Chapter One

Four years ago.

I hate school and I hate people. Why can't people mind their own business and let other people live their lives? I mean, I know we should surround ourselves with positive people and be social, but we can also choose to be alone. I like being alone and minding my own business, but others seem to have a problem with that.

I turned to the other side of the bed to look at the clock on my nightstand. It was 8:45. I had to get up early to go to school, but here I am still in my comfortable bed, enjoying the peace. Even though I'm almost failing school due to being absent for almost half the year, I couldn't care less. I have no intention of spending this day in that hellhole. Today was supposed to be the best day ever, and I had to enjoy it. But all I can feel is pain and all the bad memories come rushing back.

I get out of bed to get ready for the day. As much as I want to spend all day lying in my bed and sleeping if my aunt sees me like this, she will kill me. I gather all my strength to get out of bed. I need to get rid of this morning's breath as soon as possible if I don't want to kill someone.

After finishing my morning routine, I get dressed and head to the kitchen. I really want to avoid seeing any human beings today, but I know it's impossible.

As soon as I opened the kitchen door, I was faced with a huge mess. There was a pile of unwashed dishes on the sink, flour and sugar all over the place, and my aunt was practically lying on the counter dead asleep. I could hear her soft snores, and I couldn't do anything but laugh at her condition. It's the second year she's done this.

When my parents were alive, we made my birthday cake every year. The three of us gathered together and helped each other. It always ended in a big mess, but we had fun and laughed a lot at each other's condition. My father and I were covered in flour, and the buttercream was almost all over our faces. My mom would try to get the buttercream off of us with a smile on her face. What wouldn't I do to see her smile one last time? I miss them a lot. I shake this memory from my head and approach my aunt. She has tried so hard to make sure I don't miss my mom, and I really appreciate that. I move closer to her and brush her hair away from her face.

''Ava. Ava Wake up. " As soon as these words left my mouth, she jumped from the counter like the house was being invaded by aliens. Her big brown eyes scanned the whole place before landing on me. Some of her long brown strands of hair were stuck in her mouth as she looked around in panic.

"God. I almost got a heart attack,'' she says, her hand on her chest trying to normalize her breath. I let out a chuckle. She is always paranoid about almost everything. I remember one time I was helping her to dice some vegetables and I accidentally cut a little bit of my finger. I ended up that night at the hospital with Ava yelling at the doctors about why I wasn't getting the proper hospital treatment. I will never forget that night.

''So how is the birthday girl feeling? By the way, happy birthday,'' she says, raising her arms and hugging me tightly kissing me on the forehead. I tried to keep myself under control. Then she got off the chair and started to clean the place.

''Please Ava, don't start with this. You know how much I hate my birthday.'' Since my parents died, I have never been in the mood to celebrate any 'blessed day', as my aunt calls it. It brings so many bad memories, and I am trying to forget them.

''What's wrong, sugarplum?'' she says, cupping my face between her hands. A single tear got out of my eye and I could feel my heart break as soon as these words fell out of her mouth.

''I just miss them so much. I don't know if I can leave with this pain anymore. " I say, hugging her tight, and she hugs me back.

''I know sugarplum. I know.'' She says, petting my head and a few strands of hair and tucking them behind my ear. ''But you know what? I bet they would be sad too to see you in this condition. You know that they wanted the best for you. They wanted to see you happy, living your life to the fullest, and I know for a fact that your mum would have made your birthday cake way better than me.'' She says, and we both laugh at her words. She always manages to make me laugh every time I feel like this.

''Anna." "Luna." "Get your asses downstairs now,'' she yells, and loud footsteps are heard coming into the kitchen. ''Here come the little monsters'' Ava says, pulling out of the hug and going to the fridge to get the cake out and put it on the counter, and put the candles on. Suddenly, I feel two pairs of hands hugging my legs. It was Anna and Luna. I got to my knees and hugged them tightly.

''Happy Birthday Ivy.'' they both said in one voice, and pulled out of the hug and kissed both my cheeks at the same time. I placed both of them a kiss on their forehead and pulled out of the hug as they both went to Ava. Their hair is a mess from sleep. Their faces appeared tired and their little hands were wrapped around Ava's legs. Oh God, how much I want to have a family like that one day.

''So little monsters. How about we sing the birthday song and then eat some cake?'' she says, landing both of them a kiss on the cheek and helping them sit in the chairs.

