ZanePlease, God, don't let me be wrong about her, about what I felt, what I saw when I looked into her trusting eyes.I wanted her physically.I craved her emotionally.To be able to stay in a hotel room by myself - had been like defeating a giant. She had no way of knowing that, but what do you say to the person who, inch by inch, holds your hand while you tell them about the invisible monsters, the type that, to anyone else, make no sense at all, but to you, are crippling?I knew there was no going back.From this scene, her gorgeous naked little body. She was at least a foot shorter than me, curvy in all the places that made a guy want to stop and take notice, her ass round.Her color was bright as she visibly swallowed and then licked her lips. "Zane, you can trust me.""Okay." My voice shook, and like peeling off layers and layers of clothing as winter turns into summer, I felt myself internally shed every single wall I'd ever put up when it came to sex - to sharing tha
Fallon"What are you doing?" Zane sat up in bed while I held up my hand motioning that he needed to give me a minute. When I returned with a bag of marshmallows his grin was so huge it took over half of his face. "Best sex of my life and you bring me marshmallows in bed? Who are you?"I rolled my eyes, feeling myself blush. "I figured you'd need some sugar after all that yelling, mainly on your part." I tossed him one. "Cursing, which by the way, still you." I tossed him another while he rolled his eyes. "And collapsing across the bed... still you, by the way.""I had a lot of pent-up sexual aggression that was just released." His naked chest was impossible not to stare at. "You can't just release the beast from its cage and not expect it to tucker itself out."I covered my face with my hands. "You did not just say that.""Why are you blushing?" he asked innocently. "Why do you keep trying to take all of my jobs away from me, damn it! I'm supposed to be the innocent maiden, blus
ZaneI was flying.Every time she gave herself to me - which by the time five a.m. rolled around, had already been twice more, I was flying.Each experience was different.Each kiss evolved.Each touch transformed into something more meaningful. Something that meant a hell of a lot more than a twenty-four-hour booty call.She was breathing deep, her wild hair falling across her face, kissing her barely parted lips.I leaned down and kissed her forehead then walked over to my guitar and picked it up.I processed things differently than most people. Therapy had never worked for me because talking about the anxiety had always made it worse, almost like this weird paranoia that if I talked about it, it made it more real, so I kept it to myself.But talking to Fallon felt freeing.Like I could trust her with the deepest darkest parts of me, and she'd still hold my hand.It was hard to process or even explain the openness with which she treated me, like I wasn't a freak, like th
FallonThe sun burst through the window casting a warm light across my bare arms. I slowly stretched my sore body and rubbed my eyes.Memories of the night before assaulted me over and over again causing a slow burn to start from my toes and spread all the way to my face.The things he said.The things we did.The way he touched me.I suppressed a nervous giggle."Something funny?" An extremely - thank you, God - naked Zane was standing in the doorway, a cup of coffee in one hand, a marshmallow in the other, and an acoustic guitar hanging off the side of his body.I wasn't really sure if I should laugh or just cry at the image of perfection standing in front of me, every rippled muscle on display for me to see.That was the thing about Zane.His secrets were his and his alone.But his body? It was as if he knew the mental barriers he put up and didn't want to do the same with the physical ones, like it was all he had to share at times.And I respected that.Even though I
Zane"You ready for this?" Jay asked a few hours later. I'd spent the rest of the morning in bed, skipping my recording session much to Will's dismay, and hightailed my ass to set.A cameo.I could do a cameo.The crowds of extras were stifling, it was supposed to be a party scene, and I was playing myself on stage.Like usual.On stage.I could do it.I flinched when the makeup artist added more dark shadow to my eyes, something that Jay was completely adamant about, was that I play myself but like this darker self, my designer jeans were shredded within an inch of their life, and I was barefoot.The scene was supposed to be a Halloween party and apparently, I was a vampire.A half-naked vampire.That looked a hell of a lot like Jack Sparrow. I flinched when I saw my own reflection, freaky blue and white contacts stared back at me as fangs met my bottom lip. "I can't sving like vis!" I lifted my hands into the air in exasperation.Alec and Demetri were both in makeup cha
FallonI watched in wide-eyed amazement as girls ran their hands over his rock hard body, I had to remind myself over and over again that this was his job.But now that he'd had sex, would it translate to something else?His hips pressed into the air and then against a girl's hand.My jaw nearly came unhinged when one girl started licking his wrist and then took a bite.His eyes fluttered closed as he moved fluidly with the crowd, like they were his drug, his next hit, his voice, or the recording rose above the music as lights flashed across his perfectly sculpted face.The entire set buzzed with electricity.Zane, in his element, was completely and utterly unstoppable. The type of talent you see once in a lifetime and wonder how the heck he does it every day without having a nervous breakdown.And suddenly everything he said, clicked into place.The anxiety.The way he'd grown up.And the constant pressure from the very crowd that adored him, a crowd that in one instant c
