Chapter Two

Jaxsen woke up thirsty. His mouth felt like the entire world’s supply of cotton balls were soaking up every bit of moisture within his body. He sat up, his feet going slightly chilly upon landing on the floor. He flexed his toes feeling the edge of the rug he’d picked out for his room. Jaxsen looked around the room and couldn’t help the small smile that betrayed him. He wanted to relax, he felt himself begin to sometimes, but always caught himself. 

So far Sebastian seemed really nice…but so had a couple others…he shook himself of those thoughts like a dog shaking off water. He didn’t want to go there. He stood and took a deep breath. He took a few steps around the bed, his feet feeling very heavy. He was hyper-aware of every sensation. He felt each individual fiber in his rug. Every grain of wood in the bed post. He paused, jumping slightly at a sudden noise. Just the air conditioner. The cool air blowing from the vent above him cooled him considerably. He pulled the door open slightly, suddenly unable to recall if the door would squeak. He didn’t want to wake Sebastian up. He’d told him, over and over again, that he would not hurt him, and so far…but Sebastian had yet to be made mad by anything he’d done. He was still waiting. He had such big hands. He knew hands that big could really hurt.

He decamped from the security of his bedroom and slid down the hall silent as a ghost. He left his back against the wall lest someone come up behind him. When he made it to the stairs he glanced behind him where he knew Sebastian slumbered. No movement. No sound. No light. Jaxsen slipped down the steps, pausing twice when creaks sounded under his feet. 

He made it to the kitchen without detection. He looked around, despair gripping him. He couldn’t reach the cups. Sebastian had told him that he’d get plastic cups and stuff for him and put them on a lower shelf, but that wasn’t until this weekend. The chairs are heavy. He contemplated moving the chair, but was aware of the noise it would create. With a firm set of his jaw he walked to the counter and looked up. The top of the counter was just at eye level. He opened a cabinet door and took a tentative step up. For a hand hold he opened a drawer to his left and pulled himself up all the way with a triumphant smile. Still no sounds from upstairs. 

Jaxsen turned slightly to his right and grabbed a glass. Just in that moment a light illuminated the room, startling the child. With a gasp he tried to get down quickly but smacked his head on the open cabinet door. He dropped the glass and it proceeded downward. Sebastian watched in slow motion horror the scene playing out before him. Instinct and a nice shot of adrenaline got him moving, catching the boy as he toppled over and off the counter-top. Jaxsen screamed and writhed in his grasp, fear and survival instinct making him rival his safety. Once clear of the broken glass Sebastian set the boy on his feet and watched as the child dropped to his hands and knees and crawled away; his legs seemingly refusing to hold him upright, and hide under the kitchen table.

Jaxsen curled in on himself, as if for protection, gasping in heavy, giant breaths. Sebastian watched him a moment in mystified uncertainty of what exactly he should do. Without thinking and simply acting he got down flat on his stomach and army-crawled to the scared boy cowering away from him.

When he spoke his voice was low, calming. “Jaxsen, buddy, you gotta breathe. I know it’s scary and you feel like you can’t breathe, but listen to me now, okay?” Slowly Sebastian reached out and took the boy’s hand, soothingly running his thumb over very small knuckles. 

“You’ve gotta slow your repertory system down. Slow, deep breaths, Jack, I promise you’ll feel better. Easy. Easy. Slow and deep breaths. Good boy.” Jaxsen looked at him, tears in his eyes, but he’d calmed. “I’m going to clean up the glass, okay? Stay here so you don’t cut yourself.” Sebastian picked up the broom and dustpan, his heart breaking from the panicked gasp and whimper that sounded pathetically from under the table. 

He smiled and tried to be reassuring, but even he knew he was failing terribly. “I’m not going to hurt you, Jaxsen. Just gonna sweep up this bit and then I’m going to put the broom away, alright?” A nod. Sebastian didn’t comment. He cleaned up the glass quickly and when it was disposed of he set the broom and dustpan back in the pantry and sat beside the table. He was glad to see that Jaxsen’s breathing had evened back out. He longed to stop those tears and replace them with laughter. 

“Hey, sweet boy, why don’t ya come out from under there?” Sebastian reached out his hand. “Come on, Jack, I won’t hurt you.” He waited for the boy to make up his own mind and was rewarded when a tiny hand was placed in his. Jaxsen stood, his head down, trying to contain his composure. 

