“How are you feeling?” Chester asked after I handed him the glass of water.Mabigat ang loob na umiling na lang ko at binigyan siya ng ngiti. After what happened earlier, he immediately took me home. I never passed out, pero parang mas lalo lang nakasama iyon dahil hindi nawala sa isip ko ang mga nangyari at nasabi ng Daddy.I feel like I’m about to explode anytime now. My mind’s so messed up, and the problems kept adding up. I don’t know if I could take more. I want to just rest. I want to just leave. I’m so tired of all the secrets and lies na ngayo’y sabay-sabay lumalabas at sinasabi sa akin. Why didn’t they have the urge to tell me the truth in the first place?They just want me to end up miserable, don’t they?“Paris, what’s going on in that little head of yours, hmm?” Chester asked as he stroked my hair and held my head near his chest. “Please tell me,” he said.I breathed so heavily and hugged him tightly. I badly want to cry ero parang tuluyan nang naubos ang luha ko at naman
“Chester,” Mister Del Fuego greeted me as I approached him. He was waiting outside for a long time now, but I don’t give a fuck. After what I Paris’ bodyguards reported to me, there’s no way I’d let him inside. After all, I was never on his side anyway. If only he wasn’t the father of the woman I love, I’d never get along with him and his antics.I breathed heavily and stood face to face with him, hindi gustong magpaligoy-ligoy pa. “She’s okay now,” I said, which made him sigh in relief. No matter how much he hides it, I know there’s a part of him that deeply cares for his daughter. Too much care that he almost wants to control her, never letting her out of his sight. “I’m going inside,” aniya subalit hindi ko iyon hinayaan.“But she doesn’t want to see you,” asik ko. “So I can’t let you, Sir.” I did my best to maintain my respect, but it’s fucking harder than it sounds. Lalo na ngayong pakiramdam ko’y magpupumilit pa siyang pumasok sa loob dahil halata ko iyon sa pagkunot ng kanya
“What the fuck happened?!” I could almost taste blood as I run downstairs, trying to fucking call everyone I know that should be around the accident.Fucking shit!After hearing from Chancellor’s bodyguard what happened, I didn’t fucking care at first. But hearing who she’s with during that fucking accident almost already made me want to kill someone, at isa doon ay si Chancellor. Why the hell is he with my wife?!“Check all the cameras in the restaurant and coordinate with the police. Gusto kong mahuli agad ang driver ng sasakyang iyon.”“Noted, Sir.” My men immediately left as my bodyguard escorted me to the damn hospital!Damn it, Paris. You’ll be the death of me. Why was she in that place in the first place? She should’ve been home! Bakit… bakit kasama niya si Chancellor? I can feel my heart pounding si much in anger, pero hindi naroon ang atensyon ko. There’s much worse than fucking jealousy. And when I heard the siren of the ambulance, I recognized that feeling already.When I
I couldn't sleep. Let alone rest at the thought of it. Hearing those words from him shattered my heart into million pieces. It feels like I was betrayed, fooled…But damn it, no matter how much it fucking hurts me, hindi ko magawang magalit sa kanya. Kahit hindi ko siya maintindihan, at sa kabila ng lahat ng paninira sa kanya, at sa pagtatago niya ng mga bagay sa akin… I still feel like he’s the only one I can trust.May parte pa rin sa akin na nagsasabing may dahilan siya kaya niya iyon nagawa. Na dapat pa rin akong magtiwala sa kanya.Those thoughts are choking me, parang hawak sa leeg at ipit ang dibdib. I don’t know anymore… Bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin?I want to hear his explanations pero… hindi ako naniniwalang hindi niya kilala ang pamilya ko. If he knows us, I’m sure he knows something. I breathed heavily and immediately stood from the bed when I realized na wala itong patutunguhan. Wala akong patutunguhan kung puro lang ako ganito. What’s there to think about? Ni utak k
