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8. Sawyer
Last Updated:
2024-06-25 21:49:40
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Resisting the Beta 9. Phoebe
I’ve never hated my wolf more than in those few furious minutes with Sawyer out in the fields. Or slapped and pinched myself more often in the days after. Everything he said was right. Of course it’s criminal activity. I could lose everything. My family would never forgive me. It's the same dark misery that fuelled the last war. There’s a reason Rising Star has kept that library under lock and key for generations. Listening to Huli I’d convinced myself I was exceptional, someone special. Too clever to be caught. The perfect person to study such dark ways. There is no spotlight for me to stand in. It’s just me and a wolf’s ego I can ever satisfy. Sawyer knew I was lying to him, too. Huli stopped me from mentioning the other four. I was going to, when I felt my heart constrict, my legs cramping. /NO! We’ve not studied them yet!/ Huli screamed, almost making me stumble into the grass. Already trembling from being discovered, Huli was trying to overwhelm everything I had le
Last Updated : 2024-06-26Resisting the Beta 10. Phoebe
I didn’t drink any alcohol so why is my head pounding again? It's not just pounding. Pulsing. It's worse than when Huli screams at me. The fact that she doesn’t rise to sarcastically correct me is a concern. I'll give it a minute. Except even breathing feels like running my bare throat down sandpaper. No. Still no Huli. No mindink, no guidance, no healing? Dragons are dancing on my skull, claws, and everything. I’m too spaced out to even think of a swear word to cover this situation. My eyes might as well be glued shut, and there’s a strange tingly floatiness to my limbs. I couldn’t even guess if I still had legs right now. Shit. Where am I? I try to lift my head. All I achieve is my tongue sticking out, and I am surprised to taste hard, cold wood. Am I on the floor? Which floor? No, this…this isn’t right. Get some water. No…I had juice already. Rami and I shared some from the pitcher on the table. Had some cookies. And then…fuck I don’t even know. I attempt to rol
Last Updated : 2024-06-27Resisting the Beta 11. Sawyer
“Was that not just the wildest fucking night?” Tucker groaned as we saddled up our bikes. “Finn’s a healer!” “Crazy yeah,” I shrug, my head too full to focus. Together with every other fit man, we had sought to put out the packhouse fire. Then, prepare for the arrival of the Alphas and dismantle the ceremony stage. I’m exhausted. Now Cillian is sending Tucker and I to scout out attack locations. He’s deadly serious about making humans pay for their crimes. After all, he lost his parents to their wolfsbane laced syringes. He wants us to find the closest point to their major towns, catch Hayden on his way up, and get his advice. I ran into that house after Rami, not just to save him but to impress Phoebe. It's pathetic but true. Seeing her laid out on her kitchen floor wiped away the pretence that I can ever go back to watching her from a distance. Magnolia gentleness and the softest lips I’ve ever felt. Then I remember Easton and wince. Caught up in staring at Phoebe’s
Last Updated : 2024-06-28Resisting the Beta 12. Phoebe
*** TWO YEARS LATER *** I stride down the corridors of the Academy, head high. Top student in Human Studies. Confirmed by Wren earlier today as they posted the final results for the half-year. Close to being top student in History of Fate, headed by Jane. Sometimes, I feel like a butterfly. That my life in Cragstone was just the cocoon stage. I’m meant to be this bright-eyed, confident version of myself. I’m don't think about Sawyer. Only to imagine his shock of white hair around the corner of corridors. Remembering how his blue eyes flicker. Even when angry, his eyes gave him away. /Head back in the present please/ Huli snaps. I study both topics because the entwined history of shifters and humans reminds me of a vast tapestry. Wren loved it the comparison. Those are the times I miss him the most. When I’m doing something I want him to know about. To see I’m not the promise-breaking, begging, kiss-stealing fool he left in the dust. Now, I am an avid researcher. A volu
Last Updated : 2024-06-28Resisting the Beta 13. Sawyer