“I-I’m s-sorry, Bastian.” He sniffled. “I didn’t mean t-to break anything. I just woke up thirsty and wanted some water and the light scared me and I’m sorry, Bastian, I’m really sorry.” Jaxsen looked at him with red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears begging forgiveness. Gently he pulled the little boy into his arms and held him close. Jaxsen resisted only for a moment, his need for a loving touch and comfort outweighing his fears. It had been so long since someone had held him, hugged him. Sebastian gained his feet, Jaxsen still in his arms. He knew the tears had slowed considerably, his chest hitching with deep breaths as he undertook the venture of equanimity. Sebastian leaned against the kitchen counter and benevolently rocked the little boy in his arms who was nestling into his shoulder.

Jaxsen lay his head against Sebastian’s chest and calmed substantially as he was lulled into a sleepy kind of peace. 

“You still want something to drink, Jaxsen?” He nodded and Sebastian made short order of getting him a glass of water. Jaxsen drank his fill and handed the glass back. Sebastian took a moment, leaning against the counter and enjoyed the feeling of holding a child again. His child. He slowly brought his hand up and uncurled the tiny fist from his shirt. 

“It really is okay. You’re not in any kinda trouble.” Still holding that little hand Sebastian slowly reached up and wiped away freshly fallen tears. He smiled above Jaxsen’s head and lightly kissed the golden strands. He didn’t flinch.

Sebastian woke the next morning to the smell of breakfast coming in waves from downstairs. He smiled and yawned, stretched and scratched. He yawned again as he scrubbed his hands over his face and sleep-messed brown hair. When he finally made his way into the kitchen, Jaxsen was putting fresh (burned) toast on two small plates and smiled. His whole face lit up and Sebastian silently promised he’d attempt at making that smile appear much more frequently. 

“Good morning, Bastian!” His smile widened, pride beaming. “I made us breakfast!”

Sebastian chuckled. “G’morning, Jack.” He ruffled the boy’s hair on his way down into the chair. Jaxsen almost flinched, but fought the instinct. Sebastian smiled. 

“Still hungry?” Sebastian asked after finishing off his toast. 

“A little, yeah.” He smiled bashfully. 

“Pancakes?” Again that smile.

“Have you ever had dinosaur pancakes?”

“You make dinosaur pancakes?” He was amazed and it showed in the saucer-round azure eyes.

“Sure can. Want to help?”

“Sure!” Suddenly he deflated. “But I don’t know how to make dinosaur pancakes. How can I help?”

By an impulse he couldn’t fight, Sebastian lifted Jaxsen into his arms. “There’s a lot of ways to help. And what you don’t know, you’ll learn. You can be my pancake-of-the-dinosaur apprentice.”

Jaxsen laughed. “I’ve never been an apprentice before. Well, I used to help my daddy sometimes…so I guess when he was teaching me stuff I was his apprentice, huh?”

Sebastian gaped at him astonished absolutely. “You helped him break Arabic codes?”

Jaxsen nodded. “Uh huh. And German codes.”

When they were Marines both Sebastian and Jaxsen’s father Glen Michaels worked intelligence operations. At times they were deep undercover--sometimes for several extended stays. It was the last mission, the longest undercover mission they had been a part of together that would eventually lead to the very moment in which he stood now. Glen Michaels’ specialty was breaking Arabic and German codes. 

“You’re absolutely amazing, Jaxsen Michaels.” Jaxsen blushed deeply and dipped his head, not able to hide the shy grin. Sebastian placed a light kiss to his temple and set him on the counter. They chatted happily as they mixed the batter. The chiming of the doorbell paused all proceeds. Sebastian set Jaxsen on his feet then went to open the door. 

Jaxsen had a foreboding preconception deep in his gut. Suddenly his legs felt very heavy. His body almost completely numb. He collapsed into the wooden kitchen chair just as the door pulled open.

Sebastian was surprised, to say the least, at this unannounced guest. “Ellie.” That was all he could manage before his voice betrayed him. 

“Hello, Sebastian. Can I come in?”

“Oh, of-of course.” He stumbled over his words as he stepped aside. He cleared his throat as he shut the door. His heart raced and his palms began to sweat. He knew this would not end well.

“What can I do for you?” He followed her gaze which was fixated on Jaxsen.

“So, it’s true then?” There was a myriad of emotions in her voice and painted across her face.

“It’s true. Jaxsen, this is Ellie.” He waved shyly, meeting her eyes long enough to acknowledge her before looking away again.

“I spoke to your mother,” she said as if reading his mind. She was always good at that, he mused. “I almost didn’t believe it.”

The edge in her voice was not missed by either Jaxsen or Sebastian. “Hey, bud, why don’t you go to your room for a while, okay, so Ellie and I can talk?” Jaxsen looked at him with worried eyes. “It’s alright. Go on.”

With a quick look between them, Jaxsen stood and made his way up the stairs. He could see his bedroom door only about twenty feet away from his position. From here he’d be out of both sight and mind but not hearing distance. He listened for a long moment before the conversation picked up downstairs.