1. Hookup

1. Hookup

<<.Riley.>>

‘Nice… Your turn West… Quick! I don’t have the entire night.’

He grabs my waist to pull me closer and I scream.

…

---Present Day ---

It’s almost Seven in the evening and I am freaking out. I have not finalized a damn dress yet. This date will blow up in my face if I don’t calm down.

I am sure I have something to wear. Something comfortable enough. I am a little skittish right now. Because I am planning to have — sex. After like… almost two years.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to tag along?” Natalie, my bestie, asks me for a millionth time and I roll my eyes while browsing my closet for a dress.

“If you want to cheat on Jacob and hook up with some new guy… Then you are most welcome… if not, then no. There is no need for you to come with me.” I tell her, trying to sound casual, but I am annoyed. After that incident, everyone treats me as if I cannot take care of myself. Yes, I am freaking out a little. But it doesn’t mean she has to shove it in my face.

Natalie crosses her arms and scowls. “I don’t need to cheat on him. I am happy! And content.”

“Yeah, I am sure she is having lots and lots of phone sex,” Ira, my roommate, laughs at her and Natalie scowls harder. Her boyfriend is not in the same city. Considering her huge sexual appetite, we all know it is hard for her.

I turn and quirk my brow at Ira.

“Somebody didn’t come back last night.” I drawl while throwing some useless clothes out of the closet onto the floor.

“Oh my God! Don’t tease me about phone sex when you are having full on action in your life.” Natalie smacks her arm.

Ira is Natalie’s childhood friend. I chose not to be roommates with my own best friend because I couldn’t stand the pity in her eyes. So I was surprised when I ended up with Ira instead. To this day, I suspect there was some foul play in it.

“What the hell!” I mutter under my breath, when one more short length dress finds its way to my hand. I don’t like short dresses.

Finally, my eyes fall on a maroon dress hidden in a corner and I exclaim, ”Oh God! It’s perfect!” It’s a floral knee-length, v neck dress. I feel the soft fabric on my fingertips. Soft and cozy. Just what I like.

I think to myself, smiling.

“It’s a full sleeve!” Ira makes a face and my smile falters.

“It’s a little chilly today, and she is always cold. So I guess it’s for the best.” Natalie offers a reply, and I am thankful.

Mom says scars on my back and arms are not visible anymore. But I think otherwise. If I can see those, I am sure others can too. Last thing I want is to talk about how I got them.

“So, are you still coming?” I smirk at her while removing my clothes to wear the dress.

“Told you, NO!” Natalie grumbles.

…

When I am about to get in the cab, Natalie gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers, “Don’t push yourself…”

“I won’t.“ I tell her quietly.

“You don’t need to worry about anything.... He is perceptive and good in bed,” she tells me and I shake my head.

“Better than Jacob?” I ask, to suppress my resentment.

She is anxious, and I know it. But she needs to realize her worry is getting to me.

“Nooo! Obviously not!... But he will take care of you. If you know what I mean.” She winks at me.

Natalie had a date cum hookup package arranged for me. I couldn’t risk hooking up with someone unknown. I have seen this guy around in a few classes, so I am fairly confident and looking forward to enjoying my evening. Hopefully, I will break this stupid celibacy tonight.

…..

The cab pulls over in front of the restaurant and I see him waiting for me already. He paces towards the cab and opens the door for me.

Such a gentleman!

“Thanks, Nicolas!”

He rolls his eyes. “For God’s sake! It’s Nico! I told you over the phone.” He complains and I laugh. We have talked over calls a few times to make sure we can at least hold a normal conversation.

We enter the restaurant and take a table in a corner for some privacy. I glance around and take in the surroundings. It’s a darkly lit restaurant with beautiful patterns of blue and red spotlights. The dark walls are decorated with posters and music equipment. Music is very light, as if they don’t want to suppress the chatter.

Nico orders some food for both of us. Because just like my clothes, I take forever to choose my food.

