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May 10
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I started today by thinking about life and a huge aspect of me that I haven't shared with some of you who are reading this book if not all of you. I want to share that aspect of me now.
So there is this feeling you sometimes get when you think you have met someone who will be important in your life. This feeling serves as a drive to your work or as a motivation to keep on going even when you feel you are no longer getting to somewhere reasonable. I know some of you have had this experience sometimes. You may be taking a walk through the sidewalk or probably pondering how miserable your life has been that day then all of a sudden you see that special someone among the midst of a crowd of people and your heart will just rejoice and take a giant leap.
Well, this is not an entry you should waste your time reading but a way for me to assure you that there are still some good people in this world that you are yet to meet! A lot of us here have been involved in bad rela
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Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 11
She is the beauty you never seem to notice in a crowd. Yes! I am referring to Miss Bisi! She is the silent noise that never yells. Yes! I am still referring to Miss Bisi! I guess I always knew that Uncle Max would find someone special in his life. Oh! I am just grieving for a love I never knew or probably a love I never thought existed. Just not being important in a gathering is like attempting to break a hard rock. But, when comfort comes from a stranger who lives miles away from home and you wake up in that stranger's bed, you tend to view life in a different way. Am I right?I don't think love existed! I don't think love exists! There is just some unnecessary attention directed towards you and then you start to feel better than the rest; you start to feel like you are flying on top of a moon, wearing a short and a shirt with frayed arms. Some days we don't like to talk about certain things due to the fact that they all se
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 12
Dear Delaney,Is everything alright? Do you remember when we used to run on the streets with our hearts at the top of the world? Yeah, those days were quite interesting. It was great to hear from you. It is always great to hear from you, Delaney. Do you miss me a lot? Because I do miss you a lot!I couldn't send you a message or a letter for some obvious reasons. I watched a great movie today. It was really good and I thought about you after the movie. I know we didn't really get on the right path because I was really over demanding. I know I hurt you and I am really sorry for that. I hope this message brings peace into your heart! I hope you fulfill all your dreams!Hey! I will have to admit that I have thought about you several nights. You know I don't believe in God but I still managed to pray for you a few times, wondering how you were doing, and when I read your letter in Port-Harcourt, it made me sm
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 14
A lot of people have told me once or twice that I have an insatiable desire for knowledge and I agree with them, I just can't stop learning."You know there is going to be a ceremony when I propose to Miss Bisi," Uncle Max announced as I sat at the back of Miss Bisi's car."And that is only if she agrees to be my wife, because if she doesn't, there will be no ceremony. I will make sure there will be no party in any place close to my house," Uncle Max added."But who is going to marry me if it is not going to be you?" Miss Bisi asserted, smiling to herself."We just need a ring and an audience," Uncle Max repeated the same thing he said a week ago; a day after my birthday."And who is going to get the ring if it is not going to be you?" Miss Bisi fired again."Me! Me and me alone!""No, I am serious, Max," Miss Bisi insisted. It was the third time I heard her call Uncle Max by his first name."I am serious too. I will get you the ring w
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 15
The first few moments of our lives can be very exhausting because we get to come out from the vagina of a woman while bearing in mind that we are connected to her by an umbilical cord. A month later, we start to get used to our environment. We start to ask ourselves why we are inside a house with people who we don't know anything about. A year later, we are forced to stand in front of a birthday cake with our fingers holding the tip of a knife. We smile, laugh and maybe cry as we watch unfamiliar faces raise their hands and clap for the little feat we have accomplished."He is one years old," Some of our mothers would say."She is one years old," others would say.The first year of our lives starts with a positive outcome. By then, we are able to understand new things and we are able to perform new things. By then, we are able to understand that the person we have been taking milk from is our mother and the man
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 16
The purple clouds darted above my head as the bus stopped inside a park in Port-Harcourt. I was feeling dizzy but managed to follow the short line of people who were walking towards the door. Every individual who boarded the bus from Enugu to Port-Harcourt kept their eyes fixed on their luggages as if they were trying to guard it from being stolen. Uncle Max was doing the same. I wasn't. My mind was fixed on something else. Maybe because it felt strange to be visiting Port-Harcourt so soon even when I wasn't done with my WAEC exams!"Perer," Uncle Max muttered. "Do you want me to buy you a meat pie?""I am fine. Don't bother about making me feel happy.""I wasn't trying to make you feel better. I understand how hard it is to deal with the loss of a sibling. Believe me, Perer, I do understand how you feel.""Do you really understand what is going on in my mind now?""Yes I do. I honestl