ZaneI had a headache.That was the first thing I thought when I jumped off stage and made my way through the crowd.The second thing?I didn't want a marshmallow.Stupid that my thoughts came in that order, but my normally twitchy sweaty fingers didn't shove themselves into my jeans pocket in search of comfort.My eyes searched for her.But the crowd was stifling, nearly impossible to get through, and I knew I needed to kiss her, if I could just kiss her, the headache would go away, the nightmare would stop, and we'd celebrate recording the last two songs of the album.Together.After one kiss.Okay, maybe two.But the minute I touched her, spoke to her, bit her neck, I needed more, wanted more, the screams were making it worse, the heat.In an effort to get her away from everything.I'd pinned her to the wall.And just as I opened my mouth to confess - the headache, the possible meaning behind it - she pulled my jeans down.I should have pushed her away, confessed be
FallonI paced the floor of the penthouse suite and tried desperately not to clean up. I mean I only worked five hours that week, but it still felt habitual, to clean up the rooms rather than stay in them.Finally, out of boredom, I started folding the towels and then sat and turned on the TV.Zane still wasn't back.And I probably needed to go to my own house, the whole I'm staying over with Mags probably wasn't going to work every night this week, though I was going to at least try to sneak in one more night - the night he finished recording.I looked down at my phone and sighed.Fallon: Hey, how's the song going?Nothing.I texted again an hour later.Maybe he was just in the zone. He was an artist, I could understand how he would be in a creative process that he didn't want to jinx.The eleven o'clock news turned on."Breaking story out of Seaside Oregon, it seems like vesting celebrity Saint, has been rushed to the hospital for exhaustion, this was shortly after b
Will"I can't hear you, Chicago!" Zane yelled. "I said are you ready for some Adrenaline?"The roar was deafening.We'd sold out across the US and had to move to larger arenas, it was unreal.And I'd missed it so damn much that I was having a hard time wiping the grin from my face, though part of that could be because of Ang.She agreed to sing on some of our newer tracks.And I'd coerced her by way of sex into performing a few of them with us.It was what people wanted, especially after seeing the music video from the film, and even more so, after seeing the opening scene, the raw emotion in her eyes.And knowing our story.The whole story.The whole damn thing.Word for word. Written out in our new album, for the world to see.Andrew wrote half.I wrote half.And then we traded, added things to each other's riffs, made sure the lyrics worked, and then very amicably went into the studio to record with the rest of the group.It was intense.We still barely spoke any w
AngelicaIt was midnight by the time we made it back home. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and just... exist.And then Will started taking my clothes off, and I forgot all about existing on my own, and began to think about licking my way down his body instead, or up, I wasn't picky."Mmm." I groaned when his lips slid down my neck. "That feels nice.""You feel nice," he murmured stealing another kiss. "I love you.""Say it again.""I love you."I couldn't help the sleepy smile that spread across my face at his words. Or the desire to press my palm against his chest. And when he gripped my fingers like a lifeline, unbridled passion flickered across his handsome features as the lean muscles of his stomach seemed to ripple in the moonlight. I couldn't resist the feeling of power it gave me to know... that expression was for me.He leaned down and mapped my body with his tongue, I whined when he stopped and lifted his gaze to mine, a wicked smile teased his lips."More," I
WillBy the time we made it back to set most of the chaos had died down. Andrew was back, but he was still lurking in the corner, his eyes downcast but not as lost as when he'd first gotten to Seaside.Alec and Demetri had started a bonfire down by the ocean.All of us just followed, like we knew the fire was for us, like we were in need of the calm the heat would bring.Even Andrew eventually ventured over after Jay said something.Demetri had his ever-present guitar.Alec had his.And then Zane said something like, "Oh, look what I have here.""Any other instruments we should know about?" I said casually."Don't!" Demetri waved his hands in the air. "Don't give him the perfect set up to take off his pants, not when he's finally wearing them."Zane just shrugged.I leaned back into the sand and closed my eyes for a few seconds.Everything fell silent.So I opened one eye and then another.A guitar was being held over my head."Are you going to hit me with it?" I asked
WillThe Andrew I knew was gone.His eyes were cold.Lifeless.He finally slapped Ang's hand like a high five rather than a shake and continued to glare at me."I was scared," I finally said. "Jealous and scared."Surprise flickered across his face."I'd sent her into your arms knowing you'd take care of her while I was gone while hating the bad influence you were on each other. You had this connection I didn't understand, this... thing that gripped both of you like a vise. I didn't get it, I hated it, hated you for bringing her into it almost as much as I hated that I couldn't stop it." All things I'd told Ang without reservation. "And I'd been gone so much, it made sense, she chose drugs over me, why not eventually choose my best friend? The one who was there when I wasn't?"Andrew looked away.Ang reached for my hand and squeezed."The thing is..." I dug my heels into the sand and looked out at the horizon. "You're right, I blamed everyone but me. Hated everyone for my o
AngelicaAndrew was a runner.I could tell by his stride, the easy way he inhaled through his nose, out his mouth. While I thought I was going to pass out from shortness of breath."Andrew!" I yelled.The ocean swallowed my voice.Finally, he stopped and turned.I kept running; he was a good hundred feet in front of me.And when I finally caught up, I couldn't catch my breath, my tears were mixed with sand by then, and my lungs burned."I'm disappointed." He rasped, "You still don't exercise. Isn't that part of the steps in rehab? Find a healthy..." He made mock quotes. "Outlet.""I bite," I sucked in a gulp of air, "My fingernails and," I put my hands on my knees and tried breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth. "I color.""Color." he repeated, "With crayons? Markers? Colored pencils? Watercolors-""Crayons." I blurted then collapsed onto the sand.Slowly, he lowered his massive body next to mine.We were a few feet apart.Both of us staring at the ocean.
