004

CLYONE

I heave out a sigh as I turn my back on the balcony. I walked back inside and went straight to the door. Only my heavy steps and the creaking sound of the door breaks the silence that's prevailing the whole room.

The past few months has been so depressing that I can't even recognize what a happiness is anymore. I wonder if I really came here to reminisce the euphoric moments which I hope would lighten up my mood or I just came here to torture myself? It's very tormenting. But I need to at least make the painful crying worth to cry for.

This house used to be deafened by the loud banging songs you used to play, but now it's deafened by silence. Perhaps, I should include the creaking sounds of some wooden parts of this place whenever I'll walk.

Sigh. This place used to be my home, but now I can't even walk without feeling the sorrow. Very mournful it is.

I walked down the stairs with my hand holding onto the handrails. My walking was so tardy that if I ever cross a street with this speed, a car that could crash on me could even stop to prevent an almost accident.

I, first, went back to my car and took my bag full of necessities. Even though it sounds scary to stay in a house that is seemingly haunted after an unexpected incident, I still have the nerve to do it. I'm doing this especially for you. You know how I always end up putting myself at risk no matter how much I don't want to do such thing just for you. 

When I went back inside, I took the bag full of foods at the kitchen. I actually brought foods that are usually meant for little parties. A melancholic party for a woeful person, I guess. But I happened to not feel good today, so I ended up making some ramen despite of bringing a lot of meat to grill. It's not that I have a fever or something, but something do hurts on me. And that something is beating right now on my left chest.

It only took me around fifteen minutes before I walked out of the kitchen and went straight to the fort at the front yard with the cup of ramen in my left hand and my phone on the other one. I sat inside, still holding what's on my hand. As I am making myself comfortable, my eyes stopped at the window on the house's first floor. 

My whole body froze. I stared for a while not blinking even once because if I did, I'm afraid that something I wanted to see might show up, but won't be able to witness it after blinking.

"Stop tricking me, Deron. I miss you." My voice became trembly and seemingly inaudible.

I swallowed hard. Is it hallucination or what? I think I just saw a figurine of someone. A man to be specific. From its fluffy chin-length hair and broad shoulder. I know exactly who it was.

I heaved out a sigh. I closed my eyes really tight as my head and shoulders dropped at the same time. Why won't my eyes cooperate? It's tormenting me twice.

I opened my eyes, but didn't moved right away. I don't know what's my purpose anymore: to reminisce or to torment myself? 

I, then, took my phone. I captured a photo of the ramen with the house as its background. Just another tormenting memory to keep. Then, I put down the phone and take the ramen instead. I swirled the fork on the noodle and blew it. Does burn still hurt at all?

I took a tiny bite and chewed on it in a slow pace. Spacing out begins, I guess.

"Are you fine going alone? I feel sick right now."

I just finished dressing and just got out from the bathroom when you said that. I didn't know that such person who's suffering at such situation you are in could feel sick. I want you to hear the sarcasm.

You were laid at the bed with your whole body covered in comforter, and only your face remained visible. Somehow, you really looked sick, but that didn't stopped you from looking naturally cute. From the fluffy black hair, rounded nose fringed with your long eyelashes and your fairly balanced thin lips that usually forms a natural cute pout. I don't know if it's just your perfectly defined features or just me falling too deep for you to be this astonished about how you look. I can't stop adoring you.

"But you listed a lot! How am I supposed to go home with those?" 

After listing down the plans for the whole week, you made a list for the necessities we'll need for the whole vacation as well. Your place is not honestly that far from the supermarket, but you insisted to just buy everything we'll need, so we don't need to go out anymore.

It feels like asking me to be a prison taking a vacation with another prison. Something like smothering, but at the same time, euphoric. Kinda weird, but at the same time, it sounds fun and relaxing. I mean, just the two of us chilling, no disturbation at all. And I owe you that one. I really thank you for that one because it will always be one of the best among all the vacations we've spent.

"Who among the boys would you want me to call?" 

I smiled and walked towards you whilst tucking the hem of my white shirt in my brown bermuda shorts. I sat at the edge of the bed. Then, my fingers brushed your messy hair. 

You never stop caring. Whenever you can't do the what you think your responsibility as my man because of some serious reasons, you'll always ask one of our friends to do it instead. It's like you can't give yourself the peace of mind you are seeking as long as you're not sure if I am secured. I love that.

"I'll call Daniel. Just take rest. Hmm?" You nodded like a toddler being told of something. My smiled widened as I messed up your already messy hair.

"Should I call Steve though? So, someone could keep an eye on you while I'm away."

