Chapter 1

Cody

“For fuck’s sake.” I mutter as I try to jam my kit into my bag. It’s the same bag I use all the time for travel, and the very same bag that I’ve used for the last few years so why the hell isn’t it going right this morning?

Right, you know why? Because I still haven’t heard from Immi. It’s been a long fucking four weeks and I’ve not had a response to any of my messages and she keeps avoiding my calls. I’m going crazy here and my heart is hanging on a thread.

The loss and loneliness are beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. Literally, I feel torn up and damaged. I have even cried. Yeah, that’s right. Cody Brannigan the golden boy of NHL has been ugly crying. No one has seen it, naturally. I tend to do it at night when I’m laying in a lonely hotel room or when I’m back home alone in my bed.

If you ever told me someone could die of a broken heart a few months ago, I’d have laughed in your face. Trust me, I think this is what is happening to me. I can’t hardly eat; my game is off, and coach is on my case like every five seconds. I feel as if I’m going to snap.

My moods sway between being hurt to angry. I’m on this permanent roller coaster and I just want to get off it. I just want to be able to see Immi, to hold her, kiss her and feel her warm body pressed up against mine.

How can something so perfect just turn to shit like this? And within a bat of an eyelid. My life is completely and utterly turned upside down.

I didn’t do anything wrong. Well except sleeping with the wrong girl, who I do recall I didn’t use a condom with, fuck how stupid could I have been? She had told me she was on the pill and clean. Luna is her name, and it was a one-night hook up only, because that is all I used to do. I never dated for real, I didn’t ever want to get involved not until Immi came back into my life and was no longer that snotty nosed kid sister of Atlas.

When I caught sight of her again standing in my doorway that first day, I was literally blown away with how gorgeous and stunning she was. That little kid Immi with the braces and the pigtails, grew up to be a knockout.

Back to Luna, I rake my hands through my hair remembering how the guys and I had all gone to a club, The Viper’s Den and got absolutely smashed and I’d been drinking a lot of whiskey. By now you’ll know it’s my preferred drink but it’s a demon drink and honestly, I wouldn’t recommend anyone to drink it as much as I did. Not that I’m sworn off drinking right now, in fact I have been letting things slide some.

What with finding out that I’m going to be a dad and Immi leaving me and not having any contact with her whatsoever. Me a dad. Fucking hell. How did I let it slide so easily? Me, I never make mistakes. Not ever and now this is happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think having a kid is a mistake per se, it just wasn’t on my game plan, and it certainly wasn’t to be with a hook up, puck bunny. It was in my head and heart to have a kid with a woman I was in love with, the mother of my child to be that one special lady who I intended to get old and grey with, to sit on the front porch with and watch our grandkids play ball out front. Or even better still mucking about with hockey sticks.

This, though. Luna, a baby, me. Fuck it’s scary. So damn scary that I am having heart palpitations. I am still deeply angry with myself. What the hell was I thinking?

And, on top of all this, Atlas is not impressed. We’re still close, don’t get me wrong. Having been best friends since we were about five, you don’t just kick that to the kerb. Nonetheless, he is mad as fuck at me for hurting Immi, his kid sister. It was never my intention to hurt her, it wasn’t my intention to be standing in my bedroom back home here in Minnesota trying to pack a bag for the next game in Winnipeg. I could do without going, my instinct is to get in my car and head straight over to Immi’s folks.

Least ways that is where Atlas tells me she is hiding out until her restaurant is closer to opening and she can move into the unit above it. I know if I turn up she’s just going to kick me in the balls. But I have to see her, I have to talk to her. I can’t breathe without her. It’s killing me.

Everything happened so damn quick. I saw the post outs by Luna on just about every social media site you could possibly imagine. That girl sure didn’t hold back. My manager, coach and lawyer said we had to get this nipped in the bud asap and go for paternity testing.

It’s crazy, I didn’t even know you could do this while the baby is still in the womb, turns out you can from as little as seven weeks. So, I had no choice but to force Luna to do the test. Turns out the baby is mine.

We have so much to handle my team and I, meanwhile I have to keep it together for the games. It’s not easy when all I want to do is drive my stick into someone’s face on the ice. Yeah, I’ve been seeing a lot of the sin-bin. Coach is pulling his hear out over me and he hasn’t even got a lot of hair left.

My management team managed to get some of the posts taken down and my lawyer sent Luna a formal letter to instruct her to have to attend a sit down, face to face meeting with me. Every time we organize one, she has an excuse not to be there.

It’s going to be a long road with her. I never should have slept with her in the first place, but what is done is done and there’s no turning the clock back now. Besides, it isn’t the ideal way to bring a child into the world, but now I know I’m going to be a daddy, well I’m telling you; I will be the best daddy the world has ever seen.

My kid won’t want for anything, and he or she will have every ounce of love I’ve got to give it. I will make that baby my entire life and Luna, well, we’re going to have to get on somehow. At some point she is going to have to come and meet me face to face. Not that I particularly want to see her ever again but as the mother of my child, I’m kind of stuck with her for the rest of my life.

I groan as my phone vibrates on the bed. I have it in vibrate only because I keep being hounded by the nosey bloody journalists, people all sending me DMs via F* and I*. I was going to close my profile down, but my assistant and our team marketing guru told me it was the worst thing I could do. I need to keep my social presence it’s not just good for me but for our hockey team. It’s a fucking drag is what it is. And on top of that, I have got a load of haters too.

Goes to show, one minute you can be the golden boy of everything and the next, they just want to tear the skin off your back. Unfuckingbelievable.

Hey, Man. Where you at? We’re waiting at the stadium. Our bus leaves in twenty. Get your ass over here right now.

Atlas is our team captain, and I can tell from his message tone he is not impressed. With one last effort I ram my tops in the bag and yank on the zipper. Finally, it closes. I exhale. Do a double take that I’ve got my mobile, charger and some cash in my pocket then message him back.

Yeah, alright. I’m on my friggin way. Had some shit to sort out first.

You don’t have time for dealing with your shit right now, that’s what your team is for and if it’s your fucked up head shit, you better have it together, Brannigan by the time we step onto the ice tomorrow evening.

Got it. I message back. I’ve never let them down before and I sure as hell won’t let them down again. As much as I want to ask Atlas how Immi is, I don’t. She told me three months. THREE. MONTHS. It may as well be three years; it’s only been four weeks and I already feel like I’ve had no contact with her or seen her for an eternity.

The time can’t go quick enough for me. By the time I do get to see her again, I am hoping that Luna and I have come to some arrangement with regard to sorting out all the shit we need to sort out. My lawyer has already drawn up the papers for her to sign with regard to my monthly support payments and then some for what the baby needs. We’re also discussing my rights and how often I will be able to see my baby. She is naturally holding out for more and more and being your ultra-BITCH.

Closing the door behind me to my house, I press the fob on my Rolls SUV and get behind the wheel. I’ve never felt so desolate in my entire life.