Goddamn it!I ran downstairs and pushed through the sea of sweaty bodies till I got outside. The fresh air did nothing to calm my racing heart. It didn't cool down the fire blazing inside me. I entered my car and slammed my hands on the steering wheel to let out my frustration. My shame. My anger.A guy kissed me.A guy touched me.I was hard.I came within 2 fucking minutes.And worst of all...I liked every bit of it. ***********The rest of the week passed by in a flash with me partying hard along with my friends. To everyone, I seemed like the normal Aito. I seemed like I was having the time of my life but in reality, I wasn't. My mind was a fucking mess. I drowned myself in alcohol and slept with any girl that threw herself at me. I did it because I wanted to make sure I was fine. I wanted to make sure I hadn't turned into a disgusting fag. I wanted to wipe away any effect Ryu had on me.Did it work? Absolutely not.He attended every party I did and anytime I saw him, I would re
The only thing I was slowly starting to realize was that I was acting so much I sometimes didn't know who I was anymore. I had played this character for such a long time that I would find myself enjoying the looks of pain on their faces. I would find myself basking in their misery. Not a shred of guilt was present in my heart. And it was terrifying.Regret? I didn't regret anything. The people whose lives I had ruined deserved it and I won't stop until I get justice for her. Besides, the pain I was constantly going through was enough Karma. Not to mention this new dilemma Ryu put me in. I've seen Haruto and Toshiro naked countless times. I never got any reaction. He used his hand goddamn it. Just his hand and I'm a pathetic mess.I then noticed someone staring at me and turned sideways to see Dai. A small guy with a mop of dark hair, wearing hot pink pants and a white shirt. His nails were painted pink along with his lips. I immediately saw red.It was Dai, the only gay guy in school.
I stroked the flowers near her grave softly. They were red roses. Her favorite kind of flowers. I also brought some chocolates, skittles, and Pringles. Her favorite flavor. Sweet and sour onions. She used to hug me tight and shower me with kisses every time I bought her stuff. Earlier when she died, whenever I brought them to her grave, I would feel her presence around me. Peaceful, calm. Like she was finally free. I want to join her. I want to get out of this rotten world but not yet. I have to endure for while. I still have lives to ruin.I sat before her grave with everything sprawled out on the green grass. I hadn't touched a single one of the snacks. I couldn't. They were all her's."I miss you Aera" I sobbed, letting the hot tears flow down my cheeks. "I miss you a lot. Why did you leave me? I told you time and time again that I didn't do it. I would never hurt you. You know how much I love you and yet, you still left me. We could have worked things out. I could have protected
I woke up to see myself buried in thick blankets. I sat up, shoving them down to my waist as I rubbed my temples. My head hurt, my eyes felt heavy and my brain was muddled. I glanced at a clock on the nightstand. 11:04 pm.Wait. That didn't look like my alarm clock. I looked at the blankets. They weren't mine either. Fuck. What girl did I sleep with this time? I hope I used a condom. I just made fun of Hina a few days ago. I'm definitely not ready to be a father."You're awake," a deep voice said, startling me out of my thoughts. I gazed in the direction the voice came from and saw Ryu standing there with a tray of food. My stomach suddenly rumbled and I flushed, embarrassed at the situation. Ryu’s dark hair looked wet and it clung to his forehead and ears, giving his some part of a boyish look. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a deep blue shirt which accentuated his broad chiseled chest and sculpted arms. I remembered how they pinned my hands behind my back. How they touched
His eyes darkened when he saw my fingers hovering over the frame. "Go back to bed" I scoffed. "You don't tell me what to do". It looked like he didn't want me to see the picture. Well, I didn't care and reached out to pick it up but his hand slapped mine away before I could touch it.He was livid. Not a hint of playfulness on his face. "Go. Back. To. Bed" he instructed like I was a kid."I refuse. What are you hiding huh?" I asked. "Isn't it just a picture? Let me see""No. Are you always this nosy?""Are you always this secretive?" I fired backHe raised a brow. "That doesn't even make sense. I have every right to not show you. Now get back to bed" "Or what?" I challenged.He walked closer to me, suddenly wearing a devious smile, stopping only when our faces were a few inches apart. "I'll carry you to bed and we'll have a repeat of Saturday night". His hand touched my thigh and slowly moved upwards as he leaned close, whispering in my ear "This time, I won't stop. There's no time l
Of course, Ryu will not listen to me. I felt the bed dip which meant he was sitting next to me. I then felt his warm hand on my head, brushing my unruly hair away from my face so he could look at me but I refused to raise my head.He sighed. "Were you thinking about that game? When I- "Don't say it" I cut him off. I didn't want to hear words like 'jerked you off' or 'gave you a hand job'or ' turned you on' or 'made you cum'"It was just a game Aito. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You liked it. So what?"I raised my head at that. "So what? So what? Do you have any fucking idea what that means? What liking it implies? You're a man!"He then smiled. The kind of smile that took my breath away and lighted up his eyes. "I told you before. Pleasure is pleasure. It doesn't matter if a man or a woman makes you feel it"I mentally scoffed. It certainly matters when I can't jerk myself off no matter how hard I try. It certainly matters when I keep thinking about you, you shithead.