So she’s still lying. I had requested Wren and Jane inform her before I entered. I wanted to see if two years had changed her natural instinct to deceive. Two years has only hardened my opinion of that night. Being so fucking angry and heartsore you tear through a battle almost single-handedly will get you a serious promotion.That promotion will in turn keep you busy enough to avoid thinking of what might have been. Even if Nikolao threw me from a moving vehicle. Bastard. After the battle of Bridgend, he requested I drive him home. He was most likely delirious, after the silver netting ruined his skin forever. It didn’t seem wise to refuse his request. His Head Beta Gregor, a snarling, bald pitbull of a man, lurked in the passenger seat whilst Nikolai reclined in the back, wrapped in a black clock, coated in foul smelling floral paste. “You know the way?” Gregor barked, glaring at me taking over what I presumed was his usual role. “Of course.” “Watch the potholes or Gr
Last Updated : 2024-06-29Resisting the Beta 14. Phoebe
All hell broke loose when Sawyer dropped to the floor. I’ve never seen him look weak before. In my mind he’s an immovable mountain. The one others kneeled before. The icy cold colour of his hair is at odds with the warmth that can flicker in his blue eyes. When he wants to be warm anyway. But there he was, shaking, gritting his teeth crumpled on his knees. Ripping the armour from his chest, fighting for breath. “HAYDEN QUICK! It’s Sawyer! Help!” leaving marks in the wooden door of his office. Suddenly I found myself sprinting after the tattooed Dean of the Academy. By the time I caught up, Wren’s office door had slammed shut, leaving me alone in the grey stone corridor. Unable to do anything but wait and attempt to decipher the muffled noises. Before Sawyer fell, I was in deep trouble. It felt as though the ground itself was crumbling away, leaving me standing on one black floor tile. Secrets and lies. That’s all he associates with me now. I’m not supposed to care. No
Last Updated : 2024-06-30Resisting the Beta 15. Phoebe
If Sawyer considers himself a failure, then what does that make me. Because I’m right back where we started, trying to get him to notice me. To realise I’m right here, wanting so much more than his protection. Two years is a long time. Surely, if neither of us have truly moved on from that night beside Jane’s cottage, it means something? “I’ve missed you,” I eventually whisper, now close enough for him to take my hand in his, his gaze dropping to the bandage on my wrist that no amount of bangles can hide “Have you hurt yourself with silver here?” his other hand stroking at my fresh bandage. I nod, fighting back tears. “Oh Sugar,” he sighs softly, a few stray white hairs falling loose from where he’s tied them up. “This is too much,” shaking his head. “How can you still hurt yourself this way?” Sawyer after a bottle of whiskey is a different creature entirely. It’s like watching a big cat stretch and prowl. Right now he’s softer, thoughtful. Blatantly staring at me the way I
Last Updated : 2024-07-01Resisting the Beta 16. Phoebe
Mentioning Diane was the verbal equivalent of exploding a human landmine. Hidden in darkness Sawyers grip is tense. “Diane? Diane Jackson, seriously? Right now?” he repeats, his teeth grazing my neck sending shivers down my spine.. I wanted to push him into admitting more, so I kept quiet, just revelling in his body pressed flush against mine. “Two years ago that ended! Do you really think I just fell into bed with her? Like that was my answer?” II tilt my head towards him to softly nip at his neck. When I feel his whole body shudder, I can't believe he is still holding back. He won't let go. Is it because we don’t share sparks? I doubt we could be mates. Maybe he thinks that matters to me. But I don’t care. My wolf taints everything. To feel Sawyer just exactly as we are with no tricks and wolf-born extravagance is beautiful. His strong body and the heat of his touch are more than enough. Even more so now, Huli is keeping quiet. Goddess, he is as perfect as I rememb
Last Updated : 2024-07-02
Latest chapter
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Four
