His father would often tell him how gorgeous he is
"W-What are you doing here? H-Have you been there since..? D-Did you see..?" Sidhielasked Kalyxsequentially. Kalyx was not answering his questions yet but his face already started coloring red. He already knows what the answer to his questions was. Oh, Gosh, why does he have to see me like this? Sidhielwailed in his mind. "Take a deep breath, sweetheart," Kalyx instructed. Sidhielinvoluntarily obeyed Kalyx. He took several deep breaths. Then, Kalyx's word sank in his mind. Did he hear Kalyxright? Did he really call him 'sweetheart'? He eyed Kalyxthrough his lowered eyelids. Kalyxwas grinning. He scowled. Kalyxwas surely teasing him again. "Are you ready for my answers, Sid?" Kalyxasked mischievously. "To all of your questions, 'yes' is my answer. Yes, I've been here since you came down. Yes, I saw your performance. Ye-" Kalyxsuddenly
Kalyxsmiled at himsoftly.Then he bent his head again to kiss Sidhielagain. This time, it wasn't just a light kiss. It was deeper and passionate.Sidhiel doesn't know how to respond. He just closed his eyes and mimicked the movement of Kalyx's lips. He felt light-headed. He fisted Kalyx's shirt under his palms. Kalyx's hands traveled down Sidhiel's sides causing the boy to shiver at the warmth seeping through his shirt from Kalyx's hands.Kalyx's hands gripped Sidhiel'swaist and pulled him closer until they were chest to chest. He banded his arm around Sidhiel'swaist while his other hand traveled up, cupping the back of Sidhiel'shead and tilting it to accommodate their kiss even more.Kalyxnipped Sidhiel'supper lip, not stopping untilit was swollen. Then he focused on the lower lip, biting it and eliciting a gasp from Sidhiel. He thrust his tongue in the boy's mouth and roamed around, tasting it.
Mr. Steiner's exhibit was auspicious. A lot of people loved and were impressed by Sidhiel's works. That night was a success. Of course, Kalyxwas with him that night. As well as their families, even Mrs. Porter. He already forgave his mother. They already talked heart to heart. It would take time for them to be close to one another but they're both willing to work on it. ***** "Geez, Kalyx. Stop, please. You're making me dizzy." Alenasaid, staring at her son pacing back and forth in the room. "Sorry, Mom. I'm just.. just really-" "Nervous?" Geoff supplied. Kalyxnodded. "Yeah." "Well, don't be. Everything's going to be fine, son." Alenasaid. "I know.. I just.. what if he changes his mind?" Kalyx's eyes widened at his own realization. "Oh my gosh, Dad, Mom, what if he realized that he doesn't want to get married to me? What if he realized that I'm not the one for him? What i
Sidhiel felt so happy and light after their sibling talk. Earahad been gone for a while now but promised to come by again tomorrow. Now, he really believes that the sun shines after the storm. How he wished that his husband would come home soon. He wanted to apologize for not believing him when he said he loved him. Please, Kalyx, come home. He silently pleads. And it looks like his guardian angel was listening, because the door opened, presenting Kalyx. Their eyes met. Kalyx's expression was soft. It looks like he was not mad anymore. Hope surged in Sidhiel'sheart. "H-Hi." He greeted. "Hi, yourself!" Kalyxgreeted, smiling fondly. Kalyxwalked towards him and encircled his waist with his arms, pulling him towards him. "Are you in the mood to talk now, Mr. Brier?" Sidhiel'seyes became teary. His husband is not mad anymore. "Sshh.. It's okay,
When Sidhielfinally managed to stop himself from crying, heand Kalyxare now sitting on the grass, facing each other. "Now I know why Mommy is so distant to me ever since I was a child." He told Kalyxin narration. "In a way, I understand her, you know. She was raped. She's mad at my father. And I remind her of what happened. But still, a big part of me wants to be angry at her." He admitted. Kalyxjust listened. His hands were caging Sidhiel'ssmall ones, like he's giving him the strength to continue. "It was not my fault." Sidhiel'stears started to appear again. "I just wished she had been a mother to me." He stated forlornly. "What ever it is that happened, it did not happen without a reason. There were lessons learned. And that's what matters. We learned something from it." Kalyxfinally said. He pulled Sidhieland encased him in his arms again. They remained that way for around five minutes.
