Chapter 05 - Confession

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Asher walked me home. He greeted me good night, so I did too. I stayed on our front door first and waited for him to leave, which he insisted at first because he wanted me to go inside befote he leaves, but then he realized it was stupid that both of us were waiting on who’s leaving first.

I went inside the house with a smile on my face. It was a lovely day, and Asher definitely made my night. I enjoy being around him. I’ve only known him for a few days and basically hung out with him twice only, but I really feel comfortable when I’m with him. I’m glad I was at the cafe that night, otherwise I never would’ve met him the way I did.

“Where were you, young lady?” I was startled when mom suddenly spoke from behind me.

“M-mom. Hi. How long have you been there?” Did she see me smiling like crazy? I hope she doesn’t ask more questions! I wasn’t expecting her to be home, since she always gets home quite late.

“For a while. Where were you? You weren’t with Margaux, you weren’t with Blake, and they told me you skipped the pageant.” Oh. She talked to my friends, that’s great.

I went blank for a second but I tried to quickly think of an excuse. “I was at the cafe. Yeah, Brown Brick Cafe, the one near our school. I, um, I was studying for an exam.”

“An exam, already? But school has just started, Calista.”

“Y-Yeah! It was like a pre-test, or a really long quiz or something.” I smiled, trying to convince her. She raised an eyebrow at me and took a sip from the wine glass she was holding. “Can I please go to my room now? It’s been a long day.” She nodded, so I turned my back from her, ready to walk to my room.

“Wait.” I froze. What now? Being with mom always makes me nervous, she’s very strict. And I guess I’m also guilty about something so I feel very scared. “Your father called. Told me about what happened last Monday. Why didn’t you tell me, Cal?”

Oh, it’s just about that. I can’t believe dad has the audacity to call her and tell her about that! Why did he even call, did he invite mom to his wedding and expected her to be happy for him? “I… I didn’t think you’d want to know. And there wasn’t really time for me to tell you.” I answered.

Mom took a deep breath, as if she’s searching for the proper words to say right now. Unexpectedly, she went to me and hugged me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out that way and I think your dad made a mistake by asking you to meet them immediately, rather than talking to you alone about it first.”

She didn’t wait for my reply, she headed straight to her room. My eyes followed her until she finally closed the door. I blinked twice. She hugged me. How long has it been since we hugged?

I miss my mom. She used to be so much more fun, now, I feel like she isn’t really being herself anymore. She’s so stiff and strict and has a crazy obsession with being ‘perfect’ and trying to look good for everyone else. I hate that she kind of forces me to be like that too. As much as I avoid it, there’s no denying that I am a people pleaser, too.

A week has passed since the day of the pageant. My mom and I are back to our usual no talking routine, which is fine since I’m used to it and I’m always scared anyways whenever we are talking because I feel like I might say the wrong words and offend her.

Asher and I have been seeing each other at school, this time, he’s not ignoring me. We would talk a lot about our interests and hobbies and the current books we were reading. I love talking with him about books, it’s something that we have in common and are both very interested in. I also like his opinions on things — genres, character analysis, and criticisms. I like listening to him talk.

“I want everything to be perfect!” Margaux and I are talking about her birthday party, which will actually happen tonight. She invited basically everyone at school. “Oh, why don’t you invite that boy of yours? Asher, was it?”

“He’s not my boy, okay? Stop saying it like that, you’re gonna make it awkward between us.” She giggled at what I said. “But, thank you, I will invite him.”

“Whatever, Calista. You and I both know that it’s getting there anyways.” She laughed again but I didn’t reply, confused as to what she was talking about.

“What are you guys talking about?” Carter suddenly joined us and wrapped his arms on Margaux and I’s shoulders. We are currently walking on our way to Margaux’s house, to help her get ready for her party. It’s a Saturday today, so there’s no school.

“Nothing you should be aware of.” Margaux replied and pushed Carter’s arm away from her. “Where’s Blake? You should tell him to invite Angela to my party.”

“Yeah, about that.” Carter scratched the back of his head and wondered if he should tell us or not. “They’re not on good terms right now. Blake wouldn’t tell me why but he’s been avoiding her for almost a week now — since the pageant, I think.”

“Oh. I wonder why.” I said. They seem to be very close at the pageant, why would he suddenly avoid her? Should I ask Blake about this? Would he feel comfortable talking to me about it? He should. I’m his best friend, after all. I don’t see a reason why he’s not comfortable talking to me about Angela, yet he talks to Carter.

“Maybe he just realized that she really is a bitch.” Margaux jokingly replied while laughing.

After helping Margaux pick what dress she should wear and help her with some decorations, I decided to swing by the cafe first to talk to Asher.