WillI'd passed out once in my life.Dehydration.So I didn't realize what was happening when Zane was snapping his fingers in front of my face and asking how old I was."He can't count that high," Demetri muttered."So many candles." Ty shuddered.I shoved them away and moved to a sitting position then held my head in my hands rubbing my temples. "What happened?"Nobody spoke.I sucked in a breath as the events crashed over me, jarring my memory to a painful degree.That night.That. Night.I chose never to think about it.Hated giving it power.But in that moment.I did.I thought about it - really thought about it.The fight with Ang before the concert.The fight with Andrew after.Drinking just enough to be angry at the world that things weren't going my way - that my best friend wouldn't listen to me about drugs, that he'd hurt the woman I loved, and that the woman I loved was choosing drugs over me.The groupie was pretty.And it was easy.So easy to wonder
AngelicaI heard the yelling.Demetri grabbed my arm while Alec shielded me.It looked like Andrew and Will were going head-to-head.I rolled my eyes. "I got this, guys, it was bound to happen.""Yup." Zane said from behind me, "Should have just killed him.""Hey, I was ready," Alec agreed as we all slowly jogged over to the chaotic scene where Ty was trying to hold Will back.But something about the scene was.Wrong.Rather than looking pissed - Will looked.Worried.Andrew looked ready to rip Will's throat from his body.And then I heard it.The words."...it's not that I didn't care, it's because I knew exactly whose baby it was... yours"I stutter-stepped.Demetri caught my arm.I shook my head over and over again while pieces of my memory fused.I refused to think about that time in my life especially after rehab, especially after moving on.Healing."Think about it!" Andrew kept raising his voice higher, higher. "I had just gotten back to my room, you were o
WillThings were going too good.And when things went good.I panicked.As an agent, it usually meant that you were minutes from a phone call about a publicity stunt gone wrong, or an actor taking a bender, or one of your musicians trashing a hotel room.Ticket sales being down.Labels dropping musicians.Every single time I had this feeling.Something happened.It was the same feeling that woke me up that night and made me go search for Angelica. The place in my bed, the space she belonged in was empty. And I'd missed her even as dread washed over me.The same dread that followed well into the night when she was in my arms, when we rode together to set.When we shot the cameo scene with the rest of the band.And had to keep redoing it because Trevor couldn't keep a straight face half the time, and Andrew kept snorting like he was too big of a deal to do anything.Besides that, fans had caught wind of what was happening, and we had groupies lining the outside of the set.
AngelicaI didn't want him to get to me.But he did.The way he leered at me like I was naked.Even with Will standing right there.And all the shame, all the mistakes, all the touches he'd given me, things he'd whispered in my ear, the so-called brushes of his hand, kisses to my neck.My stomach lurched.It took everything in me to walk past him.To smell that same cologne floating off his skin.And all the things that came with it.Drugs.Partying.Waking up in his hotel sheets that night, knowing that I only had myself to blame, and that I may as well embrace that side of me since Will was gone, since he wasn't coming back.The trailer door jerked open.He took one look at me, scooped me up into his arms, and held me on the couch, playing with my hair while his kisses dried up my tears.His lips moved across my cheeks, my chin, his mouth was so warm, comforting, sexy, I turned into him, inhaling his shirt while he rested his chin against my head."Thank you." I pre