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53. How I Learned to Hate Myself
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Slave to the Wolf King 54. The Indifferent Bastard
~ JESSE ~I tipped my head, considering telling him to go fuck himself since I hadn’t seen him all day. But in the end I was curious about why he was here. And if he was asking me to get up, maybe we were going to go do something?So, hating myself a little bit for not challenging him, I stood up and put my book down on the table next to my chair, then turned to face him with my arms folded.“Now what?”His lips curled up on one side like I had pleased him. “Now take off your clothes, please.”My breath got faster. I tried to keep my face firm and unaffected, but by this time, the bastard knew that all he had to do was stare at me with those ice-cold eyes and I was already shivering. So, knowing that he could hear me, I muttered to myself about what a pain it was to submit to a narcissist as I started taking off my clothes.I considered turning it into a tease, but I’d never stripped for a man before. And knowing me I’d end up tripping over my skirts and falling at his feet, or someth
Slave to the Wolf King 55. Come Together
~ JESSE ~No matter how I tried, I couldn’t figure out where I stood with Cazz.I had grown up on alert. I knew a man’s anger, and a man’s control. I understood intimidation and manipulation. But this wild swinging between sweet thoughtfulness, undeniable passion, and intense indifference… It had my head spinning. And my heart aching. Every day I rode a roller coaster of signals that had me convinced he was in love with me one minute, and loathed me the next. And no way to tell which was right.Because they couldn’t both be true.Could they?The final blow came the next morning when I realized Cazz had been right and my cycle had started.I definitely wasn’t pregnant. And even though that was something of a relief, it was also a blow. Because if I had been, then at least maybe he would have just left me and my shredded, baffled heart alone. And we could have got on with the healing. But instead… instead I had to wait and see what was going to happen tomorrow. And the next day. And eve
Slave to the Wolf King 56. No Prey
~ JESSE ~I jerked back from where I had just softly placed my hand on his shoulder, feeling for him because it was clear that he was stressed about whatever this issue was with the Alphas and packs. But he acted as if I’d poked him with a needle.“Sorry, I just—”“Rake, would you mind? I think the Queen needs her freedom this morning.”Rake pushed to his feet immediately, nodding, not meeting my eyes.I took a step back from Rake, saturated in embarrassment. He was asking Rake to walk me like I was a pesky pet?“I’m… I’m sorry,” I breathed, swallowing back the pinch of tears.
Slave to the Wolf King 57. The Hunt
~ JESSE ~~ JESSE ~“Rake, if you’re going to stand here and tell me to let him go find other females—”“Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! That’s not… that’s not what I meant,” he said, wincing. “Not at all.”“Then what do you mean by hunt?”Rake sighed and met my eyes like he was bracing for impact. “I mean… let him chase you.”I waited, but it was obvious that was all he intended to say. “You’re telling me to play hard to get? I don’t play games, Rake.”
Slave to the Wolf King 58. The Good Man
~ JESSE ~Rake’s words washed over me and made me screw up my face because they weren’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear reassurance that I shouldn’t even fear that Cazz would cheat. I wanted to hear that I was too strong, or too beautiful, or too valuable for that to happen.But at the same time my stomach pinched because he hadn’t said that, I was also grateful because it meant he was telling me the truth.The truth was that Cazz might betray me. And if he did… if he did, that was going to hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced, I thought. But even if he didn’t… it didn’t mean that we were coming out of this with a happy ever after.That was sobering. And not reassuring at all. My heart quavered—then
Slave to the Wolf King 59. Clingy
~ CASIMIR ~I didn't leave Ghere and the servants until hours after dinner, and even when I was finally alone, I was left cursing under my breath because that fucking tension that had been raising my hackles since the moment I woke, didn't ease.I had spent the entire day edgy and frustrated, and I wasn’t even sure why. There were some tensions with the humans, a few scuffles between neighboring Alphas, but nothing significant. Nothing that warranted the tight muscles that made me want to roll my head to loosen my neck, and the itch between my shoulder blades.I had thought it was the constant presence of servants and calls for my attention and decision-making. It was the life of an Alpha. Particularly a King. And it wearied me at times.When I stepped out of the
Slave to the Wolf King 60. The End of Tears
~ JESSE ~It was an awful night.I’d tried to go to sleep early, but I had laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Cazz. And in the middle of that, something woke up inside me. Like hope, at first. It turned my mind to the bond–could I feel him getting closer? Or was that just wishful thinking?He had kept himself closed to me, kept the bond dead for days. But every so often I’d get a sensation—like something slipped through without his permission. And for a moment my heart beat faster because it felt like he was coming closer.And then there was a flare of need. Desire. Want.He was horny.
