"You led him on, and then you pushed him away? How monstrous can you get?"
"I... I didn't exactly lead anything on. We were kissing this second, and the next..."
"There's a difference." I stare at Lacey in bewilderment. She's making this whole thing confusing for me.
"What do you mean there's a difference?" I ask, shuddering as she digs her hands up to her elbows inside a cow.
We're currently in the hotel's barn I didn't even know existed till today. The woman in charge of the barn took a leave before one of the cows went into labor. No one had the courage to drag out a newborn calf from a huge cow which may or may not be taller than I am. Lacey was the last person I thought would take up the job. Turns out she has a little cowgirl in her.
Never thought I'd see her in ugly brown boots that are covered in dirt and mud.
"There's a difference between 'kissing' and 'making out' alright? Just like how there's a difference
It's a gentle kiss, lips slightly parted.His lips meld into mine and I'm awed by the way they feel. They're soft, but firm- and it follows the trace of my own lips, like he's tracing them, mapping them out.Kissing Cory is warm and simple, unlike Noah's possessive and demanding one that steals the breath from my lungs.Holy shit.I can't believe what's going on. I'm kissing Cory.I'm kissing Cory.I'm... wait. What the fuck. I'm kissing Cory!Suddenly, an image of Noah flashes through my mind in a blur, startling me for a moment that I pull away from him so fast I almost trip and fall. Before I can do that, Cory circles his arms around me and catches me before I can stumble. We stare at each other, breathing heavily as I try to figure what the hell that was about.I should be happy Cory kissed me, it's what I've always dreamt of. Then why did I see Noah's face when he kissed me?
TWO YEARS AGO.Simone thought I'd gone insane in the head. Sometimes I felt like I had."Clarke's three years older than you. Don't be stupid. He's in College, you're a junior in high school," she sighed heavily. "Be reasonable."She kind of flipped when I told her about my new relationship with Lakeview's high former golden boy, Clarke Sherri. I thought she was just being jealous I got a boyfriend and she didn't."Age doesn't matter when two people are in love." Was my only valid excuse. She looked like she was tired of hearing that. "You should try it sometime, falling in love.""I can't even fall asleep. Look..." she was interrupted by some group of students in the cafeteria who repeatedly banged on their table to the tune of a song while singing. "HEY! No singing in the cafeteria. This isn't high school musical or some shit."They all stopped at once. Almost everyone felt intimidated by her height. I also wa
If I knew it was going to hurt this much, I wish I never laid my eyes on him.I see Noah's nostrils flare, and his eyes go a deeper shade of red than his usual blue-grey. All he needs are fangs to complete the look and bite my head off my neck.I've never seen him this angered, and I've never cried so much that my throat feels sore."You let him go to jail for something he didn't do—" He trails off, and a weird strangled sound comes from the back of his throat. "Do you have the slightest idea how much guilt I felt when I thought my brother went to jail because of me? All the months of being a family pariah..." He pauses, as if trying to get his emotions back in check.My hands are shaking as they try to pull the hairs out of my head. It feels like I'm drowning underwater, with air being knocked out of my aching lungs."I always wondered what happened that day, but he'd never tell me the full story.""I... I was scared—" I f
Consciousness comes slowly, by long, painfully disjointed degrees. Throughout the overly prolonged process, I feel strangely lightheaded, almost disembodied, as if I'm floating through space without having my body weigh me down.Is this what death feels like?I'm I dead?I don't think so, but the last thing I remember was bleeding. Bleeding a lot and feeling weaker and weaker.After that, everything was blank.Is heaven blank?Struggling, I try to push my eyelids up so that I can look around and find out where I am. But I feel as if my eyelids has been glued down. Not only that, but someone had put anvils on each of them for good measure. Otherwise, why couldn't I raise them at will?I become determined to open my eyes.Something tells that me if I don't open them, I'm going to fade away until there's nothing left of me but dust. Dust that would be blown off to another universe.&n
It's August twenty-one.A.K.A My sister's birthday. A.K.A two days before the hotel's thirtieth anniversary.A.K.A six days since I last saw Noah.I wake up a little after nine a.m on Thursday and prepare myself for the day ahead. I decide to go for a run this morning, wanting my thoughts to myself and not Lacey's relentless ranting. After six miles, I head upstairs to shower and get dressed to join the chefs in the kitchen for the preparations on the party.We had a week's break from our assigned works, but everyone is back to their duties since we've got the anniversary to prepare for. Staffs are allowed into the party this time. No need for sneaking in.I slip on an apron and whip up the cream cheese icing for the cake. I curse myself for thinking of Noah at the sight of them and whip faster. It makes me remember when we tried to bake a cake and failed drastically at it.I suddenly have a craving for