We talk about college, and career plans while enjoying our food. Conversation somehow falls at why he isn’t into relationships.

“It’s just not my thing! I don’t like being bound to someone. Believe me, I have tried and cheated once.” he admits casually.

“Oh!” I say, flabbergasted by his sudden admission.

“It was messy.“ He says, and I see a flicker of regret on his face. “I was wrong, so I thought I should try not to get into a relationship If I can’t be faithful.” He shrugs.

“Bold of you to admit that,” I say.

“Nice of you to keep calm and not walk out yet,” he laughs.

My eyes widen.

“Have you admitted this to girls before?”

“Of Course yes… you are not that special Riley.” He smirks and I laugh.

“What was the worst reaction you got?”

“Oh, well…” he says ruefully. “A girl threw her drink at me. Even though it was only a hookup setting, not some date…”

I gape at him. “It must be a sore topic for her,” I say, and he nods.

“I… admit it openly to make sure I don’t do it again. It’s a pleasant reminder why relationships and I don’t fit together…” He says, taking a sip of his drink.

He is honest. I like that.

“What about you? Why are you still single…” He shoots me back a question and I give him a naughty grin.

“What makes you think I am not in a relationship?”

He laughs. “Oh, come on! I am not blind Riley. I haven’t seen you with any boy ever since we joined college.I am sure you have been single for more than a year and a half.”

“Come on, tell me the real reason.” He coaxes. “I am surprised how boys have left you single for this long… “

I smile and admit truthfully, “I am still not over my ex.”

And the fact that he raped me.

Rape or whatever it was…

My heartbeat quickens and my mind unwillingly goes towards the same night. The last time we had sex… The consensual one. One that wasn’t forced.

“I think we should call it a night.” I blare out to force myself in the present.

The last thing I want is to fall into that rabbit hole of terrible memories.

2. Failed Attempt

<<.Riley.>>

The tension in the air is palpable, and my heart is beating fast. We are in the lift and he is standing too close. A shiver passes down my body when he places his palm on my back. I had completely forgotten how it felt. The thrill of the unknown. Eagerness and nervous expectation of spending intimate time with someone.

Why didn’t I try this sooner?

As I enter his apartment, he pulls me closer. I hesitantly look around.

“My roommates aren’t home tonight,” He says and leans in for a kiss. I kiss him back, and my whole body tingles. He tastes like the mocktail we drank. I laugh into his mouth. He pulls away and chuckles.

“What’s so funny?”

“You taste like oranges.” I giggle. I think I am too nervous.

“And you sound drunk even though we didn’t have any alcohol yet.”

He pulls away and drags me along with him to the kitchen. He opens the fridge and takes out two beer bottles.

“I- I am okay…” I shake my head when he offers me beer.

He shrugs. “Are you okay with me drinking?”

“Yea! No problem.“

My eyes flicker at a bowl of strawberries on the counter, and my heartbeat quickens. I swallow hard. Maybe drinking wouldn’t be a bad idea. It might take the edge off. I grab the bottle before he can put it back in the fridge.

He laughs and takes a swig of his drink while leaning on the counter. I take a sip too, unsure if drinking will relax or spook me.

He keeps his eyes on me while taking sips, and I want to curl myself. His gaze is too strong.

He puts the bottle on the counter, then grabs my arm to pull me closer.

“You are damn beautiful…” He says and puts a strand of stray hair behind my ear.

I look at his face and smile. He is handsome too. I am sure girls fall for him all the time. He picks a strawberry from the bowl and places it on my lips.

I could deny him. It’s been a while since I had a strawberry. I could tell him I don’t like those. I could make an excuse that I have allergies. But that’s absurd. This night is about doing things I stopped doing. I will come out of my zone.

So I lick my lips and suck on it.

“Fuck… looks like you know your way around a cock,” he says, in a low husky voice, and yanks me closer. I fall onto his body and his hard cock pokes at my hips.

