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8. Sawyer
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Resisting the Beta 9. Phoebe
I’ve never hated my wolf more than in those few furious minutes with Sawyer out in the fields. Or slapped and pinched myself more often in the days after. Everything he said was right. Of course it’s criminal activity. I could lose everything. My family would never forgive me. It's the same dark misery that fuelled the last war. There’s a reason Rising Star has kept that library under lock and key for generations. Listening to Huli I’d convinced myself I was exceptional, someone special. Too clever to be caught. The perfect person to study such dark ways. There is no spotlight for me to stand in. It’s just me and a wolf’s ego I can ever satisfy. Sawyer knew I was lying to him, too. Huli stopped me from mentioning the other four. I was going to, when I felt my heart constrict, my legs cramping. /NO! We’ve not studied them yet!/ Huli screamed, almost making me stumble into the grass. Already trembling from being discovered, Huli was trying to overwhelm everything I had le
Resisting the Beta 10. Phoebe
I didn’t drink any alcohol so why is my head pounding again? It's not just pounding. Pulsing. It's worse than when Huli screams at me. The fact that she doesn’t rise to sarcastically correct me is a concern. I'll give it a minute. Except even breathing feels like running my bare throat down sandpaper. No. Still no Huli. No mindink, no guidance, no healing? Dragons are dancing on my skull, claws, and everything. I’m too spaced out to even think of a swear word to cover this situation. My eyes might as well be glued shut, and there’s a strange tingly floatiness to my limbs. I couldn’t even guess if I still had legs right now. Shit. Where am I? I try to lift my head. All I achieve is my tongue sticking out, and I am surprised to taste hard, cold wood. Am I on the floor? Which floor? No, this…this isn’t right. Get some water. No…I had juice already. Rami and I shared some from the pitcher on the table. Had some cookies. And then…fuck I don’t even know. I attempt to rol
Resisting the Beta 11. Sawyer
“Was that not just the wildest fucking night?” Tucker groaned as we saddled up our bikes. “Finn’s a healer!” “Crazy yeah,” I shrug, my head too full to focus. Together with every other fit man, we had sought to put out the packhouse fire. Then, prepare for the arrival of the Alphas and dismantle the ceremony stage. I’m exhausted. Now Cillian is sending Tucker and I to scout out attack locations. He’s deadly serious about making humans pay for their crimes. After all, he lost his parents to their wolfsbane laced syringes. He wants us to find the closest point to their major towns, catch Hayden on his way up, and get his advice. I ran into that house after Rami, not just to save him but to impress Phoebe. It's pathetic but true. Seeing her laid out on her kitchen floor wiped away the pretence that I can ever go back to watching her from a distance. Magnolia gentleness and the softest lips I’ve ever felt. Then I remember Easton and wince. Caught up in staring at Phoebe’s
Resisting the Beta 12. Phoebe
*** TWO YEARS LATER *** I stride down the corridors of the Academy, head high. Top student in Human Studies. Confirmed by Wren earlier today as they posted the final results for the half-year. Close to being top student in History of Fate, headed by Jane. Sometimes, I feel like a butterfly. That my life in Cragstone was just the cocoon stage. I’m meant to be this bright-eyed, confident version of myself. I’m don't think about Sawyer. Only to imagine his shock of white hair around the corner of corridors. Remembering how his blue eyes flicker. Even when angry, his eyes gave him away. /Head back in the present please/ Huli snaps. I study both topics because the entwined history of shifters and humans reminds me of a vast tapestry. Wren loved it the comparison. Those are the times I miss him the most. When I’m doing something I want him to know about. To see I’m not the promise-breaking, begging, kiss-stealing fool he left in the dust. Now, I am an avid researcher. A volu
Resisting the Beta 13. Sawyer
So she’s still lying. I had requested Wren and Jane inform her before I entered. I wanted to see if two years had changed her natural instinct to deceive. Two years has only hardened my opinion of that night. Being so fucking angry and heartsore you tear through a battle almost single-handedly will get you a serious promotion.That promotion will in turn keep you busy enough to avoid thinking of what might have been. Even if Nikolao threw me from a moving vehicle. Bastard. After the battle of Bridgend, he requested I drive him home. He was most likely delirious, after the silver netting ruined his skin forever. It didn’t seem wise to refuse his request. His Head Beta Gregor, a snarling, bald pitbull of a man, lurked in the passenger seat whilst Nikolai reclined in the back, wrapped in a black clock, coated in foul smelling floral paste. “You know the way?” Gregor barked, glaring at me taking over what I presumed was his usual role. “Of course.” “Watch the potholes or Gr
Resisting the Beta 14. Phoebe
All hell broke loose when Sawyer dropped to the floor. I’ve never seen him look weak before. In my mind he’s an immovable mountain. The one others kneeled before. The icy cold colour of his hair is at odds with the warmth that can flicker in his blue eyes. When he wants to be warm anyway. But there he was, shaking, gritting his teeth crumpled on his knees. Ripping the armour from his chest, fighting for breath. “HAYDEN QUICK! It’s Sawyer! Help!” leaving marks in the wooden door of his office. Suddenly I found myself sprinting after the tattooed Dean of the Academy. By the time I caught up, Wren’s office door had slammed shut, leaving me alone in the grey stone corridor. Unable to do anything but wait and attempt to decipher the muffled noises. Before Sawyer fell, I was in deep trouble. It felt as though the ground itself was crumbling away, leaving me standing on one black floor tile. Secrets and lies. That’s all he associates with me now. I’m not supposed to care. No
Resisting the Beta 15. Phoebe
If Sawyer considers himself a failure, then what does that make me. Because I’m right back where we started, trying to get him to notice me. To realise I’m right here, wanting so much more than his protection. Two years is a long time. Surely, if neither of us have truly moved on from that night beside Jane’s cottage, it means something? “I’ve missed you,” I eventually whisper, now close enough for him to take my hand in his, his gaze dropping to the bandage on my wrist that no amount of bangles can hide “Have you hurt yourself with silver here?” his other hand stroking at my fresh bandage. I nod, fighting back tears. “Oh Sugar,” he sighs softly, a few stray white hairs falling loose from where he’s tied them up. “This is too much,” shaking his head. “How can you still hurt yourself this way?” Sawyer after a bottle of whiskey is a different creature entirely. It’s like watching a big cat stretch and prowl. Right now he’s softer, thoughtful. Blatantly staring at me the way I
Resisting the Beta 16. Phoebe
Mentioning Diane was the verbal equivalent of exploding a human landmine. Hidden in darkness Sawyers grip is tense. “Diane? Diane Jackson, seriously? Right now?” he repeats, his teeth grazing my neck sending shivers down my spine.. I wanted to push him into admitting more, so I kept quiet, just revelling in his body pressed flush against mine. “Two years ago that ended! Do you really think I just fell into bed with her? Like that was my answer?” II tilt my head towards him to softly nip at his neck. When I feel his whole body shudder, I can't believe he is still holding back. He won't let go. Is it because we don’t share sparks? I doubt we could be mates. Maybe he thinks that matters to me. But I don’t care. My wolf taints everything. To feel Sawyer just exactly as we are with no tricks and wolf-born extravagance is beautiful. His strong body and the heat of his touch are more than enough. Even more so now, Huli is keeping quiet. Goddess, he is as perfect as I rememb
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