Getting home, it is nearly four. Walking in, Jackson is cooking tea while the girls are sitting and playing in the playroom. Jackson turns and smiles as we walk through the door.
“How did it go, Kitten?” Wiping his hands, he walks towards me, his arms wrapping around me as his lips press against mine. He seems happier.
“Good, it helped as always, so thank you for making me realise I needed to speak to someone about everything.”
Kissing him back, I smile. I need to now help him move on, help him realise it isn’t his fault and he needs to stop blaming himself. I would say Marcus as well but I don’t think that would be such a good idea.
“Do me a favour, Kitten. Go tell Marcus I need him, and then can you sit with the girls while we talk?”
Nodding, I walk upstairs. Reaching Marcus’ door, I stand looking at it. Do I knock? Walk in? Talk from this side. What do I do? Raising my hand, I gently knock on the door. He doesn’t answer. Maybe I was t
“No sight or sound, Kitten, not for this.” His hands slide up my neck and put in the earpieces, making the whole place fall quiet. He is talking, I know he is. His lips are kissing mine. Moaning, my hands go to wrap around him and pull him to me. Hands stop me - not Jackson’s because his are still on my neck; Marcus’s hands. I feel the rope wrap around them tightly. The rope pulls on the skin. Jackson moves away, his hands releasing me. The rope pulls, guiding me to walk. My hands are lifted up and I feel the rope being tied around the bar above my head. Marcus’s hands slide down my arms. A moan escapes my lips at the feel of his touch. His fingers run over my shoulders and collarbone down to my breasts. His hands grasp them both. Moaning, I try pushing them closer to them. The feel of the clamps going onto them is one I enjoy. Marcus still grasps them tight, so Jackson is the one putting the clamps on. Once on, the feel of rope
Starting from where they left off with the tongue teasing my clit, my moans cause them to whip me. My wetness grows as his fingers begin moving faster, the whip hitting against my ass and breast harder and faster, and my body is ready to let go. I feel myself relaxed, ready to let the orgasm take over. “Yellow.” Saying the word, I remind myself not to finish yet. “Close to the edge.” My words are quiet as I pant. The fingers slow down and the whips get gentler, pulling me away from the edge. My moans get quieter. Once they are satisfied I won’t orgasm instantly, they start again, the fingers moving harder and faster, his tongue moving quicker, my screams getting louder and with each one, the whips start. Moaning, I can’t help but wonder who is who in this whole scene but at the same time I don’t want to know. The fingers slowly come to a stop. My hands are untied from the ceiling and my body is lifted, carried across the room. I know it is
Waking up, I look around. I’m still in the playroom. Smiling, I move, going to kiss Jackson then freezing as I realise it isn’t him. Marcus is asleep, his eyes closed. My mind reminds me of last night: Jackson, work, police. I need to call him or at least text, and make sure he is okay. Moving, I get out of bed. Walking to our room, I check on the girls on the way past. They’re still asleep. Walking into the shower, I quickly get washed. My eyes look at my body in the mirror, at the marks from the whips and rope. I can’t help but smile, thankful of last night and that Jackson seems to have changed how he feels. Getting out the shower and dried, I grab my phone. Opening the messages, I see several texts waiting for me from Jackson. Opening them, I scroll to the first one he sent. Sorry babes. I hated leaving you, but I know Marcus will look after you. If you wake, don’t worry. I left for work. I will be back before you wake. My mind wonders wh
Marcus is stood at the door. Looking at him, I smile. “Happy 70th, you old bugger.” I can’t help but laugh. He walks in, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Cheers, babes. You feeling better?” Nodding my head, I lie. “Enough of me. That drawer there, open it. Your present is in it. I will give you it now before everyone comes tonight.” He looks at me, shocked. Of course I bought him something. He has something for Christmas as well but it can wait till Christmas. Getting up, he walks to the drawer. Opening it, taking out the small box, he stands and opens it. “Are you sure he is okay with this?” He turns to look at me. “I am not even sure how I feel about last night. If he was actually okay with it or not.” Looking at him, shocked, I can’t help but wonder the same to be honest. “You hate it, don’t you? You’re using Jackson as an excuse. It is so hideous. You’re right.” He starts laughing at my word
Answering the phone, I walk out of the room. In a way, I am glad she is far away from all this drama. “Hi Freya, I am sorry. I totally forgot.” My apology sounds real, yet at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it is enough. “If you don’t want to know me and Max, I understand. I would just rather know, Alena. This is twice now you have cancelled or not shown up.” I feel awful. While I didn’t know her and still don’t know her well, she is my sister and I should be there for her like I am Georgina. “No, I do honestly. Why don’t you come tonight? We are having a party to celebrate Marcus’s and Georgina’s birthdays. Bring Max. We have a spare crib he can sleep in and you can both stay here, then tomorrow we will spend the day together.” It seems like a good plan. The girls can meet Max, and maybe he is the key to not being so afraid of the name since he is my nephew. I have their presents for Christmas so I can invite them here as well for Christmas Day.
