LOGINShare
28
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 29
29WE AGREE TOput off our surveillance of the Anderson Klan’s town hall meeting—everything will be recorded and available for us to listen to when we come back. Settling things with Nick Jin is a far higher priority. And of course we don’t leave un-armed, we each sport a handgun, and I also have my favorite knife in a scabbard tucked under the waistband of my jeans.After a fifteen minute drive to Montgomery Bell State Park, we find a campground to park the Skank Mobile, and make the remaining trek on foot, following the directions on my phone to a quaint old log cabin-style church. A plaque outside reads ‘First Cumberland Presbyterian Church.’“This must be it,” Mary Sue whispers. “This reeks of an ambush ... ”“I know, but it was just Nick that met me at Enger Tower in Duluth, so maybe it’ll just be him again ... ” I whisper back, not really sure how much I believe the words myself.“Well, either way, we might as well do what we came here to do,” Ma
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 30
30“WHAT THE FUCK?” I scream, rushing to Mary Sue’s side, even though I already know there is nothing I can do to help her. “You said–”“I said I had explicit instructions not to kill you, Sarah,” Nick replies with a bored shrug, as if we were discussing something as mundane as the weather, not his murdering my only friend in the world. “I didn’t say anything about Mary Sue.”I raise my handgun to shoot, but Nick has already disappeared into the shadows. I spin around, searching every shadow for some sign of my foe.Suddenly, I feel Nick’s foot sharply connect with my back and I am pushed forward, my handgun clattering across the floor of the church as the wind is knocked out of me.As I try to regain my breath, Nick flips me onto my back and sits on my stomach, straddling my torso between his thighs, and further pushing what wind was left out of my struggling lungs.“I said it in Duluth, Sara, and I’ll say it again,” Nick breathes menacingly into my ear. “It’s too bad you aren’t
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 31
31I WAIT UNTILmidnight, and then make the drive out to Bucksnort, my plan fully formed, all the while praying I don’t cross the path of a speed trap and wind up in a radar-induced coma.I go to Duke’s apartment first, as his murder will be the simplest to take care of, since he lives alone. Using my trusted lock pick, I break into his apartment for the second time this week. I’m glad I was the one who bugged Duke’s apartment, because having a mental image of the apartment’s layout helps me navigate my way through it in the dark.I tiptoe down the hall to Duke’s bedroom, and enter to find him, snoring lightly on the bed. I cross the room and kneel by the bed. As I look at him sleeping so peacefully, I start to wonder if I will actually be able to go through with this.I put my knife down on the edge of the bed, and reach over to stroke his hair. Duke suddenly wakes with a start.“Jesus, Nanny!” he gasps. “You scared the shit out of me, what are you doing here?”“I’m sorry,”
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 1
1DO WE REALLYhave to go through this whole ‘introduce ourselves’ thing again? The only thing I hate more than introductions is repeating myself.Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll do this, though I have to say it would be easier for all of us if you just read my first book.So, my name is Sarah Killian and I am a Professional Serial Killer. DO NOT confuse me with an assassin. I hate those guys. Every. Last. One.Well, except for Mary Sue. She’s an exception. She’s an exception to a lot of things. I’ll get to herin a bit.In a tortoise shell, I work for a secret organization known as T.H.E.M.—the Trusted Hierarchy of Everyday Murderers. T.H.E.M. is clandestinely contracted by private individuals, corporations, or sometimes even the government to complete the dirty work of furtively killing off individuals or groups of people.I won’t bother covering the assassin side of things, because that’s pretty much just the boring, run-of-the-mill shit you’ve seen in every Hollywood movie.
