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May 29
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2024-10-29 19:42:56"Most people who don't know anything about me are usually so eager to rush into conclusions. They say I am abnormal because I don't talk much but sit in a dark corner and stare with a strange silence which is totally untrue. I know my silence is not my poor skills in social communication rather a dark mystery I am yet to understand. I have been dead a long time ago before Christmas bells filled my heart with joy. I have been dead a long time ago before I even learnt how to walk or run. I have been dead before the first new moon ushered the December rains and spluttered muddy water into the new yam tendrils that were slowly springing to life. I can't remember my turning point vividly, the day I died I mean; I have lived that day my whole entire life. Sometimes I imagine myself swimming in a deep blue sea, challenging the sharks into a desperate speedy test knowing fully well that I will lose, knowing fully well tha
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Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 30
"When you begin to love yourself only then will you be able to love others," the woman said."I understand," I said."You are aware that today is the last day of this meeting. It is a three days program and so far, we have completed two days successfully without any complications.""I understand," I said again."Do you still want us to talk about your parents?""No!""Are you going to change your mind anytime soon?"
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 31
The last day of the month is usually not my favorite day of the month. It is the day when I feel grateful that the burden of the current month was finally coming to an end.As today began, I felt a certain degree of failure. I felt the failure of not being able to recall the past clearly. Whenever I think about the people I have met in the past and how they would act as though they were some god of intelligence, it irks me. I just remembered a man I met a long time ago. He was so curious to understand my perspective about God. What could I have said? Well, God is a sky magical being. I didn't even drop the remaining words before he burst into a ridiculous laughter. You feel the embarrassment that I felt? Perhaps no, because you are not me.The first
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 1
Today was the first day of the month and I fell sick so I decided to write a letter to a friend I haven’t mentioned before in this diary. His name is Henry.Dear Henry,How is surgery like? Have you tried it? Like for critical cases or...why am I even asking when you are not here? This is the greatest dilemma ever; to go or not. What if I forget lots of things and have memory loss? What if I forget about people I know? I will just spend lots of my time here and talk?So, my guess was right all this while. A reason I feel and act somehow like three in one. A reason I speak sometimes and wonder who spoke. A reason I send messages and wonder who sent it. You remember when I questioned you based on it? It is now clear that I act differently. My personality isn't constant. It is clear that I feel too co
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 3
Explaining to my friend about my illness and some aspects of my life was the best thing I did today.Dear Henry,You know that day I said I was really sick and couldn't bear the rays the phone was emitting, that wasn't the beginning of the illness. But then, there are lots of my friends that I didn't want to fail to be there to comfort them that's one reason I had to persevere.From my understanding and what I have been taking note of in my life, it triggers when there are too many noisy people around, when I hear too much sound, when I'm exposed to too much rays of light, when am in a very hot place like walking under a hot sun or too much stress. When did my illness start? It started the moment this month began. But I don’t want to spend the whole of today talking about my illness rather I want t
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 4
I don't have much to say about Henry. If I were to describe him with words, I may end up filling an entire exercise book about him in one day. He is not someone I talk often about but he is important to me as much as Goodness is important to me.There are days when I think about him and how our friendship would have grown if his parents had not migrated to a different state in Nigeria. There are days when I wish I could have done better in improving our friendship. Did I try? Yes! I did the best I could do to keep us in contact at least.Henry may not be an important personality in this book but he is one of the few persons in my life that has changed my view of society.
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 5
"I forgot to ask you about your arrangements with that woman last month. How did it go?" Uncle Max asked this morning before leaving for work."It was good. She understood how I felt about life and she was willing to offer me her childhood experiences even though I didn't ask her for it," I replied with my elbow behind my back.Uncle Max arranged his files inside his bag and informed me that he was going to work."What about Miss Bisi?" I asked before he stepped foot outside his house."She is there," he said without facing back."Are you not planning on apologizing to her?"Uncle Max let go of the door and told me to mind my own business.