Her smile is warming, trying to ease my worries. “I don’t think he would, you know. He and Freya, I just can’t see it. I know you’re worried he will, but I can’t see him going there while he’s sleeping with you.” Looking at her, I want to believe her, but I can’t, I just can’t. “We will find out tomorrow. Jackson is asking him about a double date with him and Freya.” She is looking at me, shocked, like I had said something crazy. “Okay, that is messed up. He isn’t your ex but still. You two have a past, and still a present. Why would Jackson ask him that anyway?” “Well, that is my fault. He noticed I was concerned with Freya and Marcus and said he deserves to find someone permanent and would I really stop them. I told him to do it because I thought it would make him see I don’t, but I never actually wanted him to agree.” This is messed up. Maybe I should have just said the truth, rather than lying and now possibly being the reason why
Sitting, me and Georgina talk more. I miss this - us able to talk without people listening. It feels nice and like old times. The food arrives. Georgina and I carry it in. Jackson has a look of disproval on his face as they all walk through. It feels weird seeing them all together and poor Liam just looks out of place, totally lost in their company. “Food, good I am starving. Jackson cooked dinner but to be honest, I would rather eat my arm off,” Troy laughs, walking in and grabbing a pizza. “A takeaway, really?” Jackson looks at me with a puzzled look. “Yeah, I mean, I have not had one in two years, so I think I deserve one and a night off cooking, don’t you?” Looking at him, I hope he agrees. “Of course. Don’t ever think you can’t have something, Alena. I only meant, no takeaways every night like before.” Sitting down we eat, everyone talking back and forth. My mind is really not into it; I am again tired and ready for be
Putting the food on plates, I walk to the table. As I put them down, Jackson is looking at me, waiting for me to talk. There is nothing to talk about, nothing at all. After finishing eating, I get the girls out of their chairs and go sit with them in their playroom. The morning is spent in there with them, not wanting to face the reality of what is happening and that I don’t have a say in it at all. The door opens, and Marcus walks in. “Jackson said to let you know dinner is ready.” Looking up at him, I nod. “Thank you.” Dinner time already? The day passed quickly. Walking in, I get the girls in their chairs. Sitting, they eat. Pushing my plate away, I can’t eat. I should but I can’t, something Jackson would usually tell me off for. Instead, he just sits quietly looking at me. When everyone has nearly finished, the door opens, and Liam and Georgina walk in. “Came to take the girls to see Helen for a few hours like w
Sitting, we talk about the wedding and her plans, ideas and what she wants. “So, I have kept quiet for an hour, talk.” Looking at her, I know what she means but I am not sure I want to talk about it, yet I haven’t really spoken about it. “I don’t know what to say. It has happened and now I am trying my best to move forward.” I am. It is hard but I am slowly getting there. “Well, talk to me about the last few minutes with him, because the first I heard of what was said was in the church.” Sitting, I talk about those last moments, explaining how it was then that I realised just how much I loved him. It was still nothing compared to how much I love Jackson, but it is still a lot more than I admitted to before. Sitting, it actually feels nice talking to Georgina. When I am trying to talk to Jackson, I am scared my feelings for Marcus might hurt him. “Anyway, Liam mentioned the will. I am guessing that was a shock.” Nodding, it was, and no amount of time will make it feel alright
Sitting, we wait for the solicitor. When he arrives, we sit down to discuss everything. Everyone is happy with the will and we each sign. It feels weird. My signature just made me have 1.8 million pounds for the business, but if it helps women and men who suffer domestic abuse, why not? Everyone leaves and we sit down to eat tea. Our bags are packed ready to leave. “I was thinking, I know the will stated for the business, but could it be used to support other people, not just those who suffered domestic abuse?” Looking at him, he shrugs his shoulders. “I am not sure. The money will be paid into the business account, but I guess it depends on what you were thinking about?” How do I explain this? My mind finds the words and tries to get them in the right order so that it makes sense. “I want to do something similar but for those who have lost someone in the army, navy or similar, or through cases like Marcus’s.” I want something there to support these people, the ones like me who d
The day has been tiring. Getting home with the bags, I am ready for bed. We spent hours walking around shops getting the things we needed. The girls practically have a full wardrobe of holiday clothes thanks to Jackson. Getting in, we get the girls ready for bed. Sitting together, I read them a story each, the ones Marcus bought them with their own names in. Finishing, we put them in their cots. Walking out, we close the door quietly as they fall asleep. “I was thinking, Liam and Georgina were asking about the holiday and coming along. I understand if you say no. They will be in a hut away from us, but Georgina suggested they come for one or two nights there. They would have the girls for us.” It sounds like a good idea, us all together but separate. We could maybe even get a girls’ night in with me and Georgina, and Jackson and Liam can go out. “What about Helen? Sorry, your mum.” She isn’t well, and I don’t like the idea of her flying or being left alone. “I am going to pay f
