I was frozen again. Still sitting, but leaning on my fist, gaping at Rake, utterly confused and shaking my head.
“What the hell are you talking about, Rake—what the actual fuck? I never—”
“No no! No… not you! Me, Jesse… God…” he dropped his face in his hands for a moment and a shudder rocked through him. I just stared.
‘Rake, what the hell?’
He sucked in a deep breath and raised his head, his eyes closed. Then when he opened them, he met my gaze with grief on his fa
~ JESSE ~I was shaking, feeling sick, and too hot—everything was too hot.Rake gaped at me, shaking his head. ‘Jesse, you were already his.’‘Not until the vows, not until the fucking marriage bed. You could have stopped him—I didn’t have to be here. You saved me for this?!’His eyes went dark. ‘I helped you because I could see why God sent you. You were here to save him and through him, the rest of us. You can&rsquo
~ JESSE ~I turned my back on Rake who was talking again, trying to soothe me, but I couldn’t take in the words. My head spun—thoughts, memories, understanding swirling faster and faster until, one by one, the puzzle pieces of my life began to click together.A father who only truly loved himself, and made me work for any scrap of approval.Brothers who followed his footsteps and saw me as a possession of theirs to be exploited.A husband whose pain was so great he threw it at me, because I made it safe for him to do so.And a dear friend who loved, who saw,
~ CASIMIR ~“You can’t be serious—she isn’t even ruling!” I spat.Maya’s eyes blazed, and she leaned right into me, grabbing my shirt with her swollen hand, but it wasn’t her touch that made me want to shrink. It was the power I could feel gathering within her.Immense power.For the first time since I killed my father, there was a quiver of actual fear right behind my navel.“You listen to me, you pup,” she hissed. “That woman was brought to you by God to show you the way—she is still learning, but when she stops having to overcome
~ CASIMIR ~The throne room disappeared. Maya was gone. And I was left alone… and cold.When I lifted my head it was to find myself in that dark, cavernous canyon of my soul—the place that had almost consumed Jesse when we married. The place I had buried every memory that plagued me. And the place where the breath of a disapproving God scoured all warmth so that even what little light existed was cold.It was the place where Jesse had met me so many times before and dragged me back to the soft heat of her heart. It was the darkness I had carried with me since my youth.When I shouted here, it echoed… but no one answered.The wind fluttered against my cheek and played with my clothing a
~ CASIMIR ~With a groan wrenched from my chest, and eyes blurred with tears, I clawed fingers into the dirt simply to feel grounded… then dropped my head under the blanket of shame.“I am… I am… my father’s son,” I wheezed.In the seconds that followed, that admission almost killed me. And I fought again—fought for my life.Heal. See yourself. Know yourself.HEAL.“I am… my father’s son!” I croaked. “But please… God… I do not want to be.”The truth will set you free.
~ JESSE ~I sat on the end of my bed, my trembling hands clasped in my lap, and my entire body… vibrating.I didn’t shake. I hummed. I was afraid to move, because it seemed like if I did my bones might actually disintegrate. And yet, I had never felt more alive.Conflicting emotions roiled through me—anger, rage, hate, self-pity, the desire for revenge… But for the first time in my life, the stronger those feelings got, the stronger I felt.Whatever was happening within me, it was strong.So strong I feared it might wash me away if I gave into it.
~ JESSE ~Rake spoke to me through the link again a moment later, though he was probably halfway through the house by now.‘Jesse, please… I’m taking a car, so I’m going to be out of range quickly. Please tell me that you believe me. And that you won’t do anything reckless. They’re dangerous—your father, your brothers, their friends… they’re dangerous. And they’re deeply entwined in the pack politics, though they have no clue how precarious their position is. Just… please… promise me you’ll stay safe.’I lay there for a second, but then realized if I tortured him he might do something stupid, so I sighed and made myself answer.‘I’m going to do nothing except w
~ JESSE ~The water in my glass began to ripple and splash inside the glass. I put it down before I spilled it, then picked up the pill and looked at it.Then I turned—slowly in case my head exploded—and looked up at Chase, holding it out… and found him with a small frown on his face.“You think…” I said quietly. “You think you can bring me into all of this and that’s it? That’s the only part of this that you need to take responsibility for?”Chase sighed like I was annoying him. “Look, I know it’s been rough with the wolves&mda
~ CASIMIR ~I was pretty sure if I didn’t get inside her, I was going to eat her alive.Scooting with her in my lap, still straddling me, I got her so both my knees and her back were flat against the wall. Then I flipped open the wide, leather cuffs that had been secured directly to the wall and first lifted one of her hands, to strap it in so her hand was levered above her shoulder, but with her arm comfortably bent so she could relax. Then I did the same with her other hand on the other side.So I straddled the banana-seat, while she straddled me and her hands were secured to the wall behind her.Her breasts rose and fell with her heavy breathing, and her eyes were bright with desire.Overwhelmed again with how much thought she’d put into this, for a moment I just took her face in my hands and kissed her. But that drew us together—my cock pressing against her, and I couldn’t resist rolling my hips, teasing
