4

The pleading of the unknown martyr drove me crazy, making me cry and scream, it is not clear from what more - from pity for an invisible interlocutor or from a headache.

“Sapphire, sapphire, sapphire! Sapphire!"

The emotional groan was replaced by a weak growl, and then completely turned into a quiet whine. I began to look around to see if he was imagining me, or somewhere near me I could actually see a whining dog. Although, more like a wolf. It's the wolf! Sapphire wolf...

My head was spinning, making it difficult for me to focus on one thing. I only distantly noted that it was already completely dark outside, and the full moon was clearly visible in the sky. Its light, mixed with the light of lanterns, illuminated a small park in front of my house. There was a strange desire to run in it now, quickly moving its paws, pushing off the trunks, while leaving torn claw marks on the bark ... what a strange desire ...

His body convulsed, forcing him to arch on the floor and whine plaintively. The light of the moon, which had suddenly become too bright, hit my eyes, which made me close my eyes, trying to close myself from the luminary with my hands, but for some reason they refused to obey. The indescribable smells of the night hit my nose, making up a very strange bouquet, every note in which I now felt too clearly. The pine resin on the trees in the park, the smell of sausage and cheese on the half-eaten sandwiches, the sweetish perfume, it seems to me, now seemed too cloying, causing a slight attack of nausea.

An attempt to stand up was unsuccessful. His paws slid apart, skimming across the tiles on the kitchen floor.

WHAT?!?!?! What other paws?!

Opening my eyes, and abruptly jumping up on (REALLY!!!) paws, I released my claws, mercilessly scratching the flooring. In the reflection of the glass surface of the oven door of the kitchen stove, I was horrified to see a huge black dog standing on the floor. Although this colossus seemed like a dog to me only at first. It was a wolf. At that moment, someone whined plaintively, and after a second, it dawned on me that this wolf was me! That's what I'm whining about right now! Moms!!!

- Not! No no no!!! - I wanted to scream at the whole apartment, but only a growl escaped from the mouth, mixed with an almost piglike squeal.

Rushing around the apartment in a panic, knocking down everything in my path, tearing furniture, wallpaper on the walls and door frames with my claws, I began to feel the strange presence of someone alien to me. Consciousness seemed to be divided into two parts, driving you crazy with conflicting desires. One part wanted to run into the forest, howl at the moon and hunt, enjoying the breathtaking smells of a summer night; sharpen your claws on fallen trees, maybe even take a dip in some stream, at the same time catch a fish for yourself.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Behind these strange desires, I almost stopped hearing the second part of consciousness, hardly realizing that it was this part that I was! My thoughts! And my wishes! Fear, only fear remained of me, and a quiet plea to no one knows who, to take on a human form again.

Slowly dissolving into the abyss of horror, I almost completely lost my entire consciousness to the she-wolf. She growled, taking full control of her body, periodically fading, as if listening to me, but not finding any response. It’s hard for me to say whether the she-wolf was happy about my disappearance, or this fact upset her. And yes, there isn't much left of me. Thoughts became more and more viscous and incoherent, in the last attempt not to go into oblivion, I tried to cling to at least something, but it turned out that I simply had nothing to do. There is no family, no friends, in other matters, as well as the memories themselves about anything at all. Only the look of those blue eyes that I dreamed of almost every night came to mind ...

And it was worth imagining this piercing sapphire look in memory, as the situation changed dramatically. The she-wolf whimpered and crouched on the floor, fully regaining control of my mind. And after a few more moments, a spasm ran through my body, after which, breathing heavily, I somehow sat on the floor in human form, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them with trembling hands.

From what I had just experienced, I was pounding all over, and tears flowed down my cheeks, which I had no strength to stop. It was impossible to blame everything on a simple nightmare - the pogrom in the apartment and the clothes torn to shreds on me clearly demonstrated the reality of what had happened. Only one question was pounding in my head - what the hell was this?! But before I even had time to really think about the situation, a deafening flash of pain pierced my head, accompanied by a roar that came from somewhere deep in my subconscious.

Memory began to obligingly toss me pictures of the past. My real past, not the one I've been foolishly believing in for over a year! Bitter tears flowed in a continuous stream, threatening to develop into a real hysteria! I got kicked out!!! Kicked out of the pack! Deprived of home, family, but everything was deprived! And even memory! For what?! Because of Arthur? At least that's what the leader told me. And what happened next? I remember how they tied me to a post, how they put a gag in my mouth so that I would not scream. I remember how the leader said something to the gathered werewolves in the square, but what exactly - I did not hear. My ears were filled with my own moans and the sound of my heart beating wildly. And then I remember only the burning pain from the jaws closing on my wrists. Left - exile, right - memory erasure.

"Dog bite scars," I whispered under my breath, looking at my wrists as if seeing them for the first time. - You are dogs! Wolves don't do that!

The wolf inside me growled in agreement, expressing solidarity with my opinion. My poor thing, how hard it was for her last year with me. Everything went cold inside when stories of uninitiated wolves who lost their wolves irrevocably, living the rest of their lives with a painful emptiness inside, surfaced in memory. By the way, not a very long life.

- And how did we do it?! - jumping up from the floor, as if scalded, I turned to my inner she-wolf. Who initiated us?

Having run around the whole apartment, looking for some unknown alpha, but not finding anyone, I wearily sank into a chair. Or rather, in what is left of the chair. There was almost no whole furniture after our race with the she-wolf. The very same culprit of the mess snorted in embarrassment and fell silent, apparently she herself was waiting for an explanation.

In the community, three simple truths are hammered into us from childhood.

The first is that we can change our hypostasis only after passing the rite of initiation, after we reach the age of eighteen. The ceremony itself is quite simple, and there have never been any difficulties in conducting it. The leader of the pack, or an alpha close to him, watches how the wolfdlak is thrown for the first time, and makes sure that the bestial essence does not prevail over the human mind. Otherwise, it may turn out just an ordinary wolf, and not a werewolf. And from the animal incarnation this will no longer be returned. No one controlled my initiation, and the fact that I was able to subdue the beast on my own, without support, can only be called a miracle.

The second truth is that only alphas can change their hypostasis at will. All other werewolves are thrown only with the help of special charmed daggers. Even for the first time. The dagger is stuck into the ground, and through it, doing a somersault, a man comes off the ground, and a wolf lands. And nothing else! If you are not an alpha, then at least bruise your forehead in an attempt to change your hypostasis - nothing will work out for you. And here the second question is brewing for me, and with what fright did I spread without everything? No, this fact pleases me, but I would like to know how it happened? Alpha women do not exist! Even the daughters of leaders cannot do that, let alone me, the daughter of simple artisans.

And finally, the third truth - after the onset of the eighteenth birthday, the wolfdog has exactly three months for initiation. After this period, the wolf will no longer be returned. I just turned nineteen last month, and again, not that I'm complaining, but… How did it happen?! And why hasn't Arthur ever come to me in all the time I've been in exile? Well, it can’t be that the leader then spoke the truth! Or maybe?

With my head in my hands, in a pathetic attempt to get my thoughts in order, I got up and trudged to the bathroom, hoping that a cold shower would at least bring me back to my senses and restore the ability to think more sensibly.