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29: Her musings
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2023-02-12 08:25:39Related chapters
Sold to the coldhearted beast 30: Gone, and returned
*Everly* The following morning I enjoyed a solitary breakfast. It seemed that Tristan had left early for his club. He doesn’t return that evening or the next. Or the one that follows. No word from him. Is this the uncertainty that will be my life? Curiosity had gotten the better of me one night and I attempted to open the door to his bedchamber, only to find it locked. I had tried both doors, the one that leads into my room and the one in the hallway. I wonder what secrets he harbors in there, what I might learn about him. He is so mysterious, and if he isn’t returning to the residence, how am I to come to know him better? I know all he desires is the bedding. Unfortunately I dream of more. On the fourth afternoon, following a midday meal, I sit in a chair beneath the shade of a towering elm, near the brick wall that borders the massive garden of the property beside this one. From a window at the end of the hallway in the wing where my bedchamber is located, I had been able to g
Last Updated : 2023-02-17Sold to the coldhearted beast 31: A ride in the park
*Tristan* I had suggested we should go for a ride because from the moment she walked into the parlor, I wanted nothing more than to lift her into my arms, carry her up the stairs, and ravage her. Like the barbarian the pack wolves accuse me of being. My desire for her had only worsened as I watched the delight play over her features as she viewed one item of clothing after another. And the red… she will wear it. I had seen the temptation of it in her eyes before she shuttered it. I could not have been more pleased with her reaction to my gifts. But when she sees the horse… Something inside of me feels as though it is being torn asunder. I want her to look at me with the same joy, the same pleasure, the same … I am not quite sure what the emotion is. She likes the horse, deeply. Favors it. She strokes it and murmurs to it and smiles at it. I want her to smile at me. Not looking startled and apprehensive when she walks into the room and sees me sitting there. As I keep my horse p
Last Updated : 2023-02-21Sold to the coldhearted beast 32: Boat or ship ?
*Everly* I know I am babbling, talking about nothing of consequence or importance. It irritates me that I worry what people think, that I feel as though I move about with a great big M sewn onto my chest. I see many couples parading about. Surely they aren’t all married. And surely if my father had not been ashamed of me, he would have brought me when the park was teeming with people. I don’t doubt that he loved me, but I am beginning to realize that he might not have been as proud of me as he always claimed. He never took me into a dressmaker’s. He never rode by my side through a park. I suppose Tristan Rafe does it without any embarrassment because he is notoriously scandalous himself. I can’t deny that he epitomizes what I imagined would fall into line with most ladies’ dreams… tall, handsome, with just enough aloofness to be intriguing. He would make the women come to him. I wonder if he will expect me to initiate our coming together. I very much doubt it. If he waits on me to
Last Updated : 2023-03-04Sold to the coldhearted beast 33: Sparring
*Tristan* I take the first punch because I deserve it. I had seen Eve’s face alight with Raphael’s invitation, and I know within the depths of my soul that it is probably the first one that she has ever received from a ranked wolf. Her father, for all his love for her, had kept her in a gilded cage, one so beautiful and filled with such kindnesses that she had not even realized it surrounded her. And I am going to deny her the pleasure of accepting it because if I spend time in my brothers’ company, I have little doubt that they will see into my dark soul and know the things I have done in order to survive. I duck as Mick takes his next swing. Then I deliver a quick jab to my man’s ribs. “You’re in a foul mood,” Mick quips. If only he knew the half of it. As soon as I had seen Eve delivered safely to the residence, I had taken myself to my club to spare her my presence. In the boxing room, I am stripped to the waist. It is the one place where I don’t have to hide my aversi
Last Updated : 2023-03-10Sold to the coldhearted beast 34: A New feeling
*Tristan* ‘Wake up, wake up,’ my mind whispers, but I do not dare say the words out loud. I am not certain I want her to know that I am here, leaning against the bedpost at the foot of her bed, watching her sleep again. While I was away, I had thought of the night before I left, when I had observed her while she lay sleeping. Every night I wanted to be back here, my gaze honed in on her face, the sweet expression of it. All the women I have known intimately had been coarse and hard, shaped by life into something impossible to break. She could break. In all likelihood I will eventually destroy her, unless I find the strength to let her go. I admire her stubbornness, enjoy sparring with her. I will think I'm winning, and then she will slip in beneath me and deliver a quick jab that leaves me flummoxed. Sometimes, only a few times, when I am in her company, I catch shadowy glimpses of the man I might have become had fate been kinder. A man who deserves to have her for the remaind
Last Updated : 2023-03-25Sold to the coldhearted beast 35: Hurting him
*Everly* I fight not to be disappointed. When we had first arrived, he had brought me downstairs, and I had thought we were heading for the dens of depravity. Instead, he had led me into a room with a roped-off square in the middle and benched seating stacked along the walls. I imagine people sitting there to watch what occurs within the boundaries of the rope. I was hoping to see the gaming room, to view the games that men loses fortunes playing, especially the one that had put Orley into debt to Tristan, the one that had caused him to invite the gaming hell owner to his night of entertainment when he had sought to sell my off as some man’s mistress. I do not like to contemplate where I might be now if Tristan hadn’t been there. “Remove your cloak.” He orders, and I glance over to see he is shrugging out of his jacket. I do wish the man wasn’t in the habit of ordering me around without first explaining where his directives will take me. Still, I unfasten my cloak, slip it off my s
