Chapter 1: The Shading

My head was swirling in a nauseating haze as memories flashed and time-lapsed. I felt as if my soul was being pulled out from my body and I was being suspended into an unknown space to debilitate.

The sun had just set and the night was nowhere near calm, it was ghastly—as if the heavens had freed the ferocious wrath it has been keeping to bestow the place with fury. 

Pitch-black. 

The sky was almost pitch-black if it were not for the startling flashes and instantaneous streaks from the bolts of lightning that crack the eerie dark. Flickers of light revealed the foggy visibility brought by the heavy downpour of rain which seemed to know no respite. Drops of rain were like pellets showering the roof with percussion. The night was conquered with unrest as the howling wind cut through the towering trees in gusts, and with its rush, the thunder roared in resonance. 

Violent. 

The thunderstorm spectacle on the other side of the windowpane was so violent that it frightened the lady staring into the chaos as she caressed her protruding belly. She did not hear about the thunderstorm coming and thought that she might have missed it while browsing the early morning news. She was about to shut the curtain to cover the windowpane when she felt her stomach tightening into a searing pain and in an instant, she was engulfed in the unbearable twisting and pain distending across her abdomen.

Deja vu. 

Everything was so familiar. The storm. The lady. I am that lady. I remember how painful my abdomen was but what I was feeling in the present was different from before. It was not just my abdomen and uterus tightening this time. Unfortunately, my whole body was suffering in restraint and I felt like a force was draining the life out of me. Everything was the same except that I was a spectator, witnessing the happenings unfold… all over again.

This must be a dream, I thought. There was no way that what I was watching was real. This dream was a replica that allowed me to see myself from a different point of view. It felt so surreal in a sense that the details are specific and distinct as if the same thing was happening again if not for the change in perspective. The blurry replay was like hands savagely shuffling and searching the stored recollections in my brain. My head was hurting so much that I could barely hold my sanity. It was an excruciating process of reliving that night but in a mystifying way, the dream showed what was beyond my mind and consciousness—the bigger picture I had no means of knowing. It was impossible for me to escape this situation with the film still rolling.

"Esmeray! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you screaming like that? For goodness' sake! You disturbed my sleep!" A middle-aged woman in a satin robe swung the door open to glimpse the source of noise and blast her anger. She saw a person distorted in distress whom she called Esmeray, the lady who did not even realize that she was already screaming if it were not for her stepmother barging in her room. Esmeray's hands were placed across her bulging belly as if doing so could lessen the excruciating contraction and cramps she was feeling.

Esmeray. That was my name. It felt weird to watch myself and hear my name. I couldn't move and all I could do was to wait and see if this would turn out to be following my delivery earlier until the end… that was if this phenomenon would ever end. The last thing I know was that I gave birth and heard my child cry before darkness engulfed me. 

"I think the baby is coming out," Esmeray nervously said as her lips twisted in discomfort. Her pain seemed to overcome the chaos outside and the thunderstorm seemed to cease for the agony that she was feeling was beyond excruciating.

"What? Today of all times to deliver your baby? Do you know how dark it is out there? There is a thunderstorm, in case you do not know. Why did you get pregnant in the first place, you slut!" The stepmother showed her annoyance and hostility and if it were a normal day, Esmeray would have ignored the resentment but that day was different. 

"It hurts! Please bring me to the hospital," Esmeray was crying and begging not because of the pain but of fear about the state she and her child were in. 

"As if I have a choice! As much as I want to let you die, your father will get mad at me. Let me fix myself first." The stepmother stormed out and Esmeray walked to leave through the front door.

Her hair was disheveled and blown as the chilly tumultuous air greeted her the moment the door was opened. The rain was in an unstoppable torrent and the cold breeze made her shiver. In the next moment, she found herself lying on a stretcher, surrounded by paramedics and being moved to the emergency room. 

"Will you stop screaming? You already lost your class by getting pregnant and now you are shamelessly whining! Bear the pain! You are humiliating me." It was the voice of the stepmother that echoed in the hallways of the hospital but it was incomprehensible to Esmeray who was engulfed in pain. 

"You did not even fix your face! You look like a witch with your hair, do you not have a comb? And what is that dress you are wearing? You are not poor but look at you!" The stepmother continued to express her disgust and hatred until Esmeray was isolated in the emergency room and the stepmother was left outside, mumbling curses and badmouthing the patient. 

"Lou!" A tall, lean man who looked like in his fifties approached the angry stepmother.