Naomi (Continued) “I meant to ask you something,” Finn murmurs sleepily as we watch yet another shooting star go by. “Did it bother you that we never had a ceremony?” “No…no it just never felt the right time, then we had been together so long it almost didn’t matter?” “It’s a shame. Your sisters had all promised to walk together.” “We did it for Matilda. If things had gone differently, we would have walked for Eleanor and Rhett, but it all broke apart. I'm just glad we all found happiness, even if it wasn't in the same town square.” “Did Sia give you an address for Eleanor?” “Yes but I left it alone in the end. She knows where we are. She’s made a choice a long time ago,” I whisper sadly, clutching my King’s hand tightly. I know every wrinkle and line in his muscular frame. I could make his replica out of clay in every pose. The feel of his body is a memory I constantly revisit. “I found my memory box the other day when we were packing,” I add. “I didn’t know you had o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Three
Naomi It’s been fifty years since we took over as Alpha and Luna this full moon. Fifty years. Time has the cruellest ability to just vanish from underneath your feet. I swear I was a feisty, opinionated, quad-bike obsessed woman in her twenties just the other day. Now, creeping upon me like a riptide, I'm a content, slow-moving little fossil. I’m his girl, his Queen. He is my King. Now and forever. The quad-bike-revving beast of a man who only ever cares for us. I love the fact I’m still his girl even as time eats away at our vitality. My hair is no longer fiery red. I’ve conceded to grey. He insists it only makes my brown eyes all the prettier. I’d blush, except I love every word he says. I still find any opportunity to stand above him and bring my face to his, marvelling at the lack of wrinkles on his relaxed, still-boyish features. We’re currently down on the very south of the Shadowlands coast, in Finn’s old family home, left to him by his parents. I wonder if all o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Two
*** SEVEN MONTHS LATER*** PHOEBE It is strange when the life you thought you always wanted lands in your lap. Except they don’t feed your soul. I lecture students on human and shifter history. An expert in my bitterly-learned field. The contrasting versions of events. The dangers of automatically believing the only side of the story you have access to. The fact history is always told from the side of the winner. I stride the corridors, my wedding band and bumblebee pendant permanently part of me. But it’s not enough. Jane and Wren are so incredibly kind. The hours I've spent talking through Huli and those momths with them have been cathartic. Even so, they know Rising Star isn’t what I want. Not without Sawyer. Of course, it would have been ungrateful to protest at Alpha Finn’s decision. Two people voted for me to die. Including my own sister. Alpha Finn saved me whilst yanking Sawyer away. It’s been seven months, yet every night, I lie awake. I think of the same mom
Resisting the Beta Epilogue One
*** 7 MONTHS LATER *** ALPHA FINN “Alpha!” That fake-serious, minx of a voice forces me to pause. Not ideal when halfway across the Jackson’s roof, retrieving Rami’s misplaced arrow. Again. Considering he is meant to be an archery prodigy, he seems to fire it up into that thatched cottage’s eaves with annoying regularity. “This is your fault, Luna!” I shout back, fully aware of her laughing from the packhouse. When she sends a bolt of seriously dirty thoughts across our bond, I almost put my foot into the chimney. Thankfully, Diane is with Beta Tucker again, straightening out his boredom-driven drinking via pure seduction. "IT WAS ME!” Rami adds with glee. Naomi innocently claims the practice targets Rami uses simply must face the Jackson’s cottage. I don’t argue. Not when my girl slinks around in dark bodysuits that leave my hands twitching to wrap around her waist. I have no arguments, only desires. Any argument she has formulating just vanishes away at the soun
Resisting the Beta 45. Phoebe
My mouth drops open, but there is nothing to say. Nikolai doesn’t suffer the same issue. “Now just fuck off a minute-” but Cillian doesn’t even flinch. Zeke and Freya step forward, their eyes wide with surprise. "You haven't discussed this with us?" “Look, my father was never born an Alpha. He rose. He proved himself. Calm in danger, braver than any of his peers. Any Shadowlands Alpha should follow the same route. I haven't. I've made it this far by the skin of my teeth. So I want you all to endorse and support and give your backing to Finn. Alpha Finn Penkov and his Luna, Naomi Kharkov of the Shadowlands.” The only person to make a sound is Rami, who starts clapping wildly and shouting “KING FINN! King Finn and Prince Rami! Haha, I'm in charge!!” He doesn’t seem to realise everyone else is in complete shock. He’s just thrilled his favourite person in the world is getting a promotion. And by default, in his eyes anyway, himself. “Do you accept?” Cillian says, not really givin