My most recent episode was the one caused by Ryu but it wasn't extreme so I didn't need to mention it. Things weren't the least bit better between us. In fact, when morning came and he gave me my dry uniform and belongings, I hightailed it out of there and flagged a taxi and went to school. I didn't even turn to see the look on his face.Actually, seeing Ryu in the morning, dressed in nothing but boxers, his full sculpted torso on display, did all sorts of things to my body and heart. I felt a strong need to trace those abs. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to kiss me again and damn, I would have actually done something if I didn't leave.Now when we pass each other in the halls, I immediately look away, determined to not have any sort of contact with him whatsoever. If I did, he'll destroy whatever sanity I have left. "I can see you're happy Aito," Dr Desai said, interrupting my thoughts. "Keep taking those drugs and notify me once you run out. We'll take a break to see your pr
School was over. It was finally time for the meeting and I was walking to the principal's office when Ryu approached me. Oh, God. Not again. I had successfully avoided him for days.His navy blue jacket was draped over his left shoulder, sleeves of his white shirt pulled up to reveal those strong arms. Both hands were in his pockets and he stood before me, looking handsome as ever. His hair was ruffled, a few naughty strands caressing his upper cheeks and nose. My fingers twitched as I felt the urge to tuck them behind his ear.Fuck. There I go again. Imagining things I shouldn't imagine happening between men."What do you want?" I asked, trying to look calm. As if his presence didn't affect me. They say out of sight, out of mind. It worked for a while as my mind had been occupied with Miss Park's demise. Now, that gentle sweet kiss kept invading my senses. The softness of his lips. His moist warm tongue. His enchanting scent. Shit shit shit. What are you doing to me, Ryu? Why you? W
We can never be together so it's better that I don't exist in this world. Ryu will be able to live happily. He won't have to see a murderer like me again.I could see everything clearly now.I could vividly understand how Aera must have felt. One can't fully understand another's pain unless the person has been through the same situation. How she felt when the video was released, I've felt it too. How she felt when she thought I was behind everything, I've felt it too. Just that, I never recorded any video but Ryu really did. Her pain, only I can fully understand.Her feelings of hatred for me, stemmed from the fact that she misunderstood me and she didn't trust me. She just assumed I did it based on my past reputation.She assumed.I suddenly hate that word.Just as I had assumed someone was plotting against me and Ryu, just to find out that it was actually Ryu.I sighed deeply. Right from time, I've been punished for someone else's deeds. I lost Aera. I had psychological problems. I
By the time Ryu was done, my body was stained with his fluids and the inside of my thighs were on fire. My skin there was delicate and Ryu was especially rough, making the place look frighteningly red. There were harsh bite marks all over my chest. Around my neck, there were even traces of blood.Although Ryu didn't do it with me, he still made the experience very painful. My eyelids felt very heavy and swollen. The result of crying too much. My throat hurt from all the screaming and begging. My arms, which were still bound by the belt were sore.I was tired. My heart was tired.Ryu came out of the bathroom, clean and fully dressed. He untied me then looked away. "Pathetic. Get up and clean yourself. You have twenty minutes. If you don't come out within that time, I'll drag you out however you are. I've wasted enough time already"With that, he walked out and slammed the door, leaving me in all the filth on the bed.That was the last straw. A sudden dull pain flashed in my head. I gro
Warning: Violation.With that, he smashed our lips together but it wasn't the usual kiss I was used to. It was hard, rough and it hurt. His tongue dug deep into my mouth and he sucked savagely.My eyes went wide as I realised something shocking.I didn't want it. For the first time in my life, I didn't want Ryu's kiss.I raised my hands to his chest and pushed as hard as I could but he didn't budge an inch. He was like a solid wall, trapping my body against the door. I tried to move my head away but his fingers moved from my chin to the back of my neck and held me in place. I was completely powerless. There was nothing I could do.This kind of kiss, filled with anger, hatred and a mad thirst for revenge.I didn't want it. It hurt too much.I bit his tongue hard and he let out a muffled groan. I thought he would pull out but he kissed harder instead. I cringed at the metallic taste of blood. So as not to let it happen again, he grabbed my jaw and squeezed. I couldn't move it let alone