I woke up in the unfamiliar coldness of the bed. Hindi ako sanay. It felt like something was missing. More like someone. When I opened my eyes, I wasn't even surprised anymore when I saw her gone on the other side of the bed. Pero kahit hindi na ako nagulat, hindi ko pa rin napigilan ang kirot sa dibdib ko. She really hates me right now, doesn’t she?I sighed heavily and almost wanted to pull my hair out of fucking frustration. I should’ve expected this. I should’ve been ready for it.I took the white polo that was crumpled on the bedside table, wearing it without minding the lipstick stain on it. I tried looking around, eyeing if there were any traces of her or her whereabouts. But with her last night's clothes tidied up, and her most intimidating, yet addicting perfume filling up the room, I already knew she was somewhere.But where could she be? Will she meet someone?Hated to admit it, but that was the perfume she wore during our dates. Kaya mas lalo tuloy akong hindi napanatag ku
“To be with each other. To plan our future. To get married someday.”Nagpaulit-ulit iyon sa pandinig ko na parang sirang plaka. Unlike the usual days where I feel my head pounding, hindi ko matukoy kung bakit ngayon… puso ko ang kumikirot dahil sa pamilyar na pakiramdam. There were flashes coming before my eyes as I was in that particular scenario. It was as if it was real.No… it was real. It ain’t that clear pero nararamdaman kong totoo iyon!And it’s making me question everything. How is this possible? How is it possible for him to hide these from me all these years?!“Is this a joke?” I asked, trying to gaslight myself that this is not real. Na baka paraan niya lang ‘to para mapabalik ako sa kaniya. But more than half of me believes on what he’s saying!Dahil ako mismo, nararamdamang totoo iyon!Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan, at paano niya kinayang itago?! This is not just a mere information… this is a huge part of my life!And the way his eyes glimmered with sad
I put the plane ticket going to Quebec back into my purse nang maisip na hindi ko naman planong pumunta roon. When I arrived at the airport earlier, I immediately bought a ticket to Quebec under my name and took a huge amount of money into my bank account.Knowing Chester and Daddy, their connections are enough to find me. Siguro nga, hindi pa ako nakakarating sa pupuntahan ko ay naroon na sila. Afterall, I don’t have any strings to pull anymore. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung may mapagkakatiwalaan pa ba ako. I don’t have any cover-ups to use anymore, so I have no other choice but to hide and deceive them as much as I can.“Dito na po, Ma’am.” Parang muli akong natauhan nang marinig ang sabi ng tricycle driver. Arriving at a hotel here in Lipa, Batangas, kaagad akong bumaba at nagbayad. Hindi ko alam kung anong sumagi sa isip ko at dito ako nagpunta. It just feels right and natural for me to come to Batangas. Siguro madalas ako rito noon?Isa pa, going somewhere near while they try to loo
“What are you doing here?” he stood in front of the door with a shocked face. The rain poured heavily, and I really couldn’t remember how I got there. Ang alam ko lang, ayaw ko nang umuwi. Ayaw ko na ulit umuwi.“I hate them. I hate them all!” umiiyak kong sambit. “I was just thinking about dad, hindi niya ba naiintindihan ‘yon?!”“Love…” he didn’t mind the storm and went outside to hug me. Sa kabila ng malakas na ulan at malamig na klima sa Tagaytay, he managed to get out of his rest house para lang yakapin ako sa gitna ng malakas na ulan.“Chance…” I cried. “Please let me stay here, Chance.”Bumuntong hininga siya bago ako niyakap nang mas mahigpit. “Oh, Paris. Come here.”He took my bag that has nothing else in it but a wallet and a phone. Marahan niya akong inakay papasok ng kanyang rest house. Somehow, this always felt like home. The first time he brought me here sure did give me comfort.“How did you manage to come here, hmm? It’s dangerous.”“I… I don’t know. I took a cab, and
Three days. It has been three days since we got back from Tagaytay. Biglaan kasing nag-aya si Chester noong gabing iyon na umuwi na kami kaya wala na rin akong nagawa. At mula noong gabing iyon, hindi na kami nag-uusap.Well, we had dry conversations, but that’s about it. He’s dry when he talks to me. Kahit pa pilitin niyang magpanggap na walang problema, sana aware din siya na alam kong may problema.Pero kahit na…Hindi ko magawang kulitin siya tungkol doon. I sighed. Hay, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko.“The Lorente’s are back in business,” Dad said out of nowhere habang nagbbrowse siya ng balita sa kanyang Ipad. “Do you know them?” he asked me.I pursed my lips and slowly nodded. Lorente. Apilyedo ngayon ng Mommy ni Chester.So they already settled things? She really got what she wanted.Kung ganoon, ano pang problema? Bakit ganoon si Chester?“You’re silent,” puna ni Dad. “Are you sure ayaw mong sumama kina Faureen sa Okada? You’d be bored here.”Nilaro ko ng tinidor ang s
