4

ROSE

"You are.. what?!" Mother's black eyes widened. She clasped her hands together to prevent herself from threading them through her spiral curls.

"She said she was engaged," Nana answered loudly before taking a sip of her coffee. Her gray Senegalese changed as she readjusted her position in the wicker chair across from me.

"How? Where? To whom? Last time I checked, you said single!" The brown skin around my mother's eyes wrinkled.

"It's complicated." Yes, that's one way of saying it.

Maybe I wasn't prepared for a conversation like this the day after the engagement party from hell.

“Don't keep us waiting here. I don't know how long I'll have on this earth, and with the way you stammer, you're going to have a pre-wedding funeral," Nana added with a serious look on her face. She was probably the reason I could fake engagement in front of a room full of strangers as long as I did.

"There's not much to plan because I'm on the run."

"Excuse me?!" The sound of my mother's rapid breathing made my smile fade away. "Without friends you're not. You're my only child and I won't let you get married in the back room of the courthouse." 

“What's wrong with that? That's how I got married.” Nana actually sounded offended. 

“Exactly my opinion, Mother,” Mother said. 

“Convenient location. I took my newlyweds to Bourbon Street, and your dad and I did a night there. "

I know the day I was conceived. No need to rehash that story." 

I'm not sure how these two live under the same roof without me as an intermediary. "Do you both want to hear my story or are you more concerned that I'll scar me for life?" 

“The story,” they both replied. 

I told them about how Edwards and I realized our true feelings during the dangerous turbulent flight to Tokyo. How I cried when I was about to die in a plane crash and how Edwards kissed me to make it stop. The hardest part of my lie was to say that I kept our relationship a secret for a year because I wasn't sure how it would turn out.

It's funny how that lie is the most believable of all I've achieved with men.

“Are you trying to tell me you're engaged to Edwards West? Willing?" My mother wheezed,

"It's hard to believe, isn't it?" 

She stopped to look at me. "No. Not really, to be honest. " 

I gaped. "What?" 

Grandma laughed. “Oh, come on. You skipped Christmas last year to spend time with him in Tokyo.”

"I'm working."

Nana laughed. “Yes. We all love to work, honey. Some more than others. And preferably more than once a day.” 

I choke when I drink coffee. “I think libidos are diminishing. with age." 

"I've got memories that last a lifetime." 

Mom groaned, "By all means, feel free to take them to your grave." 

Nana howled with laughter.

Mom sat down beside me and pulled my left hand into hers. She assessed my ring. me from all angles. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

I nodded. "Of course." 

At least Edwards and you can be together in the afterlife. 

“It seems so…” Mother struggled. 

"Unexpectedly?" 

"Right." 

“It's… special. I really love him. “I need all my will to speak frankly.

She tilted her head. My mother always dismissed the truth from me, one way or another. I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something stupid.

Like the truth?

Oh, shut up. I forced my gnawing conscience to step back.

"He's your boss."

"I know."

"He's a lot older than you."

"Isn't that a bad thing because I only see the positives," Nana asked.

I didn't miss a beat. "

Mother sighed. "No. We can't."

A feeling of guilt tightened around my heart like a tight knot. She was the child descended from loving someone she shouldn't have, and I am the result. The result was unexpected.

She squeezed my hand reassuringly. "As long as you're happy, then I'm happy for you." 

I nodded because I was afraid of what might come out of my mouth. If my mother knowing the truth behind my engagement, I'm not sure she would support her. She's a worrier I'm sure she would worry about me tying myself to a man who mostly She didn't like me and a child he didn't want.She wanted me more than to follow in her footsteps.

My anxious thoughts grew as Nana opened her mouth and asked, "So, when do we meet him?"

I opened the front door and found Ross leaning against the frame.

"You've been avoiding me," he said.

"It's like I'm dealing with the failure of my actions." I give Ross some room to enter my apartment. He instantly made the space feel ten times smaller. While my apartment isn't much, it's all mine after years of hard work and people doubting me.

He navigated through a minefield of potted plants before dropping onto my worn leather couch. "Why did you do that?"

I sat across from him and knelt on my chest. "Because I'm stupid."

"How do you break up with every boyfriend before it gets 'too real' to agree to marry my brother?"

"When you put it that way, it sounds a bit out of the ordinary."

He laughs. "What happened to swearing at men forever?"

“Well, forever seems like a long time when you think about it…”

“The woman who thinks her ex-boyfriend bought her a spare toothbrush is” too fast. "

“This is different. "Sure, my relationship history isn't the prettiest. I'm always the one who bows before things happen because fear makes me act first and regret later. My stereotypes weren't the healthiest, but they stopped me from becoming my mother. Because while I loved her, growing up watching her abusive marriage to my father made me never put myself in that position. Loving means losing more than I am willing to part with.

Ross jerked me out of his head. "Oh it's okay. You are getting married. And give birth. As in you will make me an uncle. “

My stomach curled up. “I know that sounds crazy—”

“That's because it's crazy.”

I raised my hand. "So why are you encouraging it?"

"Because I don't think you'll actually go through it!"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

He lamented. "My brother is the last kind of man you should marry."

A pain in my chest is increasing. "Why?"

“Because he will hurt you. It's second nature to him, and it's only a matter of time before you get caught up in the wind.”

“It's great that you have to worry, except our relationship is nothing more than a contractual agreement. There will be no chance for him to hurt me.”

That's why I agreed with this whole idea in the first place. If I was worried about risking my heart, I would never say yes. But given Edwards' lack of interest in relationships and my fear of commitment, we fit perfectly.

"You can love him."

I laughed until tears welled up in my eyes. "Edwards and I could be the last two on Earth and I would still choose my vibrator over him."

Ross' lips curled in disgust. "TMI."

"That's right!"

"Then how do you plan to have a child together?"

"With the help of someone in a white coat." While I haven't reviewed the contract Edwards signed,

“Having children together creates a bond between two people that can never be severed.” A dark look crossed his face, and the pain in my chest increased.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I know that."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

I do not. Not a jot. But instead of letting my anxiety swallow me whole, I pulled back and faced my reality.

"Marriage can be difficult, but I'm willing to give it all."

I can only hope that now I don't look back and regret all the choices I made.