I stepped out of the bathroom holding a first aid kit. Ryu was leaning on the wall by the door, making me wonder if he had been listening to what I was doing. Did he think I would try to escape?"What is that?" he asked, glancing at the box in my hands. My heart was racing with fear. What if he refused to let me treat his hand?"F-First aid" I stuttered, not daring to look at him. I chose to stare at his injured hand instead. "Y-Your hand... when you fought with dad... i-it's still bleeding""So what?" he scoffed. "You're going to help me?"I lowered my head further. "If you would let me..."The world swayed as I was suddenly grabbed by my collar and jacked up. Caught by surprise, the kit flew right out of my hands and crashed to the floor. He slammed me hard against the bathroom door, making me hit my head on the hard wood. My vision blurred instantly and I cried out in pain. It hurt. It really hurt."Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" he seethed. My sight was hazy but I
But, what will happen to me after? Will Mr Igarashi honour his promise and let me be with Ryu? No matter what, I still wanted that more than anything.I stood up but a wave a intense dizziness crashed over me and I felt my body falling forward but before I made contact with the ground, a familiar strong arm seized my waist and my body came in contact with that familiar body.My head was directly on his hard chest, his arm like a vice around my waist, my senses surrounded by his breezy scent and my body, soaking in his warmth.I closed my eyes and it felt like I was transported back to the past. When I had no idea who he really was. When I was just falling for him. When everything was still alright.Ryu saved me. He saved me from getting stabbed by Mr Igarashi and now, he saved me from falling.I was confused. Does Ryu hate me or not?If he does, why would he save me twice?What were his real feelings?I slowly raised my head up and our eyes met. My heart sunk to my stomach. There was
"Are you done?" Ryu suddenly asked, as if everything they had been saying was utter nonsense and he couldn't wait for them to shut up.Ryu...He suddenly chuckled then gazed at me. "I was gone for a few minutes and you manged to brainwash my own friends". He took a few steps towards me and the corners of his lips raised up a little. It was a smile that wasn't a smile. "Commendable"I shook my head in disbelief. "T-That wasn't- I-I-"Although, I shouldn't be surprised" he continued. "You have that charm"Huh? I have that charm? What did he mean?"Ryuho, you're misunderstanding" Yasu said. "Just calm down and listen to us first""Yes. Nothing like that happened" Kaito added."And how will you know?" He turned back to Yasu and Kaito. "It happens before you even know it. You look into his eyes and with just a few words, he makes you feel.... anyway, it doesn't matter. You two should leave""But Ryuho, are you really not going to give Aito a chance?" Kaito asked. "You can't tell me that al
"You think we're afraid?" Mum shouted. "We don't fucking care! Come at us with all you've got! We're the Yamamotos and there's nothing we can't handle! Ryu, if we manage to get free, just run. Run as far as you can and hide from us because if we get you, you'll wish you were never born! I'll personally grind you to dust! I will- ah!"In the blink of an eye, Ryu swiftly snatched the gun in Tobio's hand and pointed it at mum who cried out in shock. "You will what?" he asked, raising a brow. "You will what?!"Mum went silent. Her eyes were wide, staring at the gun like it would go off anytime. It was so obvious that she was scared shitless.He cocked the gun. "Speak!"That single command made us all tremble. Was he really going to shoot?"Y-You wouldn't dare!" she spat. "A-Aito won't give you what you want"Ryu laughed like it was the funniest thing he heard all day. "You know what Mrs Yamamoto, the secrets of your study are not what I want but what father wants. That's why you're still
Warning: Violence.Ryu strolled directly before dad, looking so cold that it made my heart thump with fear but dad didn't cower. He raised his head and glared at him straight on. "I've dealt with stupid kids like you" he sneered. "Inexperienced little shit heads that come crying for revenge. You think you can scare me Ryu? You think because you found out the truth that I'll what? Cry and beg for mercy? Fall on the ground and lick your feet? Beg for forgiveness?"With every word dad spoke, Ryu's frown deepened further. I had a bad feeling. A very very bad feeling. Like things would go very wrong.He chuckled. "Well you're gravely mistaken Ryu" dad continued with a smirk. "I do not regret a single action of mine. Who asked your parents to plunge into a world they knew nothing of? I was even kind hearted enough to offer them a way out. I tried to negotiate with them but no. They preferred their so called dignity over my money. You know what? Your meddling father got what he deserved. I'm
"Oh my God, Aito, I'm so sorry. So that's what Dr Desai and your mum were arguing over today" Kaito said, wiping his tears. "I didn't know. I'm sorry"I couldn't help but smile. "Come on. We didn't know each other when it all happened. What are you sorry for? Stop crying. It's all in the past"He nodded but still kept on crying. Yasu had to hug him tight. "Does Ryuho know all of this?" he asked me while making soothing circles on Kaito's back.I shook my head. "He probably doesn't. And I don't want him to know""But he should" Yasu said. "I understand why you became that way Aito. Even I don't know what will happen to me if I lose Kaito so yeah, I totally get it. And I believe you because I've seen the way you love Ryuho. He should know that you really loved his sister. He should know that you weren't behind her death""Aren't I though?" I asked. "I was careless and let someone record us. I should have been able to protect her""You can't do everything Aito" Kaito said. "How would you