Later that night, lying on my mattress. I can see the moon rising out the window. It’s odd. You’d think my view would be blocked. I am surrounded by large buildings and living in a damp basement, yet, when I hold my head just right, I can see it up there. Bright, silver, full, it calls to me. I need to get out of this place. I need to feel the moonbeams on my fur. I need to breath in fresh forest air and feel the ground beneath my paws. I need… to run.
I’m not supposed to leave the apartment building at night. I’m certainly not supposed to go out my window--ever. But, I can hear my parents snoring in the next room, my mom softly, by dad loudly. I know that they are worn out and asleep. They need to rest, to forget about the horrors they’ve disclosed to me earlier, that our family is about to be torn apart.
I know what I’m doing is risky, but I can’t help it. Without a sound, I get up and go to the window, carefully pushing it open. It’s narrow, and I don’t even know if my wolf, Ruby, would fit through. I am fairly sure I will, though. It opens into an alley between our building and another apartment building. When we first moved in here, I was worried that someone might try to break in through this window, but then I thought that was silly because you can see the window from the busy street outside and from the other apartment building. It’s a narrow alley, one where it would be hard for two people to pass one another. I should’ve probably put bars over the window or something, but I never have, and now, I am glad that I didn’t. Because I am going out.
It’s not hard for me to leap up and pull myself out of the window onto the alley. I sit and drag my legs out through the window and then close it, hoping that the cold weather doesn’t fill the apartment and let my parents know I’ve opened the window. I close the window behind me quickly, making sure it doesn’t lock so that I can get back in. I doubt that anyone will go inside the apartment now that I have unlocked it, but just in case, I drag a large trash can over and cover the window.
I am free--at least for the moment. Soon enough, I won’t have any freedom at all. I will literally belong to another man. A stranger. Someone I have never met. Someone I have been raised to think of as a rival at best and an enemy perhaps more accurately. I know it is irresponsible and dangerous of me to be out here, but I rarely do anything that goes against my parents’ wishes, so I don’t feel bad about it now. I feel… light and free and ready to run.
There’s the issue of shifting, though. As I’ve mentioned, I’m not supposed to do it at all, and since there are windows looking down on me, it would be particularly dangerous and stupid to do it in the alley. But… I need to leave my clothes someplace where I can put them back on quickly, so I feel that I should shift somewhere near my own home.
I decide to go around to the back of the building where there is a wider alley and a business on the other side. The bakery is closed now, so there shouldn’t be any eyes coming from that building, and if I duck down beside a dumpster, no one should see what I am doing. Ruby is not a large wolf; some people might mistake her for an oddly colored Husky or even a particularly furry German Shepherd. I am hopeful that if we are spotted at all, people will assume I am just one of several loose dogs that wander around the city at night and ignore me, especially since I do not intend to go anywhere near anyone.
I haven’t shifted in months, so I know it will be slightly painful, but after that is over, I will feel a release like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Some of the older wolves compare it to having sex--the release of orgasm. I wouldn’t know about that because I am a virgin, but I can imagine it might be similar. I duck down next to a large dumpster, near a pile of garbage bags, and quickly take off my clothes. I haven’t bothered to put on any shoes and was wearing shorts and a T-shirt to sleep in, so it doesn’t take long. I wouldn’t want anyone to see me in my human form naked on the street, so I do not wait long. Once I’m sure my clothes are hidden away where I can find them, I let my wolf, Ruby, do her thing.
My bones pop and my muscles and ligaments stretch and expand as I go through the familiar process. It only takes a few seconds for my human form to shift into my wolf form, and then, I back away, giving Ruby the lead, letting her take over.
She is careful at first, and I am happy for it. She looks around the alley, using her keen sense of smell to make sure that there is no one dangerous nearby. Sensing no one, she takes off down the alley, instinctively knowing which way to go to reach the large park near our apartment. It is the safest place for her to be.
Ruby is fast. Her strides are long and quick as she flies over the ground, leaping over fences, avoiding all other animals as the air fills her lungs and they begin to heave from the speed and distance she is traveling. It is a good burn, the kind we both welcome. It doesn’t take long for us to reach the shelter of the park. Once we reach the shadow of the trees, we slow down, taking deeper breaths to still our heart.
