12

"Bullshit," I mumbled, standing up.

"Blu I'm serious".

"I don't want to hear any of it, gosh Damon do you think lying to me is going to fix any of this?".

"Blu I am not lying to you".

I rolled my eyes.

"Blu I have anxiety issues, or I had, I don't know, but I have... I get ...I get serious anxiety when I'm around you, even before now, I swear I freeze when I'm around you... and I planned how I was going to do the right thing and fix whatever issue we had but then ... you were so different, so so different, I didn't even know who you were. I froze again; I begged my legs to move, I begged my lips to open, but .. I... I-"

"Damon, you're not making any sense at all whatsoever. You know that, right? You freeze when you see me? fine this year makes sense, 5 years ago? ten years ago? when I was nothing but a nerdy freak who could barely articulate words???"

This man is pissing me off.

"I was in love with that nerdy girl ", he said calmly.

I was silent for a moment and then I laughed out.

"You are the most manipulative person I've ever met", I said calmly and turned to walk inside.

So now he's trying to use the fact that I was in love with him to counter everything and lie to me that he loved him too?

He pulled me back.

"Blu listen to me please -"

"No, I'm not listening to any bullshit you want to say again. I can't stand you lying, just apologize and move the fuck on, all this gaslighting and manipulation is not going to work on me. You loved me? are you crazy? do you even know what you're saying? Do you even know the words you're using?

Let me remind you, In case you've lost your memory, that I was the one in love with you; I followed you around all the time like a lost puppy constantly!

I was the one who begged your attention; I went the extra mile to get your attention. I was a stammerer, and you knew it: I couldn't say a sentence without stammering. I worked on that for you; I wanted to be a better person for you!

All you ever did was ignore me; you made me see myself as a loser, someone who could not ever measure up to your level. You despised me, you hated my existence, and you did everything you could to ensure that you never had anything to do with me and now you're telling me that you loved me?? fuck that!"

"Blu..."

I was getting really angry.

"No don't fucken Blu me... Keep that shit to yourself, Prom; I practiced with Alex so hard to ask you to prom, I wanted to do it secretly, but then again, I wanted it publicly so people Could see that I could do something with my life. I felt like you were an achievement and that if I could successfully have you, I could be something to the world. I saw you as a brother I never had and I thought that even if you didn't want to go with me to prom, you would accept it because it was me, maybe reject me later or something, but the satisfaction of being said yes to in public was all I ever needed.

I spent my entire night anxiously waiting for the moment to happen, and I asked you in front of the entire school, Damon; everybody watched as you stood there and stared at me and then walked away. The shame, the embarrassment, everything weighed on me. I lost every form of confidence in myself because I thought I was so ugly that you couldn't even pretend like you were so embarrassed. That was the worst day of my life, Damon. I used to think that the distancing was just nothing, but that day confirmed that I was a plague to you and that you wanted nothing to do with someone like me.

Guess who came and picked me up from that hole I was falling into? Alex! Yes, him.

When my dad talked about moving to America I didn't hesitate or even think twice about it because I needed to move away from you.

I cut everyone off so I could start all over, and I came back, hoping things had changed, but did anything change? no, and now you want to play the overprotective brother role? ".

He exhaled, "I had Bipolar Blu", he said calmly.

"What?".

"I had Bipolar and PTSD from my dad's death".

"Damon you were like 13 when that happened ".

He nodded, "I know, I had been suffering from trauma right after I saw my dad butcher someone and I was like 5 or 6 I don't know, but, ever since then I changed, I started going for therapy secretly without my brothers knowing, I became so cold and isolated from society and all., from everyone. That was where my issues started from initially.

Everyone noticed it, my brothers did too, they tried to find out what was up but, I couldn't tell them anything, I stopped talking in general, the secret therapies and all, it was a lot.

That was why when you asked me to help out when you sprained your ankle... I.. I just couldn't because I was still traumatized by the whole experience, I couldn't, and I'm sorry for that, I truly am".

Then he died, it worsened because he somehow kept me sane, then everyone started telling me that I was the Dad now and I had to take care of my brothers, comfort them, be the person they look up to, and then they told me I had to carry on his work.

I was 13 by then when I started moving around with a gun for fear of being killed, I stayed awake most times at night unable to sleep because of the fear that whoever took my dad was coming after them next, I was too scared... and.. and I had stopped the therapy so I was going through all this shit with a clear head.

I would follow them for missions and... and.. I was slowly dying Blu".

He paused and turned to me, "But then there was you, Blu".