Eight: Clara

Twenty years ago…

“You’ve got to stop looking at him”, Bea throws a fry at me and it lands on my forehead, breaking my intense stare on Samuel. I grimace at the sight of the squishy fry that has now landed on my lap.

“You make me sound like sound like a stalker,” I mumble under my breath, my cheeks turning red. I didn’t think I was that obvious and it seems like everyone knows about it.

“You couldn’t have been more obvious,” I shriek at the slight pinch at my side and find a grinning Mona at my side, carrying her lunch tray with a single hand. I scowl at her and she winks at me. My cheeks burn more and I struggle to hide beneath the cafeteria bench to escape everyone’s teasing eyes. Bea snickers at my expression and I throw her a murderous glance.

Almost immediately though, my eyes move towards the future alpha Samuel White, sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by his best friends and the strongest werewolves in the pack. I don’t care much about my brother but I envy how close he is to Samuel.

“I think her eyes have just turned into stars”, Mona teases me and Bea laughs I immediately lower my head and hide my face in the curtain of my hair.

“I think I’m going to die with a red face if you don’t stop teasing me now,” I snap at both of them and they laugh at my half-hearted attempt. My eyes move to look at Samuel across the cafeteria and I freeze when I find him already looking at me. His lips twist into a half smile of acknowledgment. I’m barely able to nod before someone else nudges him for attention, breaking our eye contact.

“I think she just died and went to heaven,” Bea kicked me under the table and Mona snorted at her comment. “And I think she is still dancing in her mind because of that teeny-tiny eye contact,” Mona added and I glared at both of them.

“You guys seriously need to stop doing this!” I mumble and play with the leftover food on my table.

“No, you need to stop with this childhood crush, Clara.” Mona snaps and I look at her, my eyebrows furrowing with how serious she was. “You are paving the way towards some real heartbreak and I don’t want to see you crash.” Bea stops eating looks at me and nods at what Mona is saying.

I turn my head back to look at Samuel and I watch as he rises from his table and embraces his long-time girlfriend, Sophie Jones. A heavyweight settles in my stone when I see him light up in her presence and my blood runs cold when he places his lips on hers and greets him with a kiss that fills me with searing jealousy.

My eyes move away and land on Bea sitting across from me. I know she saw what I saw because she is looking at me with a soft expression while Mona beside me looks at me pointedly as if telling me ‘I told you so’ simply with her gaze.

“Yeah, well, it is a stupid childhood crush anyway,” I mumble under my breath, knowing that they both heard me. “It will go away.”

***

I wake up, feeling antsy and uncomfortable in my skin. It feels incredible to wake up here and my wolf is so deeply unsettled because even though she recognizes the pack she was born in, she also misses the pack where she has lived the last half of her life, where she grew up and fell in love with an amazing werewolf who wasn’t her mate.

Or maybe I feel like this because things here feel so incomplete and there is no one to blame but myself. I know Samuel specifically asked me to not roam around the pack unrestricted for the first few days because the other wolves might feel threatened by my strange and new smell but I feel a strange itch under my skin. So, even though the last thing I want to do is meet Samuel in his office first thing in the morning, that’s exactly what I’ll have to do.

I wanted to catch up with Kyle before he started his first day of school here. According to the pack rules, he was given a room on a different floor than us and I didn’t want to wander around the halls dressed up like a hermit. By the time I and the twins got dressed, I knew that Kyle would have already left. Aaron had informed me that he would take the twins to the primary school for the first few days. For the first few days, I was only supposed to roam around the pack house and not instigate anyone in a fight. But sitting alone in my room in this big building, all I want to do is go out.

So, I put on my big girl panties and brace myself (it looks like I’m bracing myself a lot these days) for a confrontation with Samuel in his office. It’s ten in the morning and I’m hesitating to talk to a person whom I was able to talk to about anything. It’s ironic how some things change with time. I’m sure there’s no use in knocking, though because my natural scent must have already permeated through the door. Samuel knows I’m here, deliberating whether to knock on his office door or if I’m going to chicken out and slink back to my room. Well, I have never been known for doing the latter even though it made more sense. So, I clench my hand into a fist and knock on the door.

“Come in,” I hear Samuel’s brisk command and I twist the doorknob in my hand to open the door. My gaze immediately settles on the huge and powerful man sitting behind the huge mahogany desk. He sits with his fingers carefully steepled on the desk and looks me straight in the eyes. “How can I help you, Clara?”

“Hi, good morning!” I do a stupid wave-thing with my hand and immediately regret it when Samuel’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “I know that you told me yesterday that I wasn’t supposed to go out for a few days.”

“Right, and that’s non-negotiable.” I open my mouth to contradict him but he raises his hand, radiating alpha authority and it causes my wolf to shut the hell up. “You know it’s standard protocol. Your scent is new to all the pack members which will make them highly suspicious of you, their wolves will feel unsettled and will want to attack you. That’s why all of your children had chaperones when they traveled to school today. I flinch when he says your children. He could at least acknowledge that one of my children was his. Was that too much to ask for?

“I know that,” I say softly but assertively, wanting to get my point across as strongly as possible. “I just want to meet my family.”

His features immediately soften and after a beat, he softly nods his head. “Oh, but you come straight back. Without any detours.”

I nod immediately, glad that he accepted my request so soon. “I know the way, so I don’t need a chaperone,” I say pointedly and Samuel’s face breaks out in a small smile.

“Ok, fine.” He finally concedes. I thank him profusely and walk out of his office.

As soon as possible, I get hold of my jeep keys and race towards my car which is now parked in the garage of the pack house. I settled myself in the driver’s seat and took a couple of deep breaths to gather some courage because I needed a pretty good amount to face my family after all these years.

I turn on the ignition and without giving any notice to the passing scenery, I drive to the pack cemetery. My hands tighten and loosen on the steering wheel consistently and too soon, I arrive at the wrought-iron gates, leading to my family. I get out of my car and make my way in the direction of the tombstones. I have been here once, so my attempt to find them is pathetic at least. But after five minutes of reading the inscriptions of hundreds of tombstones, I finally arrive at the ones that bear my maiden’s name.

Janine Winter. My mom.

Paul Winter. My dad.

Rob Winter. My brother.

Tears fill my eyes as I read these words again and again, the shock of loss hitting me again after so many years. Unable to stand, I sink to the ground, noting that these tombstones look bereft while the other tombstones have a few flowers or wreaths left. I close my eyes and take in the feeling of loss, feeling like the worst daughter ever in the world.