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 2
2HAVE YOU EVERwoken up some morning with a burning, insatiable desire to go out and kill someone? No? Huh. Guess I’m weird, then.Anyway, this morning I wake up with such a craving. As usual, the craving has been preceded by a dream—well, a flashback to be exact. It’s always the same memory, and if you think I’m going to tell you anymore than that, you really doneed to go back and read the first book, because you clearly have not yet learned I am the kind of person who will break the fourth wall a couple times every other page, but you will have to torture me (and not the fun kind of torture) before I talk about personal, psycho, feelings shit.Thanks to my contract with T.H.E.M., I can’t exactly just go out and find myself an unsuspecting tourist on Hollywood Blvd. to lure back to a hotel room where I can de-spleen the poor bastard. However, Zeke is generally pretty flexible about finding us short projects whenever we need a quickie.Technically, one-off jobs (where w
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 3
3NORMALLY BEFORE Igo on an assignment, I would pay my mother a visit. It’s really just about the only time I visit her, which is one of the many reasons I deserve the award for Worst Daughter of All Time (though not the main reason, by a long shot). However, since this isn’t exactly going to be a long-term assignment, I decide to put-off the visit and go straight to T.H.E.M. headquarters.The headquarters are located in Chatsworth at the far-west-end of the San Fernando Valley, in a building the general public assumes to be a porn distribution warehouse. It takes me longer than it might to get to Chatsworth, due to the fact I have to avoid freeways thanks to my ‘condition.’ See, I have a somewhat rare illness—so rare none of the doctors I’ve seen about it have ever heard or seen anything like it before. In a nutshell, I’m allergic to radar. Technicallyspeaking, it’s not really an allergy—just a hypersensitivity. See, radar has this annoying tendency to send me into a min
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 4
4LAST STOP BEFORE heading out to meet our mark is the wardrobe department. If this were a long-term assignment, the wardrobe workers would have already set aside a full set of clothing, fake I.D.’s, etc. Since this is just a one-off job, however, the wardrobe assistant just leads us to a room with racks and racks of clothes, along the lines of a Ross Dress for Lessstore, and leaves us to our own devices.While many non-Vegas escort ladies often try to ‘stay under the radar’ when arriving at a John’s location and not be too obvious about their profession, Mary Sue and I have a different priority for our job. We want anyone who sees us to assume we are sex workers, and often the best way to put an idea into someone’s head is to give them exactly what they expect.To that end, I pick out the tightest, skimpiest skirt I can find on the rack, and Mary Sue chooses something I suppose is technically a dress, but is more like just a large belt. We each select a pair of stilettos that
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 5
5BARELY A FEW MINUTESlater, a knock comes at the door. Mary Sue and I both straighten ourselves up, and then I head to the door.“Gene?” I say in my sultriest voice as I crack open the door. Standing in the hall is a man in his late-forties to early-fifties. Thin, wiry frame complimented by wire-rimmed glasses. Hair gone completely grey. Not unhandsome, per se, but not Harrison Ford, either.“Yes—Jessa? May I come in?” he asks—even if Zeke hadn’t already told me as much, I can tell from the confidence in his voice that he is no stranger to the courtesan profession and this is most definitely not his first rodeo. It will, however, be his last.“Of course, sugar,” I respond, putting on a façade of seduction whilst I internally shrivel up in disgust.I undo the door latch, and step aside so he can enter. A look of confusion spreads across his face when he sees Mary Sue—Ming—sitting on the bed.“What’s going on?” He asks, his voice betraying his concerns of being conned.“She
Latest chapter
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 31
31I WAIT UNTILmidnight, and then make the drive out to Bucksnort, my plan fully formed, all the while praying I don’t cross the path of a speed trap and wind up in a radar-induced coma.I go to Duke’s apartment first, as his murder will be the simplest to take care of, since he lives alone. Using my trusted lock pick, I break into his apartment for the second time this week. I’m glad I was the one who bugged Duke’s apartment, because having a mental image of the apartment’s layout helps me navigate my way through it in the dark.I tiptoe down the hall to Duke’s bedroom, and enter to find him, snoring lightly on the bed. I cross the room and kneel by the bed. As I look at him sleeping so peacefully, I start to wonder if I will actually be able to go through with this.I put my knife down on the edge of the bed, and reach over to stroke his hair. Duke suddenly wakes with a start.“Jesus, Nanny!” he gasps. “You scared the shit out of me, what are you doing here?”“I’m sorry,”
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 30
30“WHAT THE FUCK?” I scream, rushing to Mary Sue’s side, even though I already know there is nothing I can do to help her. “You said–”“I said I had explicit instructions not to kill you, Sarah,” Nick replies with a bored shrug, as if we were discussing something as mundane as the weather, not his murdering my only friend in the world. “I didn’t say anything about Mary Sue.”I raise my handgun to shoot, but Nick has already disappeared into the shadows. I spin around, searching every shadow for some sign of my foe.Suddenly, I feel Nick’s foot sharply connect with my back and I am pushed forward, my handgun clattering across the floor of the church as the wind is knocked out of me.As I try to regain my breath, Nick flips me onto my back and sits on my stomach, straddling my torso between his thighs, and further pushing what wind was left out of my struggling lungs.“I said it in Duluth, Sara, and I’ll say it again,” Nick breathes menacingly into my ear. “It’s too bad you aren’t
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 29