I caught him on his shift, so I just signalled him

to come outside quickly.

“What do you need? Be quick.” He said.

“Do you wanna go to a party with me?” He raised an eyebrow because of what I just asked him. “It’s just my friend’s birthday party, okay? Anyways, everyone is coming and I think you should come too, you know, meet more people so it’ll be easier for you to adjust to living here in Hillwood.”

He thought about it for a few seconds, before giving me a reply. “Yeah, whatever. Text me the address and time, ‘kay?” He was about to leave when I held his arm to stop him.

“I… I don’t have your number.” Why do I feel so embarrassed saying that?

“Oh, right. Silly me. Give me your phone.” I reached out for my phone in my purse and handed it to him so he could save his number on my contacts list. “See you later, Cal!” He said and winked at me before going back inside the cafe to work.

He will be at the party with me. Awesome.

-

After helping Margaux prepare and inviting Asher, I went home immediately. I watched a few episodes from a tv show I’m watching first, then I got ready for the party.

I’m wearing a low waisted pleated denim skirt, a cropped pink baby tee, and a black baguette bag. My hair is thrown in a messy-but-cute high ponytail. It’s a very casual outfit since I’ll only be in Margaux’s house and we’ll be having a sleepover afterwards. I didn’t really want to look all put together but at the same time, I want to look like I’m “effortlessly” cute.

When I arrived at her place, people were already starting to arrive. Colorful lights were flashing everywhere and loud party music was blasting. She told me she wanted to do a “Euphoria” inspired party. “Happy birthday, my soulmate!” I screamed when I saw her, she ran towards me and I gave her a tight hug!

“Ugh, I love you my main bitch.” She said and lightly smacked my butt. I handed her the paper bag I was holding containing my gift for her. “What’s this? Thank you so much!”

She pulled my hand because she wanted to have a drink. I filled my cup with iced tea while she filled hers with punch. “Does that have alcohol in it?” I asked, practically screaming because of the loud music. She held a finger to her lips and mouthed ‘shh.’

I guess when you’re a teenager close to being 18, you can’t actually prevent partying without drinking alcohol, especially because they make it look so fun in movies. I don’t drink it, but I also don’t judge those that do. It’s so glamorized, I feel like a lot of teenagers drink alcohol, even if it’s just secretly.

I looked around her house. Wow, it’s a mess. My mother would kill me if I had a party like this. Margaux’s mom and mine are so different. Hers let her do whatever she wants, she trusts that Margaux will make good decisions for herself. As long as Margaux doesn’t get failing grades, even if they’re not high, it’s fine for her. Sometimes I wish my mom was more like her mom.

“Did you invite him?” Margaux suddenly asked. “Asher.” She said when she noticed I was a little confused who she was talking about.

“Yeah, I did but I don’t think he’ll come. I texted him to meet me here 15 minutes ago but he didn’t reply. It’s fine though, he’s new here, maybe he’s not comfortable being surrounded with a huge crowd yet.” I said, also trying to convince myself that it’s okay that Asher didn’t reply to my message.

“Boo, that’s boring. Whatever, who needs a guy when you have me.” She said and laughed, pulling me away from the table and bringing me to the middle of the room. She shakes her hips wildly, hitting mine, convincing me to dance with her.

I laughed and let my body groove along the music. I missed this. I missed having fun with Margaux. We used to be together all the time, I always sleep over at her house, especially when things aren’t going well with my parents and I feel like I need an escape. She was my safe place.

When summer came and my dad left, I felt like it killed my whole mood and personality. I felt really broken, like a huge part of me was gone. He was the first man to break my heart. I feel sorry for Margaux for shutting her out because I was too sad to get out of my room. She didn’t enjoy her summer with me because of my dad.

I was startled when someone suddenly tapped my shoulder. “Oh, it’s just you.” It's Asher. He came. I really thought he wouldn’t come.

He signalled me to follow him, so I did. We went outside, to the patio and sat down. “I brought you something.” He said and waved a book in front of my face.

I gasped and looked at his face to see if he was being serious. “No way.” I grabbed the book from

his hand. “No way, oh my God. How did you even get this? It's limited edition and it was super expensive.” I said and held the book closer to my chest, finding it hard to believe that he found a copy of the book I’ve been wanting to get my hands on for a long time now. I turned the book to the first page, “Oh my gosh, it’s signed too!”

“I kinda stole it.” My eyes widened instantly because of what he said. What did he do? “It’s not a big deal, I didn’t steal from a store. Chill.” He said and laughed at my reaction. “It’s my cousin’s. Just read it and I’ll return it to her. Oh, and be quick. You only have 3 days or she might notice it’s gone. She doesn’t like it when someone touches her things and we don’t get along well so she’ll be really mad at me.”