I could see the excitement in their eyes the moment the word 'cake' was mentioned. Honestly, the only reason I blow out the candles is the smile it puts on their faces. It is the only thing that brings me joy on this day. I love the faces they make when the three of us are together blowing out the candles. Their faces are slightly red from all the effort to blow out the candles. Their small hands are around their faces as they try to blow with all their might. I love them so much.

As soon as we are done singing and eating the cake, I help Ava clean up the mess in the kitchen and wash the dishes.

''So what plans do you have for today? I'm assuming because you skipped school today, does it mean you have plans? Right?'' Ava says, throwing a grape in her mouth and leaning on the counter.

''Not a single one. I plan to sleep for the rest of the day.'' I say, putting the last plate in its proper place.

''Oh come on, you can't just sleep. You know, you can go out with friends. Don't you? " Yeah, I forgot to mention one single detail. Ava doesn't know shit about me skipping almost half of the year. Every time I skip school, I go to the only place I can find peace. It's the only place where I can be alone and no one can bother me.

"Ok, I am going to invite some of my friends to go out with me. Are you happy now?''

''You have no idea. You know that going out with friends can make you forget and can help you be happier.'' No shit. The only thing that people can do to you is crush you. They can make you feel like you are a lost cause and that you would be better off dead. Been there. Done that. And the only conclusion that I have come to is that they don't give a shit about how you feel as long as they look cool in front of the others.

''Yeah, Yeah.'' And with that, I get to my room. I put on an oversize hoodie, some leggings, and sneakers, and head out of the house. I decided to walk. I can go out for a little while and pretend to be with "my friends." I put my ear pods on and put on some music. I started walking and just enjoyed the music. I decided to go get some coffee. I got into the first coffee shop my eye caught and got in and got a coffee and a chocolate e muffin. I paid for what I took and got out again.

I decide to take a slow, relaxing walk at the beach, which happens to be my favorite spot. I took my sneakers off and started walking by the shore. The cold water wets my feet, sending shivers through my spine. The sound of the waves is like a melody to my ear. It's a grey day and some clouds were covering the sky, and, to my prediction, soon it will start raining, but I don't care and continue my walk. After almost half an hour of me walking, I spotted a lighthouse in the distance and decided to go there. It looks a bit old, but I bet the view from up there is going to be amusing. As soon as I got there, I tried to find the door. I got all around until I found a little door on the back of it. It was a bit rusty and hard to open, but I managed to open it and got inside. The lighthouse was abandoned but looked like someone had lived here before. The inside of it was poorly decorated but manageable for a human to live in. There was a small bed and a table near it. There were also a lot of personal belongings, but it looked like no one had been here in years.

I got to the top of it using the stairs that were inside the lighthouse. As soon as I got outside, the cold November breeze hit my face. It was cold, but the view in front of me made me forget it. The waves crashed on the rocks beneath me. The view was more wonderful than I imagined. Near me was a rusty chair but it looked in good condition, so I took it and set on it, enjoying the view I had in front of me. I stayed there for hours, enjoying the view. If I die one day, I would like the sea to be part of my paradise. If I go there.

After almost two hours of me just standing there, I decided to go home. The weather was getting colder and the sky was now completely covered in grey clouds, looking like it was going to rain at any moment. I got out of the lighthouse, making sure to properly close the door, and headed home. As much as I wanted to stay there and stare at that mesmerizing view in front of me for the rest of my life, I had to go home. If Kai finds out I am out without his permission, he is going to kill me. I threw the cup of my coffee, now empty, into the bin and headed home.

A couple of raindrops started to fall, and I hurried up my walk so I could get home faster. After ten minutes, I successfully made it home without getting wet. I got into the building and went straight to the old, crusty elevator, and pressed six. As soon as the elevator door opened, I got to the apartment and went to the door knocking before getting in. I got my shoes off, put them in the proper place, and headed to my room, avoiding everyone.

I got to my wardrobe and changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a grey hoodie before heading out to the kitchen. The house was quiet and I assumed that there was no one there, but as soon as I walked into the kitchen, I faced my aunt and Kai. She was filling a cup of water and Kai was eating his food. Both of them turned to me as soon as I walked into the kitchen, stopping whatever they were talking about.

'' Look who's back. How was your day, sweetheart?'' Ava said to me, giving Kai the glass of water and seating next to him.

