Amelia Forbes
Mondays, for me, were like a restart of my routine, mind-numbing, perpetually dull life. It was an endless cycle of boredom, my life, beginning everyday with the rickety, old and faulty alarm, which sat atop the nightstand beside my bed, waking me up at 6:30, thirty minutes too early.
Then, it was in the bathroom till it clocked seven—not that I spent thirty minutes taking a shower, though. Sometimes, I fall asleep there.
Next, after that, was to pull on a somewhat presentable cloth and brush my blonde hair till it shone, before going down to meet Nana, my grandma, for breakfast, communicating through sign language, because, well, she was deaf, kissing her goodbye and then leaving for school.
School had its own individual cycle, just like waking up had it its. First off was to get off the bus, seeing as, at eighteen, I still trailed along with the freshmen in the school bus because the only car I had, grandma's old, vintage Chevy, decided to give up on me in my sophomore year.
Right after getting to school would be the quacking, shoving and pushing by other students oblivious to my presence, until I got to my locker.
Now, when I got to the said locker, two things could happen. One, I open my locker to a shower of glitter, or to a jack in the box straight to my face, planted by yours truly, Jason Shitface Asshat Davenport.
If that didn't happen, I'd most likely open my locker to just my stuff. The worst I could meet, buried under them, would be a note saying I should stick my head in the toilet, or I should just kill myself. This time planted by Kimberly Bitch Thot Slut Adams.
Luckily, today, I arrived at school to find my locker just the way I'd left it last Friday. Apparently, both Jason and Kimberly seemed to have forgotten about my existence.
Yeah, right. That could never happen. Not while we were still classmates.
So, after the locker episodes, up next were the classes. Of my nine classes every day, I had Jason in two, which was enough torment as it was, judging by the fact that he never failed to leave chewed gum both on and under my seat and desk, or shoot spitballs at me as lessons were going on—it was a wonder how the teachers never caught him. Probably, they did, but just didn't care.
Next in the cycle was lunch period, where I got served the regular blob of something that was supposed to be 'food', an apple, which was my only savior, preventing me from dying of starvation, and a milk carton.
The only different day was Tuesday, when the school decided to be so kind as to serve it's exhausted students a helping of pudding, since it couldn't afford tacos. They termed it 'Pudding Tuesday'. Shudders, that was what I felt saying it.
Right after lunch and the rest of the day's lessons would be meeting up with Jason at the sports field, as he instructed me to do everyday after school, to retrieve his homework from him, process, analyze, break it down, decipher, solve, just do whatever and return it to him the next day to be submitted. Note, I used the word 'retrieve' because, according to him, his homework was my possession.
After I'd stashed his homework in my bag, I was to sit and watch him practice football—he was the team's midfielder—until it was over. I was to guard his stuff, hold his water, hand it to him whenever he needed it, while my head remained bowed, by the way, and hold his face towel, even when it was sweaty and dripping.
Occasionally, and very intentionally, while I sat under the sun, watching something I had absolutely no interest in, the ball would fly out of nowhere straight for my face, most times my chest. Then Jason would run along to pick it up, while I remained on the bleachers, wincing at the pain from where the ball had hit me. As he jogged past me, the ball in his hands, he'd yell something like "Sorry, I didn't see no boobs there", or "My bad, didn't see you there".
After practice, by then the school bus had already gone, so I was left to walk home by myself. A fifteen minute distance, all alone. Jason said it was essential to help me lose weight. Note, I wasn't more than 40 kg.
Sometimes, his friend, Adrian Goldfield, the football team's defender, would offer me a ride, which I never turned down—the inside of his blue Ford was heaven, I could assure you, with it's blue seats and air conditioned interior, not to mention it always smelled like lavender, just like he did.
Once I got home, I was then to do Jason's homework first before I did mine. Next in line was my night shower and dinner with Nana before I put her to bed by eight and then binge Netflix for the rest of the night. Sometimes, I'd get a call, or a FaceTime, from my former best friend, Benson, but even that was rare now, ever since he started dating Katie Henshaw.