I awake groggily to the sound of my cellphone. It's been ringing for awhile, and I've been ignoring it for awhile. The sound however, manages to sweep through my REM activity and become part of my dream soundtrack, forcing me to wake up.I look up for the clock. It's ten in the morning. The room's tidied up from the mess we made of it last night. Lacey and Simone are nowhere to be found, and the Llama's still by my bedside, staring at me like it needs more underwear's.The phone rings again. As I take it, I make a mental note to change the alarm into some meditation music next time. "Hello?""Allie," The voice on the other end is Lacey. "The event is about to start. Get your ass down here.""What?" I rub my temples to hold off the painful headache from the hangover."Anniversary. Party. Today. Ring a bell?"Lacey usually has a nice voice, but when you have just literally been woken up two minutes ago, even the most beautifu
"Allie and Noah sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Lacey dodges a pillow I aim at her face. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.""I have never been this humiliated in my entire life.""Come on, it was romantic," Lacey says dreamily and bats her lashes."Define Romantic.""I bet he was swept off his feet."I dramatically fling myself on the bed and spread out my limbs. "My life is over."Let's get one thing very clear, especially now that a certain plague with the name Noah Gallagher is now fast spreading through my life like the Coronavirus. Even though I'm the kind of girl who likes to blend into the crowd and attract attention, I like my privacy sometimes. Most of the time. The purpose of this brief explanation is to highlight how frustrating it is to be constantly watched. Eyes follow me everywhere I go after my drunken confession was broadcasted to the world. Ok not the world, just hu
I don't speak.I don't say a word even though I know perfectly well who it is. How did he manage to find me? It's completely dark and he could've mistaken me for someone else.Being trapped in a closed up space with someone you've been hell bent on avoiding has to be one of the awkwardest things ever."You scared me." I manage to say."You're handling it well.""I was this close to screaming your ears out.""Remind me to gag you next time." He moves backwards so that our breaths are no longer mingling. "Could we please address the elephant in the room?"I play dumb. "What elephant? I don't see any elephant.""You've been sneaking through the walls of the hotel, hiding from God knows what.""I just figured things would no longer be the same after finding out your brother's in prison because of me." A sigh leaves my mouth and I rest the back of my head on the wall. "It's okay to be mad a
I've always suffered from this horrible disadvantageous condition— it's called waking late on days I'm supposed to have early flight schedules. I'm starting to think it's an actual thing, so I'm not surprised it's less than an hour for my flight and I'm still on bed, feeling something fat and fluffy on my face. "Whiskers?" Its Mabel's voice that wakes me up. Not the fluffy stuff on my face. Whatever it is. Gradually, I open my eyes, and I'm face to face with a white feline. It brings out its tongue to lick my nose before purring with pleasure. Last time I checked, we didn't have a cat. "Whiskers! There you are." I hear footsteps approach my bed as Mabel carries the feline off my face. "Sorry. I thought I left her downstairs." I ask the obvious question. "When did we get a cat?" "Last night. I found her outside beside our waste bin. She seemed so lost. Is it okay if I keep her?" I ease out of my bed. "Just make s
Five years later."Fuck out of my room.""It tastes good, you should try it.""You know I hate pineapple toppings on pizzas."Mabel dumps the box of pizza on my bed. "Have you ever wondered why pizzas come in rectangular boxes, shaped in a circle, and eaten in triangles?""I guess we'll never know."With a sigh, Mabel folds her arms across her chests. "Could you at least act like you're happy to be home for thanksgiving?"I point towards the door. "Leave. I have work to do and I won't get it done if you're going to stand there all day and talk about pizzas.""Work?" She scoffs. "The only work you do is sit behind your laptop and stalk your boyfriend on Instagram.""He's not my boyfriend! MOM," I call out. "Mabel's bullying me!""Real mature."Zack, Simone's brother, walks into the room and hugs her from behind. "Hey babe."Even now that Mabel's much old
It feels like the first week of summer all over again where we hosted this Welcome party. Now we're hosting another, and this time it's a send-off party. The kind of gathering where we say goodbyes to the friends we made over the holidays.I overhear a couple promising each other to call and text everyday, some breaking up because they can't commit to a long distance relationship. I can't even find Noah anywhere, and I'm nervous about how we'll end up after this summer. I don't want to be remembered as some random girl he hooked up with during a summer vacation in Hawaii. Yes, I want to be remembered, but not that way."Hey, lover girl." I holler at Simone, signaling for her to come over. The sun went down hours ago and it's a beach party with bonfires lighting up the whole place."Hey to you too." She downs a bottle of beer in one gulp and throws the empty bottle to the sand. "So, this summer ended, and so did my relationship.""W
