When money speaks to a science addict…

Life is tough for the non-rich. I am not poor either. But then, I am also not non-poor in certain types of poverty misfits. For example, I need help to afford what I do not buy for my research. I am still determining when I will fully be back to ordinary work. But my inclination towards research says that it will be delayed a lot. I wouldn't be spiritually comfortable if I ever returned to a full-time job every day. Money was never something I ever valued. Otherwise, why am I the most underpaid worker in my eyes? Underpaid for, I cannot buy in ten years duty that for which I live to exist. I am so sorry about economics because it fails me as a researcher. As a person, I also fail when I cannot relax with things I want because they cost a lot.

Money is for a purpose. The purpose fulfilled means no more need for cash. But my goal was to study for my whole life, which I cannot fulfil now, though my life is still incomplete by its end. I feel too sorry to express that I always struggled to have what I wanted. But dreams unfulfilled have a reason deep within. I was not interested in money. I also needed to be more interested in any work that leads to money and lack of knowledge. This was the cause of my monetary decline. I regret my bit. I am hurt by a misfit. But I can now do little to fulfil my dreams. They all now seem basically incomplete. But what if I lived for the next ten thousand years at least? Things will change for me. I will have enough time to get back to school. But this time, what will I read? Nothing is known to the world which it can plainly or confidently teach me.

I am not crushed by the wants of my wife. I never valued her talk, so she is mostly silent. Amy thinks she can do very well with the little I get as a writer from a gentleman. She believes she can be happy in this misfit. I adore her for that. But my lab needs even the little I spend on her. In our home, there is nothing to be labelled as rich. But many times, I still think if I could sell the things at home, I might achieve those riches with which I can buy some more, if not all, the equipment I need. I know my sound is harsh. But my search for death's cure is for whole humanity, not alone for me.

I am more inclined to err when poor. Not because I don't have a machine but also because I have thought of my inability. People around me are rich. I wonder why they have to spend money on alcoholic drinks when there is no way death can be stopped by an excess of it. I focus a lot on the end, even on others. But that's related to my dream of curing death. With simple thoughts about life, I take my floor in my research lab. Remember I told you Amy was in my lab. That's because my lab is in my home. I couldn't rent anything new.

Earning is outside my potential. I am not comfortable in any job, I told you. But I still need money. I don't dream of money, though. I dream of a goal which will be nearer to cash. Something also to give my lonely wife might be disappointed by me. Otherwise, why does she call my experiment a method of undergoing transformation into a ghost? I will receive to give. I will have to ask for forgiveness for the time I could not provide with anyone near me. But what I did was aligned with my dream of death's cure. Pray, I wouldn't say. I am a half-atheist. I am a half-priest. I preach science. I believe in God based on current needs. When I am broken, I hang on, even with God, or keep a distance.

Writing enables me. Otherwise, I am also not able to do many things. I am a person with schizophrenia by value of knowledge of the disease. My treatment applies thrust on me. The doctor doesn't have trust in me. I am on the walk to harmony. I am comfortable in the absence of things. Things to do, though, are always with me. I know life is limited, and my search for death's control remains incomplete. I walk through the winds when there are no hurricanes. I walk in the sun when it's not a very hot day. I enjoy the winter outside when it is not so chilled that I cannot be there. I love the rain when there are no floods. Everything appears to me to be set for repair. I will do that. But for now, my focus is finding my way to a long life. A life which will remain. A life which will remain.

I know it hurts being sane. I have been through those awful days of sanity.

You are limited by logic. You are held by mercy on that which has always been possible anyway. Forgive me again for this day. I could not achieve my goal again today. But I will tell you my story daily. I know how to build. I don't see how the building is strong enough to break me into reality's door. I am here for a stay on this book. I will, therefore, make it a wonderful place. Thanks to the storm, it didn't hit again today. In addition to my home, there is no space for life anyway. Oh! There is little hope in the task I do. But there is always a far deeper invention still from where I stood. There is harmony between self and wife. There is understanding in this day of success. But victory will be home. Victory will be home!