Chapter 2

*Trigger warning, infant loss*

Jaxson reaches out a shaky hand and places it on Alaska’s shoulder and rolls her half off Torin in an effort to see what has happened, Alaska curls into a ball, the hands that were clutching Torin only a moment ago press on her stomach, her stomach is a mess as if it was directly targeted.

"He is gone, they are both gone, I tried so hard but in the end I wasn't strong enough to save either, I failed them, I let them die…"

Jaxson’s tears finally flow as he watches her hold the flesh of her shredded stomach in such a way. They had only celebrated the news of her pregnancy a few weeks before their parents demise. Alaska’s last piece of Torin.

Alaska wails, rocking back and forth on the ground with no way to vent her hurt. The pain doesn’t lessen the louder she is.

"...I want to go with them. Why can’t I go with them? Am I being punished? Did I fail so badly that I won't be granted this reprieve?"

Alaska has tried to slip into death, she has closed her eyes and willed it. Torin's body has turned cold while she desperately tried to slip away. She doesn’t want to feel like this, she wants to follow them, be the family she always dreamed of, give Torin the family he deserved. She wants to be with them once again.

Jax drops to his knees and holds Alaska tight, cradling her, rocking her as she cries.

"You can’t go Alaska. You can’t leave me alone in this. You are all I have left"

"I can’t do it, I can’t feel like this, it is too much"

Alaska feels like her internals are getting torn to shreds. She has never known pain, she never knew anything could feel this bad. There is no relief.

"This is not what Torin would have wanted for you, you are stronger than this"

"I am not stronger, I can’t"

"You can and you will"

Jaxson can hear the thundering sounds of paws, knowing that the new hierarchy will be doing the rounds to get any stragglers to submit, he will be killed on sight. Alaska with her strong beta blood will be considered too much of a threat. If she isn’t killed she will be locked up. Neither of those two are an option.

Jaxson picks up the grieving woman. His fingers brush against Torin’s cold and lifeless body, the body of his best friend, the one so full of life, the bright future that was so close. Torin's cold clammy skin making him flinch back. He holds Alaska against him, two naked bodies pressed tightly together, but it is the least sexual situation possible. At first she fights it, desperate to return to them. Desperate to stay in her final resting place, but as Jax walks she slowly gives up, her arms wrapping around his neck, her face buried in his collarbone, her legs wrapped around him, she just hangs silently on him just sobbing.

Jaxson is her support, he is her reason, he is her legs when she can’t take a step, but he needs her just as much as she needs him. If there wasn’t that warm body pressed against him, that need to keep her safe, that connection to life, he wouldn’t be able to move a step.

The further they get from Torin’s body, they get the quieter she becomes, but her silent tears cut Jax just as deeply as the hysterical crying.

"I am going to get us to safety Alaska. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but everything is going to be okay, we are going to get through this"

Alaska sobs, this hurt, nothing will ever fix this, this is impossible to heal.

"Nothing will ever be the same again"

Jaxson crosses the Autumn pack border quickly, trying his best to disguise their scent in the most vague attempt. Everything seems futile. But he has torn her from the death with the man she loves. He is determined to keep Alaska safe and that is the bare minimum that he can do. He never thought that he would have to leave his own home to consider himself safe, the pack border that he has run so many times before just seems foreign now, it has an odd sense of foreboding threatening to swallow them alive.

Jaxson just keeps walking as the day turns to night once more, his feet are heavily wounded and they are painful, his wolf doesn’t have the energy to fix him, he is hungry and he is thirsty like he has never experienced in his life before. His whole body hurts yet he just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

He feels exhaustion in his bones yet he never for one moment thinks about putting Alaska down or even taking a moment to rest and collect himself.

This is his punishment for himself, this is what he deserves for failing to keep the pack and his friends safe. He wants to hurt as badly in a physical sense as he does in an emotional sense, just to try and dull this internal pain.

The woman in his arms has fallen asleep on numerous occasions but wakes herself up either crying, sobbing or screaming. Never once does she release her grip on him. His chest is wet from her tears but he couldn’t care less, when she isn’t making a sound, he likes to feel her shuddering breath against his skin because it lets him know she is still with him.

