Chapter Four

The Argument

I turned back to look at them and I saw their faces, my father’s face was filled with anger and rage. I had never seen him that angry in my entire years of existence.

I didn't care about the jar anymore, I just wanted to leave there that very moment. If wishes were horses, a beggar would ride one. If it was possible, I would have definitely played back time and start the day all over again but how could I? I couldn’t even move after hearing such words from my own father.

My mother was worried and scared, I looked into her eyes and she knew I had heard everything they said and talked about, the continuous argument they had had always been about me and just me.  How would I continue? I cannot bear mum always being hurt like this. My father loves his wife so much but because of me, they fight every day and every time, I feel so bad for my mum.

"Your mother asked you to leave, didn’t she? So what are you doing here eavesdropping? Is that what you are good at now? To just show up when you are not needed like you did when you were born?! Is that the only thing you were born to do" He asked in anger.

‘Kelvin!” Mother’s sonorous voice interrupted father. 

 My father asked me as I was still helpless behind the broken jar. I couldn't move. All I did was stare at him, even when he knew that a jar had broken, he didn't flinch and still went on with his anger.  Even if I die or get really injured? I doubt if he would care, I mean all he ever wanted was a male child so what should I even be bothered about? He had hated me since the day I was born; he never wanted a female child, more less one that cannot even get her basic practice right.

 

"Reign, are you okay? I hope you are not hurt, let us carefully move away from the glass" Mum asked me as she came to look at how I was; I saw the worry in her eyes. She checked me all around as I stood still in shock at what I just heard and how angry my father was.

"Is that what you are to ask her? What if the jar had gotten her hurt? You didn't ask how she is instead you are making this worse" Mother said defending me like she always does.

"Please cut it, if she had stayed in her room like she was told to, I mean she doesn’t even listen to anyone, instead she came to eavesdrop like a nobody that she is, would she have made that jar break?

Oh common, but what was I even expecting? a girl will always be a girl after all, what more can I expect from someone who shouldn't have been born" My father said, tears fell off my face the moment he said these words to me, I even…..”

"KELVIN!" That's enough!!” A voice interrupted us. I turned to look at whom it was even though the voice was very familiar.  “Come  on Reign, let us go to your room,” Beta Elvis said, showing up out of nowhere. He held my hands and he led me to my room, so many things ran through my mind.

“I want to go to the garden instead,” I said to Beta Elvis as I paused in the hallway leading to my room.

“Was that necessary? Calling your daughter a nobody? Making her feel like a nobody? Always hurting her like she doesn’t matter? Is that what you want? Is that it? You wanted a male child and no one is disputing your wants and your wishes but making her feel bad for her existence just because you need a warrior? All you ever care about is the other pack? Do you know your daughter’s favorite color? Do you want a male child? Just so he can fight wars and somehow you can be proud of it? And did you say I should marry her off? She doesn’t have any importance to you? Is she really a nobody to you? Did I give birth to her just to be used or sold off?

All you ever care about is the legacy and the other pack, isn’t it?” I heard my mother's voice from a distance. 

 

I sighed as thousands of thoughts ran through my mind at the same time. Instantly, my mood changed. I wasn’t interested in going to the garden anymore. 

 “I will be fine, I think I need a nap,” I said to Beta Elvis

“Okay. Please, be fine. Do not take his words to heart, okay?” Beta Elvis tried to calm me down.

“Of course” I nodded and went straight to my room and immediately locked the door. Today was just an ordinary eye opener that no matter what, the fact that I am not a boy that will grow up to be an alpha will remain unchanged and the harsh truth is that I will never be good enough for my father who is an Alpha. 

I finally understand and realize why my father, who is the Alpha, is always hard on me, and why he despises me so much.

He has always wanted a son, a male, his successor, someone brave, bold, and strong enough but what did I do? What am I to him? Just a girl; a daughter that he should not have had. A mistake.

I should have been born as a boy, sigh how did he feel when my birth was announced? Was he happy? No, he wasn’t happy with it and till now he still hasn’t accepted me, to think the only way he will ever accept me is as if I am the perfect warrior by tomorrow and that is impossible as of now.

