Chapter Three

I was prepared, but it still hurt.

I pretended not to notice when his calls became less infrequent and even when they all stopped the together. I pretended that I didn’t mind how secretive he was about him and I. He didn’t talk about me to his friends while I talk about us to everyone I know, including his friends, since they’re my friends too. I pretended that it didn’t hurt when we ended and that I hardly noticed his presence. I pretended I was happy for him when he fell for her instead. But I can’t help but miss him.

“What do you mean by ‘Not just today’ ?” I asked, lifting my brow.

He just shrugs. “You’ll see.” Ashton simply replied.

He’s toying with me. I can feel it. But I let him do what he wants anyways.

I’m a fool too.

Some days I blame him, other days, I blame myself. Some days I chalk it up to us being two people who simply didn’t work out. Some days I can’t stand the thought of him, other days, he’s all I want to think of. Some days I ask God to hurry up and take him out of my heart...help me to fall out of love. And it’s been like that for three whole years—in and out of my emotions, back and forth in mind. And I know the healing process takes time, but I want to get over him and at the same time I want us to work out again.

I’ve dated a few guys after him. No more than lovers, no more than friends. 

And at the end of the day, all I could talk about was him.

We were kind of famous in our room after all. They all thought we’re meant to be seeing how lovey dovey we were.

When we ended, everyone thought we’ll be together again after some time, or maybe even years. When we’re older, our life a little hectic and problematic, a little brave and when we’re older and ready. But we ended years ago—I was thirteen and now sixteen. He was my first love.

From the three guys I’ve flirted, one only stayed the longest. The guys I’ve been with lasted for a month or two. But that person stayed for five months, ain’t that nice. A new record. 

He was fun, jolly, smart, handsome. His face had three moles in different places, the mouth, eyes, and his forehead. I kinda have a thing for moles. And his character, oh, how I loved him so. 

He was so carefree and kind, very similar to Ashton. Everything I found in him, I compare it to Ashton—I know it’s not right to compare but how can I not? Ashton is my definition of perfection. The perfect one for me.

I thought I’ll love someone deeper than I’ve loved Ashton, but no one really ever came.

For he was so carefree, he didn’t care about my feelings. He just talks to me when he's told. He's so carefree that if we fight he just brushed it off and smile.

He’s different from Ashton, I realized, totally different. Nothing like him. 

So I ended it. He was fine with it. Then my friends told me he had been chatting with his ex before me. So that’s why.

The reason why he felt distanced because in the end, he chose his ex. And I was the same. In all the guys I have been with, I still go back to Ashton. Maybe that was the reason I could'nt last long with any guy. Because a part of me still wants to be with Ashton. Part of me wants it to be him, the person who I'll spend the rest of my life with. 

“We haven’t talk for years, it’s weird you’re suddenly doing something like this, Ashton.” I glared. “What do you want from me?”

He just shrugs then chuckled. “If I tell you everything now, will you be fine with it?” he asked. Ashton softly held my chin to make me look up to him, we’re now only a few inches apart. I could feel his warm breath.

“Would you find it repulsive? Or would you do the same?” grinning as I glared more, like I’m about to bite off his neck.

“Though I’m sure you’ll be fine with it because in your heart...” he leans nearer. I gulp and started to tremble. Will he kiss me?

“It’s still me, right?”

I backed away from him, removing his hand on my chin. My eyes pierced through him. Yup, I hate him. Now is the time that I really want to punch him so hard for being an insensitive guy.

Ashton’s right. I loved him. I love him still. No matter how many times I deny it, it won't be any use because it’s true. But he does not have the right to take advantage of my feelings and use me for his own satisfaction. Why-why is he here now after all those years? Why did he suddenly decided to talk to me when he could have done that three years ago.

I made the cab stopped midway to my house. My brows met and glared hard at Ashton while he grins and let out a chuckle.

“Scared, Luna?" Ashton scoffed.

No, I’m not scared. I just really don’t like breathing the same air as him. I didn’t say anything and slammed the door and waited for it to start the engine and go away.

But before the cab moves, Ashton rolled down the window with a smile on his face. He’s enjoying this.

“Be safe on your way home, shrimp.” rolling up the window, Ashton laid back when the engine roars.

He stares at me one last time with a different smile this time.

His normal smile, not his cocky, teasing smile but pleasant, calm, attractive smile. It was like we’ve gone back from the past. Where he teases me endlessly while I go crazy. My heart throbs at his smile when the car starting moving, driving away from me. I stare at the back of the car, his broad shoulders and beautiful flawless nape. God, how I missed him.

All the feelings that I had hid deep inside this heart of mine, came rushing out the moment Ashton smiled at me.

“That’s just weird, suddenly talking to you and sending mixed signals.” Eliora began as she chugs a whole glass of iced tea.

We’re now having fun at Austin’s house who I have been friends with since the second year of highschool along with Eloira—since sixth grade in grade school. His house is only a few blocks away from me and he lives alone so we often come here to enjoy our quality time.

I nod, “What does he even want now, right?”

“Maybe he wants to go back together with you,” Austin joined the conversation while he eats the cookies and cream ice cream. I lied down at the fluffy coffee colored couch and sighed.

“He wouldn’t possibly...” I murmured.

“But we don’t really know what’s happening on his mind, right?” Austin shrugs, looking at both of us.

“Ah, Ashton was always hard to read.” Eliora agreed as I rolled my eyes.

“But why now?”

“Ask him, Luna. You won’t know if you wouldn’t ask and this is one of your problems.” Austin put down his food and stared at me.

“...what?”

“You always make assumptions or conclusions and you terrorize your mind which damages your heart because you never ask.” he said, “Ask, Luna. That’s how it works.”