29WE AGREE TOput off our surveillance of the Anderson Klan’s town hall meeting—everything will be recorded and available for us to listen to when we come back. Settling things with Nick Jin is a far higher priority. And of course we don’t leave un-armed, we each sport a handgun, and I also have my favorite knife in a scabbard tucked under the waistband of my jeans.After a fifteen minute drive to Montgomery Bell State Park, we find a campground to park the Skank Mobile, and make the remaining trek on foot, following the directions on my phone to a quaint old log cabin-style church. A plaque outside reads ‘First Cumberland Presbyterian Church.’“This must be it,” Mary Sue whispers. “This reeks of an ambush ... ”“I know, but it was just Nick that met me at Enger Tower in Duluth, so maybe it’ll just be him again ... ” I whisper back, not really sure how much I believe the words myself.“Well, either way, we might as well do what we came here to do,” Ma
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 28
28THE NEXT TWO DAYS, pass in pretty much the same fashion. I wake up tense after a night of incessant nightmares and find the parking lot of the hotel plagued with flashing red and blue lights (Thursday morning’s victim was Kirk Arce, a 45 year-old male killed in room 329, and Friday’s was Sandra Campbell, a 36 year-old female killed in room 710). I get my daily massage from Bill the Masseuse. Mary Sue and I spend the day listening to surveillance tapes. In the evenings, Mary Sue visits Clark Jr. (who still can’t find the ‘magic button’) and unsuccessfully tries to get information out of him, while I meet up with Duke and have equal success getting information out of him, followed by admittedly great sex which still leaves me wanting to slice him open with a knife. Duke leaves, Mary Sue gets back to the hotel and we compare useless notes, I go to bed and the nonsense starts all over again.Saturday morning starts much the same, except I wake up knowing this madness is almost over. W
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 27
27WE STOP OURinvestigations late in the afternoon when I get a call from Duke letting me know he’s on his way. Knowing that I need to work on getting information out of him, I suggest we meet at the coffee shop on the corner and he agrees (though I’m sure he wouldn’t protest if I asked him to come straight to my room again ... )Half an hour later, I’m sitting at our usual table in the coffee shop, and my fucking traitorous heart skips a couple beats when Duke walks in the door.We hug, kiss each other on the cheek, and order our coffees. Duke talks about a beat-up old Chevy he’s working on at the shop which is probably on its last legs. I make up a story about how the ‘lawyer I’m working for’ is a total ass who is constantly trying to get in my pants. Basic small talk—stuff I usually hate engaging in, but for some reason I don’t mind it so much with Duke (partly because I don’t actually have to be honest with him about my side of things).“So, do you have any pl
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 26
26BY THIS POINT,you should be able to see where this is going. Once again, last night’s activities did nothing to free me of my cursed nocturnal visions. On the plus side, the dreams did not get more horrific this time, like they did after Saturday night. It’s a small blessing, but I’ll take it.On the bright side, when I look out the window I see the parking it is once again lit up by cop cars, so it seems Nick is back on schedule. Yay, for that ...I send Zeke a text, asking for more information about the newest kill and then head down to the spa for my daily spa appointment. Apparently Bill’s gotten more comfortable with me over the last week, ‘cause he goes a bit further south on my backrub than he has so far. I don’t raise any objections, though, because there’s plenty of tension in that area, too. I briefly consider suddenly flipping over and seeing just how willing Bill is to risk losing his job (seeing as Duke isn’t doing the trick to get rid of my fucking
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 25
25AFTER ALMOST ANentire week of sleeping through never-ending sex nightmares, I’ve more or less gotten used to waking up with every muscle in my body knotted and barely even register the tension coursing through every limb. I pull myself out of bed and cross to the window to look outside, fully expecting to see another caravan of Red and Blue cars clogging up the hotel parking lot. But, aside from the normal cars of the guests and staff of the hotel, the lot is empty. Not even one cop car in sight.You’d think that would ease my concerns, but instead it heightens them. After consistently killing someone each night for the last three nights (four if you count Craig the Waiter—which I’m still not entirely convinced we should be), why would Nick—or whichever of his minions is currently stalking The Hotel Dickson—suddenly take a break? I try to tell myself maybe it’s just the body hasn’t been found yet, but I can’t believe it would be that easy.By this point, the spa receptionis
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 24
24WE GET BACKto the hotel as twilight is settling in and return to my room to start breaking down Nick’s latest string of killings. Seeing as I’m the one who discovered the code in Duluth, Mary Sue lets me take point on this exercise. We start off with my recapping how I stumbled upon Nick’s code in the first place.“I didn’t just luck out and happen upon it right away,” I begin. “I’d been going through the case files for several hours. I was starting to lose it, so I decided to go to square one and just list out each victim, like this.”It takes me a minute to recall every name, but one thing I’ve always been proud of is my memory. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I have an eidetic memory, but pretty close to that. It’s one of the reasons I hold grudges for so long.Anyway, I eventually get it all written out, and then underline the first letter of each name on the list.Susan BakerAdam JacksonRaven ArronsonAmaranda CosackHenry PollsKyle AndrewsIan BondLavanna
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 23
23MUCH TO MY utter disappointment and annoyance, the dreams do not abate that night. There is, however, one more tiny change to the narrative of the cycle. Previously, at the part where Jason/Duke turned into Nick, it was kind of a seamless change; one second it was Jason or Duke making love to me, and then it was Nick. I thought thatwas disturbing enough. Now, as Duke and I are going at it, I take a knife, plunge it into his back. Then, without losing a beat to the thumping of our passions, Duke reaches behind himself and begins pulling his skin away from the hole I just made in his back. He pulls and pulls, and his skin stretches, until he’s peeled it all off, revealing Nick underneath.Look, as you’ve undoubtedly figured out by now, I ain’t exactly a squeamish girl. I’ve watched my share of grotesque horror movies, and more often than not they just make me laugh or want to work as a consultant for Hollywood horror writers. However, that is some seriouslyfucked-up shit