Slave to the Wolf King 61. Maya
~ JESSE ~ During my meal, the servant from my room returned looking pale to whisper to me that Maya had suggested that I should attend her in her rooms. I thanked her, then after I had finished breakfast—the first meal I had actually been able to taste in days—I asked one of the male guards to show me to Maya’s quarters. He looked startled, but bowed and led me into the tunnels. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t a twenty-five minute walk through the halls, deeper and deeper into the catacombs of the underground Palace. After the first ten minutes we were further underground than I had ever been, even when Cazz had taken me to the Den. But it wasn’t until we took a corner and there were long, deep shadow
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Slave to the Wolf King EPILOGUE - Part 4
~ CASIMIR ~I was pretty sure if I didn’t get inside her, I was going to eat her alive.Scooting with her in my lap, still straddling me, I got her so both my knees and her back were flat against the wall. Then I flipped open the wide, leather cuffs that had been secured directly to the wall and first lifted one of her hands, to strap it in so her hand was levered above her shoulder, but with her arm comfortably bent so she could relax. Then I did the same with her other hand on the other side.So I straddled the banana-seat, while she straddled me and her hands were secured to the wall behind her.Her breasts rose and fell with her heavy breathing, and her eyes were bright with desire.Overwhelmed again with how much thought she’d put into this, for a moment I just took her face in my hands and kissed her. But that drew us together—my cock pressing against her, and I couldn’t resist rolling my hips, teasing
Slave to the Wolf King EPILOGUE – Part 3
~ CASIMIR ~“I made a new Den,” Jesse whispered, her hands over her mouth, staring up at me—those beautiful eyes wide, but also a little fearful. “I know it’s not the same, but I got Ghere to help me because he remembered what things you’d had before and… I hope you like it.”Like it? Was she serious?My heart was slamming against my ribs, and I was having trouble breathing.The room seemed smaller than I remembered because the walls were painted a dull black. But the tighter space than what I’d had down next to the Den just made it feel more intimate.There were two lamps, one on each end, and a chandelier high above. Candles everywhere, though she hadn’t lit mo
Slave to the Wolf King EPILOGUE – Part 2
~ JESSE ~It was Cazz’s turn to plan the monthly date. But I was humming about this one. Things were finally ready, and impossibly, Ghere had helped me successfully pull off the surprise. But I still had to figure out how to get Cazz there without ruining it.He’d taken me out to the meadow again—my favorite date. Though we’d enjoyed several others now too—and we’d just finished eating. He was leaning back against the cab of the truck, looking out at the city lights, his brows a little heavy.“What are you thinking about?” I asked him, though I had a hunch.He had his arm around me and I was leaning on his shoulder. His hand trailed up and
Slave to the Wolf King EPILOGUE (1 Year Later) Part 1
~ CASIMIR ~I came out of the bathing room after a long bath rubbing my hair with a towel, to find my mate standing in the middle of the chamber with her arms folded and looking sternly at my daughter, who sat on the floor in nothing but a diaper, with her chubby legs straight out. She, too, had her arms folded and her lips pursed in the perfect reflection of her mother.The two glared at each other and half my heart went cold, while the other half wanted to splutter with laughter.“Abigail, I have told you—”“No!”Our daughter could only get her tongue around a few words so far, but
Slave to the Wolf King 398. See Me
~ JESSE (a few weeks later) ~I had just finished nursing Abigail and was holding her on my lap while Reeca sat with me on the couch.Her eyes were bright and she was beginning to smile, so I was tickling her cheeks to see if I could get her to do it. But she was sleepy because she’d just eaten and only yawned and cooed.“She’s a very calm baby,” Reeca commented from the other end of the couch, smiling. She loved babies, and had been so helpful when I was tired—and just for reassurance for me.She was a calm presence in any room, and with Abigail, she showed a lot of delight and joy that she seemed to stifle in other areas of her life.“Reeca,” I said carefully, because I’d b
Slave to the Wolf King 397. Peace at Last – Part 2
~ JESSE ~I was too tired to do more than lift my hands to his neck, so I just curled my face into his chest and let him settle us into the chair, cradled in his arms with my ass in his lap.When he’d sat, I had my head resting on his shoulder and my body curled in his arms.“Do you hurt?” he asked quickly.“No, just tired, like I said.”I felt him relax a little then and another chill started in my blood.“Cazz… what’s happened?” I asked quietly.He turned his head to meet my eyes and lifted his hand to comb hair back from my face. His throat bobbed, but his touch was g
Slave to the Wolf King 396. Peace at Last – Part 1
~ JESSE (Hours later) ~My dreams were disturbing—my body in pain, screams of terror, darkness, the floor shaking, the mountain falling, humans fleeing and wolves…I tried to break free, tried desperately to open my eyes and to speak, because I knew I was asleep. But all I did was fade… in and out. The nightmares, or nothing.And through it all, his voice.“Heal… live.”My heart ached. My body hurt. My chest didn’t want to expand. It was as if my flesh fought his words, and I didn’t understand.But finally, the dreams faded and I could hear a heartbeat. Little, and quick. And feel warm flesh. And the breath of my m
Slave to the Wolf King 395. Still Here
~ CASIMIR ~I felt the moment the power went out of Jesse. The entire mountain felt it.I howled with triumph and shifted, sprinting towards the room, ecstatic when there was no sense of Maya gripping my mind or stealing anything from me. But of course, there was no power left for her to steal.I prayed and pleaded and ran, Rory and the others coming in my wake. And the moment I broke through that door in my wolf—the only power left to me anymore—everything slowed. Though my body whipped and my mind was singularly focused, it was as if everything happened in slow motion.I caught a bare glimpse of Jesse on the bed, and at first my heart leaped. She was moving, awake, aware,
Slave to the Wolf King 394. The Arrival
~ JESSE ~Maya had me sitting up in the bed, curled forward, gripping my knees. Reeca on one side, helping prop me up, a guard on the other.My body was nothing but a conduit for pain. Wave after wave, my entire lower body condensing, contracting, pushing to get this baby out. I could barely think.Cazz was there, so quiet, so distant, but there, calling his encouragement and pushing love at me through the bond.There was a moment when I thought I wouldn’t make it, when I thought my body would give and I would just drift away.But then I caught Maya smiling. Leaning forward between my legs, reaching, grasping, for
