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I'm still the queen of this hellhole. The past two weeks have been a tightrope walk. The Rogues appear to be telling the truth about being non-violent. There have been no beatings, no floggings conducted. I think they’re fools. The Freeze arrived the same night they came and murdered my father. I pretend not to care but the metal doors clanking shut for the last time always makes my heart sink. It is so…final. We are now entombed under tonnes of ice and snow. You know it has hit the severest depths when the wailing wind of the storms above falls silent. Like a submarine, if shit goes down underneath the surface, there is absolutely no way out. Fire, starvation, flooding. Even if you got the bunker doors open you can’t get through the metres of ice. So I say a few floggings, maybe a throat slitting of a few slaves is justifiable to keep peace. Especially since I have no fucking idea where my father kept the safe codes for the back end of the stint. Ronan is the only one alive wh
Striding away from Corina I am distracted and irritated. Losing my stash of monk pepper flowers has left me vulnerable. I have to avoid succumbing to the Black Hall. I am afraid if I let go, lose control everything will fall apart. I will crumble and fail Or sass Corina. The temptation to put the bucket on her head was so strong I could taste it. It only quenched when Declan appeared. Then a whole other form of temptation reared its head. How can someone possibly ooze fear and safety at the same time? His broad body, clad in a dark charcoal top is terrifyingly strong. He could kill me without blinking, those brown eyes dragging me into a willing trance. At night I still replay the memory of him stroking my cheek. Then I scold myself for being pathetic. After all, he did nothing to protect me today. He let Corina banish me to the laundry. Frustrated at how easily I let me guard down around him, I didn’t notice her following me. “Lyra.” I stop in my tracks, head bowed, braced f
I stand by everything I said. Lyra bristled with anger, not that she looked at me. Howen simply raised his eyebrow and strode away. I replayed my words, perhaps a bit brutal but still the truth. It wouldn't matter if she was my damned mate from the Moon Goddess herself. To yield again would be a betrayal of everything my family suffered. I repeated that same thought as her footsteps reappeared. Yet my gaze flew to her anyway. Her shapely, slim legs. The in and out of her hips on show in that purple dress, carrying a box too wide for her arms. Her long black hair was still damp, loosely trailing past her shoulder blades. It gave me unwanted visions of her in the shower. Soapy, dripping, yielding to my presence. My cock jumped to attention, my wolf gnawing at me to say something. “Do you need any help?” She either doesn’t hear, or is too pissed off with me to answer. She vanished round the corner instead. Ignoring the irritation from my wolf I remind myself some distance would be
How dare he. Declaring me scum, tainted goods and then offering to help! I just kept walking, the words forming in my mouth not fit to speak. Declan is no different to Valdis. He is cruel in a different way. My wolf whimpers in disagreement but I ignore the sensation. As a teenager, Valdis whipped me for every complaint Corina made. As soon as my curves and womanly shape arrived she noticed, or invented every error. My rations dropped, my chores increased. I felt the same whip crack slice of pain across my chest when I overheard that conversation. Back at the lonely dorm I brewed the tea too harshly, the murky liquid tasting extra foul. I’ve spent so many years compressed. My heart, every thought, etched down to nothing but making it to the next day without punishment. It's kept me alive, but now Valdis is gone, what is to keep me from collapsing like a broken dam? I want to march back up to Declan and scream. New, unearthed energy pulses inside. I want to explode in rage, fury
I was wide awake when Mara then eventually Elvie finally got back. They had towels wrapped around their bodies, showering after hours in the Black Hall. No words were exchanged, snoring contentedly within seconds of hitting the thin, grey mattresses.It’s now almost a day off after the Full Moon. A basic rota is issued for those who need recovery time. Seeing as I had done nothing but frazzle my brain, I walked the corridors hours earlier than everyone else. It wasn’t like a summer morning, basking in the sunrise, Unrelenting grey and red concrete, except now the lights blindingly bright.I don’t know what to do about Viktor. Sense says I should just confess to Declan. I believe he isn’t a psychopath like Valdis, so perhaps he will just imprison him? What’s really holding me back is the fact Declan will recognise his scent and make assumptions.I’m not a fool. I know Viktor is flattering me for his own gains. He wants me to feed him, he wants someone to screw on the Full Moon. Even s
I don’t know how it’s even possible but somehow I haven’t bumped into, seen or heard Lyra for almost four weeks. She’s avoiding me. She heard what I said about the bloodline of Valdis being tainted and damaged and she hates me.I’m not sure why but it’s pissing me off. I should be grateful that the distraction of those emerald eyes and black hair is removed from my work. I have shit to do. The ration safes still aren’t open. The heating pumps constantly have me slamming metal pipes with a mallet. We have another two full moons then the food runs out with potentially another two to go.I know Corina is stringing me along. Every time I ask her she turns on the waterworks. Breaks down and claims it is traumatising for her to search the study with so many precious trinkets and memories of her father. Then I showed her some of the sick shit her papa was stashing in the drawers and her face paled.Dressed in crimson silk, a red fox fur pelt cape around her shoulders her red lips pouted in