So, there you have it, my endless, repetitive cycle of a life.
Get a life, you might say, but here's a little secret. I had one. Before high-school, back when boys worshipped me, literally, and every girl wanted to be my friend. Back when everything was perfect, and I had mom and dad. Until the summer holiday before high-school, when my parents died in a car crash, and I was subjected to living with my grandma, the only relative close enough.
I retreated into my shell, like a snail when touched. Became an entirely different person than I used to be. Lost everything, my friends, although Benson stayed, my popularity, everything. And gained Jason Davenport's attention, a guy I so remember used to crush on me back in fifth grade.
All that was by the way, though. At this point in my life, I was already used to it. As a senior, knowing I'd soon be out of this shithole and out of Wayne's County, never to see any of the hateful faces anymore, it didn't bother me much. Not like it used to. All I needed to do was focus on my studies and getting a scholarship. And that I did.
Today, being today Tuesday, our test scores from last week have been returned to us. I made an A+ in pretty much all five of them, as expected.
It was currently lunch time. The queue had shortened considerably by the time I'd gotten to the cafeteria. Without much waste of time, it got to my turn.
I looked away, with a disgusted face, as the lunch lady slapped the gooey stuff onto its corner, looked back with a smile when she placed an apple where it should be, the milk carton and, my personal favorite, a small bowl of chocolate pudding.
Offering her a smile, which of course, she didn't return, I turned away from her and began my journey to the 'losers table'. No, no one termed it that, but everyone that sat at it was regarded as a loser so . . .
It was at the far end of the cafeteria, at the corner where nothing went noticed and you could eat like a pig, rubbing food all over your body, but still no one would care.
Jason's table was kind of far from mine, a safe distance if you asked me, but occasionally, I'd look up from my food to see him staring daggers at me. When I maintained eye contact, he'd look away, a tic present in his jaw.
The only hassle getting to my table was the fact that I had to pass both his and Kimberly's table on the way, hers before his. It wasn't as easy as it sounded, trust me.
I was approaching Jason's table now. As instructed by him, I was to keep my eyes the other way as I passed, lest he made eye contact with me. That I did as I got to the table, averting my gaze to the table beside his.
I was almost past his table, the only thought on my mind being the chocolate pudding my hungry hands were soon to devour, when, all of a sudden, I felt a shoe at the front base of my foot, and next thing I knew, I was falling forward, the tray of food flying out of my hands, an inaudible gasp escaping my wide open mouth.
Amelia ForbesA hushed silence fell over the cafeteria the moment I crashed to the floor on my hands and knees. Only then did it dawn on me what had just happened. I wasn't having any pudding. I wasn't going to have lunch at all. Not with my food scattered everywhere, the apple not too far from me and the glob of unidentifiable food lying a little to the right of the apple.Just as I was starting to wonder where the pudding went, a shriek pierced the air, hurting my eardrums, seeing as it came from beside me.At once, I whipped my head to my left to meet the shock of my life. The right half of Kimberly's face and neck was covered in chocolate pudding.Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
Jason DavenportLeaning back against one of the upholding pillars behind the school, I stuck a hand into my jacket pocket, the fingers of my other hand holding, loosely, onto the burning stick of cigarette between them.Where the hell was she? I wondered, casting a brief gaze to the watch around my wrist. It was three o'clock already. She knew she was to meet up with me immediately after classes, but here she was wasting my time, like waiting on her was all I had to do the entire day.She'll get it when she eventually shows up, that's for sure, I thought, with a frown, raising the cigarette to my lips.Taking a short drag, I dropped my hand and blew the smoke out in two, oddly shaped rings.