This place is dangerous for humans at night, but for us, it’s fine. Ruby can smell anyone or anything before they get too close and find a shadowy place to hide behind bushes or between trees. She smells humans up ahead and changes her path. I hear shouting and arguing and imagine the people yelling at one another are not good people. I’m glad that Ruby has steered clear.
She changes direction again and heads toward a large group of rocks we can see in the distance. As we get closer, Ruby starts to sniff, her nose working overtime. It’s an odd scent, one she certainly isn’t expecting here, one that she seems to be having trouble identifying.
I want her to change directions again, to get away from the odd smell. It doesn’t smell bad; on the contrary, it smells quite pleasant. Like the woods. Like a heavy musk. If being safe had a scent, I think that’s what it would smell like. But I am still leery of going closer.
It isn’t until Ruby is nearly to the rocks that I see him. She stops in her tracks, and I am thankful for it, looking up to the highest point of the rock pile into eyes that make me want to run to him and away from him at the same time.
He’s a wolf, but he’s not a wolf--he’s a shifter like me. He has bright green eyes and dark fur, and as he stands there, staring down at me, I feel as if he is judging me, that he knows I am not allowed to be here, that I am not supposed to shift in this city, and that I should be punished for my illegal activities. At the same time, I want to run to him, or at least Ruby does. He has this sense of power about him, like he can command the sun and moon, and if we beg his forgiveness, he will keep us safe always.
I don’t want to wait and find out which of my hunches is right. Is he dangerous or does he want to protect us? “Ruby, let’s go!” I insist, not wanting to take over because shifting here, being a naked woman in the park, would be even more dangerous than being an illegal shifter.
“Fine,” she says, but it takes her a moment to pull her eyes off of him. When she finally does, she backs away several steps, making sure he doesn’t follow us, and then turns and takes off running as fast as she can, back to the shadows, back the way we came.
“He’s following us,” she tells me as she tears through the forest, up over the fences and down deserted allies and backroads. I can sense him, too, even though I can’t smell him like she can. Her nose is so much better than anything I can pick up. He seems to be keeping his distance, though. I have a feeling, a large, powerful wolf like that, if he wanted to catch us, he would.
“Maybe he’s just curious,” I say, hoping I’m right and that he doesn’t mean to hurt us.
“I hope so,” she says, running at full speed. When we get closer to the apartment building, she slows, and I sense that he has backed off.
Quickly, Ruby rushes to the place where I’ve left my clothing, and with the same painful popping and shifting, I turn back into my human form, throwing my clothes on as fast as I can. Once I am dressed, I peek my head out and look around the alley, making sure that we are alone.
I don’t see anyone. I don’t see the wolf. I need to hurry to make sure that he hasn’t followed me. If he sees where I live, he might figure out who I am, and my parents might get in trouble. I dart down the alley, my bare feet not feeling the cold of the concrete beneath them. Moving the trash can aside, I yank the window back open and slide down inside of my room, landing on the floor silently and closing the window behind me. I lock it and try to calm my heart as it beats out of my chest.
I lay down on my mattress, pulling the covers up over me. My parents continue to snore from the room next door, so I know I haven’t disturbed them. I am glad they don’t know what I’ve done.
I am just about to fall asleep when I sense a shift in the moonlight. Opening my eyes, I see movement by the window and sit up. He’s here! He’s followed me! Through the window, I can see his dark fur and those green eyes--boring right through me.
Not knowing what to do, I drop back down onto the mattress and squeeze myself against the wall, pulling the covers up to my chin. It doesn’t take long for him to go, but by then, my heart is pounding in my chest. I should’ve known he could follow my scent. I should’ve gone somewhere else. Now, i may have put my family in danger.
Cursing my stupidity, I lay there, trying to calm my heartbeat and get enough air into my lungs, but something tells me this is not the last I will see of the large black wolf with the green eyes.
