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Chapter 16
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2020-07-04 16:45:48Jules didn't realize when a fly appeared in his bowl of oats.
"Are you listening to me, Jules?"
Why did you have to mess with my food, fly?
"The school called, apparently you haven't been to school for two days!"
You don't see me sticking my head in the trash can, now do you?
"You leave the house every day with your bag to go to school—"
If you just asked I would have given you some.
"—so where are you going?"
Okay, I'm lying I wouldn't have given you but asking is the polite thing to do.
"JULIAN!" Marie slammed her hands on the table.
Jules blinked slowly, dazed. "Why are you shouting, all of a sudden?"
"All of sudden? I have been talking to you for the past three minutes!"
"Yeah?" His head felt heavy, but not as heavy as the weight on his chest.
"Where have you been going during school hour
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Trigger warning: depression, suicideIt took three seconds for the smile on Venus's face to melt away. Three seconds for her to fall apart. Three seconds for Jules to realize what a fool he was.Just three seconds.Venus laid back down on the bed gasping. Jules came closer hovering unsure what to do, where to touch, how to make it all better. Their eyes met for a second.And he was reminded of the unrealistic Bollywood movies his mom loved to watch. Where the actress always had makeup on, no matter the scenario. Wake up from bed? Flawless. Get hit by a car? Flawless. Venus looked the opposite of that.She looked-worn, tired, pale and small. There was a big lump under the sheet that happened to be her leg. There were a lot fewer wires than the last time he saw her. The bridge of her cheek was kissed by a painful bruise.She smiled, eyes glassy a watery smile. "You're such a crybaby," she squinted at him
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"You don't have to go on, Jules."But he did.He realized now, finally, how much he needed to say it. Even though it felt like his heart was being crushed, by the weight of his words, his sins. Jules didn't stop."I met Manjusha when I was in sixth grade, I remembered thinking two things. One, she looked familiar and two, she wasn't pretty," he paused. "But I liked her right away. Her mom had been called as a favor by the principal to fill in as our teacher. So she brought her daughter Manju along and they both started to live on campus.Manju was good; you know the way puppies and flowers were good. Her hobbies included crying and watching movies, she was so talented she could do both at the same time. Somewhere between stopping her from having a total meltdown, anytime, a character dies. We became friends. She introduced me to anime and I taught her the fastest way to stop crying.""It was only when we had both left the boarding
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"Things started going down the hill from there. My parents were getting into more arguments because of me. My grades plummeted; even football had lost its little appeal. I started having nightmares where Manju found out the truth.Everything stopped though when Manju went missing. I was worried, of course, I was worried but deep down...I was relieved. Glad she was gone. In the process of trying not to breaking her heart, of making her happy I was unhappy. I began to hate her for being delusional, hate her for being so fragile and naive. I hated Inu even more, I broke it off with her once Manju was gone.""I finally felt a semblance of peace," His voice sounded very far away, thick with tears. "They found Manju a month later or should I say they found her body. She was no longer a she but now an 'it'. I remembered seeing police cars zipping by but there was no case. Manju had drowned herself in Malarpon River jumping off the waterfall, a few miles from here.""I
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Jules was happy.It was kind of terrifying really. He was half afraid of that guy showing up. The one that usually swung by when things were finally going right— Life. Yeah, that guy. Fucking terrified. But even more, overwhelming than his fear, was his happiness."So you are my girlfriend?" It sounded like a question because it was."Yes, Jules." Venus sounded exasperated and rightfully so. It had been two weeks since the incident. Not the Venus falling and almost cracking her skull open incident. No, more like the Venus crashing into Jules and completely obliterating everything in its axis— his heart.He'd looked up the definition of incident because it was beginning to be one of his favorite words.Incident: the occurrence of dangerous or exciting things.Jules was stupid or maybe just mad. Because afterward when he tried to remember while looking at Venus talking over the phone. All he remembered was
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"When you said you wanted to paint me. I thought I would be the model, not the canvas." Jules said quietly. His mouth barely opening because Venus's paintbrush was dangerously close to slipping inside.She laughed and since she was so close - literally straddling him, he shivered or maybe spasmed. He couldn't decide, which was the equivalent to the feeling of thunderclouds battling on top his skin."I could have done that, but—""...then you wouldn't be Venus." He finished for her. Wild, beautiful and unorthodox.She smiled like she could read his mind.He opened his mouth to say something but swallowed his words when Venus leaned forward; her face - lips - inches from his collarbone. Her hand moved, paintbrush tracing the arch of his neck, up his Adam's apple - which bobbed and then his jawline.Jules couldn't breathe. When had things changed? When had his Sunday's changed? From watching anime, playing online games and compos
