Chapter 1 - Twin Burden

Being born into existence, I found myself destined to live in a world ruled by tradition. How? You may ask. I was born eight minutes before my brother, Dion, making me the invisible twin in a lineage obsessed with male dominance.

In the Mafia world, the Genovese Empire, our family stood as one the most ancient and powerful clans in the country. Known for a multitude of infamous deeds, we held dominion over numerous smaller groups as well as having a strong hold over their activities.

My parents, being staunch believers of tradition, upheld the age-long belief that only male children could ascend as the Heir apparent, sentencing me to a life concealed from the spotlight.

Being raised in a Mafia household, as a female wasn’t easy, it was even worse knowing you had only one reason for being alive, one function. It was my assigned duty to protect my brother with my life.

Growing up as kids, Dion and I were never really close, despite being twins we hardly ever saw or played with each other. Our parents made it that way, we looked very much alike, we were always dressed the same, had the same haircut and all and I never owned a single dress and never grew out my hair.

We or should I say my parents always received dares and threats, and of course, there were one too many attempts on my brother's life since he was the heir and an easy target, I was always in harm's way since I was his substitute.

One time, a group of men decided to come kidnap my brother. I was sitting feeding my pet pig Didi in our garden when I was picked up and thrown into a waiting van, apparently they thought I was my brother. I was barely six, I remember spending a few days in a dark room with little to no food before I was finally rescued by my parents who didn't seem eager to pay off the ransom.

So basically, I was an illusion as a solution to keep my brother safe. And ever since that occurrence the treatment I received from my family changed. I had to be trained accordingly to be able to withstand the harsh horrors of reality. In the coming days, when dubious plans or threats were made against my brothers’ safety, I had to be the scapegoat.

And typically I couldn’t have a say in whatever was going on, because to the world, I didn't exist. I don’t own an identity, I can't show proof of an ID, and I didn’t even possess a birth certificate as pathetic as it sounds. My entire existence has been decided by my parents and they potentially have ended any chances of a life I could ever have or dream to have when they decided to make sure my birth was never publicized.

Having an attempt made on your life can be scary, but at this point, I've become so used to it that I wasn’t even scared anymore. My parents made sure I was being trained to survive and defend myself even when I was at my lowest.

But there have been times that I thought, what if I didn't?

What if I just let them kill me?

It's gonna happen someday anyway so why not that some day be today?

I was currently twenty-two and still living with my parents. In my current situation, I was fed up and frustrated with everything that had been going on. I have to deal with my lack of freedom, and being constantly watched by my parents. I have to be upright at all times. I have to be without mistakes. I had to be the perfect substitute and I had to fight through the struggles of life alone and in my mind and be scared of the unknown too, as worse as it gets. While my brother had to live as my parents prized possession since he was the only ‘Heir’. He had friends, his movements weren't restricted, and he could go on trips, in essence, he could live a normal life.

I wasn't too jealous of my brother, but I could see myself leaving life as he did; in a world where I didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, where I was free to own up to my femininity. Moreover, I try not to be too pessimistic about my whole ordeal, but it gets hard when you have no friends, family to trust, or even a pet to keep you company. You could say the only friend I had was my loneliness, and maybe my favorite gun.

But despite all this, I had some kind of hope. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel and I knew all this was going to come to an end someday but it was a struggle holding on to those thoughts of being free someday especially when you were a female born into my family.

I’ve always thought about what a normal family seemed like, eating at the dining together, playing together, or maybe going on a trip together or like literally just loving each other as a family. I somehow wished I was part of one, or maybe someday I could have a normal family and live the way I wanted to if life occurrences permitted it. Currently, I was home alone while my parents and brother were out on a trip I wasn't even considered for, to celebrate the bagging of a million-dollar deal.

Even with all these, I didn’t hate my parents for holding on to our family’s beliefs and I didn't hate my brother for my parents' decisions but I did dislike him just a little for going along with their every word.

I sometimes wished things were different, and that my brother could at least stand up to them but instead he went along with their every stance, he never protested it, not once in our entire lives. He just followed whatever they said like some robot and I'm not sure if it was because he was scared of them or if he truly thought the same way as they did.