Amelia ForbesEveryday, my hatred for Jason Davenport burned brighter. I had so many thoughts in my mind toward him. Thoughts, ideas, that were sure to inflict pain if gotten a chance to be carried out—slam his head into a wall severally, kick him in the nuts as often as I could, but to mention a few. After all, it was only deserving.I mean, as if the humiliation I'd passed through this morning in the cafeteria, because of him, was not enough, he went on to treat me like an absolute piece of worthless junk when we met up behind the school after classes, grabbing me by the collar of Adrian's jacket, as if I was some sort of guy he had issues with, and thumping my forehead because he got a B in his history homework, very much forgetting that I was human too and could make mistakes once in a while.&n
Amelia Forbes The next day, I arrived at school a lot earlier than I normally did, my new tactic at avoiding Jason, who was a chronic late comer. As soon as I got to school, I geared right into the homeroom, making sure to keep my head down, so Kimberly didn't spot me, signed my name and took my seat at the far end beside the window. I was the only one present in the room-pretty much everyone had lives more exciting than I did-giving me the comfort to do whatever I wanted. Like eating the sandwich Nana had made me this morning just before I left for school. Leaning back into my seat, I took a bite of the sandwich, my attention on the content of the phone in my hand. A text message from Benson popped up at the top as I scrolled through it. At once, I tapped the message.I'm on my way to school, and I'm not picking Katie up today, for once, phew. Want me to pick you up? It read.Tapping the keys on my keyboard, I replied, I'm already at school :).What
Jason DavenportPractice time. The only period I ever looked forward to at school, other than picking on Amelia, that is.Classes were over now and the team was in the field doing basic warm ups before the main practice began. Amelia, as I'd told her to, was seated on the bleachers, watching blankly, my stuff beside her. Just to make sure she was actually watching and not doing something else, like pressing her darned phone, I kept one eye on the field and the other on her. It wasn't as hard as it sounded. Shortly after the warm up, the main practice kicked off at the sound of Coach Hens's whistle. Okay, yes, I looked forward to practice, pretty much everyday at school, but on some days, some occasions, like today, when it was devilishly hot, I might as well pass it up.We played for over thirty minutes before Coach Hens decided to give us a break, which I was very much thankful for. At the sound of the whistle, I doubled over, hands on my knees, pan
Amelia ForbesEvery day that I had to see Jason got me more and more upset than I could take. Pushed me further toward the wall. I didn't know if I could wait for the remainder of the hundred and ninety days before I saw him no more. I wasn't sure if I could contain myself any longer. Eventually, sooner or later, I was going to snap and probably do something, most likely, not beneficial to me. But after the incident in his car last week, I think I wouldn't mind.Yes, I feared Jason, but there was a limit to everything. Even to my fear. After what he'd done on Thursday last week, after he'd spoken and acted with so much hate and scorn, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something more to his bullying. If maybe, all along, it wasn't really bullying out of boredom or habit, but bullying borne out of pure hatred. And I couldn't help but fear for my life. My safety. So, I decided to steer clear of him, by all means. And even if I had to interact with him, it'd be one
Amelia Forbes I was soon to attend my first ever high school party, only for the sole reason of Jason inviting me himself. Handing me a flyer yesterday. And for him apologizing too, I guess. It was Friday night, the time set for the party, and I was starting to regret taking Jason's flyer. Agreeing to attend his party. I was getting cold feet, and I had my reasons. For one, although I'd accepted Jason's apology and had forgiven him, even when I didn't want to, even when I knew an apology couldn't just erase everything he'd done to me, I still had this gut feeling that it wasn't genuine, his repentance. For some reason, I still felt it was all an act. Now, I wasn't one to act on my gut feelings, trust them, because, sometimes, they'd let me down, so, as much as I didn't want to, I ignored them.Secondly, I was getting cold feet because I wasn't used to parties, and I had absolutely no idea what to wear. I had a lot of dresses. So many. Short, long, extra short,