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"A nerve impulse can travel through some parts of your nervous system at a speed of 288km/h.""Are my eyes deceiving me or is Jules Carson actually sleeping in class again," Venus whispered.Jules cracked an eye open and saw her grin. "You say that like you didn't keep me up all night.""Julian," she gasped, scandalously. "What are you trying to imply?""That my girl's— a screamer." He paused for an effect, loving the way her eyes danced and his heart sang. "And...""And?" she leaned towards him smiling."She's apparently afraid of scary movies." He deadpan. "But seriously, I never pegged you as a wimp. Insidious, really? It's not even half as scary as Floater."Venus dropped her head into the crook of his arm, exasperated. "You just ruined my fun." She said, her voice even quieter than before."What fun?""Khloe with a K, was totally ea
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After suffering through three straight periods of AP Chem. Jules slinked off to the indoor gym to study for the surprise test Petunia was going to spring on them. Venus had given him the hint before leaving school. Apparently, she had a class by three at a community college outside town that she wanted to attend. So Adam was taking her.He was half tempted not to study, it was supposed to be a surprise after all. That thought only lasted for a second, as if he could give up this glorious tip. He intended on getting full marks to compensate for the F's he had been getting.Obviously, destiny had other plans for him.He didn't know how long he had been mulling over a probability question when the double doors of the gym opened. Maybe he should have been calculating what was the probability of nine boys all deciding to skip lunch and come here for a quick game, instead.He spotted Omar the same time his eyes found Jules'."Yo, Carson! What are you doi
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Jules knew Omar was at the other side of the door waiting. He had pushed the doorbell several times but Jules was having a hard time opening the door.Omar, Shancai and him had agreed together that they would meet up at his house for the presentation. At that moment he didn't have any problems making the promise but now, now? Fuck, he was nervous. His heart was pounding so fast and loud he was sure Omar could hear it even from the six-inch wood that separated them.Venus had told him earlier. When she had started hearing the thoughts of Omar, approaching. Although still meters away, that he should just be himself."Gee, thanks mom. I feel so much better now." He'd replied drily.Venus had laughed, running her fingers through his hair. His eyes fluttered at her touch. "Okay, so tell me what's really going on," at his look, she continued. "What? I may not be able to read your min
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Quicksand Epilogue
Jules tied the laceson his shoes for the thirteenth time since they arrived. He can feel Lars's annoyance next to him like a suffocating fog."Do that again, and I'll knife you," he murmured.Jules visibly tensed before sitting up and pretending to straighten his tie. "I hate it when you go all gangster on me. You're my manager, not my dealer.""Old habits die hard," Lars replied with a wistful sigh.Jules glared at him completely forgetting the tightness in his chest for a second. "That's not funny.""Then stop acting so nervous. You have had book signings, interviews,fundraiserand much more. This isn't even your first book reading. You're used to this, so what's with all the nerves?"Confusion and heartache swirled suddenly inside his stomach. Twisting and dipping as he tried to find the words. "This is the first time I've been b
Quicksand Chapter 51
Jules didn't realizehis couch was alive. Until now, that is.Before now, he wouldn't have had any reason to notice. After all, he barely spent up till an hour sitting on it. Since he didn't watch tv. No, he watched anime. In his room, on his laptop in HD.But Jules was laying on his couch now, he didn't know long it had been, a millennial was it felt like. But in reality it was probably a few hours, he wasn't sure though since time seemed to have lost its meaning. And the longer he stayed like this. The more certain he was over the discovery that; yes, his couch was actually alive.When it was touched, it moaned.When it was poked, it moaned.When it was disturbed, it moaned.It didn't breathe though, it couldn't. But that's okay, Jules couldn't breathe either. It didn't make him any less alive.Jules couldn't breathe,
Quicksand Chapter 50
The whole family was in a cycle of perpetual happiness. That lasted for seven days, the time it took to prepare for the surgery.Jules had told Carrie first, and she cried and cried and cried. She held onto him so tight, kissing both his cheeks were also wet. Then he told Venus step-brothers and Merlin cried.And Jules was happy. Happy she wanted to live, try, stay and not just for him, but for her. It was something she had taught him. Months ago when the demons of his past hung around him like a dark shadow, a thick suffocating fog. When he felt responsible for two deaths and refused to die himself because he wanted to suffer.But things had changed and not just for him, for both of them. Jules and Venus had collided but they didn't destroy, they created.Even now, that's what they did."Are you okay?" Venus asked, but she wasn't really asking. She was just reading the words out of the pr