I have fallen asleep with the blanket over my head, as if that would somehow prevent the wolf from recognizing me, even though he has clearly followed my scent to my home. I am fearful for my parents when I wake up and pull the blanket down off of my face. What if that wolf is from an enemy pack and he comes back here to hurt my parents? What if he brings his friends?I kn
I don’t want to cry in front of Grip--that’s his name, I found out when we got to the car and the driver greeted him, and me. I sit staring out the window as the city slowly crawls by. We are going so slowly, I think I could just get out and run away, and they would never find me, especially not here, in this mass of people crowding the sidewalks and walking shoulder to shoulder.
I do my best to stop my tears as I move to my new bed and start to put on my new uniform. I haven’t checked to see if the door is locked, but the hallway outside is so narrow, footsteps echo down it, as I have learned when Elvira left, so I know that I should have fair warning if anyone is coming in.As I pull on the short black dress, I look around the room. It does
“Aaarriiaa!” Mim sank from inside of the library. The first two times she sings my name, it sounds like someone excited to see an old friend. The third time, it is in full operatic style, starting low in her belly and rising up to end on a high note with lots of vibrato. I am in the room by the time she finishes, staring at her, not sure what to think. She begins to giggle uncontrollably as soon as she finishes. This is not a deep belly laugh, like most people emit when they are highly amused. This is a series of chirps like a bird, sitting on a branch on the first day of spring, letting the world know it is full of joy that winter has passed.
It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. And I know that, but there’s nothing I can do about it.I sit in my study, staring out the window, my mind on Aria, the girl I’ve just casually escorted to the library so that Mim, another Alpha’s daughter who was taken from her people unjustly, can show her the proper way to dust the baseboards and polish the si
Mim and I are just about finished cleaning the library when we hear muffled footsteps on the carpeted floor and look up. There’s a man, in a suit, with caramel blond hair and light blue eyes and a sweet smile standing several yards inside of the room. I feel vulnerable for not having detected him sooner. After all, I am a predator. I’m supposed to hear things sneaking up on me--prey, larger animals, people. He has been able to get this far without detection because of Mim, I tell myself, but I shouldn’t have let her stories distract me so much that I didn’t even realize we weren’t alone until a loll in our laughter allowed me to pay attention to my ears a
That evening, in our room, we sit on our beds and talk, as if we haven’t been chatting all day. It took forever to finish all of the cleaning we had assigned to us, but it was fun working with Mim. We had a quick dinner in the servants’ dining hall, which is a small room near the kitchen, and then we came up here. Each of us took a quick shower to wash off the dust and grime, and now I am wearing a T-shirt and shorts, sitting on a mattress almost as soft as the one from my old home, and Mim sits across from me, wearing a nice pair of satin pajamas in a shade of pink that makes her hair look slightly pink as well somehow.
SebastianThe perimeters of our lands are closely guarded. My father has shifts of shifters who patrol this area all day long and all night long. Yet, most every night, Dez and I come out and run along the border, not because we don’t trust my father’s
Sebastian I am standing at the end of an aisle, outside in my mother’s garden behind our house, waiting for the most wonderful woman in the world to walk down and stand beside me so that the preacher before us can pronounce us man and wife. All of our friends and family are also here, including the remaining members of Vargas Pack. There are rows and rows of white folding chairs covering the velvety green lawn. The sky is crystal blue, white puffy clouds roll by high above us, and I can’t imagine how my life could be any more perfect than it is at this moment. My father retired from being the pack Alpha a few months ago. He said he hoped it wouldn’t interfere with the wedding plans, but it was time. Mom had this river cruise she wanted to go on in Europe, and it was getting ready to set sail. He said he’d neglected her wishes for far t
Sebastian“I remember.”Hearing Aria say those two words is almost as good as it was to hear her say that she loved me for the first time. Tears fill my eyes as I look into hers, the magic from the rings in the moonlight dissipating as we are left in the ruins of her home with our arms around one another.“You do?”Her smile widens as she nods enthusiastically. “I do. I remember everything.”A sigh of relief escapes my lips as I wrap her up into my arms and swing her around. “I’m so glad,” I tell her as I set her down on her and brush her hair back before I kiss her. Just like our hands melding together started the magic that brought he
SebastianAria and I walk hand-in-hand up the hill that leads to her old village with the light of a full moon guiding our feet along the path. I am nervous about what might happen when we get to the top and she sees her old homesite. Either she will recognize where she’s at and a flood of memories will come back to her, or she won’t, and this entire visit will leave her devastated.I try to reassure her as we go. “Now, if this doesn’t work, it’s all right. There are lots of other things we can try. There are people we can see. We’ll go visit your old packmates. It’s possible that some of them will be able to help you remember. Or we can find a doctor, an expert on amnesia. I bet there’s a good one that knows about the shifter world already. If not, they don’t have to know you’re
AriaWe take another plane to my hometown, or at least, as close to it as we can get. Sebastian tells me that there are no airports in my former territory. In fact, the closest one is a few hours’ drive from where we want to go. This time, on the airplane, when he wants to hold my hand, I not only let him, I want to hold his hand, too.The flight is much longer this time, over three hours. To pass the time, I ask Sebastian questions about his childhood, and he tells me stories about when he was a little boy. I wonder how many of them I have heard before and how many of them are brand new to me. He makes me laugh, and I love to hear the sound of his voice.But I am nervous. What if this is my last chance to remember? What if I get to my hometown and I don’t recognize anything?
