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Chapter 27
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2020-07-06 21:42:24Jonathan (Jace) Carson was very white, very tall and very put-together— at least, that's what he used to be like. The man next to him looked nothing like that; the suit he wore while expensive was worn, wrinkled and fraying. It looked a little grey, just like him actually.
When he first noticed him, he kinda tittered. Then tried counting on his hand how long it had been - too long, his brain supplied. Too damn, long.
Did he walk, run, or fly? He couldn't remember, but he was moving. Finally when he was a few meters away Venus appeared in front of him, trying to stop him.
But Jules almost plowed over her. Then her hand grasped his neck pulling his face towards her. The other hand clasped his fist effectively stopping him.
Jesus, he thought desperately. When had his hand curled into a
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Jules felt like he was holding his breath.He wasn't obviously.He was still breathing, moving, and kicking but on the inside, it felt like one big inhale without an exhale. A comma; a pause.He was waiting, for what exactly he didn't know yet. His life looked like it was coming together. If it were a picture then destiny or God had taped it together with clear duct tape. It looked miserable and untidy but it was together and that was the most important part.At least, that's what he thought. That's what he fucking thought."Would you stop spacing out and give me a hand," Venus called from the other side of the car.They were at the process of offloading grocery bags when Jules got a text from his father.I know you usually eat at your girlfriend's but can you come home for dinner, tonight? I made Mac and cheese, your f
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Venus left the party an hour early with Bella and David. They had a thing. So Omar dropped Jules off at his doorstep.He stumbled into his house slightly buzzed and disoriented. He knew his dad was home (his car was parked outside) so he wondered why all the lights were switched off.Jules took his time walking afraid of falling over. He poured a glass of water for himself in the kitchen and touched the cool glass to his forehead. He was feeling clammy for some reason.His stomach was wrangled with knots and his shoulders were tense. Everything was fine - and yet he felt uneasy. He wanted to blame it on the alcohol but he barely had two drinks. He looked around distractedly. Where was his dad?Jules shook his head and, hopefully, also his uneasiness. He drained the glass and climbed the stairs. He was at
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Jules parked outside the abandoned field. The spot behind the dumpster was taken by David's blue Sedan.The sight of it eased some tension of his shoulders. Bella had sent another text telling him where they were. He tried calling but she hadn't answered, much to the dismay of his heart.His food was still doing somersaults in his stomach when he opened the door and stepped out. He had to wiggle his legs for a second to stop the trembling and shake of the numbness.Jules walked the short distance to David's car, there he could make out three figures standing at the side. Bella, David, and Venus.The relief was instantaneous and staggering. He leaned into the car. Because honestly, it really did feel like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. And the loss of the weight made him dizzy. Venus was okay.He squinted, at least physically.Ju
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beware: a lot of angst & emotional trauma ahead. also a little note, bear in my mind that while i did some research (thanks google) there are still a lot of stuff i don't know about medical research. so some of it is real while the others are on the fly. remember venus can read minds, so i think it's okay if things are a bit weird or unrealistic, yeah? that being said, i'm sorry if i made any crazy mind-boggling mistakes and offended anyone. i'm human okay, forgive me? thanks.━Venus was trembling in his arms.It was just a few minutes but it felt like an infinity before she stopped crying. Before he stopped crying—before they stopped crying.Then Jules asked the question, even though he could still see the tears tracks on her face. Even though he could still taste his on his tongue. Even tho
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Venus wouldn't look at him, she just shrugged. "Take it however you deem fit.""Because you're...sick?" It was hard getting the word out. It felt like there was a huge ball wedged in his throat. He wanted to vomit but there was nothing in his stomach but heartbreak and pain."No," Venus said, after a few seconds. "Because I don't love you and I'm tired of pretending."The world fell silent for a second or maybe he just couldn't hear anymore, but then he could. He could hear her words clear as day in his head on repeat.I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you. "Oh." He might have said or breathed or cried or screamed.Oh.Jules lost his everything— but mostly his balance. Venus moved towards him quickly, touching him finally. She held onto his arm steadying him. It was instinct t