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 18
It is two days now since Danny's body was placed below the ground. I still hear his voice wherever I go. It is as if he is trying to tell me something even though he knows I won't get the message because he is dead. I can't explain how I feel right now. Do I feel suicidal? No! Do I feel like living again? No! Do I feel like dying? No! I don't know how I feel but I do know that I feel empty. I do know I feel the same way that I felt when I heard that Clag was dead. Is it hard to feel death and yet pretend that it doesn't exists?I have been asking myself a lot of stupid questions today. Questions that doesn't makes sense at all but gives my dumb mind a sense of warmth. I asked myself why the sky was blue instead of green. I asked myself why we didn't have humans with green skin color. And in answer to that, I told myself that we have humans with green skin color but instead of us calling them humans we choose to call them aliens. Stupid right? Yes it is stupid but it does make
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 20
"How are you doing today? Are you feeling fine? Do you want some coffee or do you want Miss Bisi to make lunch for you?""I am fine, Uncle Max. I just need some space to breathe properly.""It has been two days now and you haven't said a word to me or Miss Bisi. It has been two days now and you have refused to answer your parents phone calls. It has been two days now and you have refused to eat any food or drink water. What is wrong with you, Perer?""Nothing is wrong with me, Uncle Max. I am just going through a hard time. It will pass immediately I get back on my feet.""And when will you get back on your feet?""I don't know, Uncle Max. Maybe two days or three days. I just want to be alone."Uncle Max took a deep breath as he sat down."Do you see what I have been passing through ever since his brother died?""I have two eyes," Miss Bisi was not in a rush to say anyth
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger May 21
Most of the times when I am in a bad mood and I talk, I spit out rubbish knowing fully well it will only worsen my condition. I have never really understood why people used to cut. It doesn't make sense to me at all when I start to imagine a human being sitting all alone in a dark corner, crying, holding a knife by his or her side and shredding his or her skin with the knife. I guess it feels good to cut sometimes. It takes away the pain you feel inside of you immediately your blood starts flowing away from your body. I guess it makes you to become more aware of how useless you are to the society you find yourself in.I know I will not grab a knife and cut my skin because I have tried to do it several times but can't get over the image of blood gushing out from my black skin. It terrifies me as much as running naked on a blind date. Even if no one is at home, I can't go to a secret corner, sit all alone and cut myself.
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Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger About the Author
Chibuzor Victor Obih was born in the southern part of Nigeria. Delta State to be precise. His writing includes essays, poetry and short stories. He likes to play soccer, read, study and above all, write. He is currently a fourth year student of a renowned public university in Nigeria. The University of Port-Harcourt is where he is pursuing a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger is his second book and his second attempt to explore the beautiful world of a novelist. To stay connected with him and his works, you can follow him on Instagram using the account name, Chibuzor Victor Obih or follow him on Facebook using the account name, Author Chibuzor Victor Obih.
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 31
The pathway to heaven is rough. The streets are not tarred. The bells are not ringing. Where is God?Apart from the sound of the water dripping from the tap in the bathroom, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't even hear my heart beating inside my chest."This is going to be my last attempt," I said to myself.I tried to turn around as I felt the impact of the drug I took. I tried to move my limbs but I couldn't. I closed my eyes and saw myself dying. It was terrible. Then, suddenly, I saw Jesus Christ looking down at me. His feet, white as snow. His hair, colorful as gold. He took my arm and told me to get up."I will give you another chance, Perer," he said."Why?" I asked, confused."Because you deserve it."I didn't know what else to say. I just stood there, shocked. I stood in front of the son of God I had condemned most of my life and I couldn't say anything. All I could think about was my book. The diary I had writt
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 26
"The first time I have ever thought of killing myself was in Port-Harcourt. I wanted to make my death quick. Less painful! I wanted to pass any sharp thing through my body and bleed till I was dead. I didn't realize how painful it was until I grew older," I said to the therapist."Where were your parents when you were going through all of this?" The therapist asked."What can I say about my parents," I said, thinking. "Dad stayed with us until he divorced Mum some months ago. Then I was sent to live with my uncle here as if I was the cause of their divorce. Dad was always thinking about life. He constantly joked about God. For your information, Dad hates God. I don't know the exact reason why he hates God, I only know he hates God. Anytime someone mentions the name of God, he gets pissed.""Do you think your Dad's hatred for God is the reason why you hate God too?""I don't think so," I swallowed hard. "My case is different from Dad. I only want answers t
