Chapter 1

             Jason Pov

I head back to my parent's home to have dinner with my family. It's been a month since I last stopped by to visit. I do somewhat miss being apart of the pack, but things have changed, I've changed. I'm not the guy I was a year ago. 

After I lost Ashley, this anger filled me. Every passing day when I was apart of the pack, I could feel myself growing angrier and angrier. I got tired of the fucking expectations. I got tired of the fucking whispers and pity in everyone's eyes when they looked at me, judging the person I've become. I knew if I didn't leave the pack I would've eventually snapped. I just wanted to be left alone.

But because I'm an alpha and next in line to lead the pack, people expect me to be strong. They expect me to just easily push losing my mate to the side and continue to be this perfect guy and lead the pack next. Well fuck what everyone else wants and fuck leading a pack. 

I pull into the driveway and head into my parent's house. 

"Jason!" My little three-year-old sister Brianna runs over to me as I walk through the door. I smile, reaching down lifting her up. She wraps her small arms around my neck, placing a kiss on my cheek, hugging me. I may be angry and broken inside, but she has this special way of making me smile when I have nothing to smile about.

She's also one of the reasons why I left the pack. After the first time she saw me stumble into the house drunk off my ass, I knew I had to leave. She sees me as her amazing big brother and I don't want to ruin her image of me by letting her see me this way. I don't need others to tell me I'm a mess for me to know. I know I've fallen apart and I don't care.

"You look funny Jason." She giggles reaching up touching the little hairs covering my face.

"You're just realizing he look funny? I always thought he was ugly as shit." I hear my brother Brandon's voice. I look over to see him making his way down the stairs grinning. "Bro you look like shit, you definitely need a haircut." He says stopping in front of me.

I glare over at him, causing him to smirk. Unlike everyone else, Brandon never pity's me. He never judges the person I've become. With him, things never became awkward as they did with everyone else. Instead of looking at me with pity like everyone else does, he just continued to be the irritating brother he has always been.

"You come home today Jason?" Brianna asks smiling. She asks me this every time I come to visit, and every time I have to watch her smile fade away when I tell her no.

"No, not today," I say still holding her in my arms. I watch that contagious smile of hers slowly disappear. She let out a small sigh disappointed. "But I'll stay to read you a bedtime story this time as I promised," I say trying to wash her disappointment away.

"Okay." She says smiling again.

I sit her down and watch as she runs towards the dining room. I follow behind her with Brandon, making my way into the dining room, where mother is sitting the food out onto the table. She walks over giving me a hug and places a kiss on my cheek. She pulls away and lets out a small sigh, looking at me. I can see the pity in her eyes. I can see that she doesn't like the person I've become. But this is who I am now. I'm not that perfect son that she once had.

"Please don't look at me like that mother." I slightly turn my head away from her, frowning a little.

"I'm sorry baby, I just miss you that's all." She says, letting out another sigh. "Come, let's eat." She gives me a faint smile, before heading over to the table taking her seat.

I take my seat at the table across from Brandon. I look over as my father makes his way into the dining room. He gives my shoulder a slight squeeze as he walks past, taking his seat at the head of the table.

"You didn't come for dinner any last month. Is everything okay?" My mother asks once we start to eat.

"Everything's fine." I let out a small sigh, knowing where this conversation will lead. The last time I visited she ask me to move back to the pack and I told her that I would think about it. But I prefer living amongst the humans. With the humans, I don't have to worry about the pity, judgment, and expectations. To them, I'm just some guy.

"Have you thought about coming back to the pack?" She asks. 

I shake my head a little. "I prefer to stay where I am for now." I don't feel like I'm a pack wolf anymore. I like to keep to myself these days. 

"It's been a year now. It's about time that you start getting over this Jason." My father says looking over at me. I can see the way he looks at me now. He no longer has that proud look in his eyes when he looks at me. I'm no longer the perfect son that his friends compliment him about or the son he gets to brag about to his alpha friends. And I honestly don't fucking care.

"Exactly what is it that I need to start getting over father?" I glare over at him. I'm tired of people telling me what the fuck I need to do. They need to mind their fucking business and stay out of mines. 

He let out a low growl not liking the glare I'm giving him. "You need to accept that Ashley is gone. You have had your time to grieve, now it's about time you get yourself together. You have a duty to the pack."

I slam my silverware onto my plate. "Don't speak about things you know nothing about father! Yeah, it's easy for you to say get over it when you get to come home to mother every day! This is who I am now! It's not my duty to lead the pack! Brandon is just as capable as I am of lead this pack, so stop expecting things out of me! Can everyone just leave me alone!" I let out a deep growl, glaring at him pissed. I'm tired of everyone expecting things out of me. My wolf pushes forward and my breathing picks up as my teeth and claws start to elongate, challenging him.

I've changed, I'm not the person I use to be and I'm fucking tired of them expecting me to be their golden boy! They need to understand that I'm not that person anymore. I don't want to lead a pack. I don't want to do anything.

My father slowly stands to his full height of 6'7, letting his dominance pour from him. "Do we need to take this outside?" His words come out calm, but I can feel the power behind them. I glare at him for a few seconds longer, before lowering my eyes, knowing this won't end well for me. "This is not who you are! You're not some pathetic wolf who drowns himself in alcohol to escape reality! Reality is that Ashley is gone and you need to accept it and get yourself together!" 