Quicksand Chapter 49
After a moment, Julescut through the heavy silence that crashed landed in the room. "What on earth, is he saying?"When Venus didn't say anything. He realized all of a sudden that she had stopped crying. And somehow her silence was worse than the sound of her sobbing."He's joking, right?" His throat felt horribly tight.Tell me he's joking."I'm tired," she whispered. Like it was the answer to all his questions. And in a way it was. In a way, everything was turning crystal clear.She was quiet but he was loud. His breathing was loud, his heartbeat was loud, even his voice was loud. "You can't be serious?"But she was and he couldn't breathe. "I'm tired." She repeated again like he didn't hear her the first time. "I'm tired, Jules.""You're giving up? You want to die?!" He must be shouting, his ears were ringing and his throat was hurti
Quicksand Chapter 48
Jules was screaming.This time he knew it was him. This time he knew that that horrible keening sound belonged to him. But even though he knew it, it didn't change that fact that he couldn't stop.It took him longer than it should to calm down. It took him longer than it should to stop breaking. It took him longer than it should to call 911. It took longer than it should for them to understand what he was saying. Because he was sure for a solid minute all he was saying wasmy planet is dying.God,bless the operator because she waited all past his ramblings. She must have realized that he sounded to broken for this to be a prank. So she waited calmly until he finally gave her actually facts other than;my planet is dying.Then Jules called Carrie as he held Venus. His hand on her chest taking tiny solace from the steady thumps of her heart. She was
Quicksand Chapter 47
"Drop it over there, please," Marie said, pointing to the spot beside the dresser.Jules dropped the box. He wiped off the sweat accumulating at the top of his forehead and stretched. "That's the last of it." He said to her."Thanks, sweetie." She said. "You've been a huge help." The moving truck had just left. He had spent the whole afternoon helping Marie move her stuff into their house."It's okay," he replied, then pulled out a folded photograph and handed it to her. "When I was taking some boxes to Kenya's room. I tipped over the trash can by accident and found this inside."Marie's smile disappeared as she gazed at the photo of Kenya and her father. "Oh dear," she whispered tracing her daughter's smile in the picture with her finger. "She's still so angry at him."Jules folded his arms. "It's not like she doesn't have a reason to be." His voice was angry. "He
Quicksand Chapter 46
Venus was the firstthing Jules saw when he entered his Biology class.His mouth dropped open and she sat up a little straighter.He sat down and she said. "Surprise."Venus had started coming to school less and less until she stopped coming altogether. School became more boring than usual, a chore he had to get over with so he could rush home and see her. So seeing her here was a treat. Even with her skin so pale it was translucent, her tired eyes and her tired smile.He smiled at her and said, "I love you," as naturally as he would say 'hello'Her answering smile made his heart jump. He wanted to take a picture, but he restrained himself and took her hand instead.Mr. Alston was pleasantly surprised when he walked into class. He stood by the door for second taking her in, worry swirling in his eyes. But when Venus glanced at him, he looked away quic
Quicksand Chapter 45
Marie pulled his head gently to her chest. Jules felt his self-restraint disappear as drops of moisture left his eyes. "Everyone," he whispered, "everyone has told me time and time again that it isn't my fault. And sometimes I believe them. But then sometimes I have these dreams-nightmares where she gets into the car and dies. Then my dad is shouting over and over that it is my fault. And there is blood on my hands, her blood because," his voice cracked, "I killed her.""No, Jules," she gasped, pulling him closer, tighter. "You can't actually believe that. You didn't kill your mother, she got in that car on her own free will. I bet if she were here even knowing the truth she'd still do it again. And as for your father, he loves you so much, you know that right?"Jules didn't say anything but his silence spoke volumes."Jules," disbelief colored her voice. "You can't still believe Jace doesn't love you. I
Quicksand Chapter 44
Jules tugged at his hair in frustration. "Damn, this is so hard."Venus touched the hand, clutching his hair. "It doesn't have to be."He shook his head vigorously and water droplets found its way to her. "I don't think I can do this.""Jesus, Jules, can you like not do that?" her face screwed up in what was supposed to be a disgusted look. But Jules found the crease of her nose too cute to take her seriously. "And please enough with the drama. We came here to swim, not to see you agonize yet again on how you're going to end your manga."Jules pouted, "You're so mean today."Venus rolled her eyes, but a small smile was already blossoming and he felt his chest swell at the sight. "I'm always mean.""True that," Merlin chirped from behind him. Jules turned to take in the sight, yet again of both their families having a fun day at the pool.