Last Updated : 2023-03-28Sold to the coldhearted beast 36: Her realisation
*Everly* I follow him out of the room, up two flights of stairs, and down a hallway with several rooms. I might have thought this was the bordello portion except that the doors are open. The walls are papered in burgundy, with gold vines. More tasteful than I would have expected. Gas lamps flicker along the walls. Glancing through a doorway into a room we are passing, I stop. “This is your office; it’s where you work.” I stroll inside. It is spartan. A desk. A chair in front of it, and another behind it. A table with decanters. The windows are bare, looking out onto the night. “Why do you say that?” he asks. Looking over my shoulder, I see him leaning against the door jamb, his arms crossed over his chest. “The globes.” They are sprinkled about numerous shelves on three walls. “There must be a hundred of them.” “A hundred and two to be exact.” Astonished, I twist around. “Does that include the ones at the residence?” “No.” “Why do you collect them? What’s your fascination wit
Last Updated : 2023-04-07Sold to the coldhearted beast 37: Facing her brother
*Everly* The clock on the mantel is veering toward eleven when I awake. I never sleep late. I suppose that is what happens when one entertains gentlemen at all hours of the night. I climb out of bed, ring for my maid, walk to the window, and draw back the draperies, not surprised to discover it is a dreary overcast day. Although it hardly matches my mood. One of these nights he will come to me and they will do more than talk. It is the terms to which I had agreed. I will honor them. I might not have much left to me but I have my word. The door opens and I glance over my shoulder at my maid. The air in the room doesn’t take on an energetic charge, seems to shrink in size, or become more alive with her entry. “I shall want fresh linens on the bed today.” Lila seems surprised. “Yes, miss. We put on fresh linens every day.” Of course they do. Lila goes to the wardrobe and retrieves the mourning dress in which I had arrived that fateful night. It seems an eternity has passed. Sudde
Last Updated : 2023-04-09
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Sold to the coldhearted beast 66: Epilogue
Snow Moon Castle, WolfshireWinter 1864 Tonight is the night we were supposed to die. Instead, we will make love to our wives. But for now, in the late wintry afternoon, we sit upon our horses, at the top of the rise, looking down on Snow Moon Castle. The castle looms in the distance, its frost-covered stone walls shimmering as the sun begins to set. The frigid air bites at our cheeks, and our breaths create clouds of steam as we take in the sight before us. From our vantage point, we can see the remnants of the tower that had served as our prison so many years before. Stephan, with a determined look in his eyes, has been slowly tearing it down, his sledgehammer against one brick at a time. The once imposing structure is now a mere skeleton of its former self, a testament to the resilience and defiance that had brought us to this moment. "Difficult to believe it's been twenty years". Raphael says, his voice filled with disbelief and a hint of nostalgia. The years have left their m
Sold to the coldhearted beast 65: Wedding Night
*Everly* Tristan carries me up the steps. The door opens. Laurence bows his head slightly as we walk past. "Welcome home, my Beta, my lady”. My lady. I almost laugh. As Tristan begins climbing the stairs, I say. "Who would have thought the illegitimate daughter of an Alpha would one day be a lady ?" "You were a lady the moment you were born”. He says softly. "You once told me I was ruined the moment I was born”. I point out. He gives me a sheepish grin. "That was before I knew you. I was a foolish man then”. Not so foolish, I think. Cautious, rather. Not daring to care for anything that he might lose. He lost me once. He will never lose me again. The door to his bedchamber is open, and he sweeps me inside, kicking the door closed behind him. When he sets me on my feet, I knock aside his hat and run my fingers up into his hair. "Oh, I have missed this, missed you”. "Mary and her silly rules about respectability”. Bracketing his hands on either side of my face, he looks at me ser
Sold to the coldhearted beast 64: Wedding
*Tristan* Studying my reflection in the mirror, I tug on my light gray waistcoat. It takes an inordinate amount of time to dress these days. My hand has healed but the mobility in it isn't what it once was. Dr. Grimley set the bones together as best as he could. I'm grateful for that, at least. I haven't lost my hand completely, and I'm learning to write with my right. In retrospect, I suppose I could have told Grimmock from the outset that I was left-handed, so he would have broken the right, but I'm familiar enough with the man's torturous ways to know that a time would come when I would have signed anything the man put before me in order to stop the pain. And I would be damned before I gave the man anything that belonged to Eve or to Mick, for that matter. So damned I am. But not as much as Grimmock. During the three months since my rescue, I have found myself spending more time with my brothers, and I wonder why I had resisted being in their company for so long. Late into th
Sold to the coldhearted beast 63: Settling debt
*Tristan* The boxing room is more shadows than light, but then it usually is. Most of the light focuses on the ring where Alpha Ekro stands, as he keeps glancing around at the other men surrounding the roped-off area. I called the meeting, and invited Ekro into the ring. It seemed like he was going to decline the invitation until Mick ushers him in with a gentle prodding and the lifting of the rope. Splints keep my left hand immobile and it's far from being completely healed, but I can pack quite the punch with my right. I wonder if Ekro recognizes the significance of the group of men who are in attendance. If any of them realize why they have been singled out for this particular lesson. "Don't keep us in suspense, Tristan. What's the meaning of all this ?" Ekro asks. "Beta Rafe". I correct him. He looks at me with confusion. "Pardon ?" "Not Tristan, but Beta Tristan Rafe. That's how I should be addressed". He huffs lightly. "I didn't think you cared much for your heritage".