~ CASIMIR ~“I made a new Den,” Jesse whispered, her hands over her mouth, staring up at me—those beautiful eyes wide, but also a little fearful. “I know it’s not the same, but I got Ghere to help me because he remembered what things you’d had before and… I hope you like it.”Like it? Was she serious?My heart was slamming against my ribs, and I was having trouble breathing.The room seemed smaller than I remembered because the walls were painted a dull black. But the tighter space than what I’d had down next to the Den just made it feel more intimate.There were two lamps, one on each end, and a chandelier high above. Candles everywhere, though she hadn’t lit mo
~ JESSE ~It was Cazz’s turn to plan the monthly date. But I was humming about this one. Things were finally ready, and impossibly, Ghere had helped me successfully pull off the surprise. But I still had to figure out how to get Cazz there without ruining it.He’d taken me out to the meadow again—my favorite date. Though we’d enjoyed several others now too—and we’d just finished eating. He was leaning back against the cab of the truck, looking out at the city lights, his brows a little heavy.“What are you thinking about?” I asked him, though I had a hunch.He had his arm around me and I was leaning on his shoulder. His hand trailed up and
~ CASIMIR ~I came out of the bathing room after a long bath rubbing my hair with a towel, to find my mate standing in the middle of the chamber with her arms folded and looking sternly at my daughter, who sat on the floor in nothing but a diaper, with her chubby legs straight out. She, too, had her arms folded and her lips pursed in the perfect reflection of her mother.The two glared at each other and half my heart went cold, while the other half wanted to splutter with laughter.“Abigail, I have told you—”“No!”Our daughter could only get her tongue around a few words so far, but
~ JESSE (a few weeks later) ~I had just finished nursing Abigail and was holding her on my lap while Reeca sat with me on the couch.Her eyes were bright and she was beginning to smile, so I was tickling her cheeks to see if I could get her to do it. But she was sleepy because she’d just eaten and only yawned and cooed.“She’s a very calm baby,” Reeca commented from the other end of the couch, smiling. She loved babies, and had been so helpful when I was tired—and just for reassurance for me.She was a calm presence in any room, and with Abigail, she showed a lot of delight and joy that she seemed to stifle in other areas of her life.“Reeca,” I said carefully, because I’d b
~ JESSE ~I was too tired to do more than lift my hands to his neck, so I just curled my face into his chest and let him settle us into the chair, cradled in his arms with my ass in his lap.When he’d sat, I had my head resting on his shoulder and my body curled in his arms.“Do you hurt?” he asked quickly.“No, just tired, like I said.”I felt him relax a little then and another chill started in my blood.“Cazz… what’s happened?” I asked quietly.He turned his head to meet my eyes and lifted his hand to comb hair back from my face. His throat bobbed, but his touch was g
~ JESSE (Hours later) ~My dreams were disturbing—my body in pain, screams of terror, darkness, the floor shaking, the mountain falling, humans fleeing and wolves…I tried to break free, tried desperately to open my eyes and to speak, because I knew I was asleep. But all I did was fade… in and out. The nightmares, or nothing.And through it all, his voice.“Heal… live.”My heart ached. My body hurt. My chest didn’t want to expand. It was as if my flesh fought his words, and I didn’t understand.But finally, the dreams faded and I could hear a heartbeat. Little, and quick. And feel warm flesh. And the breath of my m
~ CASIMIR ~I felt the moment the power went out of Jesse. The entire mountain felt it.I howled with triumph and shifted, sprinting towards the room, ecstatic when there was no sense of Maya gripping my mind or stealing anything from me. But of course, there was no power left for her to steal.I prayed and pleaded and ran, Rory and the others coming in my wake. And the moment I broke through that door in my wolf—the only power left to me anymore—everything slowed. Though my body whipped and my mind was singularly focused, it was as if everything happened in slow motion.I caught a bare glimpse of Jesse on the bed, and at first my heart leaped. She was moving, awake, aware,
~ JESSE ~Maya had me sitting up in the bed, curled forward, gripping my knees. Reeca on one side, helping prop me up, a guard on the other.My body was nothing but a conduit for pain. Wave after wave, my entire lower body condensing, contracting, pushing to get this baby out. I could barely think.Cazz was there, so quiet, so distant, but there, calling his encouragement and pushing love at me through the bond.There was a moment when I thought I wouldn’t make it, when I thought my body would give and I would just drift away.But then I caught Maya smiling. Leaning forward between my legs, reaching, grasping, for