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Sinking Down, Part III
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Maybe I hadn't notice, but I think I already had feelings for Toma back then. He already became so special because we've been friends for so long. Though I didn't want to admit it, falling for a guy was a weird thing for me because I was always taught by my parents that every guy is meant to be with a girl.
But now that Toma is mine, I don't care what they say anymore. I just wanna be with the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. "Ugh…" I suddenly felt uneasy with the headache I just had, my fever wasn't going down too even if I already had taken some medicine earlier.
Lunch time was already over and I still haven't eaten. All I could do was to keep laying down since I lost my appetite, and then bear the damn headache I get repeatedly. It was very annoying. I couldn't sleep properly either, so all I have left to do was nothing.
I hate getting r
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I immediately went back at the dorm so that I can check on Yuji. And when I got there, he was still laying on my bed. I felt a bit relieved when I saw he ate the food I made him.I quickly rushed to touch his forehead so I can check on his temperature. And fortunately, he was already doing good. "Phew, thank goodness his fever went down." I was really worried this morning, he was unusually hot... well he was always hot to me, but his fever is really something else this morning."Mmm, Toma?" Yuji woke up and stared at me with his sleepy eyes."Ah. I'm sorry I woke you up, you should go sleep more.""...m'kay." He closes his eyes again."I'll be leaving for a bit, I'm just going to buy us dinner." I told him, but he grabbed on my arm tightly. It's like he didn't
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As Toma left, I felt an immeasurable amount of disappointment. Why did he left just like that? Won't he be start acting like a perv whenever he sees me naked? I settled down at his bed and thought hard about his actions. Why would he leave so suddenly? Is it because he don't want to see me anymore? Did he realize that he doesn't actually love me? Did he hate me now for the rude things I've done to him? "Aw shit." I feel like crying when I think about it. I'm not usually this emotional, maybe it's the fever working on it but still… why the heck did he just leave me!? Hours passed by and I couldn't sleep a wink. I haven't even eaten the food he bought. My mind just kept going on and on about Toma. I wanted to call him over the phone though I doubt he'll answer. My fever also went down while I was tirelessly thinking of him, I decided to go f
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"Toma, do you want to break up with me?" This was too sudden, I think I'm not prepared if he does say he wants to but the earlier the better. I'll recover as soon as I get this over with.His eyes just widens from surprise. He takes my hands and looked at me seriously. "W-What?! I would never! What made you think I want to break up with you?""I-It's just that lately I've been the worst to you, right?""Yuji…""I know I'm making you sad by keeping this relationship a secret… and it's just as hard for me to keep acting like this too. You must hate me for being like this—""Quit that non-sense!" He pulled me closer and kissed me. "I don't care about that at all. All that matters to me is that you're mine."
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I opened my eyes to find myself burried in Toma's chest. It was already morning and I was a bit worried that he's going to be late for the first class. "Hey, aren't you going to attend class?""Not when you're sick, I got to take better care of my boyfriend, you know?""I'll be in your care then." I said, smiling.He just laughs nervously and blushed hard. "Yeah, and uhm, about last night. I just want to make things clear, I meant all of what I said. Are you not bothered by it?"I chuckled and had to admit something myself. "You know given my circumstances, I'm quite the same. I always see you in a different way before though I always tell myself that you're just a friend. But the feelings were undeniable whenever those girls approach you, I think I'm a jealous type."
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Since Toma had something to do with his other friends, I was left alone to go home. It felt nice being by myself once in a while and I get to sort my thoughts in a more focused manner. I went to the mall to buy some stuff out of boredom before going home.And everytime my eyes see a couple passing by, it would remind me of my thoughts of earlier. Will things be better between us if I was the other gender? I'm still not entirely comfortable with my secret relationship with Toma. I was still very unsure of a lot things, but the only important thing I know right now is that I love him.While I look through some books in the novel section there was this unexpected person who approached me. "Hey! It's nice to see you again, Yuji." Yuu smiled very brightly."Ah, hey. Nice to see you too." I casually replied.
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He's definitely hiding something from me."Damn it Yuji, can't you even trust me?" I sighed as I grabbed some snacks off the shelf. I don't feel like seeing him like that right now so I thought of taking a stroll somewhere.After buying the stuff I need, I head some place who knows where. I kept staring at a distance while I sipping on my drink. "Haa… I should've brought an extra jacket."Lately it's been too cold…I'm happy but sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating, is this how it is being with Yuji? It's like a rollercoaster with so many twist and turns. I know he loves me but the way he pushes me away these past few days kinda hits hard. The way how restricted our relationship is, it's almost like a crime to hold his hand in public."Heh, but I
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