I think I became more careful to what I am doing now because of the consciousness I have towards you. Ever since you acted strange, I think I have the responsibility to always ask you first before doing a move because it feels like you need to know everything first. All because of the strange acts. I mean, I can't even check the attic because you don't want me to which was strange as you're being too careful even in tiny stuffs.

"I think I only need sleep. I couldn't sleep well last night." 

My brows furrowed as I stopped from ruffling your hair. I placed both of my hands at the top of my crossed legs and stared.

"What's bothering you?" I replied which caused you to heaved out a sigh. Your eyes looked down, suddenly averted from mine for an unknown reason that led my brows to crease even more, not leaving a space in between anymore.

"Me keeping a secret." You're tone is not even sure. It's almost like a question.

I let out a sigh and went back from smiling. I don't wanna make you guilty nor pressure you for confessing no matter how much I wanted to take answers, so I ended up keeping a secret as well.

"You said this vacation is to let us breathe and chill, didn't you?" You nodded with your lips lightly pouted.

"Then, let's spend the vacation like the way you said it's supposed to be. Forget about the secret for a while. I'm not rushing you, understand?"

"Admit it. You are the cat in curiosity." I smiled. You probably knew that because of what you had turned to from that day.

"Don't put yourself too much pressure. I hate seeing you in distress, hm?"

"Only if you'll free your mind."

At the end of the day, it's still me who you care about. They say action speaks louder than words, but you, you're doing both at the same time. You never fail in showing your love and care. Isn't unfair to be gone this early?

"I want to start the activities already. You better go now."

"Alright."

"Hmm. No need to call Steve either. I just need sleep."

"If you say so. But if you need anything, call me right away, okay? I won't be gone that long." I leaned down and placed a quick peck on your used to be reddish, but now pale lips before I stood up and stepped back twice away from the bed.

"No worries. I'm still here when you come back."

I stopped on my tracks. Back with the strange sentences. You're talking again as if you'll be gone soon which anyway is... sigh.

I called Daniel as mentioned and asked him if he could pick me up then help me with the groceries. Gladly, he's not busy and had agreed to come along.

I stayed with you and had another short cuddle session while waiting for Daniel to arrive. After a while, he finally came with his car making a loud honk to announce his presence.

Once again, I gave you reminders for the last time.

"I'll lock the doors, but here's the duplicate key." I put a pair of silver key attached to a cute keychain at the vanity table just next to the bed. A tiny pink macaroon with a bottle of banana milk in its pink seal at the top. You have the blue one as we bought this in this certain store that sells stuffs for couples.

I, then, took my white micro bag at the top of the table with my eyes not leaving yours.

"There's still foods at the fridge from last night. Heat them up when you're hungry. I'll be going now." I was about to walk away when you suddenly stood up and walked fast towards me, not uttering anything.

I was surprise with the sudden act that I just froze from where I am standing whilst watching you come closer with wide eyes. The next thing I knew was that your right hand held my waist while the other one held my cheek and you smashed your freezing pale lips on mine. 

It wasn't just a simple peck, but a real kiss. Your lips are moving. I could feel how your soft yet icy lips danced along on mine. But the coldness won't go no matter how warm my lips are.

You can't deny. The way you are moving them and from how tight your grasp is in my body is screaming of craving. But why would you crave it at such time like this? Someone's waiting for me to come down in there, but I couldn't resist your touch either.

Your hand that was on my cheek slowly made their way at the back of my neck whilst the arm that was hugging my waist pulled me even closer despite of having no space in between us anymore. I can't do anything, but hold your both arms for support as I kissed back from your craving.

How come I still enjoy it despite of the coldness of your body? It's not only the lips, but your whole body.

You pulled away for a while which made me think that you were done, but no. You just needed a breather, then you went again for another kiss. 

As you deepened the kiss even more, the noise from the mixing of our saliva lingers to the whole room. I am being more carried away that led me to snake my both arms around your neck. It's tempting me. You're tempting me.

"Deron—" I was cut off by another kiss of yours. How can you be so fast for pulling away then going back on kissing in an instant? 

Sooner, both of your arms hugged my waist as you walked me along with you towards the bed that was behind you. Seconds later, we slumped on the bed while I'm on your top. But you were too fast to change the position. 

You placed me slowly at the bed, not breaking the kiss neither letting go of the grasp, as you stay at the top of me.

Then, one of your hand started to let go of my waist only to place it somewhere else. You hold one of my wrist, pinning it onto the bed and did the same thing on the other hand after a while. I smiled in between the kiss. You seemed to feel it making you pull away now for real.

"Why?" Before I could even answer, a loud honk prevailed the whole place. Both of our head turned to the window behind you.

I couldn't help but laugh even more. You turned your head back to face me that made me laugh harder. Daniel is probably getting pissed by how I am not still there when minutes had already passed. 