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Jules made it home in one piece.His fingers, his hands, his arm, his neck, everything felt hollow but still, he's breathing.Jace was seated on the steps of the porch. He was shirtless, barefoot and crying. Jules got out of the car slowly, he could hear his dad talking on the phone.He's back, Martha. Oh thank God, he's alright.Was he alright? Did he look alright? He certainly didn't feel alright. But he guessed considering everything - he was alright.Even though it felt like he had left a huge piece of him on the field with her. He was back home and in (one) piece(s). Jace looked grateful and so goddamn relieved.He realized then what it must have looked like to Jace. Wasn't it on a night like this that Jules had left the house with intent never to return?Jace didn't scold his son, he didn't try to be anythi
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Heartbreak. Heartbroken.The words felt childish to Jules. Something he would hear and immediately think of an actor or actress looking into the inside of an ice cream cup.Heartbreak. Heartbroken.But when he looked up the word this was what he found: Heartbroken —( a person) suffering from overwhelming distress.And he thought, fuck, that's me right there; I'm suffering, it's overwhelming. And distress, distress, distress.Jules didn't go to school for two days, all he did was forget to eat and never sleep. On day two he wondered what his father thought about his moping, as far as Jace knew no one had died, yet. But when he finally asked, he found out it was the weekend.It was so dumb that he had laughed out loud for the first time. Loud and crazy. He'd stopped pretty q
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Jules had been eagerly awaiting the fall break.But now that it was upon him, all he could think about was how empty he felt.If they did open heart surgery right now, on him, would his organs still be there, intact? Or would they find a bottomless pit instead?It seemed no matter how much air he dragged into his lungs. No matter how much food his father coaxed him to eat, it was never enough. To fill him, to drown this emptiness. She caused.It had been two weeks, no– three weeks or rather, maybe, three hundred lifetimes since they had last spoken.When she had finally come to school for the first time since their split. Jules had been by his locker when she walked into school clad in yellow denim overalls and a tee they had dyed together.For a second he forgot everything and anything, moving like a magnet drawn to
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Quicksand Epilogue
Jules tied the laceson his shoes for the thirteenth time since they arrived. He can feel Lars's annoyance next to him like a suffocating fog."Do that again, and I'll knife you," he murmured.Jules visibly tensed before sitting up and pretending to straighten his tie. "I hate it when you go all gangster on me. You're my manager, not my dealer.""Old habits die hard," Lars replied with a wistful sigh.Jules glared at him completely forgetting the tightness in his chest for a second. "That's not funny.""Then stop acting so nervous. You have had book signings, interviews,fundraiserand much more. This isn't even your first book reading. You're used to this, so what's with all the nerves?"Confusion and heartache swirled suddenly inside his stomach. Twisting and dipping as he tried to find the words. "This is the first time I've been b
Quicksand Chapter 51
Jules didn't realizehis couch was alive. Until now, that is.Before now, he wouldn't have had any reason to notice. After all, he barely spent up till an hour sitting on it. Since he didn't watch tv. No, he watched anime. In his room, on his laptop in HD.But Jules was laying on his couch now, he didn't know long it had been, a millennial was it felt like. But in reality it was probably a few hours, he wasn't sure though since time seemed to have lost its meaning. And the longer he stayed like this. The more certain he was over the discovery that; yes, his couch was actually alive.When it was touched, it moaned.When it was poked, it moaned.When it was disturbed, it moaned.It didn't breathe though, it couldn't. But that's okay, Jules couldn't breathe either. It didn't make him any less alive.Jules couldn't breathe,
Quicksand Chapter 50
The whole family was in a cycle of perpetual happiness. That lasted for seven days, the time it took to prepare for the surgery.Jules had told Carrie first, and she cried and cried and cried. She held onto him so tight, kissing both his cheeks were also wet. Then he told Venus step-brothers and Merlin cried.And Jules was happy. Happy she wanted to live, try, stay and not just for him, but for her. It was something she had taught him. Months ago when the demons of his past hung around him like a dark shadow, a thick suffocating fog. When he felt responsible for two deaths and refused to die himself because he wanted to suffer.But things had changed and not just for him, for both of them. Jules and Venus had collided but they didn't destroy, they created.Even now, that's what they did."Are you okay?" Venus asked, but she wasn't really asking. She was just reading the words out of the pr
Quicksand Chapter 49