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 6
"God loves you, Perer," Aunty Matilda visited today with plenty words of encouragement for me."I am not sure about that," I said. "If he loves me as you have claimed, he wouldn't have let my little brother die.""Death is a mystery," Aunty Matilda continued, brushing her fingernails with her other hand."We cannot explain how it happens, it just happens.""Of course. We all know God's reputation, Aunty Matilda," I smiled. "Always making sure that everything happens perfectly for humans.""Well," Aunty Matilda shrugged nonchalantly so as not to appear flattered by my evaluation. "He knows what he is doing compared to all those who doubt his words.""I don't need God in my life," I clarified Aunty Matilda's thoughts about her efforts. "I don't need someone who only shows up after the main event. If God truly exists, he should have done something in my life a long time ago. He should have made me und
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 7
I spent the whole of today thinking about the summer rain and the deep blue sky. I wondered if the clouds were still watching over me or if they had lost faith in me. Due to some reasons, Aunty Matilda said we could not go to Lagos until she was sure that everything was placed in its appropriate position in Lagos. She basically postponed our trip to the next day.I thought of Henry today and how long it would take for him to send me a new message. I also thought of Delaney who I was slowly losing interest in. I wanted to know if she was holding up and not spinning around a corner stone. Maybe she was spinning around! Maybe she wasn't! How would I know?
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Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger About the Author
Chibuzor Victor Obih was born in the southern part of Nigeria. Delta State to be precise. His writing includes essays, poetry and short stories. He likes to play soccer, read, study and above all, write. He is currently a fourth year student of a renowned public university in Nigeria. The University of Port-Harcourt is where he is pursuing a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger is his second book and his second attempt to explore the beautiful world of a novelist. To stay connected with him and his works, you can follow him on Instagram using the account name, Chibuzor Victor Obih or follow him on Facebook using the account name, Author Chibuzor Victor Obih.
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 31
The pathway to heaven is rough. The streets are not tarred. The bells are not ringing. Where is God?Apart from the sound of the water dripping from the tap in the bathroom, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't even hear my heart beating inside my chest."This is going to be my last attempt," I said to myself.I tried to turn around as I felt the impact of the drug I took. I tried to move my limbs but I couldn't. I closed my eyes and saw myself dying. It was terrible. Then, suddenly, I saw Jesus Christ looking down at me. His feet, white as snow. His hair, colorful as gold. He took my arm and told me to get up."I will give you another chance, Perer," he said."Why?" I asked, confused."Because you deserve it."I didn't know what else to say. I just stood there, shocked. I stood in front of the son of God I had condemned most of my life and I couldn't say anything. All I could think about was my book. The diary I had writt
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 26
"The first time I have ever thought of killing myself was in Port-Harcourt. I wanted to make my death quick. Less painful! I wanted to pass any sharp thing through my body and bleed till I was dead. I didn't realize how painful it was until I grew older," I said to the therapist."Where were your parents when you were going through all of this?" The therapist asked."What can I say about my parents," I said, thinking. "Dad stayed with us until he divorced Mum some months ago. Then I was sent to live with my uncle here as if I was the cause of their divorce. Dad was always thinking about life. He constantly joked about God. For your information, Dad hates God. I don't know the exact reason why he hates God, I only know he hates God. Anytime someone mentions the name of God, he gets pissed.""Do you think your Dad's hatred for God is the reason why you hate God too?""I don't think so," I swallowed hard. "My case is different from Dad. I only want answers t
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 23
For days, I have been pondering about the meaning of my life and I can tell you that I haven't been gripped by the fear of it even if it is the slightest bit of it. Have you ever been scared of dying and as well feel you are not afraid of living? Only two days did I hear a preacher speak of eternal life and it resounded in my ears for as long as I could remember. It was the first time a person read a bit of my mind without knowing me. Do you think I am slowly turning to God?For so long I have dreamt of Clag and Danny. And for so long I have demanded an answer as to why I was brought to this life, but yet, there haven't been any answers. For some reasons, I reckon, I am but only a roaming lifeless mustard seed enclosed in a showcase and packaged in a nylon called life. To prove my point, think of an empty space with an empty sack lying downwards. Can you imagine that?I left home today to visit Goodness. A newness of