''Nothing special,'' I say, heading to the fridge, filling myself with a cup of water, and drinking it. Kai didn't say anything. He just stood there watching me, his face filled with anger as he took his last bite of the burger. I tried to avoid his gaze and tried act normally. Kai is Ava's husband. The father of Luna and Anna. And the person I hate with all my being. I put the now empty glass on the sink and as soon as I turned, I faced him. He casually put the plate in the sink, staring at me.

''Happy birthday, sweet cheeks,'' he said, lining up next to me and placing a kiss on my head.

Fucking pervert. I hope you burn in hell.

Always

finds an opportunity to touch me. To be near me. He is so fucking disgusting. I got a bit further, so he couldn't kiss me properly, and headed straight to my room without saying anything. I made sure to lock my door and my window before I went to bed. For the rest of the day, I just scrolled on my phone and watched some movies till I could feel my eyes getting tired and I decided to go to sleep.

After an hour of me moving back and forth in my bed, I realized I couldn't sleep. Insomnia sucks sometimes. At one moment, you feel yourself getting tired, and at the same moment, you feel like you can run a whole football field. I got out of bed and started walking around my room, trying to get myself tired but failing. I sat on the end of the bed and just stared at the floor.

It's now 1 am and I'm still at the end of the bed staring at the floor having my daily existential crisis. Sometimes I wish I was a starfish so I could be part o the sea. I get out of bed and walk over to the nightstand. After all my efforts to fall asleep on my own, I concluded that I couldn't, so I had to take the pill. I took the pill out of the nightstand door and looked around for water, but surprisingly, I didn't have it in my room, which meant I had to get out of it. 

I gather up all my strength and head for the door. I open it quickly and make my way to the kitchen, making sure I don't trip over anything. I reached the kitchen and a sigh of relief escaped my mouth, as luckily no one was there. I reach for the fridge and fill myself with a cup of water before swallowing the medicine and taking a big gulp of water. As I manage to close the refrigerator door, I feel a presence behind me and my body stiffens. I ignore him and continue on my way to the sink, placing the glass there. I felt a hand turn me and another now around my neck, squeezing it tight. I close my eyes in pain as I throw my hands up to free myself from the grip, but fail as I am pushed onto the counter, hitting my back hard.

I fell to the ground. I could feel a sharp pain in my back, but I ignore it as I raise my head to meet the face, which terrifies me to my core.

''How many times have I told you not to go out without my permission?" ''Heh?'' Kai says as he brings his hand to my neck again, pulling me up. "I asked you a question, sweet cheeks.'' He says, bringing his other hand to my cheeks, squeezing them, making sure to leave a mark. I try to push back my tears and try to stay emotionless, knowing full well that if I cry, things are going to get worse.

''Avvv. Ava told me I should go out with my friend, ssso I did that.'' I manage to say this as his grip tightens around my neck, preventing me from breathing.

''Next time, make sure to ask for my permission. You got me all worried. I come home and do not see you. Do you know how worried I was?'' He says his voice is acting worried.

''I am sorry.'' And with that, he lets go of me and I put my hands on the counter for support as I try to catch my breath.

''Good girl,'' he says, placing both of his hands on my waist and his nose buried in my hair, taking a deep breath. You fucking jerk. I hope you rot in hell. ''I hope you learned your lesson. I hate it when things get to this point, sweet cheeks, but you have to learn your lesson. Am I right?'' He says, as his head turns a bit to the right. ''Because you wouldn't want me to get to my bad side, would you?'' 

''No sir,'' I say, biting the inside of my cheeks to keep myself under control. 

''How is your back? Is it still hurting?'' he asks, his hand coming to my back. I was numb from the pain and felt like I would pass out at any moment. ''Oh no. Guess you have a little problem,'' he says, bringing his hand in front of my face. His fingers were covered in blood. A devilish smile was on his face as he inspected his hand. His other hand kept me closer to him. I felt like I was going to puke the moment he sucked at his fingers one by one, tasting the blood. ''God doll you taste delicious,'' he says and lets go of me.

I got out of the kitchen and managed to get to my room. I locked the door and went to get the little box under my bed. I took some bandages, soaked them in iodine, and tried to clean my wound. My head felt heavy, and everything started spinning. I managed to get the needle and try to stitch the wound. My hands started to shake and my breath become heavier. I could feel some of the stitches had been ripped apart. I put a piece of clothing on my mouth to muffle my screams as I managed to somehow stitch my wound. My eyes were getting darker tears covering my cheeks as I try to get up. Everything went dark and I lost consciousness.