75. Hope (Part 2 - Author's Note)

My fathers words leave me breathless. I try to break down his thoughts sensibly. Take the emotion out of it..

Unfortunately my first instinct is to run away and scream he’s a fucking idiot into the howling wind.

I loved the fact Cal wants to make my old villa at Finley perfect for us. Is that such a bad thing, to return to a place I always enjoyed living? To be marked under the stars and live contentedly?

Happily ever after. That's meant to be the fucking goal!

I shove the letter into my pocket and do another scan of the horizon with my binoculars.

Some of his words do prickle at the back of my conscience. Cal definitely has courage. No doubt about it. He ran into a hail of bullets and shifted to try and tackle Ervin for a start.

Then I came unstuck. Loyalty? He has openly hated being under Reu and Elvie. He flirted with the idea of joining Ervin for real I’m sure, at one point.

He believes in the superiority of his alpha bloodline yet is content to be a sexy as sin, hammock-lazing fisherman for his father. He is a man in his peak still living at home.

Meanwhile, I’ve turned from a confident, passionate artist into someone who fistfights at will. I'm still surrounded by paranoid thoughts and nightmares. My art is dwindling into stereotypical, nostalgic drawings of the people I’ve already lost or am afraid to lose.

I reread the letter one last time.

Then I scrunch it up and throw it away into the wind.

The white paper is soon swallowed up by the moonlit snow. I forgive my father at the exact same time. He’s not concerned about my reputation, only my happiness. I can live with that.

It’s time for me to put my money where my mouth is. I’m eager enough to mock others, but what do I truly want my life to be?

Cal and I won’t ever have a mate bond, so it will always be harder. It might feel like we’re drowning, but what were those few days in my fathers room after the attack, if not slowly saving each other?

My father doesn’t know everything.

Clenching my jaw, I look up to the stars and wonder what my mother would say. With a wry smile, I already know the answer.

My mother believed in love. Love was enough for her. I know I’ve got that, all those other things, we’ll both work on together. I just need him to come back to me now. Because the longer Cal is gone, the more the dread that the land I survey contains his frozen body builds.

I take the following few hours on watch to think things through. How I’ll talk to Ryan, running through scenarios. Finally, I pick one of the brightest stars in the sky and decide that’s where my mothers spirit is.

When Papa returns, I kiss his cheek with my freezing cold lips and wrap my arms around him. “Thank you for trying to protect me, Papa. I’ve got this. I promise.”

Then it is my turn to wipe a tear from his cheek. Then I sleep. Heavily with no dreams, only recovery and rest.

Purposely avoiding Vera, Elvie, and Reu in my new, calmer state of mind, I do another afternoon stint in the snow plough. Trucks and other equipment are freed from storage sheds.

It’s almost time to move into the fortress itself.

Reu asks me to take another watch. So I stand on guard, sipping on a warmish monk's pepper tea, the full moon blazing down above us. Every minute, we edge closer to activating the Goddess’s power over the clear night sky.

It feels like I can almost smell Cal in the air, his oaky cinnamon combination. It’s just wishful thinking though. Nothing coming from the mountains, no help is arriving. No tousled dark curls and roving dark eyes are sauntering up this tower to apologise and sweep me away.

Then I see something and almost fall over the rampart in an effort to double-check.

I grab the binoculars. It’s people with torches beaming. “PEOPLE! ROGUES! EVERYONE!” There’s someone coming!” and ring the metal bell until I fear it might break off.

“To the weapons room! Everybody quick! You know what to do!” Elvie shouts. My legs wobble down the stairs, joining the queue of old people awaiting instruction. Nausea rises as Reu slaps a rifle in my hands. “Get next to Elvie and Vera. They’ll tell you what to do,” he states. “Aim and shoot.”

On the fortress wall where I first saw Cal driving in, I lie down on the stone cold walkway. Elvie passes me another pair of binoculars as we watch the small group make their way through the darkness with weakening torch light. “Look at that big brute. He must be the leader.”

“Can you see Mireille?” I ask as Reu takes a place next to me, followed by Arlen. All of us lined up together, watching the Rogue’s approach.

“There’s so few of them. We need to be sure they aren’t a decoy,” Reu hisses, before instructing the older pilgrims to cover the other side of the fortress. "My wolf is kicking up, though. It senses her somewhere."

"Me too," Elvie chimed, unable to hide the giddiness in her voice. "Reu, oh my love, I think she's out there!"

I squint into my binoculars. The people are hard to distinguish apart from the one huge guy. Is he at the back making them walk? He looks strong enough to be leading, but he's like a sheepdog, directing them where he wants.

My lips thin as I pray Mireille has not endured too much during this Freeze. That she's the same sweet girl I befriended two months before this carnage.

Vera lifted a small telescope before declaring sourly, “That big leader needs shooting when they get closer. Hopefully, in the confusion, MIreille can get away.”

Elvie nodded in agreement, looking across at Reu. “Good idea. I’ll keep my gunsight on him. Nobody else. Wait for our command..” In silence, we watch as the shuffling group close in. Almost visible. Nearly able to see if Mireille has made it.

“Hold on baby, just one more mile, and you’re home,” Elvie repeated through gritted teeth, her finger squarely on the trigger.