2

Alessia

I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Was I hallucinating? Is that part of the symptoms? It had to be because there was no way what I was seeing was real.

My manly boyfriend cannot be on his back while another man was fucking him. It was not possible. I must be dreaming. It had to be a dream.

I opened my mouth trying to scream, shout or at least say something but no sound was coming out and they didn’t even notice my presence.

A burst of anger blinded my vision and before I knew what I was doing I angrily picked up a belt that was thrown on the ground and threw it at Xabier.

That interrupted their intimate display and he gasped when his eyes landed on me. He pushed the guy off him and scrambled to get on his feet while his “partner” glared at me with annoyance visible on his face.

I felt like walking up to him and choking him at that moment. How dare he glare at me when I caught him sleeping with my man?

“Alessia please, it's not what it looks like,” Xabier said as he hurriedly put on his underwear. I stared at him in disbelief as he took tentative steps towards me, it was as if he was walking towards a helpless kitten and that enraged me.

“Do I look like a fucking child to you?” I yelled angrily and I was even surprised at how loud my voice sounded. “How could you do this? What even is this?” I didn’t know what to call how I felt at the moment.

I was angry, sad, heartbroken, drained, frustrated and overwhelmed at the same time. It felt like I was about to explode from all the different emotions brewing within me and my eyes started to feel glossy because I couldn’t find the right words to express myself.

“You were not meant to find out this way,” Xabier said with remorse in his voice.

“I wasn't meant to find out this way? Then how else was I supposed to find out? When you elope with your boyfriend or at our wedding because this has been going on for a long time now…”

“Yes, it has but trust me I never meant to hurt you Alessia.” He said with his eyes downcast.

“Trust you! I should trust you after what you’ve done! Do you even understand what is going on here? I just caught you cheating on me and you are talking about hurting me? You have already destroyed me the moment you started cheating on me!” My eyes were blazing with fury and my heart was in pain.

“Alessia…” Xabier whispered. His voice was coated with guilt and I could see the desperation and plea for understanding in his eyes but I couldn’t believe him. Not after all that I saw.

“When were you going to tell me? When were you going to tell me that you were a backstabbing cheater!” I was livid. My words were filled with venom and anger but I could care less.

“After everything that I sacrificed for you! After all that we have been through, is this how you repay me?” My vision started to get blurry and angry tears rolled down my eyes. I clenched my fists beside me trying to contain the rage and pain I was feeling.

I felt shattered. How could everything go wrong in the blink of an eye? This was the worst day of my life.

“I also made sacrifices to be with you but I can’t anymore! I can’t pretend to be in love with you when I no longer hold such feelings towards you. I have changed but I still tried to protect you.” Xabier argued.

“Should I go on my knees and thank you for cheating behind my back instead of speaking up like a man? After all these years you just woke up one morning and decided you wanted to cheat instead of speaking up…”

“What was I supposed to say that I loved you but not in that way? That I no longer found you attractive? That I’m done and how would you have reacted?.” Xabier angrily spat out and I felt a rope snapped in my mind.

“Attraction? Love? You don’t cheat on people you claim to love Xabier, you tell them the truth! You don't find me attractive after wasting three years of my life? Until this morning you were confessing your fucked up love to me… How could you when you knew you didn’t like women?” My voice broke towards the end and I felt like my heart was being squeezed in my chest.

I should have known. For the past month he had grown distant, he had shown signs of withdrawal but I had foolishly brushed it off. I could remember one morning in particular…

I had just come back from work and after a long week of being away from each other I wanted my man and I knew he wanted me too. I took a quick shower and came out in a pair of shorts and a bralette that Xabier got for me as an anniversary gift.

He was scrolling through his phone and I bit my lip as I took slow steps towards him while swaying my hips. I crawled into the bed and straddled him.

Our eyes locked and I felt my body heating up as I leaned down and captured his lips in mine. I started to roam my hands over his body and I could feel the desperation to feel his body against mine building up.

He bit my lower lip and I moaned as his tongue engaged in a passionate dance with mine. I started to unbutton his shirt and I could feel his body tense. I pulled back and stared at him.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered and Xabier gave a small awkward smile.

“Can we not do this tonight? We can make out but I’m not in the mood for sex.” I felt agitated but he was smiling so sweetly that I couldn’t afford to push him.

I could remember so many incidents like that throughout the month, whenever I made advances he always found a way to avoid it, he stopped being touchy, he didn't cuddle with me, and he didn’t hold me when I was working in the kitchen and he wouldn't even initiate kisses unless I asked.

“I’m sorry Alessia.” Xabier whispered and I couldn’t take it anymore. I stared at him one more time and walked out of the house.

I could hear Xabier calling my name but what was the use now when he had completely shattered me with his betrayal? It is all hopeless now.

There was no need for me to tell him about my illness, I didn’t need sympathy from a man who had used me. If he didn’t have the decency to tell me he was gay then I’m certain he wouldn’t spend his money on me.

I looked up into the clear blue sky and at that moment I made up my mind to not die. And if I must die I refused to die empty and broken.

I took a deep breath as I stopped a taxi and headed back to the hospital.