Chapter 1

Born and raised in a not-so-good environment, suffering for the same reasons that all normal people suffer, but in an environment where no normal person should live... this is how I was raised; this is how I lived, this is how I grew up, and probably this is how I will die.

When my heart which is made of me, decides to stop the body that is also made of me.

“ I already told Beatrice I have no interest whatsoever in our father's plans, I'm not like you”

 I said while my older sister fluffed my prom dress, she had been my mother since she put a bullet in my head on my fifth birthday, tragic, but I avoided thinking too much about it so I wouldn't end up going crazy than usual. It's not like it's the year 1500 when a woman doesn't have a chance to fall in love. I don't know how you don't mind this!

“ I don't mind this because I follow orders, Antonella, and you should too! Because I'm tired of always saving you from our father's wrath. You know how hard it's been lately”

 by lately she means since my mother left by her own choice since she decided to leave this world and her two daughters at the mercy of a sweet but megalomaniacal guy who put the Mafia famiglia above the blood famiglia

 “ So you don't help matters by complaining?”

"Who's coming to the ball tonight?"

Beatrice was an athletic type, showing everywhere her delicate nose and blue eyes framed by her blond and extremely straight hair, besides having a huge heart, and accepting everything my father Arturo put as a rule, as absurd as the rule might seem to human eyes.

"You know Isabella, the usual, the families."

she was always so evasive, I was annoyed with her unwillingness to even answer simple things, she always seemed to be hiding. The truth is, I began to think that she, deep down, or not so deeply, loved the plans my father had for her.

Marriage to a rich and influential man who is an integral part of Famiglia, summers in Tuscany under the intense sun with a drink to play the tanned wife and trophy, about three or four children for her to strictly fulfill the role of the wife ...

Well, she seemed happy to know that this was her destiny, although she said she wouldn't mind staying home that year, without a wedding, without radiant summers, and under the constant supervision of our father.

And he promised you to any family specifically?

"I kept asking because besides being a boring lecturer, I was also extremely curious about everything.”

"He promised me the Salvatore family. "

She said, already leaving me because she knew I was going to listen to the biggest nonsense” And

do you think it's normal to be promised to someone in that family?

"Get over it Isabella, it happened more than ten years ago, we are no longer the children of the playground, we are adults with wedding intentions! "

she said going to my mother's jewelry drawer, it was all I didn't want to wear, but it was my father's only requirement. I think that's how he pretended to keep her memory alive while in every room with a girl the same age as my sister.

"They have a bad reputation, Beatrice, and you know it very well! The whole family is extremely rude, speaks very loudly, and eats with his mouth open... have you ever had a good look at Donatella... the sister?”

"No matter Isabella, what's yours? Why are you trying to discourage me? Enough of this, have I taken care of you? Now turn around, I must get ready too. Ask some of the staff to help you.”

Yes, she was offended by my infamous comments.

“But understand, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to hurt my sister, I'm not against marriage, much less against living a great love.

But does everything have to be done in such a sad and commercial way?”

A marriage was arranged in mid-2022 as if we were religious extremists... I can't handle it. She didn't seem happy, she didn't arrive with butterflies in her stomach after a meeting saying she was deeply in love, to the point where she couldn't do anything but think about that man. I didn't see her crying as she watched a sunset with her beloved, much less anxious for her next visit.

Everything was so cold, so together... it was scary.

I wanted to fall in love, that's on my list of goals... falling in love in such a crazy, giant way that I couldn't stay a second away from the person I loved... because after I discovered her existence I couldn’t live without her.

I wanted the excitement of the movies, the thrill of dating... the thrill of a wet kiss in the middle of the rain.

Does that sound like something that can't happen? Am I demanding too much when I say I want to get married for love?

"Miss Isabella... Your sister sent me here to help you..."

said one of the maids

" Don't worry about it, I think I can close my sandals... I can't believe she was bothering you with such a trivial thing!"

“Oh, it's okay.”

That's what we're here for, she said, smiling.

" Downstairs, is it crowded? Is my dad down yet?'

“Yes, he's already downstairs... some families also arrived... but I wouldn't say it's too full, just normal.”

Then it's FULL!

I said looking at her and falling into a warm but melancholy laugh, I don't know why I had this feeling that I was going to a slaughterhouse and after I went down those stairs something would change forever.

I was going to miss Beatrice, I was going to miss being able to go to her room at night, even if she was an eighteen” year” old horsewoman, and I was going to miss her sweet talk whenever I was hurt by something my father did. I will miss always having your buddha” like patience and practical advice on life and how to resolve conflicts. Maybe that's why she wants to run away so much to live her own life.

I finished getting ready and waited for Beatrice to show up in my room for our prom dress ritual.

Twenty minutes passed and there she was inside the room with her full smile.

"Shall we go, honey? "

she said the same way my mother used to talk

"Come on, my sister? '

I answered as usual, but that night I felt the need to say something else

'More... I'm sorry for being a burden to you! I wish you much happiness in this new stage of your life, and may your future husband fall in love with you today!'

'Thank you, Isabella. I was so worried. upon... leaving him here... and that you said... thank you, my sister!'

 she hugged me very tight “ I'm afraid...

 she confided

"Why?

“ I'm afraid he doesn't like me...”

She took my hand, and we started down the hallway before the stairs, she was nervous, I could tell by the way her voice was echoing in the empty hallway.

“ Calm down Beatrice!”

“ I am calm, I am breathing deeply.”

“ Think about it, we always have the advantage of an arranged marriage... so he may hate you, but he will still be forced to marry you.’

Wow, I messed up on that one.

“ You're not helping Isabella Lion... Damn it!”

I'd never heard her swear, it was critical.

And just like that she took another deep breath, fully recovered from her outburst, and went downstairs while everyone stared at her, it was the Beatrice effect throughout the room? everyone was amazed at her grace and beauty, at her way of always being sweet and always have a light smile on her face.

And the deranged woman of a few minutes ago no longer existed, now she was Beatrice Lion again.

I, the black sheep of the family, came down right behind, I wasn't given to such conventions, so I didn't smile, or wave, much less went downstairs in a flashy and pompous way, I just went downstairs as fast as I could to blend in with all those people, if I was lucky no one would notice my presence all night long and I could occasionally take a long breath in the garden.

“Ah... my girls... how beautiful you are!”

said my father coming closer to hug us

“Are you talking about me and Beatrice or are you including your almost underage mistress?”

 I said sarcastically.

 

“ Take it easy Isabella?”

said Beatrice scolding me.

“ That's impossible Beatrice, you are a delight... sweet, beautiful, intelligent... he is lucky that his father is crazy and is organizing this wedding! Shall we go down?”

“ Today is not a day for fighting my child, today is a day of celebration, it's an important day for your sister and I hope you don't ruin it!”

 The message was clear, I should stay away.

And I did, because I didn't care about the party, I didn't care about being seen by everyone, I didn't care if the music was good or bad, I just wanted Beatrice to have some taste of what a normal relationship experience is, not with all this middle age pressure.

“ Are they here?”

 she said anxiously.

“ Yes, look there, they are coming towards us.”

 

I looked for all the ways to escape and succeeded, thank God.

 

I didn't have to witness this horrible and embarrassing moment and before the pompous family could get close, I disappeared out the front door and into the first bush I could find.

“ Someone has come to hide too.”

said a tall man, I'm not going to lie, he was so handsome you couldn't stop staring at him. His brown hair was messy and his green eyes marked his beauty. His plump lips framed his lined white smile, he was smoking a carefree cigarette... which had nothing to do with the tuxedo he was wearing.

I was speechless without direction... not knowing whether to run or stay.