I've been hiding out with Viktor. Just a few hours a day. It's a win-win. I don’t have to see Declan and have my heart ripped out and Corina can’t get me either. She hardly has any chores right now anyway. Then the rest of the time I’m in the dorm, in the back rooms of corridor nine. Anywhere where he doesn’t tend to go.I just tell Mara and Elvie I’m heading to read a book, get some headspace. I’ve done it before. Maybe not this often but everything is changing under the new rules. I know it’s foolish but it’s easier than seeing him and knowing he hates me.Being in here made me feel like a naughty child, being cheeky. In the first week of hiding out I had to ask one of the questions burning away at me. “What do you know about Rogues then?” I said, keeping my eyes on my hands as they toyed with a paper bun wrapper. “Escaped them, joined them, fought with them?”“No I’m a lover, not a bitter twisted murdering fighter,” he grinned, those hazel eyes always catching mine. “Have you ever
I want to cry, I am so overwhelmed. Declan wants me. That the new, exciting feelings burning underneath my fragile shell are mutual. No real words spoken but he kissed me so beautifully it brought me to tears. Tears spring for a different reason now. He wants to see me tonight. To take part in the Full Moon madness with him. I can’t. I can’t do it again. After he leaves, I realise I am alone in Valdis’ room and a shudder makes my skin prickle. This is where he hurt Mara and the others every night during the other Freeze’s. When we must clean this corridor, Elvie and I always take this room. Mara is normally physically sick by being brought too near it. I need a plan. I can’t turn Declan down, I certainly can’t tell him why I refuse to give in to the Full Moon. Panic seizes my chest, leaving my heart thundering against my rib cage. It is my wolf that I fear. So shy and reserved but she can still lead me to places I don’t ever want to be on a Full Moon. I shake my head. Remind my
### FIVE YEARS LATER ### The truck has seen better days. More grey than black it trundles us wherever we need. Declan has become the expert at fixing it, fully aware that I absolutely love it when he gets oil on his hands or face. Rolling up his sleeves, showing his huge forearms that are solid from hard work, I offer up a daily prayer of thanks to the Goddess. “You are sure this is the place?” “I heard about it from the others back home.” Home was our small fishing village named Filney. Today was an unusual adventure for us, having barely left our little world for so long. Leaving the fortress all those years ago we had just headed south. With no more diversions or magnetic tourist attractions to show me, Declan took me to the very furthest tip of our nation. It still took a couple of months to get so far south. Just as he had dreamed, I fell asleep in the truck, waking up to him gently nudging me. However back then there had been no bump, just the first twinges of nausea and
The rumours were true. Only a minute or two after we got Howen and Pearl onto the ground did a silent shaft of light blaze down. Watching from outside the fortress it appeared painful, the way everyone dropped to the floor covering their eyes. Even I had to shield my eyes with my hands.From what I could see amidst the whiteness Elvie appeared to have lost her mind, stood tall, flailing her arms and shouting upwards. Declan held me close, wrapping his leather jacket back around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head.“Thank you,” leaning into him, loving the warmth of his huge body against mine.“What for?”“For not wanting to change us.”Declan shifted, leaning against the black truck door. “Can I say I am happy with myself without sounding like a dick? I’m covered in damage but I don’t care anymore.”“Well you are perfect, to me at least.” I smiled, watching him roll his eyes even though he squeezed me a little tighter. As quickly as it descended the beam vanished. From a dista
The past few months have been a blur. When the Goddess light first appeared I didn't have a clue what to do. Instinct took over as I shredded into Reu's jacket with my claws, my wolf somehow emerging for the first time since I accidentally shifted at fourteen. I was whipped so severely for just my claws emerging in front of a Beta that I never tried it again. But when the light subsided, returning us to cold darkness I was sprawled underneath Reu in my wolf form. "What the fuck just happened?" Dill shouted, as everyone rubbed their eyes and huddled. Nearly everyone had dropped to the floor, unable to find their way indoors in the searing brightness. "Is everyone okay!" Reu shouted, clambering to his feet, his white hair a ragged mess. "Does anyone need help!" Everyone gasped as he stood up, revealing my shifted form. All the originals knew what a big deal it was. "Elvie is that you!" Arlen cried out, pointing in surprise. Then Sol gasped. "Arlen your…your hands!" "Dill your fac