Amelia Forbes It was official. Parties just weren't my thing. Jason's party was fun, actually, for people who liked parties, that is, but personally, I couldn't see the fun in loud noises, people screaming on top of their voices in the name of talking, dirty dancing, drinking too much alcohol and puking thereafter. It just wasn't my idea of fun.So, I was already preparing to leave without telling Jason. All I had as my biggest hurdle was sneaking out, which wasn't so much of a hurdle-seeing the huge crowd present at his party, it was easy to blend in or get lost. Finding my way home wasn't going to be much of a problem either-I was good with directions, sorta, and when I was in Jason's car, I'd done well to note the way around. I was currently engaged in an uninteresting conversation with a flame haired guy whom I wasn't sure of his name but was certain he was a senior too. He was hitting on me, and failing miserably at it, judging by his poor choice of
Amelia ForbesThe day had gone by so fast and it was already about time for our dinner date. Dani came over to help me get dressed. She and Adrian were open about their relationship status now and they looked so good together I thought I would cry.She did my makeup too. I didn't look perfect because I still had a little bit of my tummy showing after the delivery, but Jason didn't care. Dani enveloped me in a tight hug as she saw me off to the limo."You look amazing, Ammie," She whispered. "Off you go. Be a good girl now."I whipped around, eyes widening in embarrassment. But she only winked at me and stalked off.God, I loved to hate her.I didn't know where we were going, and no matter how many times I'd asked, Jason wouldn't tell.Finally we arrived. He had set something up at one of the spots on the hill. There were lights and food, and even someone to play the violin.Again, how would he know I loved the violin?Benson.After about an hour of
Amelia ForbesIt had been a while since I'd had the baby now. Two months precisely.I had so many dreams I had wanted to realize after high school, so much I wanted to do. But all that was gone now. At least for a while. In the beginning it had saddened me deeply. But now, all I wanted was to make sure my baby got everything she deserved, and then some more.Being a mother changes a lot. Everything, in fact. And I really love my baby, but in she's always crying, and it's even worse at night now. We finally went to the doctor a week ago and realized it was colic. Thank God.I said a silent prayer. If I'm being honest, I don't think I could've handled it alone. Especially with Nana gone. The thought of her brought tears to my eyes. She had passed away peacefully at the elderly home. And I missed her a lot. Every day I would imagine all the beautiful words she would've used if she could talk.I thought of those times when she really was the only thing that kept me go
Amelia Forbes I deliberately sipped my hot cocoa slowly, as I watched Dani say hi to Adrian briefly and walk into the kitchen toward me. She pulled up a chair and lowered herself onto it, watching me with hawk eyes."What's going on?" Her tone was crisp."What do you mean?" I cocked an eyebrow.She rolled her eyes. "So pretty boy gets into an accident and all of a sudden you move in with him?"The anger that flashed within me knew no bounds as I raised her eyes to meet hers. "It was an attempted suicide," I said quietly.Her hand froze halfway to her lips. "What?" She managed to croak. "I...I had no idea that-""No you didn't," I snapped. She hung her head but didn't say anything more."And if Nana was still home, I probably wouldn't be living here now. So please don't play that card.""I'm sorry," She managed.I shrugged, eyeing her curiously. "And what about you?" I asked innocently. "Is there anything you wanna tell me?"She threw
Jason DavenportIt'd been five days since I was discharged from the hospital. My head still hurt, but I'd never felt better. Dad had convinced me to come back home and I'd agreed, on the condition that I'd keep working until I could afford to pay for college. And it'd been going great. My friendship with Adrian was still a bit shaky but we were working things out. We'd resumed our weekly hangout at my house to play either basketball or video games and it felt nice. Sometimes Amelia popped in to check on me but she never stayed for too long."Hey?" I shook Adrian as we both sat on my bed. He quickly tried to put his phone away and I eyed him suspiciously. "Who are you texting?" I asked. He blushed. "Um, no one?"I patted his back. "Tell me everything, my friend."An hour later, Adrian had narrated the love story that had sprung between himself and Dani Daniels and I stared at him in shock."Dani?!" I stage whispered, putting a hand to my mouth. "Holy sh
