Chapter 75 – Painful

As soon as Noah’s life signs had stabilized, Fynn had given Noah’s father, the city lord of Concordia, a call. Their family’s spicy old ginger had immediately connected many different things together and issued his verdict – rest at home.

Since Noah was fully healed, there was no need to go to the hospital. Not only would he have more privacy and comfort at home, but he would also be safer and better cared for.

His son just needed to rest and recuperate. And what would happen if he was allowed to stay in the hospital? Forget the privacy issues, the noise, the people, the reporters crowding around the hospital, etcetera, what was the real deal-breaker was… wouldn’t his baby son start soothing the whole bloody hospital as soon as he came about?!

Out of the question! Home! Ship him home right this instant!

…

One had to give props to Cordia daddy; he knew his son very well.

And thus, Fynn took a team of peacekeepers to safely escort unconscious Noah home. After Noah got tucked into his own bed, Fynn ran off to continue his investigation.

Knowing that everyone was safe and sound should have put Noah’s mind at ease.

But it did not. Not at all.

In fact, instead of feeling relieved, a feeling of dread welled up in his chest.

Why?

The answer could be summed up with one word.

Levi.

“Blackie,” Noah painfully swallowed.

“What?”

“In your memories… there are unnatural periods of silence and big black spots.”

“Yea?” Blackie responded nonchalantly.

“Don’t ‘yea’ me! Why do your memories have black spots?! Why is there no Levi?!”

This time, Blackie fell silent for a while.

When he finally spoke again, his response was dry, “He is censored out, ah. You are a valuable resource to the Bureau; thus, there are many protection methods in place to ensure your mental and emotional wellbeing. When transferring memories to you, be it my own or that of the original owner of your current identity, the memories aren’t sent in their raw form but go through an automatic content filter.”

Blackie paused, “I mean, who knows what kind of tragic thing the original owner of the memories went through. What if he was brutally raped? Receiving full memories of the traumatic experience would be in no way beneficial to you. It would be like you’ve personally experienced it too. Why would we unnecessarily subject our employees to what could be considered as mental and physical torture?”

Unable to take the suspense any longer, Noah snapped, “What are you trying to say? What happened to Levi?!”

“Technically… nothing. He wasn’t injured and just needs some R&R to fully recuperate,” Blackie coughed awkwardly.

“Then why censor him out?!” Noah spat through gritted teeth.

“…As I said, if memories I transfer to you contain bits that might be highly upsetting or painful to you, they are automatically censored out. Nothing happened to Levi… but, uh…”

Noah’s patience reached its limits, “Enough talking in circles! Turn off the filter and transfer the entire thing!”

Blackie shut up. He hesitated briefly, but since the warning level of the censored content wasn’t in the traumatizing range, he decided to just do as his silly host asked and send over the uncensored version.

Noah soon realized that Blackie’s content filter was really capable. It definitely wasn’t making trouble for nothing.

The reason why it so diligently erased Levi’s existence from the memories was because…

The sight of him was too heartbreaking.

At first, when Levi had regained consciousness, his response was dull, like a small child unable to comprehend what was happening around him. Sluggish and at a loss, he looked around as if searching for meaning.

But then, when his blue eyes landed on Noah’s motionless form, like flipping a switch, the confusion abated replaced with hysteria. As if the entire world around him was falling apart. As if everything he ever cared for was slipping through his fingers, unable to be grasped, forever lost.

Various people swarmed around him, yet it was as if they existed in a separate reality. Not a single one could enter inside his bleak and desolate world.

In his crumbling world, there was only him and the pale figure in his arms.

No matter how many people addressed him, paramedics, peacekeepers, Healers, Soothers, Fynn, and Shaw…

Forget responding, he didn’t even seem aware of their presence. As if he could neither hear nor see anything beyond the target of his fixation.

No matter how the world around him changed, like a catatonic patient in a mental hospital, like a lonely stone statue, he had no reaction. He just sat there, staring pleadingly with his bloodshot eyes at the boy in his embrace, as if begging heaven and earth for his two amber eyes to open.

In his collapsing world, nothing else existed but the motionless body in his bosom.

As the memories slid through Noah’s mind like grains of sand through an hourglass, he could do nothing but silently watch Levi’s anguish.

Watch his agony turn to numbness, frantic desperation into hollow dullness.

Noah wished to speak, wished to scream, but not a sound could reach the other.

He wished to touch, wished to hug, but as if nothing but a mirage, his fingers could only pass through.

He had been there, back then, his body turned halfway to mush, yet he didn’t think it had been too painful.

Right now, he was here, his body 100% fine, yet why was it suddenly so unbearably painful?

The ache was as sharp as a dagger and as debilitating as if someone had brutally ripped out his still beating heart out of his chest.

How could pain be such a fickle thing? Easy to ignore one moment, yet suffocating the next.

Back then, he had shed blood but not a single tear. Yet now, not a single drop of blood was shed, yet the tears that welled up were not much different from blood: hot, sticky, and impossible to blink away.

In the two decades of his existence, Noah had never truly hated anyone. But right now, a mere thought of the terrorists whose actions caused Levi to go through such an ordeal made hatred bubble up inside his chest like a corrosive acid.

Yet, as biting as it was, he couldn’t even spare it a thought, for all of his thoughts were already too dedicated, too preoccupied with the desolate brother-in-law inside his memories.

At first, paramedics tried to separate them, but Levi refused to let go of Noah. He sat there frozen, like a machine whose operating system had crashed.

And in a way, it had. His chaotic thoughts had reached a deadlock that he was unable to extricate himself from. On the one hand, he thought that he should let Noah go, being near him, this Enforcer, was clearly dangerous, clearly not good for his baby at all. On the other hand, he couldn’t bring himself to release him, knowing that in this lifetime, he might never have the opportunity to hug his precious darling again.

His already hazy rationality fought with his feelings until nothing was left but instinct.

And that instinct was entirely in the “don’t let go” camp.

A peaceful resolution didn’t work, and even a Soother at the scene didn’t wish to poke at the hornet’s nest that was Astar Levi. He was clearly mentally unstable at the moment; a forceful separation could very possibly trigger a violent retaliation.

In the end, in fear of aggravating his condition, they chose to simply treat Levi’s motionless form as an ornament. As if he was nothing but an accessory worn by Noah that could just be ignored.

His presence didn’t impact Noah’s treatment anyway, and Noah’s passive soothing field was probably the only thing keeping this bomb from exploding. Their own hasty attempts at soothing, instead of helping, might just end up undermining all that Noah had shed blood and sweat for.

And thus, for hours, Astar Levi stood alone amongst the crowd. From the beginning until the moment exhaustion swallowed up his consciousness, no one extended their hand to pull him out of his collapsing world.

Author Note:

Just when you thought I was done abusing poor Levi... turns out it wasn't quite over yet. Whoopsie. My bad. (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