5. The Gift of Time

Elle just started her shift and was making her way around the floor to catch up on her patients when she saw Finn walk up to her with his duffel bag.

"Mr. Finnegan are you leaving?" Elle asked.

"No, but I was hoping you would let me into the family shower room so that I can shower and shave." he replied.

Elle pulled out her keys and smiled at him saying, "Sure, right this way.  While you are in there, I will make sure to keep two eyes on Lili for you."

He let a small smile flicker across his face before saying, "Much appreciated." He closed the door and showered as quickly as humanly possible.   He was thankful that Billy took him several outfits and he wondered when he would have to give in and go home to get more clothes. He dreaded that thought of leaving her for a few hours.  

Walking back to the room, he saw Billy standing outside waiting patiently for him. 

"Billy, what's up?" Finn asked.

Billy took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair before responding, "Just checking in on you and I brought you some drinks and Cindy made you some chocolate chip cookies."

Finn was floored.  Ever since arriving in this small town, the people here accepted him.  Billy wiped his slate clean, not literally but he never held his past life of addiction over his head.  

"Thanks and give a big hug to Cindy for the cookies."

"I heard about the scare last night.  Have you slept at all?" Billy inquired. 

Finn shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Hmmm, no, not really, so hopefully tonight.  They stabilized her and she's been peaceful since."

Billy was worried about Finn.  He didn't want this pressure to break his resolve and send him back down the road of addiction.  He'd seen that too many times before.  How many funerals did he have to go to because of a few lines of power or an instant high from a pill?

Finn sensed Billy's angst and admitted, "Billy, I am really holding up and in the daylight I have no desires for that world, but I did have a nightmare last night that was filled with hidden sex and drugs that freaked me out."

"Well if you need to talk, don't hesitate," Billy replied as he rubbed his chin.  

"I promise.  If I have any stupid thoughts, don't worry.  You're my ICE number should I start to falter," Finn said with a bit too much confidence for Billy's liking.

"Did you talk with Russell?"

"Yeah, but just a minute.  I need to call him back later today.  He said he might stop by, but if not to call after dinner," Finn said, then continued, "Oh, mom said thanks but regardless of how calm you were, you almost gave her a heart attack."

Billy winced and twisted his lips as he agreed, "Yeah, she wasn't to easy to calm down.  I would have thought since everything she's been through with you that she would be calmer."

Sheepishly Finn said, "Well, dad hid the worst from her.  He hid the last episode when I flatlined and he saved me with the injection."  Finn looked away, remembering that awful night, the pain as the medicine worked it's way through his body, the screams, the sadness in his father's eyes, the numbness of almost dying, and the feelings of unworthiness.  

Finn never touched another drop of poison since that day.   He didn't drink or use any substance in his body that wasn't healthy, except for a good steak.  

He continued, "Billy, this is a crazy situation.  I am questioning if I belong here with her or if I am setting my heart up for rejection."

Billy's heart had the same concerns but he gave his opinion, "Can't say I don't have the same concerns but Lili once said something to me as you walked by that I never understood, 'If only, my world could heal.'  She didn't elaborate but I wonder if somehow she trusted you.  So although risky, I think that you should stay by her side.  She doesn't have family so it will be good for someone to be here when she wakes up."

He gave Billy a hug as they said goodbye at the elevator and he headed back to her room and immediately fell asleep for hours.   His body was so broken and exhausted that this time nothing woke him up.  The nurses were in and out, changing IVs and washing Lili and Finn slept like a baby through most of the day.  

He only woke when Elle shook him awake and said, "Mr. Finnegan, I am sorry to bother you but you have a visitor in the waiting room.  

He looked at her with confusion as he shook the grogginess of sleep from his addled brain and thanked her, before walking over to the waiting room.

He found Russel sitting alone with a worried look on his face.  "Finn, what the hell man! Saving the damsel and almost getting shot.  The entire valley is talking about you."

Finn smiled and was touched by Russel's concern.  Especially from a man who tends to be tough and is normally emotionless throughout most situations.  

"Thanks for coming by.  I am doing ok.  I didn't sleep last night but caught up today." 

"Do you need anything?" 

Finn shook his head but then said, "My job when I can return to work within the next 4-6 weeks." 

"You don't need to worry about that.  Listen here's some drinks and Reese made you a few sandwiches."  Russel handed him the bag and continued, "Listen, I don't know how to say this any way but to the point.  She's been abused pretty badly and I am worried about her reaction when she wakes up.  She could reject you.  Could that send you into a tailspin?"

Finn tried not to think about this, but he needed to answer honestly.  "There's no guarantee, but we weren't friends or lovers before this.  She asked me not to leave her and I gave her my word.  I will be here as her friend when she wakes.  No expectations."

Russel let out a sigh of relief and the tension in his brow relaxed as he said, "I got to get, but call if you need anything."  

Finn said goodbye and waited until the elevator doors closed, then he headed back to her room.  He sat and watched her for a few hours before he tried the fried chicken sandwich.  He devoured both once he realized how hungry he was.  

He dug into the chocolate chip cookies and finished off a can of pop, before changing into his shorts and getting ready for bed.  Then he sat by her side and took her hand into his.  Head down, bowed in silent prayer, he prayed to this distant God that suddenly seemed closer.  

He cried and begged.  He prayed and pleaded until he finally wore himself out.   He stood and kissed her forehead, moving a stray hair out of the way.  Slowly sitting in his recliner Finn fell into restless sleep fraught with dreams that were bordering once again on nightmares.