It's 2' O clock Pm on Thursday, and I won't stop pacing my room.I'm already dressed in a maroon dress, the skirt flowing smoothly below my knees with a pink cardigan on top of my shoulders to make it look a bit more casual, and my black flats are beside the door, ready to wear. I leave my hair falling loose to my shoulders, its waves free from the hairband I'd used on it almost everyday."Would you chill? It's not like it's your first date with a boy." Lacey lays upside down on my bed. "Or is it?""It's not. Last date with a boy was just before this vacation.""How'd it go?""We were in a fancy restaurant. He left for the restroom halfway into our meal and never came back.""At least he paid the bill before he left." I give her a look. "Oh, he didn't.""I just want tonight to be perfect, but I'm scared I'm going to mess things up.""Relax. I'm sure Noah's as nervous as you are right now.""You th
I wake up with Noah braced on his elbows and gazing down at me, idly playing with my hair. The sheets are covering my body up to my bare chests, and his is just above his waist."Hey," I murmur."You sleep with your eyes open, do you know that?" He says it with a smile. "It's quite mesmerizing."I glance towards the window and see it's still night out. "How long was I gone for?""A little over an hour. It's 10' pm.""I'm sorry I feel asleep.""It's alright." He rubs a thumb between my eyes. "I liked watching you sleep."I stretch, then shift so that I'm cradled by the pillows. Experimentally, I lay a hand on my breast. My heart is bumping along at a normal rate now rather than with that snare drum riff it had reached when he nuzzled just there. It's an odd feeling, to have someone suckling you, to have him pull you inside him. And to experience those mirror tugs in the womb.Everything he did makes my body feel diff
Noah's clicking away on his phone when I meet him in the private room and my stomach jumps again.I could always change my mind, I remind myself. There is no obligation there. But his head shoots up from his phone to study me before I can turn back and run away.Like I always do."Sorry I'm late," I say.He waves it off. "Lacey told me to meet you here.""Yes, that was the idea."He doesn't ask any more questions like I thought he would, just steps forward. "You look great.""I feel great." I smile. "Lacey and Simone get a charge out of going through my closet and criticizing my wardrobe. I'm told this is about the only decent thing I own." I pluck at the skirt. "They've threatened to take me shopping."Stop babbling! I order myself, moving behind the mini bar. "Want a drink?""I'm driving.""Actually, I was thinking we could just stay in." There, now I'd done it.
Every night for three days, I wake in the grip of a nightmare, drenched in sweat, with screams locked in my throat. Always the same: I'd be in Noah's house again from two years ago, and everything would play out accordingly the way it did that same night, except it's Clarke aiming the gun at Noah and pulling the trigger.Night after night, just before I pull myself awake, I'd watch him whimper and writhe as the bullet bites into his flesh, draining all life from his eyes.But this night, it gets too intense that I wake up with a scream, my whole body trembling with fear and terror. I pull the sheets off my body and head out the door, walking straight down to his room to see if he's okay.I know he is, but the dreams are beginning to get out of hand that I now fear for his safety. What do the dreams mean? Should I be worried? Or is my head just playing tricks on me?It's midnight and the halls are empty. The door to his room creaks open w
It's not until I'm back at the hotel and unpacking that I realize that through the last twenty-four hours of my stay at the spa, I hadn't thought of my troubles, my responsibilities at all. And now that I do realize it, there's a quick wash of guilt that it should have been so easy to leave it all behind, to immerse myself in pampering and pleasure.Like walking into an alternate reality, I suppose, and grimace as I tumble pretty gold boxes onto my bed. Which might explain why I'd barely put up a struggle when Lacey and Simone had urged me to buy creams, lotions, scents, shampoo.Christ Almighty, hundreds of dollars worth of female foolishness that I'm unlikely to remember to use.I tug my jeans on, trailing my shirt from my fingers as I walk to the window. The air swooping down from Oahu is bitter. There's no sun in the sky, and I'm grateful for that.I study the scatter of gold boxes over the simple quilt on my bed which looks li
"Oh. My." Is all I can say. Almost all I'd managed to say since we'd driven to the Mountain King Spa and Resort. And by 'we' I mean Lacey, Simone and I.The main lodge of the Spa spreads for acres, glass and wood and clever pebbled paths through evergreens and heated pools where steam curls in dreamy mists.I clutch the strap of my purse tightly as we check in, my head swiveling in wonder around the plush lobby with it's double fireplace, atrium ceiling, and lush plants.They somehow managed to drag me down here for a proper clean-up after I told them about my not so official date with Noah. I wasn't even half as excited about it as they were, and it's almost as if they've been planning this for a long time.Lacey greets the desk clerk with a friendly smile, calls him by name, and chats easily about how much she and her companion had enjoyed their stay earlier in the season.He all but simpers over her, calling up a bellman