“I have been hard the whole evening,“ he admits and I open my mouth to take a bite. As juices spread inside my mouth, he leans in to taste it. It’s an open mouth hungry kiss. Passionate even. I moan as the heat pool between my legs.

This is going well.

He traces my body with his palms, exploring me, and I enjoy his warm, muscular hands wrapped around me. He pulls the hem of my dress up.

I pull away and whisper, “Not here…”

Not in the kitchen.

He nods and drags me towards his bedroom.

“Someone is impatient, ”I quip, and he chuckles.

He tries to turn on the lamp, but I pull him for a kiss. We don’t need to turn on the damn light. I want to get naked tonight. It would be better if the room is darker. We fall into his bed as he tastes my lips. He hovers over me and I can see his face in the light pouring into the room from the window. He rubs his cock into my hips and I gasp.

I close my eyes to take in all the sensations. How good it feels and how I have been craving for this. Just stay calm. I take a deep breath as I feel a sense of accomplishment.

I lie on his bed as he straddles me.

He touches the hem of my dress and asks, “Do you want me to do it?”

I open my eyes in alarm.

What? I thought I heard him say…

Fuck breathe…

“Yes,” I tell him.

He pulls my dress up above my waist. I wiggle to remove the dress, but he leaves it above my breasts instead.

“Bloody hell!” he says as he sees my lacy bra and thong. He squeezes my breasts in a tight hold and says, “Nice assets you have…”

My heartbeat quickens and breath turns frantic.

How- How is it possible?

Did he say that?

No. I shake my head. My mind is making it up.

Breathe…

Fucking breathe Riley…

I unbuckle his belt, then unbutton his jeans with shaking fingers.

I will be fine.

He removes his jeans, and boxer shorts, and I widen my legs for him. He pulls my panty aside and nudges me with his cock.

“Remind me to be gentle with you Riley…” He groans as he tries to find his way inside me. The moment his tip touches my folds, my whole body freezes and my vision blurs with wetness pooling in my eyes.

Nico looks at me, alarmed, and says something. But I cannot make it out. All my senses are fogged. When I blink, I see his face. The one who is not in the room. The one who is not in my life but still makes me miserable.

….

I don’t know how or when Nico realized something was terribly wrong with me. Was it my tears or my breathlessness?

I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.

Right now, I am sitting in his car and he is driving me to my dormitory building. Every time he glances towards me, I feel I will melt into a puddle with shame.

To my relief, he doesn’t ask me anything and drops me quietly. I shouldn’t have tried this tonight. I ruined his evening too.

Will he tell others how pathetic I was tonight?

I am not sure what triggered me.

His dubious choice of words or the taste of strawberries in my mouth? or the fact that I wasn’t even naked.

…

When I reach my room, I see the light is still on and my stomach churns. I don’t want to talk about it. Ira will ask me how the date went.

What will I tell her?

I open the door and see Natalie on my bed. Ira is asleep.

“Did he call you?”

She shakes her head.

“I know you don’t like it, but I was anxious,” she admits hesitantly.

She doesn’t ask me anything. Probably my face says it all.

“I don’t want to change,” I say as I climb into bed with her.

Then I hug her tight and break into sobs. She stays quiet and strokes my hair while I cry for a long time and finally fall asleep.

To my dismay, he creeps into my dreams to haunt me.

……

–That day–

“You wouldn’t mind a nice fuck, sweetie, would you?”

“Please, no…”

“Do you want me to do it?” He asks, and I try to move away from him.

He grabs my arm tight and pulls me closer. The wound on my arm is hurting. My whole back hurts.. I cry harder in pain.

“I am really really trying to make it easy for you… You aren’t even naked yet.”

“Please, I swear to God I wouldn’t say a word…”

“I am being really gentle with you right now. If I was heartless, I would have let my men rape you, then ask your boyfriend to do it again anyway… So fucking cooperate and stop crying like a bitch…”