I squealed as Declan roughly shoved me into Pearl, scattering us to the ground.Then I saw why. Holding a long-barrelled shotgun, eyes blazing a furious gold stood Viktor. He was red-faced, sweating with exertion. Blonde hair now hung down to his shoulders, dirty and tangled. “What the fuck are you doing here,” Viktor said with a sneer, keeping the barrel pointed directly at Declan’s face. Manoeuvring so he could see all three of us togethe, his once handsome face twisted in smug victory.Gesturing the gun quickly towards me I gasped in fear as he mocked us. “You’re looking good Lyra, and a pretty friend too. My Declan, aren't you getting adventurous. Or did you fancy a less damaged slut for a while?”“Fuck off,” Pearl growled but this was no time for trading insults. Not when my mate had a gun waved in his face.“You’ve hidden the golden wolf here then?” Declan said flatly, flexing his huge chest, parting his legs to try and cover Pearl and I. From my crouched position I could feel
Lyra, forever formed of kindness and light raced to her side, Skidding into the blood and straw, not caring about her light cotton dress as she cradled Mara’s long blonde hair in her hands. “Mara what happened to you! Shit! Pearl, get some help, quick!” As the guard swore and cursed his bad luck, Pearl ran off. I heard her rummaging around in the guard room at the top of the corridor. Mara spluttered, her teeth stained with blood. Lyra carefully stroked her blonde hair away from the blood on her face, as gently as a mother would a newborn. “Lyra he…I did everything he asked.” “But you hurt people for him? The guards at the fortress, the men in this gold sale?” “I had to! I didn’t want to but he told me it was the only way. The only way we could be together. We put the golden wolf safe then came here to sell the little trinkets,” as she got upset her words became more ragged, her breathing starting to rattle. “We had such a good time…it was, he was perfect.” Pearl came scampering b
I have failed. Six months ensuring nothing harmed her happiness and I’ve gone and trashed it anyway. Those green eyes are filled with confusion and it’s all because of me. Because of something as simple as a dream. Albert having finally waddled downstairs, I slowly walk towards her. For the first time she steps backwards. Fuck. “You want to find Viktor? Howen? Both of them?” “I have to,” I confessed sadly, slumping down to sit on the soft bed. I rubbed at my eyes, running my hands through my short brown curls in frustration. “Lyra, these nightmares…these dreams are telling me I’ve got to do something.” “What dreams?” her voice softening, even though her arms are still folded. I keep my head in my hands, gripping my hair tightly as I force the words out. “Last night, I saw Howen as he was, as a young man being led away from me by Viktor, into a crowded road. I run, I search. I kill strangers in the streets to try to get to him. It drives me feral to the point where my dream ends wi
Of course leaving the Fortress wouldn’t be complete without some final bloodshed. Seeing how Declan’s brotherhood had torn themselves to pieces the instant Beldon died was sobering. When I asked if we needed to tell the rest of the Rogues waiting back at the base, Declan shook his head. “The ones that made it out would have high-tailed it straight back there anyway."“What made Beldon and Morrell so…angry?” “I think they let their Bond fail. I don’t think you can live a life that violent, however well intentioned and not let it taint something pure,” Declan replied flatly. “Once that starts to rot, it all falls apart. Like how you described Corina.”So with Beldon’s body gingerly dragged from the flatbed of the dented black truck, we left. We were silent for the first few hours. Mainly because I was staring out of the window like an idiot at everything new. Declan was content to just drive, and watch me from the corner of his eye. Seeing the cragged black mountains up close, actual
Declan and Lyra left a few days ago. Elvie and I insisted on being the ones to take them back to what was left of the Rogue camp. On the snowmobiles, carrying machine guns and blades, we found a site of devastation. Blood had been spilled. A huge amount of it judging by the snowy corpse-clumps in the ground. Only one truck remained, Beldon’s frosted corpse. Tent sheeting flapped with claw marks, chunks of leather clothing shredded. Elvie and Lyra had shuddered to discover Amelie under one of the collapsed tents. “So this is Rogue law?” Elvie had muttered with a bitter tone. “You never know with Amelie, she may have struck the first blow or tried to lead a group attack,” I said after a minute's consideration. She always wanted to play big.She wouldn’t have even been up here had she not begged to come. Sitting quietly around every campfire for years, I have learned to watch people when they think they aren’t being studied. Amelie wanted more than her usual piece of Dec the instant
Seeing Declan standing above my bed, blanket in hand, face flushed with desire I had for a second assumed it was just another fantasy. Too much hugging of the sandalwood-scented pillow, tricking myself again.Then he kissed me. He was so real. With a desire that bordered on frenzy, he seized and fucked me so exquisitely I felt I was coming apart at the seams. Only his gruff, heavy hold over my body kept me together. There was no feeling like it in the world when he sunk that deep inside. Laid next to him, watching the rise and fall of his chest, my toes curled at the memory of how he grabbed my ass, admiring me even though I knew my back was littered with scars.I love how even in his sleep, if I try to move away he instinctively pulls me closer. So excited to have him home I study him, unable to rest myself. His brown hair is shaggy and unkempt. That brown beard I love is even more ragged and needs trimming after so many days away.Despite the fighting and lack of food, Declan’s bod