AriaOnce again, Sebastian has me by the hand and is leading me down the stairs to another part of this enormous house. I have no idea where we are going, only that we are looking for some rings that Dez mentioned when he was talking about Mim.I don’t bother to ask Sebastian any more questions because he seems to not want to tell me anything. He said he needed to show me. Maybe whatever he’s going to show me will help me to understand more, even if it doesn’t help me remember.We stop at an office door on the first floor, and Sebastian knocks. I hear a deep voice that I think is his dad say, “Yeah? Who is it?”“Father, it’s me, Sebastian, with Aria. Can we come in?”
SebastianWaking up next to Aria, I think for a moment that things are normal, that all of this has just been one horrible nightmare, and she’s still exactly the way she should be, her memories are intact, and she knows who I am and who she is.Then her eyes open, and I can see the vacancy registering there. My heart feels crushed again. She blinks a few times and then smiles at me, and I don’t feel quite as bad.Since she lost her memories, I’ve felt terrible for her, but I have also held onto one selfish fear, that she will never remember me and won’t learn to love me again. I have been terrified that she will decide she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.This smile reassures me that that isn’t the case, that
AriaI feel like a wanton woman, but I want this man, and since we have been together many times, I can’t convince myself that it’s not okay. Trying to keep my hands off of him is like trying to prevent myself from breathing. The longer I try, the more it burns, the greater grows the need.I don’t know if the two of us being together will inspire any memories to fire off within my head, but at the moment, I don’t care. He is kissing me like he loves me, and I believe that maybe he does. He tastes like rain water, and I can’t get enough of the feel of his tongue against mine. He is cautious at first, taking his time, but when I place my mouth on his mark, he knows what I want and that I’m sure that I want it.We waste little time stripping our clothing off as
SebastianI take Aria to my room, not sure what to expect. I am surprised that she’s had such vivid memories of Mim. It seems that scents can trigger memories for her, so I will have to try to think about how I can use this knowledge to help the situation in the future.I’m not sure there are any particular scents she can associate with my room at first, but when I open the door and see the bed, one comes to mind.Her memories might be trapped in her mind somewhere, but mine are not, and walking into the room, holding her hand, seeing the bed where we made love for the first time, where we made love so many times, I miss her in a way I haven’t missed her since she was lying in that hospital bed and I was sitting in the waiting room, waiting to see if she would recover.
AriaAfter a few days, I am dismissed from the hospital. Dr. Wilson, charming man that he is, says that normally, he would keep a patient who has no memories a bit longer, but in my case, he was fine sending me home. He said it was best if “my kind” took care of me. Since i still think I am his kind, I don’t appreciate this. But I go because I’d rather be anywhere but in the hospital.On the plane ride to Sebastian’s home, I sit next to him but say next to nothing as I stare at the window of the private jet we are on. His parents, who seem like nice enough people, although I’m not crazy about his dad, sit in the row in front of us and also don’t talk. Sebastian tries to get me to speak a few times. I mostly shrug and use one word responses, so he gives up. I know he wants to hold my hand, so when