"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.'
-Helen Keller.
IBIM
When the gods were sharing sight, I overslept arrived late so I got vision supplies for only a few years. School as a 17 year old blind girl in Nigeria is.... well, it's interesting. I go to Ogan Memorial Secondary Academy, Port Harcourt. Yes, Port Harcourt. And there's a story if all was sugar and spice we won't be here now, would we?
"Ms. Ben-Harry", a voice called from down the hall and I turned. It was Ms. Angeline, the guidance Counsellor but I already knew this before turning anyways. I followed her footsteps to her office.
Ogan Memorial was the best school for everyone, so they said and hence, I've been here long before I lost my sight that explains why I can move around without groping although we have people who help just incase. I get to her office and she tells me to sit.
"You know why I called you?".
I feign ignorance. I hear her heavy sigh and then the tapping of her stationery against the wooden table. She was pissed, one rule in Ogan is you never snitch doesn't matter if you were blind, deaf, dumb or crippled; snitches got stitches and that was exactly why I was here, because someone had to snitch. But the question was who?
"Lola Abereye", She said and I struggle not to flinch as she says the name. Lola was found dead in the girls' hostel on the fourth of July last year. It wasn't a violent scene so I hear, most people say she killed herself, the minority vote is that she was murdered, I was on a neutral because I heard them that night after socials that evening I was in the hostel when she was killed and although my eyes don't work, my ears do and I can match each voice to a face but the thing is..... nobody snitches.
"What does this have to do with me, Ma?", I asked folding my hands across my chest.
That was a dumb question, of course it had everything to do with me, they found me fast asleep in the hostel when the body was first found and since the Abereyes were pressing charges, Ogan needed to provide answers or their precious school will pay a very handsome amount to the Abereyes. They needed me to talk to say a name just a name and everything would be fine.
"You have to pick one, Ibim, it's either you talk to me or you talk to the detectives and they'll be here soon, they won't be gentle with you at all". She was trying to threaten me. I wasn't going to be a snitch. Lola snitched and got killed, Ade snitched and ended up in the remand home, Ngozi snitched and was expelled. If I snitch something was gonna happen to me and you might sit there judging me but if you were at Ogan, you would know better than follow any silly moral taught to you at Sunday school. Here, it's eat or be eaten, kill or be killed and I wasn't going to throw myself under a bus that is going to move without me anyways.
"I'm not talking to anyone anymore, I have already said what I know".
"which is?". Her voice was patient now.
"I was fast asleep, I didn't hear anything?". The sleep was my alibi and I wondered why they hadn't pinned this on me. Mofe says it's because I'm the blind girl but I think there's a different reason someone must have seen someone else going into the girls' hostel gates during socials and snitched but since I'm the only one the entire school knows was present at the scene they want me to speak, they are protecting someone.
After trying to no avail, she let me out of her office, it was well into the first period of school now and I was alone in the hallway. I walked to my locker and on opening it something fell on my face. It was another note. I wonder why these idiots left me notes when they know blindness means YOU CAN'T SEE!!. I crumbled it and threw it in my bag, I was gonna show my eyes later and by my eyes, I meant Mofe.
Economics was gibberish to me, I had the notes, I read them,I listened in classes, I attempted to draw the graphs and yet when the test came, I could hardly make a C+ on it. Ms. Chinemema's voice was heavy in the entire class but I wasn't in the class anymore, I purposely let my mind drift away from the class. I think of break time and food, Mondays we had J.Rice.
"Theory of Marginality?,.....hmmm... Ms.Yakubu". I was relieved she didn't call my name. Soyaya answered it in a heartbeat. She's been best in Economics since we started this godsforsaken subject in year 10. I had attempted going to meet her to help in teaching me but there was no use I was about to explain to her how to teach me the graphs is to draw it on my palm. The bell rung and I hurried to my feet and left the classroom. I didn't have many friends since we entered secondary school, most of my friends from elementary stopped speaking to me after...well...after my corneas fried and I lost my sight.
Second and third period was maths and I had that with Mofe, Getting to the Calculus hall was tricky when we started secondary school but after a while it was imprinted in my brain.
"091", I heard and I make a salute in the direction of her voice.
"Do you believe in a fresh start?", Mofy says as we walk into the class. I nod.
"With Ms. Angeline on my ass on the first day back? No, I do not believe in a fresh start at all". I signed really fast.
"Don't tell me she called you!".
