8

Contrary to all my reasoning, I went out into the street without incident. Except for the yard cat that slipped through the door of the entrance I opened, which scared me out of my wits and made me squeal. Nerves to hell! Since I still got out of the apartment, I need to go to the pharmacy, buy myself something sedative. Otherwise, it’s not the leader who will kill me, but I myself will bring myself to a heart attack, being afraid of everything around. I wonder if nineteen-year-olds have heart attacks at all? However, I'm a werewolf! Initiated, moreover. My regeneration should be at the level, so you don’t have to worry. Yeah, I can shy away from everything until the end of my life and not worry about the state of the cardiovascular system. What a charm!

It didn't take long for me to shop, so about an hour later I was back at my house, loaded down with two heavy packages. Usually I buy products at a minimum, but now the situation is a little different. I wanted to treat myself to delicious treats, otherwise, all of a sudden, wolf-dogs led by the leader will come after me. I will arrange a feast during the plague, in case there is no other opportunity. Well, on the other hand, if they don’t come to my soul, I won’t have to go to the store in the near future. Leaving home is really scary. And with my mind I understand that the apartment belongs to the community, and that this is not a shelter, but rather a cage, but I can’t help myself.

This trip to the store ended well. I calmly reached the apartment, just as, almost without flinching, I ate normally. My next grocery shopping trip, a week later, also went smoothly. And after another month of a kind of silence, as I mentally christened the inaction of the leader in relation to me, I was able to almost completely regain my peace of mind.

I was even able to put things in relative order at home. To be more precise, I simply dragged everything that had fallen into disrepair from the paws, teeth and claws of the she-wolf into a separate room, leaving it to lie on the floor in a burning pile. The thought of throwing it all in the street trash - brushed aside almost immediately, as she visited my head. Firstly, I barely dragged all this rubbish into one room, spending almost two days on it. If now I have to rake and drag it to the street again, I definitely won’t be able to do it alone. And secondly, as I can modestly assume, Oleg and Igor really did not understand what happened to me. How else can you explain their inaction? They still follow me, I'm sure, because I periodically see them on the street when I go out, or I accidentally notice them in stores. But the guards do not know about the restoration of my memory and initiation. As for my pupils, they probably really changed after Oleg left that day. And the torn walls and floor - who knows, maybe it actually looks like the beginning of repairs. Or I was lucky, and Oleg did not look much at the situation in my apartment. But, if I start to pull out the remnants of furniture with clear claw marks in the trash, then I will definitely set myself up. And I don't need it at all.

This continued until the very beginning of August. I finally stopped being afraid and calmly left the house not only for shopping, but also just for a walk in the park. The guards were almost always discreetly, as they thought, watching me. But there were times when they were definitely not around. With what it was connected - I will not put my mind to it! But, most likely, they simply sometimes neglected their duties of monitoring my modest person. I understood them a little - the point is to follow an exile twenty-four hours a day, who not only, in their opinion, will never become a she-wolf, but also remembers absolutely nothing about werewolves. And so I reconciled with their presence, and even when I came across one of the brothers face to face, I no longer shuddered, as before. Why give them an extra reason to think about the reasons for my nervousness?

The only thing that upset me was the fact that I didn’t manage to spread. The she-wolf and I spent a lot of time in meditation, sitting in a clearing, in the habitat of the inner beast, but we did not achieve any results. It was time to admit - I do not know how to spread. At all. And the worst thing about my situation is that I have absolutely no one to turn to for help. Once, after another unsuccessful attempt to change the hypostasis, the idea came to my mind to find some exiled alpha and ask him for help. The idea was absurd, I would even say that it was completely reckless, but the she-wolf liked it! And, from that day on, she defiantly pointed to me with her paw at an imaginary door in the middle of the clearing. Like, go Mira, FIG knows where, but find us an alpha there, who will immediately teach us how to switch. Without further questions happy and kind! Yeah.

All my arguments, about the fact that I have no idea where to look for the expelled, the she-wolf did not take into account at all. As well as my assurances that in principle I don’t know such alphas at all, as well as cases with the expulsion of alphas.

But here I was a little deceitful, after all, I heard one such story, since it happened in our community, though long before my birth. The leader of the pack died without leaving any heirs. Fortunately, at that time there were two more alphas in the pack - Arseny, the current leader and father of my Arthur, and Stanislav. About the latter, I only know that in a fair duel for the place of the leader, he was defeated, and, as happens in such cases, he was expelled from the pack. Although now, knowing and taking into account some of the features of Arseniy's character, this fight may not have been entirely fair. The leader is too proud of this, remembering the story of his becoming a leader, starting with the narration of this fight, every speech at the holidays of the community.

The she-wolf, closely following the course of my thoughts, drew herself up, and began to point towards the door with both paws. Well, let's say I go looking for Stanislav. Suppose I even find it (which I doubt very much!), And then what? Even if I manage to persuade him to help me and teach me how to change my hypostasis, how to do all this without my guards noticing anything? Yes, I don’t argue, they don’t always follow me on my heels, but ... yes, there’s more than one “but”, there are a whole hundred of them here!

You need to know exactly where to look for Stanislav, fully calculate the route to him, go to him when Igor and Oleg will not be watching me and somehow manage not to fall into the eyes of the wolves assigned to the exile himself. I can imagine how surprised Stanislav's guards will be when they see me next to him! No amount of luck in this case will help me to hide the fact of the restored memory. And then Arseniy will definitely kill me.

Gods! This whole idea is not feasible at all! The she-wolf strongly disagreed with my pessimistic reasoning, assuring me that we could handle everything. It's easy for her to talk! Obscurantism! Maybe really try to break into the territory of the pack and meet with Arthur? What if he remembers everything just by looking at me?

- That's right, obscurantism! I exclaimed out loud, barely realizing that I had no idea where my former community was!

Before initiation, we are guarded like unintelligent chicks, and we are never allowed to go far from the settlement! No, of course, like all children, I secretly went outside the houses, but we never went far into the forest! Not to mention going beyond the border. Gods! Yes, I have never come close to the borders of the pack! And where can I find it?

No, of course, I understand that my former community is located somewhere on the territory of the Leningrad Region, like two other foreign communities, but where exactly? We had our own school, where we received secondary education, there was also geography with maps, lessons on survival in the forest and orientation, but our location never appeared there! All this was studied later, after initiation and gaining the ability to change hypostasis. Separate lessons were added on other packs and communities, their territories and borders. Then there was a division by specialty, training courses for beaters and security guards, as well as practice and training in cities. Moreover, many young werewolves moved to the cities, and received a special and higher education among people. But I did not live up to this bright hour of gaining new knowledge. Kicked out a little earlier. And how to be?! I can't find my community like any other. In fact, as an exile, I am not allowed to cross the borders of any werewolf community at all. I have the right to dwell only in neutral territories. Here a new problem arises - where are the neutral lands?! Well, all the cities inhabited by people - this is understandable. What about in the forests?

The she-wolf began to bounce with impatience, offering to simply go to the forest, outside the city, and there we will deal with all the difficulties in fact. Yeah. Easier nowhere! What if I accidentally cross the border of the community? And not necessarily your own, you can also someone else's - what then? The punishment for all those expelled for attempting to return to their pack without the invitation of a leader, or to join a new community, is death. Gods! Why didn't I think of this when I was thinking about how to get into my community?! Although, in this case, Arseniy will finish me anyway. If I had been sure that I could see Arthur, I would have risked it without hesitation! And so ... and so you need to carefully think through everything before climbing straight into the jaws of the leader.