When we come back to the house, everyone is on the porch waiting for us.My mother, Emma, and Delia are standing there, the boys in front of them. Huge bright smiles light Alvin and Ian’s faces – they’re so, so excited to see their dad.I can’t help but laugh when I take them in, and Victor works to
The paramedic says a stern word to Ian about jostling his father and Ian just bares his teeth at him. Victor laughs, and so do I. The paramedic just shakes his head and keeps pushing, settling Victor into the living room where I’ve cleared a space. I follow Victor into the room and my mother and si
Rafe carefully places Victor on his side of the bed while I pull back the sheets. The two brothers cheerfully joke about the battle and the siege, about what happened next and how poor Rafe had to clean up Victor’s mess while Victor had what Rafe calls a “nice four-day nap.” Victor laughs at this an
I help him to lay down and get his pillows right. Then, I leave him for a moment to go and change into my pajamas. When I come back to bed and turn off the light, I can see that he is already asleep.I curl up next to him, ready for this long night.As the hours pass, Victor gets worse. I don’t sle
I feel, suddenly, as if I am inside a dream.It’s a waking one, though, in which I am fully conscious, which is very new for me. And very unnerving.I feel myself in a separate space – a world with its own rules, its own gravity and physics. But there’s nothing here. There is just darkness, blacknes
Then, I lay this body down next to his, and I let our forms merge, the edges of mine passing seamlessly through the edges of his. Not all the way, but enough. Enough to share.“Take it,” I whisper – and again, it’s not words. Just…the message. I feel him respond, hearing me. “Take it,” I say again.
A few hours later, wrapped in our coziest robes, Victor and I step out of our room.As soon as we walk out, I can hear the noise of our boys downstairs, laughing and talking as they have their breakfast.I clutch my robe tightly around my neck as I hear them and look up at Victor, a huge smile break
I could go into all of the details, of course – my memories of going to that place, somewhere in my mind but also somewhere beyond it. Of what it looked like there, of what we did, of how we…made the exchange. But…I suppose that some things I want to keep secret. Just between us.So, I improvise.“I