"Damian," the stepmother looked startled as she laid her sight on the authoritative man but in a split second, Lou flashed a sweet smile and her face cleared as if she were not hysterical a moment earlier. She fixed her hair and pleated her dress, heels clanking and hoop earrings swaying as she walked towards the man she called Damian.

"I told you to look after my daughter and now this! You should have taken better care of her, you know that she is pregnant!" The man's baritone voice reverberated as he yelled, the reservation of anger was obvious. 

"I am taking good care of her. She did not say that she was in pain sooner, I even visited her room to check on her. She is like a daughter to me, why do you act as if I am the evil here? I am the one beleaguered here, Damian. I am not young anymore and I brought her here despite the thunderstorm. Don't worry, she will be fine." With a soft voice, the stepmother, Lou, explained herself and convinced Damian who claimed to be Esmeray's father. 

The time passed by and worry became more evident on the man's face while the woman had her eyes closed behind her aviators, sleeping. The sound of trees being swayed and blown outdoors could be heard in the silence of the facility. A harried nurse came out of the emergency room and the man in distress quickly stood up to ask what was happening.

"I am the father of the patient. How is my daughter?"

"Your daughter is in a critical condition. Her baby is safe and is now on screening—"

"I did not ask about the baby, I am concerned about my daughter." Due to the passing of time, the man had become impatient.

"The patient is bleeding excessively. We do not know what the cause is but the amount she is losing is not normal. If she continues to bleed, it could be fatal. Will you please excuse me so that I could search for blood donors? This is a remote area and the facility is suffering from blood shortage due to the consecutive accidents happening in this town. Excuse me, Sir."

"Wait! My late wife's blood type is AB but I never knew mine since I was never hospitalized. You may test my blood type and I shall willingly donate mine if our blood types are compatible," volunteered the man, desperate to save the patient inside.

"All right, please follow me," the hospital staff took the lead and the blood matching proceeded.

After some time, the nurse who was carrying packs of blood entered the emergency room again and went out after hours to inform the waiting relatives that they may enter the room. 

"The blood transfusion is a success. The patient is now stable."

"I am relieved that you found a donor. I assume that my blood type is not compatible with her," the man said.

"Yes, Sir. With the blood matching procedure, we found out that your blood type is B which is incompatible as a donor to your adoptive daughter's blood type O. Luckily, someone that matched her volunteered so we were able to save the patient."

"Oh, thank God. But wait, did I hear you right? I think you are mistaken about saying that she is adopted. Rae is my daughter."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive. You must have treated her as your own, excuse me."

The man looked so confused and the stepmother stepped in. "We do not understand, may you explain it to us?"

The nurse could not decipher what part of what she said was confusing but the nurse still proceeded to explain, "Ma'am, isn't your blood type AB according to your husband? Mr. Iverson has blood type B so it is impossible for the both of you to have a child whose blood type is O. Didn't you adopt her?"

" AB is not my blood type," the stepmother raised her brow and the nurse looked surprised.

"Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding. If that is the case, you must have blood type O since your daughter is O."

"Yes, you clearly misunderstood. Even if my blood type is O, she will never be related to me because I am not the one who gave birth to her. That child's mother died years ago. So, going back to what you said earlier, you are implying that there is no way that my husband and that girl are blood-related, right?"

"Eh? Uh… we cannot say that unless we conduct DNA testing." The nurse felt anxious at the awkward situation and spoke, "The child's mother might have a different—" the nurse was cut off when the stepmother spoke.

"Science cannot lie, you may leave us now," the stepmother said and turned to face her husband. "Esmeray is not your child, Damian. Who knows if your first wife cheated—"

"Shut up. That is impossible. Minerva won't fool me."

"So you are saying that genetics is wrong, huh Damian? You are the fool here."

"No. No. That… cannot happen. Minerva is just—"

"It is the truth, accept it. Esmeray is not yours."

"I'll sort things first, I won't be able to function with my mind in chaos. I'll leave my daughter to you, please take care of Rae," the man stormed out of the room and when the stepmother lost sight of her husband, a smirk plastered her make-up-colored face. 

My vision was suddenly filled with frames of scenes—my father walking away, finding my mother dead, my stepmother shouting at me, Ciel bidding his goodbye, a baby crying in my arms. The fast slipping of pictures overwhelmed me and my head started to spin uncontrollably that I wished to wake up from this nightmare. The start of the dream might be right but it was altered, especially the things I was unaware of like the conversation of my parents. I was my father's daughter, I knew that.

I wanted to wake up. 

