Chapter 19: Promise

I go to my parents’house. It’s empty and I’m all alone but it calms me.

Pagod akong umupo sa sofa ng salas at ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. But as I close them, all I can remember is everything that happened a while ago. I shouted at him and I cursed at him. I was anger and devastated and I feel betrayed.

Mali ba ‘ko? Valid ba ang mga ginawa at sinabi ko dahil lang sa nasasaktan ako at nangungulila sa mga magulang ko?

That even after everything that I said and did, there’s a part of me that still want to go back there. To tell him that I’m sorry and that I won’t do it again nor will I say anything like that ever again.

But what about me? What about my pain? Ako lang naman ang nakakaintindi sa sarili ko at sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. And it was enough for me. What changed this time? Why does it seem like I want him to understand me, too? To believe me and tell me that my feelings are valid.

Pero alam ko rin naman na hindi ko maaaring hingin sa