Oh, please. Put the blame on this man at the top of me. He's being tempted at such early hour.

"What's with the sudden make out?" I asked, my lips can't stop from smiling while yours  formed into a tiny cute pout before dropping your head at the crook of my neck, silently whining.

"This could be the last." My smile dropped in an instant. There you go for ruining the mood again.

My arms moved away from your grasp to embrace you. My right hand brushed your hair in a slow pace as I feel your presence as if there's no Daniel who keep making loud honks with his car.

"Don't say that. I'll be fine. I'm with Daniel."

"It's not you. It's me." You lifted up your head and met my eyes.

"Really, Clyone. What if you were sleeping with a corpse last night?"

"It's not halloween yet." I let out a small yet awkward laugh, but failed to light up the mood. 

You were just there, staring straight to my soul, waiting for an answer as if you were asking some really important and serious matter.

My smile dropped. I raised my hand to brush up your hair again while staring to it. After the first brush, you held my wrist before I could make another one. My eyes averted to yours.

"What if you're actually spending a vacation with a ghost?" 

Right after you finished your sentence, my phone rang, breaking the heavy atmosphere looming over the room. I am expecting you to get up, but you didn't. You remained staring instead, still waiting for an answer from the same question.

"You're not moving unless I give you an answer, aren't you?" Silence means no they say, and that's what you exactly did.

I beamed as I dropped my arm that you were holding.

"If so, I'll probably run."

Who the hell in their right mind will spend a vacation with a ghost? How are you going to stand their scary terrifying look? How are you going to stand the creepy presence of a spook? Just how?

I was fast to notice how your eyes slightly dropped in an upset manner. You're probably thinking that I'll run for my life even if the ghost is you.

"But if you were the ghost..." Your eyes quickly met mine, intrigued by my upcoming words.

I beamed as my hand went back from its job; brushing your black fluffy hair.

"I'll still run." Your head dropped directly with your lips formed into another pout.

I let out a chuckle as I tap your arm, motioning you to move which you gladly obeyed. I got up from the bed while you remained sitting with your head still hung low.

I turned my back to walk towards the window. Outside is Daniel who's holding a phone on his right ear with his back facing our house. He is looking at his left said while his other hand holding onto his hip as if waiting someone. I pushed the sliding window aside and bent down a little to peak my head out.

"Daniel!" I yelled that made him turn to my way in an instant.

"Dude, really?" I laughed. Annoyance is evidently plastered on his face. I waved my hand.

"Be there in a minute!" I yelled again before turning back to you. You're now laying at the bed with your left arm placed at the top of your eyes as if blocking the light when it's not even that shiny here inside.

"I'll be going now." I walked over the bed, but you didn't even flinch. 

I sat beside you and held your free hand. I leaned down to give you a quick peck. Finally, you lazily moved your arm away. Your eyes were drowsily staring.

"If you were a ghost, I won't run. I'll cherish everything. That's the only thing you could do for me before you go, so why lose the chance?" I smiled from how your face softened from the answer.

"Daniel's already pissed outside. I really need to go now." I got up, walked towards the door and didn't bother to look anymore.

Right after I twisted the doorknob, I heard you yelled.

"I love you!" Smiling like an idiot, I turned my head to face you. Then there you are, standing while staring with lightly wide eyes with both your brows lightly raised as well. Your lips were formed into a sly pout. You look like a clueless kid forced to just obey what you were told to do.

"You better," I replied back and smiled. You did the same and even waved your hand.

How am I supposed to leave when you're acting like you don't want me to do so? Just by staring already tells that you wanted me to stay, and that made it hard for me to do what I have to do. But remembering that a grumpy young man waiting outside the house made me do the opposite.

"What were you doing? I've been waiting for minutes." That was the first thing Daniel said when he saw me walking out of the house.

I just smiled as I made my way infront of him.

"Where's Deron?" he asked as I opened the gate.

Probably, you were thinking how guilty you were for doing what you have to do on the vacation's last day. Send me a cold breeze if yes is your answer.

"Inside, resting." No need to explain as I already did through call.

Daniel only nodded before making his way to his car. He stood beside the passenger's seat and opened the door on it. He waited for me to hop in before letting himself in at the driver's seat as well.

I, then, wore my seatbelt. Afterwards, I looked up at the house, the window to your room, to be specific. And what I saw next gaves me another terrifying feeling.

Holy crap. I just saw another man standing at the window, staring at me with its frightening look: pale skin and lips, dark circle around its eyes, black tiny evident veins on its face and arms, and some black stains like bruises at some parts of its body. But the thing is, it's not just a simple 'it'. The terrifying man standing at the window while staring at me is you... Deron.