Do I change my dressing? Do I ask the maid to get buy me or make me some clothes, that way I will fit in the role, But then again, it will just make dad very furious, he might even get angrier and say I am trying to be what I am not, asides that he might say the things I am to do, I haven’t even done them well enough and I am diving into something new, that isn’t an option either.

Do I cut my hair or get a boy's tattoo? I heard it isn’t so hard to do or as painful. I can ask Beta Elvis for some advice to cut my hair and wear more boys’ clothes. I will also get a tattoo and practice till I drop.

I nodded as I decided to do just that, for a moment it felt like all my problems have been solved not until I suddenly remembered that he mentioned my mother marrying me off, that won’t be possible if I cut off my hair and draw tattoos. Father’s rage will reach the sky and that would only be messy if I am being honest with myself. He might just have me killed. I disregarded the thought of getting a tattoo or even cutting my hair.

But if I were a boy, I would probably be as good-looking as dad and I would have his dashing hair and I would have been an Alpha, maybe I should do everything he wants me to do and win his validation and maybe he will like me because it’s all he wants after all.

I stayed in my room, I sat down by the window, and the view of the garden was always beautiful. I remember the scene this morning, where my mother saw my father and I liked it, if I ever get married, I want something like that

I was reminiscing about how they are with each other and how much they love each other, and how beautiful it is.

I saw mum dashing out to the gardens. 

I wanted to call out to her. Just by looking at her, I felt relieved and happy. I was a second from calling her name when I saw my father walking behind her. He was being careful as he wanted to touch her but he was scared. I may not know much but I think this is the first time that Luna is really angry at my father.

He had moments when he wanted to touch her but he waited, I watched but later he did.

"My Luna, you should know I care for you and our daughter and not only the war or the other clan, you should know I am here for you, you are my Luna. How and why would I trade you for a few moments of fights or taunts from the other clan, I really can't do that, you know I love you and I always will" I heard my father say to her and honestly, it was sweet, I mean it sounded sweet

"You care for me, yes I know that. I am not disputing it but do you love our daughter?  I know you do but have you ever shown it to her or to anyone else? You treat her unfairly just because she isn't a boy and she won't be an Alpha, you know if that is your only reason it is quite a selfish and wrong one, she isn't an object for you to use, regardless of war or anything like that. She is human and your daughter, take it easy and with pace.

You said a lot to the poor girl. You mentioned marriage,  Was she really  born just to be sold off? Who knows what is going on in her mind, she always questions her position and your love for her, it shouldn't be that way, and it never should have.

 I know you have your responsibilities as the Alpha and having a male child is one, but you can’t change what has happened: you might as well live with this truth and also, love your daughter" I watched my mother defend me over and over again but this isn't like them, they keep arguing because of me, they keep fighting for my sake.

My father keeps training for war, he keeps pushing me to my limit, and he wants to bring a son out of me which is impossible but seeing my mother having an argument with my father isn't something I look forward to, it doesn't feel right, I should just stay away. I think I should run away, I think I should leave maybe then and just then, they won't spend so much time arguing about me and yeah, my mother wouldn't so be bad and they would spend them together, going on walks, I like the part of them that is so in love and so sweet, I shouldn't ruin that.

The morning had passed, and my mother and father both left the garden to be inside, I really don't know the details as when they were arguing I buried myself under the bed covers, I couldn’t bear watching them argue, so I decided to sleep.

 Beta Elvis came and tried to explain to me that my father didn't mean all that he had said, he added I shouldn't take his harsh words to heart, he blamed the stress of being an alpha and the urge he has for me to become better, I listened to him say everything just to make it seem like father is right or my father had his reasons but if I am being honest, the words he talked about and everything he had said, I didn't really pay so much attention to them.

I agreed with Beta Elvis and I lied that I understood what he had said and what he meant. I even said I had forgotten about the whole issue, I lied even though I knew I hadn't forgotten about it, but he doesn’t need to know that.

I made some decisions when I woke up, I knew if I show myself to my father or my mother at this point now, that would mean that I still want them to engage in arguments and that isn’t what I want at this point, I mean the fact that Beta Elvis still came by to check and ask how I am faring up, which means they haven’t settled and I haven’t heard from mother or even heard her voice which  obviously means they are still on it or my father wasn’t successful in calming her down, she must be really hurt for her to be this way and for this long.