wanting yet hating

I almost changed my mind. Twice.

But I went anyway. What's the worse that could happen?

Because he was probably in pain.

His room door was opened. I had never been in Carlos's room before so I couldn’t tell if that was a norm. He was sitting on his bed, his head was up like he was waiting for me.

Carlos didn’t say a word as I came in.

“Heard you were injured. How’s it?”

He gave a painful smile. “Hurt’s like hell” I had planned to stay by the door and offer my condolences, but it was the first time for me to see Carlos shirtless. I couldn’t stop my legs from moving closer to him even if I tried.

“Why don’t you sleep, it’ll feel better by morning.”

“I tried. It hurts no matter how I turn.”

“What happened” I wondered how he got injured.

“Was knifed.” He answered roughly.

I looked at the haphazard bandage he’s wrapped around the wound. “I’ll redress it.”

“NO” His response was vehement.

I acted like I didn’t hear him. I brought the first aid box to the bed.

“You’ve got two options. 1 is to be a child and scream, there’s no big deal about that except that you’d be disturbing 32 people who had a very rough day, or you be a man and let me arrange your injury”’’

Nothing would have prepared me for response, “Would being a man make you look at me like you do Louis.”

It took me seconds to understand. “You think I’m fucking Louis.”

“Aren’t you?” Being nice to this man was a tough job. “Why don’t you ask him.”

“I don’t need to. You’re so fucking hot and you throw yourself into his arms every time while all you do is tease me.”

“I do not throw myself on anyone and neither am I a tease.” Carlos grabbed my waist with both hands as I tried to turn away.

“So what were you doing yesterday, in the pool” Hot memories came rushing back into my head from the day before, it was more hot knowing he was remembering them too, Knowing he had the image of my boobs and curvy as in his head right now.

I could feel myself getting turned on.

“let’s get your wound clean Carlos.” No one spoke as I applied spirits and cleaned his wound with cotton wool, but the air was thick with sexual tension.

The wound was deeper than I had expected. He didn’t even flinch till I was done. I wrapped him with a new set of bandages.

“You should be better now” After I closed the first aid box, I heard him ask. “No painkillers?”

“If you wanted painkillers why didn’t you say before I closed the box” “What I want isn’t in that box Ranya”

“What do you want?”

“You, I want you. Be my painkillers” His voice was rough and full of emotion.

Carlos needed me. How could I say no?

I found myself opening myself sitting beside him on the bed and offering him my lips so he could kiss them. And kiss it he did.

I haven’t been kissed a lot. Having Blue Blood as a father wasn’t a turn-on to most men.

I’ve tried messing with some of the men my father had sent to watch me but they feared my dad a lot, none of them ever went beyond a kiss.

Kissing Carlos felt like more than just a kiss. I felt like he was fucking me just with his mouth. Carlos kissed like a man. Teeth, lips, tongue and everything.

He kissed me like I was food and he wanted more. I couldn’t touch him because I feared his wound would hurt.

I wondered how far I would let him go. The rational part of me screamed not to let it go beyond a kiss, reminding me how he had hurt me earlier.

The needy, sex-crazed, and Carlos infatuated part of me told me this was exactly what I wanted when I teased him yesterday.

I knew I wanted his hands on me. But sex? But then, Carlos wouldn’t be able to go all the way with his injury still hurting, right?

“Let me touch you, Rayna, let me see you.” Those words were all it took to shun that rational part of me.

“Take these off.” while tugging my down my legs. I obeyed. My shirt went over my head.

He didn’t bother to take off my panties, he pushed them aside and palmed my clit. Fuck.

I want his fingers inside my pussy. I was already wet. And he loved it.

“So wet for me, so ready. I want to see it. I want to see how ready you are. Open your legs for me babe. Open them wider.”

My shorts were in the way but he didn’t seem to notice as he pushed my legs farther apart. Until I was open before his eyes.

Then he pulled my panties… like he wanted to rip them off, then he let it go. It slapped me against my exposed clit. It stings, yet it was hot, it made me want him more. It was painful, but at the same time, it excited me.

He did it again, harder. The sting was harsher, the pain was sweeter. I wanted him more.

When his hands hooked on my panties the third time, I closed my legs on his hands, not that I had the strength to stop him, but just to show him what I wanted.

“You’ll have to tell me with that beautiful mouth, those pink lips” Desire drowned shyness and shame. I had become a ball of lust.

“Fuck me with your fingers Carlos” And he obeyed. I was his painkillers.

One finger slipped inside of me. I felt the invasion, but I needed more.

More of Carlos. Precisely more of his finger.

“More, Carlos, more” Then he added another finger, slowly easing them in and out, fuck, he was going too slow, teasing my brains out.

I wanted more than this.

Shamelessly I begin to grind myself on his finger but his other hand holds me down. “You just have to ask, tell me my love. Your wish is my command.

“Then fuck me harder Carlos. Fuck me harder”

Then I was lost.