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 20
"Thank you for coming today," the therapist said. "I was afraid you wouldn't come because of the way you sounded when you left my office the other day.""Can we continue from where we stopped. As you can see, I am already getting tired of this introductions.""I understand. I understand, Perer."The therapist turned my file to the next page."I thought I would never say this about you but you are an incredibly smart person. You deserve a good life.""Almost everyone does," I replied."Some, more than others. Those who set goals, work very hard, stay out of trouble and complete their education deserve a better life.""Can we get on with this, ma? I am trying hard not to freeze to death.""Are you cold?""No! But I am freezing yo death inside of me.""Give me time."I watched as the woman looked at my file, raised it up, turned it over and placed it back on
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 13
"Seven children?" Miss Bisi repeated. "I am sorry, you want us to have seven children.""Yes!" Uncle Max smiled."And you mustn't apologize all the time. It is permitted for couples to share diverse opinions on children. As long as there is love, there is unity.""And you want us to have peace in a home filled with seven children?"Uncle Max didn't mind having lots of children even if it was a dozen because he had spent most of his whole life being alone. The fact that Miss Bisi wanted less than seven kids was not going to change his mind."I was thinking," I interrupted, "with the rate of inflation going on in Nigeria and with the way jobs are getting fewer, how are you guys going to raise seven children in an unstable mixed economy?""God will provide," Uncle Max smiled."Yes! God will provide," Miss Bisi added, supporting his statement. "What is on my mind is not giving birth but being referred to as a married woman. I want people to start
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 9
"I want to help you, Perer," the therapist said. "We agreed to meet two days ago. Why did you delay?""I can't answer that, ma. And you can't help me. I am already a lost cause who is swimming on the surface of the earth. My time will come and I will soon die.""I understand," the therapist wrote something down on a book. "Any memories of your childhood you might want to share with me? Since the conversation about the people you care about last time did not lead us anywhere, I thought it would be best if you tell me about your childhood.""There is nothing to talk about in my childhood. It was a moment that has passed. It can't come back again even if I want it to."“Are you happy with the way your life is right now, Perer?”"Happiness is a subjective question, ma. It can mean a lot to a lot of people. Some people are in a relationship not because they are happy about it but because th
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 1
My day started almost in a haste. It started with the early morning sun shining in a rush before the rain started falling slowly from the sky. The rain fell like fine sifted unwanted powder thrown from above. I was still in Enugu and I was still at Uncle Max's house, acting with utmost perfection as if everything was alright with me. Not for one single time did Uncle Max wonder if my silence was a new found habit or if it was a cage I had deeply fallen into. The lack of communication that started between us two weeks ago was still growing everyday as if it had an unquenchable hunger that needed to be settled. The lack of communication bothered me as I counted the number of days remaining for the year to end. One hundred and fifty two days!"Miss Bisi is coming today," Uncle Max said as he served me a plate of rice and stew. "She has been asking questions about you and I have been finding lies to tell her. What is really wrong with you, Perer?"I felt my jaw drop but I
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 31
I did not talk. I could not talk as I sat on the white plastic chair. The therapist repeated the question, and again, instead of a response, all she got from me was a bland dying stare."Perer, relax. I want you to relax. I hope the plastic chair is comfortable?""Relaxation is not something that I fancy these days. Say what you want to say. I will answer as much as I can answer.""Alright," the therapist wore her glasses. "Perer, it may interest you to be informed that I have read your file over and over again and I still don't understand what your problem is. You said you are not suicidal but yet you are depressed. Do you care to explain what you mean by that statement? I will give you time to think about my question while I go through your file. I have decided to not charge you because I admire your courage to seek help. It is not common for young people of your age to admit they are suicidal. They see it as a crime!"I inhaled softly as I climbed into