Resisting the Beta 44. Phoebe
The truck ride certainly gave me time to think. For one, I am eternally grateful Huli was no longer with me. I don’t miss having a wolf. The agony she would have been putting me through had she still held residence in my consciousness made me instinctively reach for my wrist. The only sign of that former life, one that could be years ago instead of just a few months, is a faint, grey scar on my wrist. It used to be so red and angry. Now, it has settled down to almost nothing. Genevieve picked up on it whilst she came to say goodbye. “I know you’re scared.” “I am. But only because it’s what I deserve.” “Well, if it helps, Nikolai and I are attending this meeting too. Cillian has asked for Rising Star as well.” "Oh." That absolutely does not help in any way. It only means Matilda will have even less influence. It makes me think Cillian is preparing to make an example of me. Genevieve has been kind enough to lend me a cornflower blue and white gown. Its swirling blue remi
Resisting the Beta 43. Sawyer
Nikolai explained, in a much more brutal and dickish way than was necessary, that we only got one night's stay at White Forest Castle. After all, he has sworn to help Alpha Cillian and Zeke, the pair of them bound in a trio of voting and veto. I don't care. We have each other right now. Every day seems to be swinging us to the extremes, and now we are just waiting for the biggest and hopefully final one to go our way. “I think we need to switch our brains off for a while,” Phoebe sighed, our brown dust-covered bodies flopping onto the bed of our small little room. “I can’t keep thinking about next week. It will drive me insane.” “Cillian could just exile us. Or maybe be so taken up in making Heath pay that we are nothing to him. Matilda will have an influence.” “I killed my mother and put him, Naomi and Finn into a trance. I stole a child…” “Not you. Your fucking wolf. You were just the vessel,” I sigh, too weary to go round the grisly roulette wheel. Phoebe rolls herself
Resisting the Beta 42. Phoebe
Clutching his silver goblet, our nameless, very-well rested hostage was almost chirpy, insisting he had a brother in law in the next town he could call on for a ride. But Sawyer shook his head when the time came to abandon him in the dark. “No…no it’s not right to take this. Can you drop us at the border? Keep the truck.” “From here, your nearest pack is Rising Star?” “That works just fine,” Sawyer replied. Walking through the night, keeping away from the towns and villages, Sawyer found us fresh water to drink, before killing and cooking a fish over a small fire. I’m probably endlessly naive, but to me, it was a perfect night. Because finally, there was not a single obstruction to just being with Sawyer. The man who patiently explained how you can catch a fish bare-handed. Explaining why he purposely ignored one section of the river, walking another mile upstream. I said nothing when he stripped to his underwear to stand in the shallows. I whooped and laughed instead when
Resisting the Beta 41. Sawyer
I felt Phoebe’s fear rise at the sight of Cillian. I saw a chance. Our opportunity to finally put things right. I just need him to listen to me instead of immediately heading to decapitation. His wolf's eyes were entirely golden, burning anger at the forefront of his intent. Cillian didn't even attempt diplomacy. No Shadowland envoys to King Heath, not even a personal visit to Bridgend to ask if there was truth in any rumours. He’s ended up straight here, shifted into wolf form, and shredded his way through at least twenty human men. What if this isn't the first prison he's tried? What will be the fallout from the Alpha's desperation? I couldn’t get Matilda’s cell unlocked in time. The heavy collection of black and silver keys was impossible to gauge. With the gag still in her mouth, Matilda wasn’t coming to our aid anytime soon. Plus, I know how it feels to be obliterated by wolfsbane. Sluggish, dopey. She might not even believe this is even real if they’ve really pum
