Chapter 4: Mine Until Morning

Tahimik sa penthouse ni Xander. Mas tahimik kaysa kahit anong lugar na napuntahan ko. Walang sounds kundi 'yung mahinang tik-tak ng relo at marahang hinga niya habang nakaupo sa couch, isang basong scotch sa kamay. Walang TV, walang music, walang kahit anong distraction. Just us, in this high-rise darkness, na parang nasa ibabaw kami ng buong mundo.

And yet, I felt small. Stripped.

Nasa harap ako ng isang lalaking alam kong hindi ko kayang kontrolin. And tonight, I knew—he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“Come here.” Mababaw ang boses niya, pero mabigat. Parang command. Parang hindi pwedeng hindi sundin.

I walked to him, slow, like every step meant something. His eyes didn’t leave mine, not even when he set down his drink. And the second I reached him, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap—no words, no hesitation.

He kissed me like he owned me.

And I let him.

Walang gentle sa halik niya. Parang gusto niyang alisin lahat ng resistance. His mouth was rough, demanding. His hands roamed—una sa likod ko, then pababa, then underneath my shirt, as if hinahanap niya 'yung hininga ko para nakawin.

“Don’t think,” he murmured, lips brushing against my skin. “Just feel.”

And I did.

Hindi na namin naabot ‘yung kama sa simula. The floor caught us, cold against my back but his body burned all over me. I moaned when he pushed up my shirt, then pulled down his sweatpants. Every movement was fast, intentional, as if wala siyang oras, pero ako lang ang gusto niyang pag-aksayahan ng oras na ‘yon.

“Mine,” he growled, ang boses niya nasa tenga ko. “You fucking get that?”

I nodded, pero hindi sapat sa kanya. He grabbed my chin and forced my eyes to his.

“Say it.”

“I’m yours,” I whispered, breathless. “For tonight.”

That last part? That was for me. A reminder. A line I wasn’t supposed to cross.

Pero the way he touched me after that, the way he moved inside me, made me forget lines even existed.

Sa kama na kami nang humupa ang init. My body was sore, but alive. Xander was lying beside me, half-awake, half watching. His arm draped over my waist, like he wasn’t done claiming me.

“Tulog ka na,” I whispered.

“No,” he said, voice hoarse. “Not yet. Gising pa ‘yung gutom ko.”

Napatigil ako.

Hindi ko alam kung metaphor ‘yon o literal. Pero then he rolled on top of me again, kissed my neck, my chest, then slid down. His hands opened my thighs like he had every right, and his mouth made me forget how to breathe.

I gripped the sheets, bit my lip, tried not to cry out—but he wanted me to. “Let me hear you, Daphne,” he said in between sinful licks. “No one else is here. Just us.”

So I did.

I let go. I let him pull moans out of me like secrets I never wanted to keep. And when I came undone, he kissed his way back up, stared into my eyes, and whispered—

“I’m not done yet.”

At akala ko noon, second round na 'yung peak. Hindi pa pala.

Past midnight, tulog ang buong lungsod. Pero sa kwarto ni Xander, walang pahinga.

Nasa pader na kami, hair against concrete, legs wrapped around his waist. His thrusts were hard, brutal. But his mouth? It was soft on my collarbone, whispering things that sounded dangerously close to affection.

“You feel like sin,” he murmured. “And I want to drown in it.”

I clutched his shoulders tighter.

Hiningal kami pareho nang matapos. Hindi siya agad bumitaw. Nanatili kami sa gano’ng posisyon for a moment, just breathing each other in. Then dahan-dahan niya akong binuhat pabalik sa kama. Tinakpan niya kami ng kumot. And for a second, I thought he fell asleep.

Pero hindi pala.

Naramdaman ko 'yung lips niya sa noo ko. A soft kiss. A silent gesture that wasn’t part of the contract.

That wasn’t part of any plan.

4:27 AM.

I was still awake.

Hawak pa rin niya ako, like a pillow he didn’t want to lose. His hand was curled around my waist, his legs tangled with mine. There was a peace in the dark that scared me more than any of his threats.

Kasi hindi ito kasunduan.

Wala sa rules ang ganito.

This warmth, this intimacy, this... gentleness. Hindi ko ito binayaran. Hindi ito binili. And that made it dangerous.

Kasi kung hindi ito parte ng deal, ibig sabihin… may sarili na itong buhay.

At ‘yon ang kinatatakutan ko.

Pagkagising ko, nandiyan pa rin siya. Tulog. Hindi na kagaya ng dati na una siyang nawawala. Hindi ako sanay.

Tinitigan ko lang siya. Yung buhok niyang magulo, 'yung konting beard growth, ‘yung pilik-matang parang isinulat gamit ang tinta ng kasalanan.

He looked… human.

And in that moment, I wanted to pretend this was real. That we were two people who just made love in the middle of the night. That we were more than signatures, more than a deal, more than hired bodies and paid time.

Pero hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa sarili ko.

Alam kong kahit ano’ng gawin ko, uuwi rin ‘to sa katotohanang hindi ako ang pinili. Pinili lang akong maging kontrata. Pinili lang akong maging presence sa kawalan.

So I stood up slowly, picked up my clothes from the floor, and changed in silence. I didn’t look back when I walked to the balcony. I just needed air.

The city looked so different from up here. So small. So far. Parang lahat ng problema ko naiwan sa baba. But then again, Xander was right behind me. And he was my problem.

Lumapit siya a few minutes later. Shirtless, coffee in hand, eyes still half-closed.

“You’re leaving again?”

“Should I stay?” tanong ko, not looking at him.

He was quiet. Too quiet.

Then, “Stay if you want to. Don’t if it’ll make you hope.”

Boom.

There it was. The warning. The reminder. Na kahit ilang beses pa niya akong hawakan, he was never going to be mine.

I smiled, weak but brave. “Thanks for the honesty.”

He didn’t reply.

I faced him finally. “Next time, Xander, don’t kiss my forehead.”

“Why?” seryoso siyang tumingin.

“Because it doesn’t feel like lust. And that’s all this is supposed to be, right?”

Tumango siya. Slowly. Then he looked away.

And that was it. The truth between us hung like fog in the balcony air. Not love. Not hate. Just… something in between. And that’s what made it dangerous.