Opening the drawers, I pull out his clothes. Folding them, I put them in a suitcase. With all his clothes away, I move onto one of the trunks. Opening it, I am shocked. It is a range of toys, all different. I had no idea he had brought it all here, but it has me wondering, would he have been sitting looking at these wishing he could use them with me? Does he have a favourite like Jackson? Getting to the bottom, there is not much in here, just his own toys, whips and things. Putting it back, I don’t even know what we would do with these. Opening another trunk, there is an envelope on top. Opening it, I start to read it. Marcus is divorced. He told us they were going through it but never mentioned it being made official. Putting it to the side, I find more letters, nothing important. Then I see a solicitor one, with the word ‘Will’ on it. I won’t open this. I can’t. Placing it to the side, I leave it for Jackson. Another envelope, this one with my name on. It isn’t small; it is b
Jackson is standing with a woman, one of Marcus’s submissives. She looks upset and hurt, not like Maria. Standing, I watch. They stand talking, her eyes filled with tears. It just shows how amazing Marcus was and how loveable. The rest of the day goes ahead slowly. Sure enough, Maria left after Troy told her she had no right to be there. Jackson spent most of his time by my side. The team were amazing and constantly checking on me. Getting home, the girls are already in bed. Helen hugs us before saying bye and leaving with Liam and Georgina. I don’t feel like I have said goodbye. With everyone there, I couldn’t say what I wanted without some asking questions. It still feels weird here without Marcus around us. Sitting at the table, I now understand what he meant. I did the same thing the past week: me pretending my life didn’t exist. Jackson sits opposite me and his hands grasp mine. “You are the only person he told that to, you know? I checked. None of us knew why he stared i
Walking downstairs, everyone is here: the whole team, Marcus’s other friends, and a few women. I don’t know who they are yet I feel I want to know. Walking to Jackson’s side, he wraps his arm around me. “We should walk around and say hi. I will introduce you to people he knew that you have not met.” Nodding, I agree. I should know who these people are. “How will you introduce me? What will you introduce me as in regard to Marcus and exactly how much do the team know?” Jackson turns, looking at me in surprise. Whether that is at my questions or the fact that is the most I have spoken in days, I don’t even know. “Well, I will introduce you as my wife and the closest person to Marcus before he passed. The team know everything. I had to tell them about it all. Explaining why you are this broken by him dying would not work by lying, Alena.” The closet person to Marcus…he used to be the closet person to Marcus. Had that changed? We start walking around the room, Jackson introducing
Jackson walks back through towards me. Turning on the kettle, he grabs two cups. “She doesn’t want to do anything. She said it is up to the team to plan his funeral.” As I thought, she does not care about him at all, not even now in his death. “I want to help with the funeral.” Maybe helping will help me. I don’t even know if it will but surely it is worth a try? Jackson hands me the cup of tea. Walking to the sofa, we sit, his arm around me. “I don’t want you to be strong for me, Alena. Yes, I am hurting, a lot, but seeing you broken is what is keeping me going. I can’t be weak when you need me.” I don’t even know what to say anymore. I just want to hide away. “Whatever you want, Alena. Whatever you need to get you through this, I will do.” I don’t even know what I want or need right now. “Marcus mentioned a plan for that night, something for me. What exactly was it?” Maybe knowing this will help. Maybe it won’t but I won’t know until I ask. “Well, I heard you talking to hi
He walks back in. Sitting next to me, his hand grips mine. “Alena, you didn’t let him down and you certainly did not kill him. Remember his last words: that he was happy because of you and no one else. You made him happy. That should be enough for you to realise.” Nodding, I agree. He did say that. “It won’t help bring him back, though, and he still died because of me. Everyone will hate me. I saw the way Troy looked at me. He tried smiling and couldn’t. Even he blames me.” What a year this has started out to be: New Year’s Day and we already have a death. “Stay here.” Jackson walks out. I see him talking to the team. They all look towards me and then back to Jackson. Walking back to me, Jackson is followed by them all. Walking into the room, I prepare myself for their abuse and the blame. “Alena, we don’t blame you at all. I tried smiling. The only reason I couldn’t is because you look more hurt and broken by this than any of
Everyone walks in. The police come, asking me questions. I can see their lips moving but there is no sound, no sound just silence and Marcus’s last words on replay. I watch as Troy, Alexander and the other lads come in, all staring at me, unsure what to say. Jackson gives me space. My heart breaks seeing every one of their faces, the pain of the loss. Hours pass by, everyone walking around and talking but I take none of it in. “Alena, go get a shower. Please, do something.” Jackson kneels in front of me, but I can’t move. I can’t go away. I can’t do it. “I don’t know how to help her.” Jackson’s words are quiet. No one can help. Marcus has gone. I watched it myself. He isn’t coming back. This isn’t like Jackson, where there is nobody, no proof. I saw the body, felt it drain of blood and turn cold in my hands. “Marcus would be the one to tell me what to do.” Jackson’s head lowers. Marcus was more than his friend, and his brot