After a moment, Julescut through the heavy silence that crashed landed in the room. "What on earth, is he saying?"When Venus didn't say anything. He realized all of a sudden that she had stopped crying. And somehow her silence was worse than the sound of her sobbing."He's joking, right?" His throat felt horribly tight.Tell me he's joking."I'm tired," she whispered. Like it was the answer to all his questions. And in a way it was. In a way, everything was turning crystal clear.She was quiet but he was loud. His breathing was loud, his heartbeat was loud, even his voice was loud. "You can't be serious?"But she was and he couldn't breathe. "I'm tired." She repeated again like he didn't hear her the first time. "I'm tired, Jules.""You're giving up? You want to die?!" He must be shouting, his ears were ringing and his throat was hurti
Quicksand Chapter 48
Jules was screaming.This time he knew it was him. This time he knew that that horrible keening sound belonged to him. But even though he knew it, it didn't change that fact that he couldn't stop.It took him longer than it should to calm down. It took him longer than it should to stop breaking. It took him longer than it should to call 911. It took longer than it should for them to understand what he was saying. Because he was sure for a solid minute all he was saying wasmy planet is dying.God,bless the operator because she waited all past his ramblings. She must have realized that he sounded to broken for this to be a prank. So she waited calmly until he finally gave her actually facts other than;my planet is dying.Then Jules called Carrie as he held Venus. His hand on her chest taking tiny solace from the steady thumps of her heart. She was
Quicksand Chapter 47
"Drop it over there, please," Marie said, pointing to the spot beside the dresser.Jules dropped the box. He wiped off the sweat accumulating at the top of his forehead and stretched. "That's the last of it." He said to her."Thanks, sweetie." She said. "You've been a huge help." The moving truck had just left. He had spent the whole afternoon helping Marie move her stuff into their house."It's okay," he replied, then pulled out a folded photograph and handed it to her. "When I was taking some boxes to Kenya's room. I tipped over the trash can by accident and found this inside."Marie's smile disappeared as she gazed at the photo of Kenya and her father. "Oh dear," she whispered tracing her daughter's smile in the picture with her finger. "She's still so angry at him."Jules folded his arms. "It's not like she doesn't have a reason to be." His voice was angry. "He
Quicksand Chapter 46
Venus was the firstthing Jules saw when he entered his Biology class.His mouth dropped open and she sat up a little straighter.He sat down and she said. "Surprise."Venus had started coming to school less and less until she stopped coming altogether. School became more boring than usual, a chore he had to get over with so he could rush home and see her. So seeing her here was a treat. Even with her skin so pale it was translucent, her tired eyes and her tired smile.He smiled at her and said, "I love you," as naturally as he would say 'hello'Her answering smile made his heart jump. He wanted to take a picture, but he restrained himself and took her hand instead.Mr. Alston was pleasantly surprised when he walked into class. He stood by the door for second taking her in, worry swirling in his eyes. But when Venus glanced at him, he looked away quic
Quicksand Chapter 45
Marie pulled his head gently to her chest. Jules felt his self-restraint disappear as drops of moisture left his eyes. "Everyone," he whispered, "everyone has told me time and time again that it isn't my fault. And sometimes I believe them. But then sometimes I have these dreams-nightmares where she gets into the car and dies. Then my dad is shouting over and over that it is my fault. And there is blood on my hands, her blood because," his voice cracked, "I killed her.""No, Jules," she gasped, pulling him closer, tighter. "You can't actually believe that. You didn't kill your mother, she got in that car on her own free will. I bet if she were here even knowing the truth she'd still do it again. And as for your father, he loves you so much, you know that right?"Jules didn't say anything but his silence spoke volumes."Jules," disbelief colored her voice. "You can't still believe Jace doesn't love you. I
Quicksand Chapter 44
Jules tugged at his hair in frustration. "Damn, this is so hard."Venus touched the hand, clutching his hair. "It doesn't have to be."He shook his head vigorously and water droplets found its way to her. "I don't think I can do this.""Jesus, Jules, can you like not do that?" her face screwed up in what was supposed to be a disgusted look. But Jules found the crease of her nose too cute to take her seriously. "And please enough with the drama. We came here to swim, not to see you agonize yet again on how you're going to end your manga."Jules pouted, "You're so mean today."Venus rolled her eyes, but a small smile was already blossoming and he felt his chest swell at the sight. "I'm always mean.""True that," Merlin chirped from behind him. Jules turned to take in the sight, yet again of both their families having a fun day at the pool.