"Na wa oh", I say and sit in the chair next to her. When I didn't sign; she read my lips and we signed when we didn't want anyone to understand our conversation. Yes, there are other deaf kids at school and in primary school we made a plan to learn the BSL since every other deaf person in school used ASL. Mofe was deaf, she lost her hearing in primary 2 two years before I lost my sight. I put the crumbled paper into her hand
"Keep your mouth fucking shut!", She reads in hushed tones. "Oh God, are you okay?".
I nod. "I am". But honestly, how can I be?
A/N
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Maths class was a breeze over, since it's the first day back; Mr. Alestide our calculus teacher just did a revision of last term. "This term is going to be good", he said. "I will be making sure of that". I know he means this term's work but excuse me for thinking he was talking about Lola's death. When the lunch bell rings, everyone starts scampering out of the classroom very noisily, the thing is when one sense dies, the other ones sharpen a lot."We should go", I signed in her direction. I imagined her nod before standing to her feet noisily."Hey, Mofy", Manny's voice was firm and deeper that what I remember from last year. "Happy new year"."Hey, Emmanuel", she replies. She holds my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"Hope is being able to see a light despite all the darkness"
If you live for seventy yearsI hope to live for sixty-nineSo I don't get to feel the sting of your absenceHappy birthday, Best friend.She was found dead on the night of the same day she gave me this. I still keep the card under my pillow, very absurdly it made me feel so close to her."Hey, we need to get to school", Malik's voice was hoarse. "You be dressing up like a female, my Man, you've been at it for twenty minutes".Laughter erupts from my lips. "Says the boy that has a skin care journal"."Guyy, No loud am nau"
IBIMMrs. Yakubu asked us to stay back, I knew that the lawyers where coming but I thought they would at least let us settle down in school first. These Abereyes were not having it anymore."I don't care who goes to jail, I must get to the bottom of this", she said so loud, it was literally booming off the wall of the assembly hall."Lola's Mom is looking at us like she's gonna kill every last one of us", Mofe said."Are you serious?", I signed."Deadass".I wrapped my arms around myself, I remember Lola vaguely, she was the drama girl as Mofe called
The chill of the water hit me and I nearly collapsed, I was tired of hearing the voices, tired of feeling this weight in my heart. I badly want this to end. I'm sorry Lola sorry your death can't be given justice to because I'm such a fucking coward.I turn off the shower, wrap myself in my towel like a cocoon and walk out of the shower stall . No one was there, I was alone no other person was wiling to have a bath today, I guess. I set my toiletries bag on the sink top and get out all the things I need for my hair when I feel a presence behind me. I turn swiftly giving myself a whiplash. Standing there is.... is...."Hello, Ibim".How am I seeing her?"Lola?"
Stab the body and it heals but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime. MINEKO IWASAKIRHEMA
"I didn't know this place even exists", I say and she nods with a mouthful."No one in this school does", she says when she's finally done with chewing. "My brother used to be the drama club president in his set and he found the keys and he gave them to me when he graduated. I always come here when I want to go away".The attic in the drama room is at the top of the stairway leading to nowhere, well, that what I thought till Chidimma pulled out a key and fitted it into a keyhole in the wooden wall. It's a small room with a desk, a bench and a minishelf of books."Wanna see the view?". I nod.She stands up and I do too, the little window shows the sports centre of the school and the roads outside the school fence. The
IBIMWhy you texting me?This is Ibim, gotta be a mistakeI didn't reply to his text till the next morning when I was finally allowed to leave the infirmary, the plaster was changed this morning and I had to come back to the infirmary after lunch to take medications.I needed to find Mofe. I hadn't spoken to her since she walked out of the infirmary . I walked to my locker and then towards hers but I was pulled away."Hi, Ibims"."Mina, you do not just grab a blind girl like that"."I'm so sorry", she says and I nod. "I was going to tell you that Mofe left school last night and no one has
Let's visit our main guy Rhema. RHEMA I kept zooming into the video on my phone pleading the image to change from Malik to someone else, I didn't want to believe he had killed her or had a hand in killing her. We were like siblings, he was always around us and now all of a sudden he killed her? My insides were doing flips. I want to be anywhere but here right now, Chidimma and Sarima are talking on and on about the video giving their theories and I just seated here in denial. "Are you okay?", Sarima asked and that's when I realise them staring at me. "Why?".
IBIMMofe and I were sitting in one corner of the prep hall in the hostel that afternoon. She was busy copying the notes she had missed when she was away in surgery and well, I just didn't copy notes."Floxy, she said something so weird. I think she's abroko, ask Tochi. Guy she was weird...really weird".Mofe dug into her bag of plantain chips and chewed noisily while listening to me talk."I always suspected her but what's her connection with the whole thing sef. See at this point I just want to graduate from Ogan and never step my feet back here", she said."I swear ba... the school is tiring". I said and ran my hand over my face."So what did she say exactly?"."She said that Mina and Malik deserved the cloak and she somehow expected me to know why they deserved it".Our phones buzzed.Mofe looked into her screen, it was a screenshot of a message between two people. Abroko has struck again.