Sold to the coldhearted beast 62: I want to make you laugh
*Tristan* They come for me and take me back to the almost empty room, placing me in the chair at the table, securing me to it. This time Grimmock is sitting too, scrawling on the paper. "When I'm finished here, you will just sign it as best you can”. He says. "Then your hell will be over”. I doubt it. I have not gone mad with the binding. I simply pretend that they are Eve's arms, wrapped around me, holding me close, as she whispers words of encouragement. All will be well, everything will turn out fine. Lies. I can survive on lies. So could a boy. "Do you already forget that I write with my left hand?" I ask. "I don't forget anything. I did not forget how you blackmailed me”. He lifts his gaze and stares pointedly at me, with one eye closed and the other hard and accusing. "I did not forget how you turned my own lads against me. Even those who owed me coins stopped fearing me, thought you were keeping watch over them”. I won't go so far as to say that I was keeping watch over
Sold to the coldhearted beast 61: Some truths and some pain
*Everly* As I follow Manson down the hallway, with Raphael and Stephan behind me, I realize how differently I view this residence now. Once I considered it my home, but I understand now that it was my father who made it a home, not the walls, the portraits, the furniture or the decorative pieces, although there seem to be far less of those now. I wonder how many items Orley has sold to relieve his debts. When we walk into the library, Orley jumps out of his chair and hurries around his desk. “My Alpha, Beta Raphael, sirs, this is an unexpected surprise”. I can't help but notice how he ignored me. “You know Miss Everly, do you not ?” The Alpha asks. Orley's face turns mottled red. “Yes, of course”. “You would be remiss not to greet her as well”. Stephan says in a tone that is clearly a demand. He gives me a perfunctory nod. “Miss Everly”. “My Alpha. May I say that you are not looking well these days ?” He had lost weight, much like me after the death of my father. His skin ha
Sold to the coldhearted beast 60: Searching
*Everly* I think I should be hungry, especially as the dinner set before me is one of the finest I have ever seen, but everything tastes of nothing. I eat tiny bites because it makes things more palatable. "Is it not to your liking ?" Mary asks. "I can have Cook prepare something else”. I smile at her. "I have no appetite. That's all. You have been so kind”. They took me in the night I walked out on Tristan. I didn't know where else to go, but I learned early on that the Luna is an extremely compassionate sort. She held me while I wept and blubbered. She passed no judgments on Tristan except to say that I had been right to leave him. But if that's the case, why do I hurt so badly ? Why do I sit in my bedchamber and stare out the window at the residence across the way, hoping for a glimpse of Tristan ? Is he well ? Does he miss me at all ? Sometimes I consider returning to him, but I want so much more than he can give me. I yearn for the essentials that can't be purchased: love,
Sold to the coldhearted beast 59: A pest from the past
*Tristan* I am standing at the window of my apartment at the club, watching people coming and going, trying not to remember how much they had fascinated Eve. I find it impossible not to think of her. Everything reminds me of her. As I walk through my residence, I inhale her fragrance. I can no longer bear being there, not even for a moment. Every room holds a memory of her. It's equally difficult being here, at my club. When I box with Mick, I think of Evie enduring my lessons in the ring. When I look out over the gaming floor, I see it through her eyes. When I go to my office, I regret not showing her the globe that Tristan had carved for me, not telling her that I was afraid to be grateful for it. If I truly care for something, it will be stripped away. The best recourse is not to care. Then I will be immune to hurt. So why am I now in so much blasted pain ? Because I adore her, dammit. That's the reason I am in such agony now, why I am not seeing after my club, why I don'
Sold to the coldhearted beast 58: Left behind
*Tristan*I press my back to the vibrating door. I didn’t need my key because it's no longer locked. I should be familiar with the room by now, but it still takes me off guard. All my clothing is gone. Every torn shirt, waistcoat, jacket. Every pair of trousers. Every scrap of remaining neckcloth. Every discarded bit of attire that once offended me, threatened to suffocate me. Gone.Eve had gathered them up and taken them to the poor.The bare mattress upon which I once slept when the thought of sheets or blankets would make me break out in a sweat is no longer visible. It's covered by violet velveteen. The recently hung draperies are drawn aside to let in the night. Not a speck of dust is to be seen. The wooden floor is polished to a fine sheen.The room smells of beeswax and polish. The room smells of her.She has done this. She has chased back the demons. She has returned to me the magic of touch. She has helped me conquer the madness.I stride over to the window and gaze out when e
