CHAPTER 2

Scarlett.

I braced up myself and brushed the back of my hand against my face, trying to grasp the fact of me really being outside. I was about to stand on my feet when I lost count of the steps and fell shamefully to the earth.

Fuck me.

Had I known, I wouldn't have come here in the first place. I would have stayed home and faced all the obnoxious acts of Aaron. But the deed has been done.

What form of shame have I not faced all because of love for Aaron. The children's mocking gaze at me was just the tip of an iceberg. I picked up myself and brushed off the imaginary dirt off my dress.

Was it that day I almost ran into a child cause I was in a hurry to give him his brunch, or the day my dress got ripped when he angrily pulled me away in public. A lot of shame that even I couldn't recall.

I trotted back home, tears not being able to stay still in my eyes, having the burden of the whole world on my shoulders. I felt it. God knows this wasn't what I signed up for.

Come on, what happened to rosy marriages? Yeah, I know marriages aren't bed of roses, but they should be in their early months or years. But mine…, it was filled with thorns and dirt embedded in its roots.

Fuck it. Fuck everything about it.

I slammed the door behind me, as I saw the lady Aaron had brought home. I heaved, clenching my typical Cardi B’s nail into my palms.

“Hello?” I asked, striving to restrain my anger the moment my eyes caught her in his Pyjamas. I was the only one that wore it, now her?

“How can I be of help to you?” She eyed me from the sole of my feet to the crown of my head.

The effrontery.

I counted to five within me and went into the kitchen to unwind, practicing the anger control system my therapist had taught me.

I led out a mustered scream with my hand closing my mouth.

How I wish I smacked her. I released my hand.

My eyes caught something now, hope it's not what I was thinking. There was something in a cup. My inquisitiveness drew me closer to see. There were a ton of used condoms lying inside.

Why was I surprised? Was I supposed to be?

I felt my heart shatter within me, I felt it crumble into pieces that it'll definitely take eternity to fix.

It wasn't just an ordinary cup, it was a cup mother gifted me as our matrimonial gift.

I laid on the wall, dragging myself to the floor. This was the height of it all Aaron could do, but I loved him. How was I supposed to just give up on us?

As much as the seasons of our love changed, I'm sure he still loved me. He mayn't show it, but it's somewhere deep down.

“Babe!” The lady voiced from the sitting room.

“Yes?” He said, more like in a whisper I heard him.

“She insulted me. She called me names.” in a feigning tone she said.

What?

I was propelled to get up and meet them in the living room. Bitch shouldn't lie to this extent.

“Scarlett!” I heard him call out as we almost bumped into each other. He resisted even touching the shadow of my skin. Did he hate me this much?

“Stay aware of her, you get that?”

“Aaron…” I said with tears welled up in my eyes already.

“Don't Aaron me. Stay away from her.” he pointed his index finger at me.

“I never said anything to her, ask her .” I turned to her as she was already wearing a sad countenance.

What actress, I hope she’s won an Oscar?

“Sign the fucking divorce papers, girl. I don't have the whole year to still see your disgusting face in my house. Sign. It.” He pointed.

I stared deep into his eyes, perhaps to see a glimpse of empathy in there but none. I hoped my silence spoke words to him.

~

It was midday already. After I had gotten a call from my mother, she came to my apartment. Thank goodness she didn't get to see the abomination her supposed son-in-law was committing. They had both dressed up all elegantly and left to somewhere expensive. Exquisite.

Who cares? The voice in my head asked. I cared. Not when he never took me out ever since the night of our wedding.

I explained everything to her. She embraced me in her arms, scooting down my hair.

“It'll all be fine.” she said.

I don't think so. “His mind is made.”

“Then you leave! He's signed the divorce papers, so should you.”

“It isn't as easy as it may seem, mother. I love him”

“It's obvious, he doesn't. Pick yourself up and get back on your feet, time will heal all of it.”

I don't think time will heal this one. What shall I do to rekindle this burnt love?

“Come back home, my child.” I was a step closer to losing my mind. The thought of losing him…

I had to listen to Mother.

“You should come home, come home and find something to make out of yourself. You deserve to be happy, not sad over a toxic lover.”

“Mom…” I objected.

“I'm not leaving you with an option. It's an order, get your things, we're in fact leaving now.”

I knew she wanted the best for me, nothing less. Nothing I could say could change her mind. I went upstairs and unpacked all of my belongings in the closet, throwing them all into my suitcase.

The room was now devoid of anything that was mine when I held the door knob to leave. I couldn't just go, perhaps he'd give me a chance.

I went back in and picked up a pen and ripped a page off a book in the bedside drawer. I scribbled:

My love, I'm still in wonder on why you decided to act this way concerning our marriage. I know nothing good comes easy, neither our love. Believe me when I say I replay every moment we spent together in my head. I need you to hear what I want to say; before we officially get separated, is there something I could have done to make us come back? Anything?

It kills me that you're away from me, we can talk things out, you know. Please, I'll be leaving for my mother's. I'll be there, awaiting your response for me to return to you.

I love you still, forever.

I wrote, my head wasn't sane enough to compose my words, but he could comprehend what I meant.

I folded it into two and kept it on the bed. Mother was waiting for me downstairs. How I wish she knew I didn't want to leave…ever. I'd say it's her attitude. It's her attitude to work out of anything that gave her a hard time and find some help, like she did with father.