I laughed at how he described his cousin. Yeah, I don’t like it when someone touches my things too, especially when it’s a really precious book. I paused for a while and took a moment of appreciation for the book. I remember mentioning this book when we were talking at the cafe the other day, but we didn’t really talk about it for a long time and he didn’t say much about it. I’m surprised he remembered.

I looked at him and smiled. He smiled, too. I like how he remembers the things I say to him, even if it’s just the little things.

“I didn’t think you’d come. You didn’t reply to my texts!” I checked my phone as I said that to see if he replied, maybe I just missed it because I was dancing with Margaux, but he really didn’t. He ignored my messages!

“Yeah, I’m not really a big texter, but I did receive your messages.” He said that like it would make me feel better that he received them, but that just proved that he completely ignored me. “Come on, Calista, don’t pout, at least I’m here now. Did you miss me so much? We just hung out yesterday.” I didn’t even realize I was pouting, that was kind of embarrassing!

We were at Brown Brick Cafe yesterday. I went there after his shift to make sure I caught him in his free time. I’ve been visiting the cafe everyday this past week, since the pageant, just so I could talk to him. I like talking to him, so it’s fine. Since summer, all I had was pity eyes from my friends whenever I tried to hang out with them. They try to act normal and be fun with me, but I can feel how they pity me deep inside, they look at me as if I’m a bomb and I’ll explode whenever they say something wrong! I appreciate that they care for me, but it just makes me feel more terrible, rather than make me move on from what happened.

“I didn’t miss you, stop assuming things.” I laughed and playfully slapped his face so he held my hand to stop me while also laughing.

“I won’t miss a good party, of course I’ll come.” Oh, so he likes parties. I kind of already knew that since he’s very outgoing but I thought he didn’t like it because he wasn’t replying.

“Calista?” We both raised our heads when someone called me. Crap. It’s Blake. I mean, so what? Why was I nervous all of a sudden? I didn’t do anything wrong. “Can I… talk to you for a moment?” I noticed his eyes went down to Asher’s hand holding mine, so I quickly pulled my hand away. I looked at Asher and told him to wait as I stood up and followed Blake to the backyard.

“What were you doing?” He asked when we reached a quieter place.

“What do you mean? I’m just talking to him.” I answered, confused.

“Oh so it’s just talking? Come on, Cal, I know you two have been close recently.” He said with disappointment all over his face. I didn’t like it. Why is he acting like this?

My eyebrows furrowed out of confusion as to why he is acting like this. “And? Why are you so mad about it?”

“I’m not mad, okay? I’m just…” He paused to think. “I’m just protecting you. That guy is trouble, do you know he often sleeps in our class? He gets really low scores and he doesn’t even pass homeworks sometimes. Yeah, and he flirts a lot so if you think he’s into you, he’s not, he does that to a lot of girls.” I was shocked. I opened my mouth to speak, but I decided to just not to.

I sighed out of disbelief at what he said and was about to leave when he held my arm to stop me. “Let go of me!” I pulled my arm away, too hard I almost fell but I caught myself. “Stay away from me! What the hell is your problem!? Asher and I were just friends, you’re talking nonsense right now! You know, being with him is the first time I’m genuinely happy since summer, don’t try to ruin that!” I yelled, I can see his expression changing from mad to worried. I think this is the first time I got angry at him, but this is also the first time he treated me like this. He was always so kind and sweet and understanding so I don’t know why he’s acting out.

“I’m sorry, Cal. I didn’t mean to hurt you or offend you in any way, I was just… I don’t know, I just don’t like how I feel whenever you’re with him or you talk about him. I don’t know why I’m being like this, fuck, I’m sorry!” He exhaled. His apology looks sincere and I kind of felt bad for getting angry at him because of that. Was he… was he jealous?

“Did you ever think about what I feel whenever you’re with Angela?” I wanted to stop myself. I didn’t want to make this a big deal, I wanted to say sorry to him as well and just fix our friendship. I don’t know why I said that, it just came out of my mouth.

“But it’s over. Whatever it was between us, it’s done. I’m not even talking to her anymore.” He held my face, as if what he said should be a relief for me.

I touched his hands holding my face and pushed them away. “Is that supposed to make me feel okay? That’s worse, Blake! You liked her and then when she showed that she likes you too, you lose feelings all of a sudden? Don’t give her false hope, if you don’t like her anymore, at least tell her, don’t make her chase you!”

“I like you, Calista.” What? Is he serious? “I don’t like her, I never did. It’s just you. Only you.”

——