Sidhielquickly started the engine of his car and drove away from the studio. He already said what he needed to say to Kalyx. After what happened, he doesn't know how to face him again. But before that, he needs to know something first. If he needs to face everything, he would want to do it now. He'll confront everything today. Not long after, he stopped his car in front of their house. He had to talk to his mother once and for all. He saw no one in their living room, so he went straight to his mother's room. Before reaching his destination, he passed by the library. Its door was open and he heard talking inside. He listened. He knows the voices: his mother and Mrs. Porter. "I don't know why he needs to communicate with me again after the years that passed by." He heard his mom say. Anger was evident in her voice. "What does Roy need? Did he say it?" It was Mrs. Porter's voice. "He wants to meet his child."
Sidhielwas already asleep but Kalyxwas still awake. The room was full of shadows but enough moonlight found its way through the window so he could see Sidhiel'sface in the darkness. Besides, Sidhiel already changed his position in his sleep. He was now facing him. "Nothing could be better than this," Kalyx murmured sleepily. He brought his hand up and ran his knuckles along his husband's cheek. Sidhiellooked so beautiful. He looked so peaceful and contented lying there in Kalyx's arms. Sidhielcares. With that thought, he went to sleep. ***** Sidhiel stared at the masterpiece that he just finished painting. Finally, he was done with the last painting that he will need for the exhibit. He was so happy when he woke up that morning. Kalyx was not in their flat anymore but he left a note, saying that he just has to finish something important and that t
"Oh, my!" Sidhielsaid after his shock. "Have you been there since-?"He cut himself off, feeling a sense of dè jávu. His dialogue was a replay. It also happened before."Got you.. again." Kalyxsaid smiling."Y-you're home early," Sidhiel stated to cover up for his embarrassment."Do I hear disappointment, love? You don't seem happy that I went home early today." Kalyxteased."N-No! I mean, of course, I'm glad that you're early. Are you hungry? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." He turned around to face the stove."Why are you always barefooted? The floor is cold."Kalyx's obvious concern brought a pleasant fluttering in Sidhiel's heart. Only now did he fully realize how much he missed Kalyx."How was your day? Did you go to Jade's studio? Did you paint?" He felt Kalyxbehind him. He knows because his attention was on him instead of the food he's cooking. Besides, his radar is stro
Time passed by quickly.It had been three weeks since Sidhiel married Kalyx. So far, there had not been any problem between them, aside from Kalyx working overtime almost every day for the preparation of the engineering firm he'd been building in the country.They almost had not been seeing each other because the man goes to work early and gets back home very late. Just one more week and Kalyx's company will be operational.It's okay with Sidhiel too because he's also busy with the upcoming exhibit. His days were spent in Jade's studio to paint. Once in a while, he and Mr. Niall Steiner coordinate. He's also nearly finished with his last painting.Right now, he's cooking dinner. It was six in the evening and he was not in a hurry because he knows that his husband won't be home until later and that he will just eat alone.The radio was blasting loudly. He was singing along, ironically, to Faber Drive's Tongue Tied while waiting for the pan to heat u
Two days later, Sidhielfound himself standing beside Kalyxin front of a judge.When the judge said that he and Kalyx are now husbands, instead of feeling relieved, he felt nervous even more.The judge shakes their hands then said that they can now seal their marriage with a kiss.Sidhiel gathered all his courage to turn and face Kalyx. Kalyx's eyes seem to be saying something, but before he could identify it, Kalyx's lips captured his already.Their kiss was short, but Sidhielfelt his knees weaken. Kalyxseemed to know it because he surrounded Sidhiel'swaist with his arms.The way Kalyx was holding him was full of gentleness like he's some kind of a porcelain doll.After a small party in celebration oftheir union, they head to a flat that was owned by Kalyx."I'm sorry if this is where we'll stay for a while," Kalyx explained when they entered the flat."This is okay," Sidhiel said timidly whi
"Since when is this happening?""Huh?" Sidhielwas confused. Why does it seem like his mother had calmed down?"Answer my question. Since when is this happening?""Just…now.""Go upstairs. Get some rest. We will talk about this later." She seriously said.He confusedly obeyed his mother. He needs to talk to Kalyx to tell him about the situation. He'll just take a nap. Then, he will contact the man immediately once he woke up. He needs to warn Kalyx.He will understand him. Right?*****A gentle tap on his shoulder, along with a call of his name was what woke Sidhielup."Hmm?" Sidhiel slowly sat up and stretched his arms up, yawning and rubbing his eyes with a closed fist. "What is it, Mrs. Porter?""Your mother called for you. They are all waiting downstairs.His eyebrows furrowed. "Who are 'they'?""You could've at least entrusted me with this secret, honey."