“Love,” I called him nang makarating kami sa bahay. Kanina pa siyang tahimik at walang kibo sa biyahe dahil sa nangyari. He look tensed, frustrated, angry in fact, dahil sa nangyari kanina. Hindi ko na tuloy naintindi ang maraming bulaklak sa likod ng pickup niya.Instead, I tried to follow him inside the bedroom kung saan alam kong didiretso siya.“Is that any way to greet your mother?” the woman asked.My lips parted. I was about to look at Chester gamit ang matang mapagtanong, nang bigla niya akong hilahin papunta sa kanyang likuran. And that alone answered my questions. She really is his motherPero bakit siya nandito?After all that Chester said kanina, hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong dapat kong gawin dahil sa paraan pa lang ng paghawak niya sa akin ay ramdam ko na kung gaano niya kaayaw sa presensya ng kaniyang ina.Damn, why is she here? I mean, I don’t mean anything bad, pero gusto ko sanang mag-relax kaming mag-asawa ngayon. My husband’s
“What’s wrong?” maagap kong tanong nang makitang i-decline niya ang call. “May problema na naman ba?”I parted my lips and wanted to ask more, pero kaagad niya naman akong pinigilan sa pamamagitan ng isang matamis na ngiti. “It’s just work. Sigurado ako roon. Huwag na lang nating sagutin–!”“Chester,” mahinang tawag ko dahil hindi ko talaga gusto ang nararamdaman. I know, I may just be being too paranoid, but can you blame me?I have to ask it.“You’re not hiding something from me again, are you?” I asked. It’s not that I don’t trust him pero… I don’t know… it’s just my gut.Kung may problema naman kasi ang company ay surely, naroon ang kaniyang ama at mga kapatid. I.. I don’t know, iba lang talaga ang pakiramdam ko. I feel like I’ve known him too much, and I know the way he acts when he’s hiding something.And I’m not mad… I’m just worried that maybe… he’s doing this again to protect me from something. Ayaw ko ng ganoon. Ayaw ko na poproblemahin niya lahat nang siya lang.He has me.
“Kanina mo pa akong hindi kinakausap,” he stated as a matter of factly nang maibaba ang mga gamit namin sa couch ng kanyang bahay. Yet again, we’re here at Tagaytay to stay for a couple of days, at umpisa pa lang ay hindi na ako agad nag-eenjoy!“Inaantok lang,” sagot ko at agad tinanggal ang jacket. Akma kong kukunin ang maleta ko at aakyat na papunta sa kwarto. Gusto kong magshower at umidlip muna bago siya kausapin. Pakiramdam ko wala na rin akong ganang kumain dahil sa pagod at sama ng loob. Maybe when I wake up in the middle of the night due to some sort of miracle, just maybe I will talk to him.Pero sino bang niloko ko? Hindi ko ‘yata matatakasan ang isang ‘to. “Hey,” kaagad niyang hinawakan ang maleta ko at pagod na tumayo mula sa couch. I glared at him at hinila pabalik ang maleta ko pero hindi niya naman iyon binitawan.“Bitaw. Inaantok na ko, Chester.” Pero sa halip na sumunod, tumayo lang siya at hinarap ako. Ako tuloy itong nanlilisik ang matang nakatingala sa kanya!“Wh
I was taken aback by the words he uttered. Like what I said, I understood why he did those back then. Pero ngayong humihingi siya ng tawad sa akin, hindi ko alam ang isasagot.“Dad…”He smiled weakly and tried to look at me. “I know what I did back then was unforgivable, but I was just protecting you, and…”“Dad, Dad…” kaagad ko siyang pinutol. I held his hand and smiled at him. I know that I hated him so much back then. I was stupid. I was reckless and damn stupid. Ngayon, kahit hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit niya pinakasalan si Tita Faureen, I don’t care anymore.He’s all that I have. He’s the only parent I have.And this grudge has been here too long already. Pagod na pagod na akong magalit.“I understand…” pagpapatuloy ko ngunit suno-sunod siyang umiling sa akin.“No, I didn’t give you a proper explanation back then,” aniya. “Your Tita Faureen, she and I have been good friends even before I met your mother. When your mom left, I… I didn’t know what to do. I wanted you to