The clear images and scenarios were becoming a blur; shadow spread and devoured the memories I could only grope into, and then it went completely blank. I still have no awareness of time and space but I felt like my body was freed and the dream apparatus that inflicted pain in my head went unfunctional. I tried to move, feel my fingers, and lift it; suddenly, the black sight of mine was engulfed by a dazzling light.

"Oh? Well, well, well, the fake princess has awakened! I have some good news for you! Hurry and get up! You have been unconscious for hours now. Guess what? You are not an Iverson, isn't that great!" It was the voice of my stepmother, Lou.

My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw a woman standing across me with her arms crossed. I looked around and realized that I was still in the hospital. It was still dark outside and the storm had not yet subsided.

"What happened?" I asked with my hand supporting my head. That was one terrible dream that seemed to be endless. I felt relieved to be awake. 

"Didn't you hear me? You have slept for hours and now your brain ceases to function. Since I am in a good mood, I will repeat what I said. You are not Damian's daughter. Imagine? For how many years, he treated you as his own. He went here earlier but can you see him here now? No, right? He just learned that his beloved daughter is not his, what can you expect?" My stepmother had a mocking tone while I was having a hard time processing everything.

I am not my father's daughter. Did my dream manifest into reality? I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. "You are lying," I muttered nervously to Lou. 

My stepmom laughed so hard before glaring at me, "My bad, your image of me is not that great after all. Unfortunately, I am not lying about you being a fake Iverson so don't accuse me of that, okay? You can ask the nurse if you like. Anyway, the reason that I am here is to tell you not to appear before your father again. He does not want to see you. You are his stain. Can you imagine his pain just by seeing you, the child he took care of, and a living reminder that he was fooled by no other than your beloved mother? Like mother, like daughter, huh? Both of you are whores. You disgust me, you piece of trash. Don't ever try to approach Damian; unless, you want to see him hurt. You understand my point, right?"

I let her every word sink in. She was confident and I knew that she would not tell a lie that heavy, not when my father was involved. I realized that what she said was all true, that I would hurt my father by just existing. My heart clenched in pain but I knew, I understood what I must do. I wanted my father to be happy.

"Oh, by the way, do not expect us to pay your bills. I'll take my leave now, my not-so-stepdaughter," Lou celebrated before turning her back.

My emotions overwhelmed me and I was on the verge of crying when a hospital staff entered my room. "Miss, your bill is unpaid and you have no insurance—"

I cut her off with a bitter smile. "I know. You're kicking me out, right? I understand, I'll leave now. Would you please lead me to my baby?"

It was a dark and stormy evening and I had no idea if it was already past midnight. I was in my weakest state since I have not regained my strength but I was carrying my child as I wished for the storm to stop. 

Kiel Damien Iverson. I stared at the face of my sleeping baby and my heart immediately warmed despite the cold wind brushing the bareness of my arms. My son got his features from his father. Ciel, I wondered where he was. I hoped that he arrived at his homeland safely. I felt the corner of my eyes water and I immediately laughed it off. This was no time to be emotional.

"I'll protect you, Dame, in every way I can," I said with conviction. I felt a strong, different feeling building up inside me, and then black smoke appeared from nowhere. It was like the haze in my dream, the dark engulfing shadows. I froze when I thought about the dream I had and it turned out to be a reality. I was confused about what was happening and I felt terrified so I embraced my child tightly. I had no idea why I was surrounded by the shadows but then I realized something peculiar. The shadows turned into solid black and it surrounded me in bands and once again, I felt as if my soul was being pulled out from my body. I took a step to escape the black shadows but they formed around my body that made me panic and run.

I was using every bit of my remaining strength but my body was too frail and my knees eventually gave up. My chest hurt in despair and anguish, I could not even protect Dame. My wailing drowned the raging storm and my tears kept up with the torrent of the rain. This was just too much, I was hurting so much that my breathing became heavy. My emotions were flooding my system and my heart felt like it wanted to burst. I wanted the world to stop and let me take a few steps forward but of course, I was nothing to this world. I had always tried to fit in but here I was, miserable.

"Meow," I was shocked to see a cat with blond fur and I blinked a few times when the cat's paw turned in the direction of the thick forest. I wiped the tears on my face and snapped back to reality as I realized that I did not get wet by the rain.

"What the hell is happening?" I said when I witnessed the shadows shielding me from the rain. Was it just a long dream? My vision started to blur and the cat started walking towards the forest. My world started to dim and I felt my body falling but before I close my eyes, the cat was gone and what stared into me was a yellow tiger. 

"Dame," I whispered before everything turned pitch-black.