LOLAIt all started the day I overheard Ms Angeline and Senior Daniel in her office, he was telling how they needed to stop whatever it was they were doing. I should have walked away but I stood at the door and pressed my ears to the door."I can't do this anymore Angie,if we get caught, you'll lose your job and I'll get expelled"."We won't get caught"."We could, the sex was good, the dates perfect but everything needs to end"."But Daniel, we're in love"."I'm seventeen,Angie. This doesn't go anywhere, we're just going to end this now".She let out a noise like scream. "I won't let you do this boy, I will make sure you pay""Your back again with your threats,did you smoke a blunt today,Angie." My heart was beating in my chest. I looked around and nobody was on the hallway. We were all meant to be in the assembly hall with Ms.Yakubu for a briefing on the inter-house sports. I wanted to go to the b
IBIMThe hallway was quiet, teachers were in their meetings, the SS3s were having a seminar with some people from outside school. Tochi was striding easily behind me humming some tune, I recognised to be Burna Boy's but not sure what song exactly."What song is that?", I asked."You don't know this song?!", he sounded terrified.I laughed. "I recognise it but I can't remember the name"."Bank on it"."You can bank on it, you put a hundred grand pon it"., I said and he cooed."You know the vibes then", he hopped like a child waiting for
IBIMOgan looked a little bit different than I remember it to have been all those years ago, the grass hedges looked a bit higher, there were more flowers outside and the uniform was better looking. One thing about seeing is the world looked new to me, everything caught my eye. The house fly on the kitchen counter, the stain in the car seat, the white spec on my uniform skirt even the dust that danced in the sunlight. I just taught I hadn't seen enough of the world yet. When I walked into the hallway, Mofe was standing at the door with a blue bag slumped on her shoulder, she had texted me the precise location, she would be and I wouldn't have recognised her if she hadn't described her location. She looked so new to me like she wasn't my best friend I had known for all these years."Ibims", she said and ran in for a hug."Mofe?""Yes", she said still holding me in her embrace."So many people are lookin
IBIM.The door creaked and Mom's perfume filled the ward, I moved in my bed and she tsked."Toku, they said you should not move oh, this is a major surgery"."I feel like I need to itch my eyes". I said with a chuckle."Madam, don't talk like that.""Mommy, I'm just joking", I said amidst chuckles. "Don't freak out. Where is Daa?""He went to get you food"."Please nothing with carrot milk, the surgery is done. I will throw up if I so much as see carrots".Mom laughed and I felt the space on the bed dip. She held my hand and was p
Ibim was not in school, the next day as she had said earlier. I stayed with Chidimma all the time, she held my hand every time we were together and that was holding my sanity. Malik was not in school either and so was Mina. Nobody knew what had happened when they were called but it seemed like Mrs. Yakubu was trying to save her son. The ground was shifting beneath us already when another video was uploaded by abroko. It was a video of Manny carrying Bevy, she looked lifeless. The caption was....the cards are beginning to flip over."What doesManny have to do with this. I'm honestly tired", Floxy said. She walked faster than us so she could stand in front of us and talk."Who do you think Abroko is?", she asked looking at me and I shrugged."No idea"."First,they were just making people listen to gossip but now they are beginning to ruin people's lives. I think shit just got real in Ogan".I looked at Floxy as sh
IBIM"I don't know why she didn't tell me", Tochi said as we walked with Mofe down the hallway. He was talking about Mina's nudes and somehow they were friends or cousins or family friends."She won't tell you, genius", Mofe said and I laughed."Are you minding this one?". I asked her and he laughed."Ibim so about your surgery"."You have another surgery?", Mofe asked. I had forgotten to tell her yesterday, I didn't feel like talking to anyone after Tochi said goodnight to me."Yeah, she didn't tell you?""Shoot! I'm so sorry, best friend. I for
IBIM"I like the way, I'm feeling now", I sang as I opened the door to my room, all day in school I couldn't wait to come back and lay down and stare at the light bulb on my ceiling because it felt good to see it just exist. Lola had gone since Tochi and I left the room, I was grateful that she had gone to wherever she disappeared to it let me feel normal again."Boo!!". I jumped and laying there was Lola."You'll kill me this girl"."So did you talk to Tochi?""About what?". I asked looking back at the light bulb. It was the only thing I could see that was in my reality."Nothing much". I said.