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 23
For days, I have been pondering about the meaning of my life and I can tell you that I haven't been gripped by the fear of it even if it is the slightest bit of it. Have you ever been scared of dying and as well feel you are not afraid of living? Only two days did I hear a preacher speak of eternal life and it resounded in my ears for as long as I could remember. It was the first time a person read a bit of my mind without knowing me. Do you think I am slowly turning to God?For so long I have dreamt of Clag and Danny. And for so long I have demanded an answer as to why I was brought to this life, but yet, there haven't been any answers. For some reasons, I reckon, I am but only a roaming lifeless mustard seed enclosed in a showcase and packaged in a nylon called life. To prove my point, think of an empty space with an empty sack lying downwards. Can you imagine that?I left home today to visit Goodness. A newness of
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 20
"Thank you for coming today," the therapist said. "I was afraid you wouldn't come because of the way you sounded when you left my office the other day.""Can we continue from where we stopped. As you can see, I am already getting tired of this introductions.""I understand. I understand, Perer."The therapist turned my file to the next page."I thought I would never say this about you but you are an incredibly smart person. You deserve a good life.""Almost everyone does," I replied."Some, more than others. Those who set goals, work very hard, stay out of trouble and complete their education deserve a better life.""Can we get on with this, ma? I am trying hard not to freeze to death.""Are you cold?""No! But I am freezing yo death inside of me.""Give me time."I watched as the woman looked at my file, raised it up, turned it over and placed it back on
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 13
"Seven children?" Miss Bisi repeated. "I am sorry, you want us to have seven children.""Yes!" Uncle Max smiled."And you mustn't apologize all the time. It is permitted for couples to share diverse opinions on children. As long as there is love, there is unity.""And you want us to have peace in a home filled with seven children?"Uncle Max didn't mind having lots of children even if it was a dozen because he had spent most of his whole life being alone. The fact that Miss Bisi wanted less than seven kids was not going to change his mind."I was thinking," I interrupted, "with the rate of inflation going on in Nigeria and with the way jobs are getting fewer, how are you guys going to raise seven children in an unstable mixed economy?""God will provide," Uncle Max smiled."Yes! God will provide," Miss Bisi added, supporting his statement. "What is on my mind is not giving birth but being referred to as a married woman. I want people to start
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 9
"I want to help you, Perer," the therapist said. "We agreed to meet two days ago. Why did you delay?""I can't answer that, ma. And you can't help me. I am already a lost cause who is swimming on the surface of the earth. My time will come and I will soon die.""I understand," the therapist wrote something down on a book. "Any memories of your childhood you might want to share with me? Since the conversation about the people you care about last time did not lead us anywhere, I thought it would be best if you tell me about your childhood.""There is nothing to talk about in my childhood. It was a moment that has passed. It can't come back again even if I want it to."“Are you happy with the way your life is right now, Perer?”"Happiness is a subjective question, ma. It can mean a lot to a lot of people. Some people are in a relationship not because they are happy about it but because th
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger August 1
My day started almost in a haste. It started with the early morning sun shining in a rush before the rain started falling slowly from the sky. The rain fell like fine sifted unwanted powder thrown from above. I was still in Enugu and I was still at Uncle Max's house, acting with utmost perfection as if everything was alright with me. Not for one single time did Uncle Max wonder if my silence was a new found habit or if it was a cage I had deeply fallen into. The lack of communication that started between us two weeks ago was still growing everyday as if it had an unquenchable hunger that needed to be settled. The lack of communication bothered me as I counted the number of days remaining for the year to end. One hundred and fifty two days!"Miss Bisi is coming today," Uncle Max said as he served me a plate of rice and stew. "She has been asking questions about you and I have been finding lies to tell her. What is really wrong with you, Perer?"I felt my jaw drop but I
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 31
I did not talk. I could not talk as I sat on the white plastic chair. The therapist repeated the question, and again, instead of a response, all she got from me was a bland dying stare."Perer, relax. I want you to relax. I hope the plastic chair is comfortable?""Relaxation is not something that I fancy these days. Say what you want to say. I will answer as much as I can answer.""Alright," the therapist wore her glasses. "Perer, it may interest you to be informed that I have read your file over and over again and I still don't understand what your problem is. You said you are not suicidal but yet you are depressed. Do you care to explain what you mean by that statement? I will give you time to think about my question while I go through your file. I have decided to not charge you because I admire your courage to seek help. It is not common for young people of your age to admit they are suicidal. They see it as a crime!"I inhaled softly as I climbed into