I let out another growl, trying to decide if the beating I'll receive for father is worth it or not. My mother reaches over gently rubbing my arm to get me to calm down. I glance over at Brianna seeing her watching me. I take in a deep breath, pushing my wolf back. My black claws start to change back, slowly retreat back into their nail beds. My father glare at me for a second longer, before taking his seat back at the table.

Nothing more was said about that as we ate dinner, but I think they got the message and understand that I just want to be left alone. 

After dinner, I head outside into the cool night and take a seat on the stairs. I look up at the night sky filled with stars and let out a sigh. I miss Ashley so much. The only thing I have now is memories of her. 

When Ashley died a part of me died with her. My happiness died with her. Without her, I don't have much to be happy about. She was my happiness. She was my everything. Now I just feel angry all the time.

I look back at Brandon as he comes out of the house. "For a second I thought father was about to give you a good old fashion ass whooping." He laughs, taking a seat next to me on the stairs.

"Fuck off Brandon, before I give you a good old fashion ass whooping." I glare over at him, leaning back on my elbows looking back up at the night sky. 

"You know, I never imagined that you'll become a rogue one day. Technically I suppose to be ripping you apart right now for being on our land." I can hear the amusement in his voice. 

"I'm not a rogue." I shake my head a little, trying to ignore him. I'm really not in the mood for his fucking jokes.

"You're not apart of a pack so that makes you a rogue, or do you think you're all fancy and shit, so you call yourself a lone wolf?" He asks laughing.

"Keep it up Brandon, you're asking for a beating." I let out a low growl, glaring over at him.

He throws his hands up in surrender. "Fine, but seriously though, we all miss you being here. Do you really prefer to live amongst the humans?" All the amusement gone from his voice now.

I let out a sigh. "It's better than being here with all the judging eyes." All I get here is pity and people judging the person I've become.

"What about the pack? You're supposed to take over soon." He says.

I shrug a little. "I don't want the pack. Father will have to pass it down to you." I say looking over at him. I'm not interested in leading a pack. I'm not really interested in much of anything these days. The only thing I'm interested in is finding the person who's responsible for Ashley's death.

Brandon let out a sigh, shaking his head a little. "Things weren't supposed to be this way."

I look back, hearing the front door open. "Brianna is asking for you, Jason." Mother tells me, before heading back inside.

I give her a nod, before looking back over at Brandon. "Well, things change little brother." I stand up, giving his shoulder a light squeeze, before heading inside to read Brianna her bedtime story. Brandon will have to lead the pack next because I'm not.

Once Brianna falls asleep in the middle of the bedtime story, I leave heading back into the city. I stop at this liquor store and head inside, going over grabbing a couple of bottles of Remy Martin, then take them to the front and pay for it.

I leave out the store and make my way back over to my car. "Let me go!" I hear this female voice scream out. I look over across the street to see a guy with a black ski mask, pulling this female into the alley as she struggles to get away. I frown for a second, before looking away, getting into my car. This has nothing to do with me. These humans can deal with their own problems.

"Stop! Let me go!" I hear the female scream out again.

I grip the steering wheel, as clench my jaws down. "Just go, This has nothing to do with you," I say to myself, not wanting to get involved in these humans business. I grab my keys starting the car up. 

"Help! Someone help me!" She screams out again.

"Fuck!" I growl out, getting back out of the car. I look over to see the female on the ground not moving, with the guy on top of her. "Just leave, this has nothing to do with you," I tell myself again. I watch the guy rip the female shirt open. I let out a low growl and start to make my way over to the alley.

The guy looks up at me, walking into the alley. He gets up off the female, who's laying on the ground motionless. "Don't try to be a fucking hero." The guy takes a knife out, pointing it at me as I continue to make my way over to him.

Once I get close to him, he swings the knife at me. I catch his wrist, snapping it, causing him to drop the knife. He yells out in pain, dropping down to his knees, holding his wrist. I reach out pulling the mask off, so I can see his face.

"Pl-please don't kill me." He looks up at me with pleading eyes. I can smell his fear in the air.

"Go!" I growl out, glaring down at him. He quickly gets up, taking off. I walk over to the female unconscious body, she looks pretty roughed up. I look at her face, seeing a fresh red bruise on the side of her face. I look at her ripped shirt, knowing she'll probably freeze to death if I leave her unconscious on the ground. It's late fall and it's starting to get pretty cold at night. I let out a sigh and lean down, lifting her up into my arms. I take her over to my car, laying her on the back seat.

Once I get to my condo building, I drive down to the parking garage and head into the elevator, carrying the unconscious female, going up to my floor. 

I walk into my condo and take the female into the spare room, laying her on the bed. I look down at her for a second, before leaving the room. I grab one of the bottles of Remy Martin and head into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

I twist the cap off and bring the bottle to my mouth, taking a gulp of the liquid poison that has become my best friend. I close my eyes enjoying the burning sensation as the liquid makes it way down my throat, knowing soon it'll wash away all the pain and anger.

I'm going to find the person responsible for killing you Ashley, no matter how long it takes me. They're going to pay for what they did.