Jason DavenportI still wasn't sure what miracle had occured while I was unconscious.At first when I woke up, my first feeling was that of disappointment. I was disappointed that I had survived. Once again I'd proved that I'd always be a failure.But when Amelia had barged into my ward, a crying mess, and enveloped me in a hug, I thought I was dreaming. I still couldn't wrap it around my head but I was glad for it. Whatever had happened, I prayed that it would stay that way. As I relaxed my pounding head onto the pillow, my door swung open and I swallowed as I saw Adrian walk in.He stumbled awkwardly and took a seat beside me on the bed. "Hey.""Hey."For a while we sat there, not uttering a word to each other. "Why'd you do it?" Adrian finally whispered.I didn't need to ask to know what he was talking about. I took my time to gather myself. "I guess... I guess I was just tired of being such a failure..." I trailed off.Saying it brough
Amelia ForbesI sat fidgeting in the waiting room. It'd been three hours since we arrived at the hospital and everyone was seated, quietly. The truck driver had given a clear description of what had transpired. No one said a word.Tears flowed down my cheeks. He has attempted suicide.The thought broke me down more than I thought it could. I felt sad, guilty. I blamed myself for pushing him out in the rain and saying such hard words to him.I guessed those few weeks had put him into some deep state of depression. He was in such a state that he had seen suicide as the only option. It was then that I realized that he'd been honest the whole time.He'd been sincere. All the effort he'd been putting. I stifled a sob.What if something happened to him?My heart pounded in my chest. What would I do? I couldn't take care of a child alone. I couldn't...And he was so good with her. He'd be such a good dad. I couldn't... I couldn't lose him.I burie
Jason DavenportAs Amelia pushed me out into the blasting rain, I realized something. I was exhausted.I was tired.I was tired of the crying, tired of the begging. I knew I deserved everything that was happening right now and then some more, but I was tired. This was what I'd also be. The rapist. The criminal. No matter how hard I tried. No one would ever see the good in me.And it was all my fault. I showed the good in me too late. Way too late. So late that everyone would stand waiting for me to draw the curtains and prove to them that it was all an act. I'd always be the asshole. The monster. The beast.I looked up at the sky and sobbed. "Are you disappointed in me too, mom? This is what your boy turned out to be. A useless piece of shit."I slumped to the floor, my chest feeling like it was about to explode. "I'm a criminal, mom. I lost every-every thing. My friends, my family, my dignity. This is what I've become.""Nobody wants me m-mo
Amelia Forbes"I got in."Dani walked into my room beaming, a white envelope in hand.And although I knew what she held-a college acceptance letter, I asked, "Into what?"She rolled her eyes at me and laughed. "Bloustone College?" "Oh," I finally managed to mutter after a while. Dani stared at me in disbelief. "Really? That's all you're gonna say? I've been working my ass off for this and that's all you're gonna say?" She was right. I did sound kind of selfish."I'm sorry, Dani. I didn't mean it like that," I pleaded. "Of course I'm happy for you. It just.. it took me by surprise, that's all. You know how hard I've been rooting for you."She gave me a small smile and wrapped her arms on my shoulder. "It's okay, Ammie. I'll miss you too."My throat tightened. I was going to miss her. Even more than she thought. She was one of my best friends. She'd been there for me when no one else had. She'd practically forced her way into my life.I giggled
Amelia ForbesI woke up to the soft cry of my baby girl. We'd moved her from Nana's room to the room that used to belong to my parents.Careful not to wake anyone up, I tiptoed to the room and received a startle when I saw Jason cradling her in his arms.My first thought was to go in and snatch her away from him. If he hurt her, I swear. But I waited. And I watched.I watched her stop crying as soon as he picked her up. I watched him coo her, kiss her cheek and began to hum a tune. Was he singing? I wondered, my mouth agape.What had happened to the Jason Davenport from high school? And who was this softie? Was this all an act? To gain my forgiveness?But he knew everyone was asleep. So why would he act when there wasn't an audience. I don't know how long I stood there for. But i watched them, a wide smile permanently plastered on my face. He knew just how to hold her. How to rock her back and forth so she would fall asleep.How?What changed?