Jax hasn’t said a word in the longest time because he has no words left to say. Even if he had the energy, he would never be able to come up with the impossible words that would make everything alright. Maybe because there is no such sentence.

Jax has been walking for so long that he feels utterly directionless but still keeps going with one foot in front of the other.

The sea of endless trees finally opens up and Jaxson doesn’t pause as he moves through the mostly deserted industrial area. A few streetlights light the way, but the stark white light in random sections fails to bring a sense of warmth or comfort. The streets are empty, the few buildings which are occupied, are currently empty, the workers have long since been knocked off for the day.

Jaxson expertly navigates down the familiar roads until he enters an industrial precinct and walks straight toward a single large space. The warehouse is huge, there is no signage on the unused building, but Jaxson actually breathes a sigh of relief when he sees it. He may have lost everything else, but at least he still has this tiny slice of home.

Jaxson moves around the building, located under some long weeds and a pile of what looks like building refuse sits a small lock box. Jaxson enters his date of birth and the door opens, revealing a key. During this whole process, never once does Jaxson try to move Alaska from his body.

The key opens a small door beside the large sliding door which is locked up tight with a chain and large padlock. As Jaxson enters, he looks at the place that is frighteningly familiar, but he never thought it would be used in such a way. When his father first bought him to this place and set the rules, Jaxson believed it was the biggest burden, but now it is a goddess sent. How situations can change so quickly.

Jaxson walks into the building, walking through the cavernous empty interior to the back section, two rooms, one containing a bed, the other near bare a few random stacked boxes, a small rundown, filthy bathroom and a small kitchenette with a few canned goods that he dropped off in his travels just to keep his father happy. There is a broken down old couch which has more stuffing on the outside than is contained inside the cushions.

Jaxson walks into the room with the bed, tearing off the dustcover and breaking the rest of the half broken frame, allowing the clean mattress to hit the floor. He deposits Alaska on the bed.

As soon as she loses contact, she wakes up once again. Staring at her surroundings with tears pouring down her pale and dirty face, Jaxson has no idea how she still has tears to cry, they haven’t had a drink of water in nearly forty-eight hours, her lips are dry and chapped and shriveled beyond recognition, her hair is a mess, the glossy sheen is gone appearing as lifeless as her hollow eyes.

"My heart, it hurts so much, it isn’t just broken, it is sharp shards tearing me apart. How can it hurt so much?"

Alaska massages her chest over the position of her heart, trying to ease it enough that she can breathe.

"It will get better, I promise"

Jaxson feels like he is making so many promises that he has no idea to see through to the end. Jax can’t look at Alaska any longer, it is breaking him apart. She looks on the outside how he feels on the inside. He moves toward the closet in the corner, there are very few items contained within, but at least he can pull on a pair of shorts and he grabs a large shirt to give to Alaska and a thin blanket.

Jaxson turns to Alaska, his blurry eyes clearing for a moment as he watches her, running to her side,

"I can’t do this Jax, I am sorry"

Alaska claws at her own heart. Fortunately, her wolf is so weak at this point, her claws are only an eighth of their usual length, barely leaving a flesh wound behind.

"You can’t leave me like this Alaska, you need to seek vengeance, you need to fight back"

Alaska stops her movement, her hands dropping to her side as she stares up at the ceiling above. Half the cork ceiling tiles are missing, revealing the heavy layer of dust on the few tiles still remaining and opening out to show the large distance to the tin roof overhead.

Alaska may have her weak moments, but her sense of justice is strong. If Jax can keep her alive with the promise of revenge, then he can only play on that for now.

Jax holds her hand until she falls into a fitful sleep once again.

Finally, he extricates himself from her grip, walking out and quietly shutting the door behind him. He collapses face first on the sofa, a big plume of dust erupting around him, but he couldn’t care less.

Finally the tears flow, finally the agony is released, he wants to scream, but he knows even at his weakest point he needs to be strong for her.

Alaska will survive for revenge.

Jaxson will survive to protect her.