What…Everything fell silent after he uttered those words. Pakiramdam ko, pinagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa at hindi ko alam kung anong paniniwalaan.I felt numb. I-I couldn’t even think properly or say something properly. Gusto kong tumakbo… gusto kong magwala… gusto kong….Oh God, what is this?“Chancellor pushed her causing her death. M-Magkasama kami noon at naglalaro nang makita niya ang Mommy mo. Back then, we… we really hated your Mom because we know what’s up between her and dad,” pagpapatuloy ni Chester sa mga bagay na hindi niya nasabi sa akin noon.“She approached us, and it was really an accident. My brother didn’t mean it… we were…” parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa bawat salitang binibigkas niya. His voice was hoarse and breaking. Parang paulit-ulit siyang sinasaksak sa bawat salitang binibitawan, and it breaks my heart hearing him that way. “... we were just children…”Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at halos madurog ako nang makita siyang umiiyak. He was doing his b
Masama ang loob ko at walang imik hanggang makabalik kami sa resthouse nila Chester. Maging siya tuloy ay tahimik at hindi ako kinikibo kaya mas lalo lang akong naiinis.Well, I’m not totally mad at him. Naiinis ako sa nalaman ko! And the fact that they’re still friends made me dislike the idea even more. Dumagdag pang parang hindi niya napapansing masama ang loob ko.Eh ‘di do’n siya kay Claire!Wait, no. Ugh!“What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” tanong niya nang hilahin ako para maupo sa lap niya sa couch dahil tataas na sana ako sa kuwarto.I rolled my eyes. “No,” I simply answered and was about to leave him pero siyempre, hindi niya ako hinayaan. Si Chester ‘yan, eh!“Sinungaling,” mahina at mapanuyang asik niya bago ako ginawaran ng halik sa pisngi. “Tell me, Love. What’s bothering you? Kakaunti lang ang napamili mo dahil kanina ka pang ganiyan.”I rolled my eyes. “Oo nga at kanina ka pa rin walang pake,” asik ko.He groaned as he buried his face on my neck. “I’ve been trying to ca
I saw my whole world fall apart right before my eyes when he uttered those words. How… how is that possible?“What are you saying? T-That can’t be… my father would’ve killed you–!”“He almost did. Remember?” he asked with a ghost of a smile, cutting me off and making me remember that he was right.Galit na galit sa kanya si Daddy noon, and I could vividly remember the night when he was almost killed by my Dad. Hindi ko magawang maintindihan noon ang aking ama, pero ngayong narinig ko ang mga salitang ‘yon mula kay Chester, parang naninikip ang dibdib ko.“Are you sure you want to talk about it already? Paris you seem unwell. I–!”“No,” I said. “Keep talking. But please… nagmamakaawa ako sa’yo. Do not lie this time.”My words were straight and blank. But his eyes tell me that to him, they were like bullets fired into his chest for a reason that I could not name.But after a few blinks, nawala iyon at matamis siyang ngumiti sa akin. “I promise.”Chester and I have been great the next fe
I couldn’t recall how much I cried for a few days because of that. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari, or what triggered them back, but the memories kept flowing like a river that could not be stopped. And along that, I could feel surges of emotion that I could not name. Halo-halo ang nararamdaman ko, and I don’t know if I could even contain all of them. I don’t even know how many days it has been. I was only brought meals inside my room and was taken care of. Minsan binibisita ako nina Daddy at Tita Faureen sa kwarto, but I don’t have the energy to talk to them. When I look at my father, all I can do is cry. Kaya nang lumabas ako sa kwarto, they were all surprised.“Paris? How are you feeling? I should’ve just brought you some food for–!” Napatigil si Tita Faureen sa pagsalubong sa akin nang mapansin niya kung ano ang nakakuha ng atensyon ko pagbaba ko ng hagdan. My lips parted at the sight of tons of flowers in the living room. Some are withered, and some are being saved by Tita