Sara

Two nights ago, on a full moon, I hadn’t made it out of the house in time before I started to change. Chai had warned me that we needed to be away from my parents because Chai could end up attacking them if we didn’t get out of there. Though we can transform whenever and where ever we want, we can’t control the urge on a full moon. We would also become dangerous; as a new wolf, we wouldn’t be able to stop ourselves from hurting people.

I tried to sneak out, but Paul caught me, and he refused to listen to my pleas. My eyes changed colour before his eyes, and he yelled for Jill. Both of them accused me of taking drugs until they saw my claws growing.

I started screaming for them to let me out; the pain of shifting didn’t even register. As anyone would, Paul and Jill froze in place, mouths agape as they watched me change before their eyes.

Paul opened a window when Chai made a move towards Jill, growling as though she would attack. The fresh air hit, and Chai jumped out of the window and ran to the forest. I haven’t learned to control Chai yet, so I have to go with whatever she wants when she’s in charge of my body.

When I returned home the following day, it wasn’t without fear. I was terrified that Paul and Jill would reject me as their daughter, and I was proven right the moment I walked through the door.

I tried to explain what I knew about my condition to the two people I loved most in the world. They didn’t want to hear it and promptly told me to get out of their faces. I went to my room, hoping they’d calm down, and in time, we could talk things through.

Neither of them spoke to me the following day. Paul didn’t look at me when he said that he’d rather I didn’t go to work. I didn’t protest; I simply nodded my head in agreement.

They left for work early and came home late at night. I sat on the stairs, listening to them talking about me. Most of what they were saying, I expected. I didn’t expect to hear Jill say, ‘I should never have taken her, Paul. Why didn’t you make me take her back?’

To which he replied, ‘I told you to take her back! I told you that this would happen, but you didn’t listen. Christ, what did you expect me to do when you begged me, Jill? Maybe if you hadn’t lost your damn mind, you wouldn’t have walked into that house and taken Jethro’s child! I told you it would backfire, Jill. I told you it would come back to haunt us, no matter what you did to try and prevent the inevitable happening.’

‘I know,’ Jill sniffed. ‘I’m so sorry that I didn’t listen, Paul. What do we do now?’

I didn’t wait around to listen to anymore. I didn’t understand what they were talking about, and my mind didn’t linger on it because it hurt too much. I took myself to bed, hoping that in the morning, they’d be ready to talk to me.

However, when I woke this morning and came down for breakfast, Paul told me it would be best if I left. Jill said nothing while her husband explained that they couldn’t deal with me any longer. Had they known that I was a monster, they never would have brought me home in the first place.

They broke my heart today. I can’t believe Jill and Paul could be so careless.

How could they toss me aside as though I was never anything to them?

You don’t cast out your child because they’re different. Hell, they don’t even care that I have little money and nowhere to go. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve done their job, and now it’s time for me to leave.

“Aren’t either of you going to say anything?” I ask while holding the strap of my bag against my shoulder.

There’s not much in my bag because I won’t be able to carry anything bigger. I’m going to be sleeping on the streets, so what’s the point of dragging around possessions that I won’t need?

Most of my clothes and personal belongings will have to stay here. I doubt they’ll be here long in any case. I have a feeling that Paul and Jill will either throw it all away or burn it all. But things are just things; I won’t die without them.

I’m not naïve to the world around me when it comes to danger. Jill drummed it into my head over and over the risks of people with ill-intent. But I’m also not strong, and I’m scared of what might happen to me out there. However, Chai told me not to worry because she’ll protect me. I only hope she can.

“Take care,” Paul says, but Jill says nothing and keeps her back to me.

Emotion fills my eyes and nose as I look at them one last time. They can’t bear to look at me because I’m a monster – a monster they don’t understand and won’t even try to. A tear slips my eye as I turn and walk away from the only parents I have ever known.

Chai told me something about the dangers of wandering into Dalgaard Forest, just as my parents once did. It belongs to a wealthy family, it’s private land, and they aren’t the kind of people you mess with; they’re dangerous. Chai doesn’t know how she knows, but she feels it in her bones. Usually, she won’t let me walk any further than five miles into the forest, but I need to keep going today.

I realised that Chai shouldn’t be as nervous and naïve as she is. Wolves are powerful creatures, yet mine seems timid and afraid of most things, mainly the forest. I’ve tried to get her to dig deep inside herself and find out why, but she won’t.

I wish I knew who I could turn to for help. Someone like me would be preferable, but I don’t know anyone else like me. Hell, I don’t even know if there are people out there like me or if I’m the only one. Having no friends to turn to doesn’t help matters. I feel so alone in the world. I am unwanted and unloved, and I don’t want to be here anymore. I want some peace, and I know Chai does too.

It’s like there’s a block stopping Chai and me from understanding this new world around us. We have nowhere to turn and no idea where the hell to go now.

I stand at the edge of the lake in Dalgaard Forest, the lake in which I first changed. I don’t know what first drew me here, but it seems to have become my safe haven.

This is where I sat a few days after my first transformation and listened to Chai telling me about the man she met here. Chai told me that the mysterious man said he was just like us, meaning he also has a wolf. I didn’t believe her because I fear I am the only one like me.

Chai called him our mate, but I didn’t know what she meant by that. She said that she didn’t understand either, then whimpered inside my head.

I tried to comfort her, but Chai cried and said she wasn’t the wolf I deserved. She then didn’t speak to me for two days, and I thought I’d lost her forever.

It may sound crazy, but since Chai came to me on the night of my first transformation, she became my best friend, my only friend, and I’d be lost without her.

When Chai came out of her depression, she begged me to find this ‘Mate’ because he’d love us. If she knew nothing else, she knew this man would protect us, and we’d be everything to him and his wolf.

I came back to this lake every day throughout the month, hoping the man would be here and Chai would point him out. But that has not happened once, and I have to assume Chai imagined him here. I don’t want to doubt her, but she’s always so unsure about everything that it’s hard not to think like that.

Now, as I sit on the edge of the lake, tears falling from my eyes, I want to end things. My birth parents didn’t want me, my adoptive parents hate me, my mate doesn’t exist, and I’m crazy. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to, I am mad, and I need peace.

Chai yells inside my head, but I ignore her. I take off my shoes, place them next to my bag, remove my coat, and do the same with that, and then my jumper. It’s freezing today, but I pay it no heed. Winter means nothing to me right now.

Why would it when I won’t be here to enjoy it?

In nothing but my black leggings and t-shirt, in a world of my own, I step into the freezing water. My mind is blank as I walk deeper into the lake. Soon, I’m submerged, and I close my eyes and let the world drift away.

‘I can’t believe you’ve killed us,’

‘I’m sorry, Chai. Maybe we’ll see each other in the physical when we reach a better place.’